Emotions have always controlled people. I liked to think of myself as different. Different enough to where logic ruled my opinions rather than emotions. Yet deep down I know that anger and happiness fight over how I feel on things. They bicker, scream, converse, or flat out steal the thought. Puppies are happy. Cats are happy. Chocolate cake is happy. Watermelon is happy. Public speaking is anger. Dealing with other people is anger. Shakespeare is anger. Light touches is anger. It is that simple. Emotions do control me as much as I’d like to think they don’t. I am an anger or happy oriented person. That’s how it is for me. This is anger but is a collected manner.

I think I just met the happiest person in the world. Even though I can see she is truly terrified. Even though I can see her hesitation in the things she says, actions she does, and the things she hears. She’s happy though. That’s what they all say, when deep down they are suffering from what the future may hold. She’s so happy because the future may grow in unbelievable ways and grant her many possibilities. Yet she is afraid those possibilities are going to become close to nonexistent. The life she grew up dreaming and hoping about obtaining simply vanished the moment she was actually an adult, due to the changes in the system. She watched as some of her friends were dragged away to cells because they were technically illegal now. Which she is too but she manages to hide it, and she hides it well. She watched as she was just marked down to a woman with the ability to carry children. And she can’t actually have kids. All she wanted was to be a lawyer. All she wanted was to feel powerful for at least a day. All she wanted was for her life to not be stripped away from her in front of her eyes. All she wanted was to live life the way she wanted. Yet she puts that beautiful smile on, the one she is told looks amazing on her, to make her seem kind, approachable, but even more important, super happy. When all she is, is terrified for the next steps in her life.

As I look up I see Michelle standing in the doorway in complete shock. I can’t believe I did it. I am covered in his blood. No, no, no, I can’t be. I said I would never do what he did to everyone else. I messed up badly this time and I don’t think I can get out of this one. To be fair he came after me again, I have a restraining order against him, so does my daughter, plus he’s supposed to be in jail still. Here he lays bleeding out in the Slatve’s living room carpet because my innate reaction was to lodge the kinfe I was using into his carotid. I messed up. I don’t care how many awful things Micheal has done but I cannot be the reason he dies. I want him dead just as much as everyone that is aware of his wrong doings but I will not be the cause of his death. I will never be able to forget this blood. For the love of God, he will not leave me alone. I want to be rid of him but not like this. I messed up. This is so bad. I look back at Michelle and realized she called over Mrs. Slatve and they both held a proud look in their eyes even though they were not smiling.

This water feels wonderful on my skin. The coolness washing over old and new wounds a like. Every day I fight to live, even fight just to breath, but here I am in a beautiful pool of light green. I know it can be dangerous but I want to finally let go of everything else in my mind and just be in the moment. I can definitely say that this is a moment I would love to hold dear to my heart till the very day I die. It is just so peaceful, I wouldn’t mind dying here as well.

The way she smiled at everyone with such gentleness is what made me start to fall for her. Everyone I ever get close to get hurt majorly or dies in some violent way. All I have ever wanted was to be close to someone, close enough to know I am loved. But loved in the sweet way where you are told just how beautiful you are in the morning light as you sink a cup of coffee or just the look in their eyes when they see you happy. Never once have I allowed it to happen because in my mind that was only danger, for me and the other person involved. I let her get too close to me. It is all my fault. Watching as her breathing is slowing and I can feel her heart beat becoming faint is a feeling I never knew about till now. It is terrifying. All I can feel is the warm red liquid that is coating my legs and arms as I hold her, trying to console her in any way I can. In the distance I hear the sirens but I think they are far out and I’m not even sure they are for her. I knew we shouldn’t have come this way. The life is slipping from her eyes even though she holds a sweet, pure smile while looking at me. Never have I been able to keep anything good for more than a few months, once it hit the one year mark I knew it wasn’t right but little did I know just how wrong it would be. This is my fault, I shouldn’t have stayed for as long as I did and I shouldn’t have allowed us to come this way. The dimly lit courtyard is such a contrast to the bright city lights but it is beautiful. If they don’t make it in time at least she has this beautiful light scene and me holding her. Maybe she doesn’t even feel me anymore, I mean she is starting to shiver which is never a good sign. I want to tell her how much I love her, how much she means to me, the life I had planned for us. Yet my voice can not come out, it is nothing. I can feel the tears slowly run down my cheeks as I look down at her beautiful face. In the future I can’t let anyone get this close ever again, it will lead to more harm and possibly more death, definitely more pain for me. I can’t keep doing that because it just becomes more and more. I wanted to see her grow into the best version of herself. The red and blue lights start flooding the courtyard but I know it’s too late. It is like a movie and everything feels slowed down as soon as I notice her breathing has stopped and they try to take me away from her. I loved her yet I knew all along that this was how it would end.

My world is going to kill me. The moment I woke up here I had to run for my life. Some creature was chasing me, looked like it was going to eat me in all honesty. They always told us this world would be based off of if we were good people and I was, I swear. I mean at least I thought I was. I got the perfect grades, I never got detention or anything like that, I was always nice to people even if I had differing opinions, I don’t even know how to fight. This has to be a mistake. This is all in my mind. I am going to die here.

One step in front of the other, grab the hilt of the knife, follow the orders given to us. I have been blending in for the past three years as one of them. The day you are born you are raised in a warehouse like home and the day you turn sixteen you will become like the rest. Everyone does as they are told without a question. Some of the things we have done are awful. I mean they have had us eliminate full towns that wouldn’t follow orders given by the supreme commander. At the start I truly hated it, now I don’t mind it. I will say I wish it was the supreme commander that I was doing it to but she lives in a fortified area, and no one knows where that is. I just hope that in time I can work my way up to take this experiment down. What would happen to everyone? Would they remember the kills, the torture and torturing? Or will this be a blank space in their minds? What if I do more harm than good? I could single handily destroy what’s left of humanity or I could allow for it to grow naturally again.

There he stood, just at the tree line covered in the blood of my warriors. I hate what he has done but I would, and will, do the same as he has done here today. No matter how many warriors I lose in this forest and no matter how much that should make me hate him, even fear him, I will not. When he isn’t holding his sword to the throat of his enemies he is truly the sweetest man I have ever met. I love him. He claims to love me. At one point he said he’d never harm me but he doesn’t know me. We have been seeing each other for years behind closed doors, actually in this very forest most nights. The thing he doesn’t know is that I would kill him to protect my people. I would watch as the life fades from his eyes and the way his body slowly goes limp in my arms. Would it make me sad? Yeah, of course it would but I do not have time to mourn my losses out on the battle field. He knows I am out here fighting against him but he doesn’t know that I am the head of this war. His prince is not someone I will ever let rule and if he gets in my way I will put an end to his life while telling him how sorry I am I have to do this. I am the warrior most fear because nothing stops me, not even those that I love. But let me tell you, seeing him hold that sword and covered in the blood of his enemies is hot, even if the blood is that of a friend. All I hope is that we both make it out alive and can finally be together. I want this war to be over. I want on with my life. I want my life to be with his. Maybe we should live in a little farm house just outside the main town so it is peaceful.

The commoners will never fully understand why being raised in a castle is a down fall. We are always protected, leaving us naive to the world and just how poorly the rest of our people are doing. I will never let my brother rule this kingdom with his selfish thoughts. He will be the ruin of this place. I may not be much greater but at least I know I want to learn about the people. Truly, I want to help them. I just never realized they needed help till I snuck out one day, I just wanted some friends. This castle will cease to exist in a few years because if I don’t get the throne I will not stand around just to watch the rest of the place burn down. If my home allows for the home of others to burn, mine must burn with it.