Here begins the final birth, the abandonment , as the child falls from the mothers womb my soul falls from my body. Looking on to a world that for now is moving entrenched in life a human one the busting , the people the vcinsrant run.

S.25.23:

Today, the sun shone brightly as I stepped outside. Despite greeting a few people, none of them responded. It made me wonder if I am the reason why. Nobody ever talks to me. Does anybody ever see me?

M.26.23:

I really don’t want to be alone. I’ve never said this out loud before, but the fear of being alone consumes me. No matter what I do, I always end up alone. The thought of dying alone terrifies me. I crave human connection, longing to be recognized in this world. Instead, I'm just a stranger to everyone, a person to avoid.

A stranger to everyone I pass, to everyone I smile at, to everyone I talk to. They just look at me, and they tell each other, “Don’t talk to that stranger.”, “Don’t talk to the stranger over there.”

I’m a real person.

T.27.23:

Last night, I talked to God. I didn't have much to say, but I wanted to see if he remembered me. I spent the entire day in my room, afraid to face the sun again. Seeing it for the last time would hurt. I'm not afraid of death, I think, but I fear seeing everything for the last time. The idea of saying, "I'm going to die tomorrow; it's the last time I'll see you." feels strange. How do you say goodbye?

W.28.23:

Today, I said goodbye to everyone I saw. I was afraid at first, but nobody even responded, so it didn't seem to matter. It's astounding, isn't it? No one said a word. Sometimes I question why I bother speaking at all. It's a melancholic feeling, this awareness of death.

I feel it everywhere, but it's in my heart where it hurts the most. When I stand on that bridge, I hope the sun will shine my face one last time. That’d be a sweet thing.. one last connection. If you could call it that. I wonder, on my tombstone, will they write “the stranger”? I don’t think anyone knows my name.

Should I say it, scream it out the window so that everyone can hear me? I won't, but the temptation is there. Sometimes I want so badly to be heard, yet deep down, I know that as time passes and days grow old, everything I once said will be forgotten.

I hope someone discovers this notebook so they know I existed. Spoken words can fade from memory, but if I record everything in writing, maybe nobody will forget.

I am real, and I was here.

They don’t know why I’m smiling Don’t know what I’ve decided Oh sweetheart You don’t know How could you?

Your just like them Just as naive Just as beautifully innocent Just as delicate Just as fucking delusional

This smile is a bitter one It is one of a dying person The pills are ready The knife is ready I am so so ready

Two words Might make me turn around “Just stay” But you stay silent And that is my death sentence

It’s not really your fault But I wonder If you just stopped Would you have realised Should you have realised

My time is running out.

The mission was a success. I am elated, overflowing with joy, because this could have gone wrong in so many different ways it may as well have been impossible. However, there is a problem. I am alone in this silence, and confide in you in confidence - I will not be here for much longer. Treatments are failing, and soon my illness will consume me. I am not sure how much longer I can put on this show for my people, but I will go on for as long as I can. It is hard - especially when I feel the absence of medication - but I cannot bear to feel the weight of the guilt of my friends, family and loved ones if they were to know what is going on right in front of them. So I will bear this silence until I am gone, and I will spend the rest of my time doing what I can to help; the most dangerous of tasks possible. What’s left for me to lose?

They had arrived to their location with a heavy reliance on stealth. Moving through the city at a calculated, yet slow pace. A pace so slow that it rivaled the dead that surrounded them.

The sea of the dead. The sea that surrounded them and consumed the world in its entirety. Shuffling into one another, tearing into the world of the living with their jaws, oblivious to the carnage they’d succumbed too.

Cade and Jung had arrived to their location, untouched, unthreatened and radiating with confidence. It was at this point that Cade separated onto a path of his own, he needed scrap parts from the car yard to repair his vehicle.

He had made his way through the yard, navigating with precision, he found what he thrived for, under a tunnel of skeletal cars…

And that’s when one fell on him.

It wasn’t quite a fatal fall, not an immediate one, but a fatal fall nonetheless. He had no clue as to how it happened, the car itself didn’t harm him. It was a metallic rod at the bottom, one that fatally stabbed him in the abdomen, pinning him to the canvas.

It didn’t make sense. But here he was, lying on his back, consumed by a pain of excruciating proportions. Sooner than later, the dead would smell his blood, they’d find their way to him and devour him. And even if he bled out, he’d become one of them.

That was inevitable.

Cade thought about his life. It was all he could do in his closing moments. He thought about his failures, he passed by his regrets, and he savored his victories. He had led a good life, even when the world came to an end.

In the distance, he could hear the dead as they approached. Their snaps and snarls, the shuffling as they closed in on their next meal. He could feel his life as it slipped through his fingers like the grains of fine sand.

For this he was grateful.

Cade closed his eyes and took his final breath. Relishing his final moments as he became another ripple amongst The Sea of the Dead

Most days, when I got home from work, I rushed in the front door and basically searched the house until I found all the kids and my wife, hugged all of them and began the task of telling each other about our days. Today was different. I stood outside with my hand on the knob, just staring at my feet. I noticed a huge stain covering WEL so the mat just said COME. How long had that stain been there? What the hell was it? Why had I not noticed it until now? It was clearly an old stain, dark, blackened to the point that the letters weren’t simply obscured, they were now part of the damn stain. Did my wife spill her coffee? Did one of the kids track something ungodly onto it? Had a homeless person fallen asleep on my front porch and bled out on my welcome mat? I laughed at the thought. Laruen would think that was funny.
I stood there for a good five minutes. I stared at the blackened ovoid stain on my COME mat and wondered what else I hadn’t noticed and for how long I hadn’t noticed it. What things had happened in my life that I was oblivious to? Were my kids keeping secrets from me? Did one of them ruin the mat and they just didn’t say anything, hoping that I’d pay just as much attention I as apparently already had? What else was I missing? I turned the knob and pushed open the door. I stood in the foyer as quietly as I could, listening. The girls were upstairs in their room, laughing about something they were watching on television. Lauren was editing at her desk and hadn’t noticed me, she had her earbuds in, probably listening to a podcast. William was probably in his room, making a movie or watching a YouTube video.
I stood there for as long as I could maintain my presence unannounced, just listening. I paid attention to the tones of my daughters’ laughter, the keyboard clicks from my wife’s computer, and the clicketing of my dogs prancing on the hardwoods. Nobody noticed I was home. Nobody knew. How long would it take them to notice? Would they notice if I wasn’t here at all? What would they do if I stopped coming home? Would they still laugh? Would my wife just move on and keep living? Would my son become the man he would be? I just stood there, memorizing as much as I could muster, the smell of my home, the sounds of my progeny, the heat of the summer beating on me from the porch, and the chill of the living room fan blowing on my face.
I pushed shut the front door, and the swollen wood jammed itself in to the frame, and the silence was broken. The dogs barked, and came trapsing to me from the back of the house, distracted from whatever they were pilfering seconds before. My girls plodded down the hallway, screaming “daddy” and my wife turned to smile at me from her desk at the top of the staircase. “Hey babe, how was your day?” She pulled her earbuds out and swiveled her chair toward me. She was so beautiful. Her long blond hair haloed by the setting sunlight pouring through the upstairs window. My girls poked their heads through the railing and smiled down at me. They fought to get the details of the day reported, one rambling melody of Chick-Fil-A for lunch, cartoons on television, chalk drawing on the porch, and hide and seek with the babysitter. William stuck his head out his door and over the railing, “What’s up?” he said.

I’ve rehearsed this scene dozens, probably hundreds of times since we moved into this house. Most days, I’d be dropping my briefcase by the buffet, dumping my keys and wallet in the ceramic bowl, and kicking my shoes off by the coat rack. Today, I just stood there, stared alternately into all of their faces, and noticed all of the things I’d never paid attention to before.
Sophia makes funny faces while when she’s not talking. Kate stands with one foot on the floor and the other in tiptoe stance and her head is always cocked to one side. William never wears a shirt…he’s almost always naked from the waste up, but that I’ve noticed. I hadn’t noticed how much fitter he’d grown in the past few months. He’s been busting his ass. And Lauren, when she’s not focused on her computer, has the most calming spirit, and the way she looks at me when I talk to the kids is bliss.
“The usual, I was super busy. How are you guys? Anything exciting today?” I asked the question, but I didn’t hear the answer. I was too busy stuck in my head. I faked a smile and trudged up the steps. I teased at the girls through the railing, tickle fingers splayed like sideways spiders. I gave William a fist bump and I knelt down at Lauren’s feet and wrapped my arms around her waist, buried my head in her lap, and exhaled myself into her grasp. She rubbed my back and shoulders. I squeezed her tighter. The girls made a mommy-daddy sandwich, encircling use in a hug group hug. William made a smartass joke and every body giggled.
I wanted to soak it up, get as much as I could get, for as long as I could get it. I was the biscuit sopping up the very last drop of gravy on the plate. Sophia laid against my back and hugged me about my waist. Kate wedged her face between my cheek and her momma’s belly, butterfly kissing my eyelashes with hers. Lauren spread her arms out and grabbed all three of us in a big momma bearhug.
How do I say it? How do I tell them? I don’t want to do it. I don’t. I want to stay in this moment, forever, but not like this. I want it to be different. I don’t want them to know. How do I make my girls understand? How do I promise them anything, knowing what I know? Will they hate me? Their lives, all of them, are about to change. I know everything, and right now, they know nothing. They’re happy. Our family is whole and everything is beautiful. How do I do it?
I don’t.
I keep it inside. I say nothing. I faked my way through dinner. We talked about our days, and we made plans for the weekend. Sophia told us about the science experiment they did in school and Kate had to tell us about the girl that got sick and puked on the playground. William shared his newest idea for a short film he wanted to make on his day off Sunday. Lauren and I played footsie under the table the entire meal. I must have told her ten times how much I love and appreciate her, to the point that she couldn’t be expected not to suspect something was wrong. I cleaned the dishes and the kitchen while she bathed the girls. William watched TV from the sectional. We fed the dogs and put the girls to bed. I showered and crawled into bed. We watched stand up comedy for an hour and then chit chatted about going to the beach and out to eat on Saturday.
“I love you,” I said. “I love you too, babe. But are you every going to tell me what’s going on? I can tell something is bothering you.”
She rolled on her side and grabbed my hand in hers. I stared at the ceiling. She pumped my hand three times, our silent code for I. Love. You. I pumped hers back four times. I. Love. You. Too.
“I just had a long day, babe. Lots of drama. Sick patients, dying patients, just a lot to take in.’ I rolled over and snuggled into her chest. ‘Some days it’s really hard to break bad news.” She kissed my forehead. She stoked the back of my neck and rubbed my shoulder, tracing circles on my back with the tips of her fingers. I pressed into her, because I didn’t want her to see my tears, or feel my sobbing. I didn’t want her to know, not yet. I couldn’t break it too her, not now. I wanted to remember this moment, this evening, this end of the day, when our little family was whole, happy and perfect.
“I love you so much,” I said. “I love you too, babe.” I fell asleep in her arms. I could not bring myself to tell her anything. Some days it’s really hard to break bad news.

“Then why are you covered in blood?” She stood up, “I said it wasn’t important,” she sighed. “Why are you here.” “I came to say sorry.” He rolled his eyes. “Really?! To me, well how nice of you but, I decline.” “You listen here you little…” “No you listen here.” The knife blinked back into her hand. “I’m done with your snarky comments, what happened to the old you?” “He’s dead.” “Okay Mr.bruiting, until he’s back I don’t want to talk to you, so leave or else.” She turned around. “Or else what,” he leant against the door. She turned back around and raised her hand. The door swung open and he went flying out the door and over the banister landing with a thump on the floor bellow. Lukas turned around in disbelief and ran to the banister. The boy smiled. “THAT’S WHAT!” The girl yelled as the door slammed shut. “Call the police!” Diego yelled in agony. “It’s only been 6 minutes.” Lukas shouted down to him. “I don’t care,” he grabbed his side. “Call the police or a hospital or something!” Allie came rushing out. “What in the world happened here!” She looked at Diego concerned. “SHE THREW ME OVER THE BANISTER!” She blinked downstairs with the boy. “He deserved it,” she stood looming over him. Still covered in blood they both walked towards the door. “Where are you both going!” Allie yelled. “For a walk,” he told her. “And what happens hen the police ask why you are covered in blood?” Allie crossed her arms. “No one will see us,” they both left the house. “They are both gonna get arrested.” Valentina shook her head.

They started to walk down the street, the lamps start to click on and the moon is shining bright above, reflecting in their eyes. They walk to the park and sit down at a bench. The girl looked up at the moon. “There’s not a lot of light in gateways… or moons,” she laughed. “Hey, I missed you,” he smiled. “Me too, it’s been a while.” She doubled over and fell of the bench, “ah!” “What’s wrong!” Fear glinted in his eyes. “I’m okay, I’m okay.” She jumped back up on the bench, her breath slightly staggered. “What was that?” “It’s fine.” He stared at her fingers as the tips turned a dusty black, “shoot…” she sighed, then smiled. “I’ll… I’ll be fine.” She jumped up, “see, I’ll be……… f-fine.” She fainted. “Jesus Christ.” He blinked them both back to the house. “Somethings wrong!” He walked back and forth panicking. “What happened?!” Valentina yelled. “I-I don’t know!” The boy grabbed Valentina, “WHAT IS HAPPENING!” A knife flew through the air towards her. “DIEGO, NO!” Allie yelled. She sat up and the knife stopped inches from her face. It turned, facing upwards and shot up towards the roof, getting stuck in the celling. One of her eyes were black. Diego screamed “SHE’S POSSESSED!” “I’m not possessed,” she rolled her eyes and put her hand over the black one. “I need water,” she blinked away. They all stood in silence just looking at each other. Until Diego broke it. “Are we not going to talk about what just happened?” “Yeah, what happened?” Allie asked. “I don’t know.” He looked at his hands and the tips of his fingers were dusty black. He hid them behind his back. “We were sitting on a park bench and she fell off. She said she was fine and stood up, then fainted.” She blinked back with two glasses, her black eye was gone and her dusted finger tips, she handed one cup to the boy and his dusted fingers faded away. “What the hell happened to you?” Valentina asked. “We don’t have time for this just now,” she sighed. “You better tell us what’s happening with you two! WHAT IS GOING ON?!” Diego screamed. The knife fell at his feet and he jumped back. “It’s a time travel thing, it just you know, happens when you get back to your time line.” She smiled and shoved passed them to walk up the stair case. “I better go too,” the boy walked up behind her. He entered the room, “that’s not what’s really happening. Our dimwitted siblings may believe you, but I don’t.” “What are you talking about?” “You know what I’m talking about.” He was starting to get annoyed. “I haven’t the slightest idea?” “Tell me, or I’ll kill you myself!” He shouted at her. “Well… turns out, we are going to die…”

They all looked at her confused, even the boy. “Well, let’s continue…” she started. “No, no! You can’t drop that on us then pass by it. What do you mean ‘in between’!” Diego asked. “I mean, in between.” She rolled her eyes. “I was between moments. In the gateway.” She shoved pass them about to leave the room. “How does that work?” Kristoph asked. She sighed and blinked over to a cabinet. “Why do you all ask so many questions?” “We d….” “That was purely rhetorical.” She grabbed a cracker. “If you really must know, it’s when the riff closes mid jump. Anymore inquisitively fascinating questions that your small brain can come up with.” She blinked back to the door. “If not I will be leaving. Too much Carbon Dioxide clogging up this room.” She smiled and walked away. “Well that was fun…” Lukas sighed. “Wish she was still stuck.” Diego rolled his eyes “HEY! That’s my best friend you’re talking about!” The boy grabbed Diego by the collar. “We have come a long way for this, you hear me!” Diego pushed the boy. “You really are cold hearted,” he blinked to the door. “Oh and thank you all, for the warm welcome home.” He smiled sarcastically and left the room as well. “Well that was a disaster.” Lukas sighed. “They both really are monsters at heart.” Diego laughed. “Hey! None of this would have happened if either of you would have just held your tongue!” Valentina yelled at them. “And… it’s your job to fix it! Lukas you talk to him and Diego you talk to her.” She crossed her arms. “Why do I hav…” he jumped back, a blue light blinked and a knife fell in front of him with spade carved into the metal; like one out of a deck of cards. “Jesus!” “There now you can go give that back to her and say sorry at the same time.” Valentina shoved them out the door. “Off you go!”

“Well, we should probably go talk to them,” Lukas said calmly and started walking away. “WHY ARE YOU SAYING THAT SO CALMLY!” Diego yelled at him. “It’s not that big a deal,” he rolled his eyes. “We just have to apologise.” “She’ll kill me!” He shrieked. “Then don’t give her the knife back till your done…” he said, walking up the stairs. “She’ll find a way… if I’m not back in the next 10 minutes call the police!” He shouted up to Lukas. “Oh brother,” he mumbled.

The pair of them were sitting upstairs in their room, she walked around brushing her had against the wallpaper and he lay spread out on his bed. “Something wrong,” he asked her sitting up. “Hmm…” she grabbed a metal pole and started hitting the air. “What are you doing?” “Shush.” She kept attacking the air, someone appeared and she hit the final blow. Blood splattered all over her. “There we go.” She laughed. “Who the hell was that!” “I presume one of your buddies from the job you used to work at.” The body blinked away. “Seems they have seen us appear and are ‘correcting’. “She shrugged. “Give me your hand” she grabbed his arm and then smashed the window. She lifted a shard of glass. “What are you doing?” She cut into his arm with the glass, lifted out a green blinking light and smashed it. “Now they can’t track us.” “Thanks for that!” He put a wrap round his wrist. A knock came at the door. He walked to the door and opened it “WHAT!” he yelled. “Can I talk to you?” Lukas asked. “Sure, what useless thing do you want?” He rolled his eyes. “Just come with me, he dragged him out the door. She waved to Lukas with her hand covered in blood. He shivered and have looked scared but shut the door anyway. She lay back on the floor shards of glass surrounding her. Blood splattered on her face. She smiled to herself, until another knock came at the door. She didn’t answer but the door opened anyway. Diego stepped in and sweat began to pour down his face. “WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED IN HERE.” Her head shot up, “nothing important.” She laughed.

“WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!” The boy yelled at her. She rolled her eyes and lifted him up. He brushed the leaves off himself. She marched inside without saying a word and he followed. “What…. W…what…. J…just…h…happened!” Diego stuttered “I… I think, I think they just came back.” Allie stood gobsmacked. “Come on” Valentina grabbed them all and dragged them inside. They stepped in the door and the boy was scurrying about looking for stuff to make a sandwich, and she was sitting on the counter. “Wha…..” Lukas started. “Hush, I need silence!” The boy snapped. Lukas charged over to the counter, “why did you kill our father.” He stared into her eyes. She sat and stared into his soul for a minute, without breaking eye contact she says. “Hmm… let me think, wait I didn’t.” “Then how did he die,” he shivered and looked away. She jumped down of the counter, Lukas stepped back. “How am I meant to know, Lukas? But let me get this straight, I’ve been gone for ages and you think that I came back here last week to kill dad and then vanished again, without saying a hello or anything to anyone. I also just happened to come back at his funeral, bringing him back with me. Use your big ape brain to figure it out.” She swung her arms up in the air. Diego ran at her and pushed her against the wall and held her by her neck choking her. “What the hell is wrong with you!?” He yelled at her. “What the hell is wrong with me?” She lifted her arm and he shot up into the air, gasping for breath. “I’ve been gone for 32 years and I come back looking like A 13 YEAR OLD GIRL! I’m interrogated about my fathers death! One of the sweetest little boys I had ever met grew up to be a cold hearted man! My sister is RUINING her life! My brother is dead! I sent video tapes for half a decade which everyone threw out EXCEPT VALENTINA! You all ignored Valentina for most of her life! AND I THOUGHT, THAT ONE OF THE ONLY PEOPLE I CARED ABOUT IN THIS STUPID WORLD WAS DEAD, FOR 32 YEARS!” The more tension there was in her fingers the more Diego struggled. “But it’s a good question,” she dropped him. He lay on the floor heavily breathing then hoisted himself up using the table. “Yep, she’s back,” he patted Lukas on the back. “Now if any of you care to be decent human beings for about 10 minutes of your life he has something to say,” she pointed at him while he was spreading peanut butter on bread. “How did you know,” He looked up at her. “I can see the future idiot, tell them! It’s important.” “What’s important?” Lukas asked. “If you would shut your mouth, you would know.” She smiled and shoved a piece of toast in his mouth, then jumped back up onto the counter. “Well…” he sighed. “We are all going to die… in Two Weeks.” He shrugged. “Except from me, and him.” “Why is it only you two who don’t die.” Kristoph crossed his arms. “Because, me and him have sealed our future now, every time the apocalypse comes. We, will jump back here.” She smiled, “anymore questions, you’ve been very quiet, Ms. Superstar.” She looked at Allie. “I’m just confused, how did you even come back?” “Well, we waited for a weak spot in the timeline, then… jumped. When there is a crack in a time riff it’s easier to jump. So, when we jumped the time riff was open but it closed quickly and that’s why we got stuck.” She explained. “Earlier you said, 32 years, it’s only been 15?” “Time works differently when you are constantly in different time periods,” the boy said. “I thought you said you were stuck?” “I was…for a while. After that I became a timeline corrector, they have a device that opens the time riffs.” “So why didn’t you come back?” Valentina asked. “BECAUSE! It wasn’t in my contract, I obey rules. Until I decided I was done with that, and came back.” “And what about you?” Lukas looked at the girl. “Time works differently where I was.” “I thought you time jumped like him? How didn’t you end up with him?” Diego asked. She rolled her eyes, “I wasn’t in a certain point in time, I was in between it.”

Warning: Suicide

You’re taking this surprisingly well.” “I am, aren’t I? Oh well I’m sure it’ll settle in later.” He left his friend next to the coffin and found his way to the bathroom. As soon as the door closed he ran to one of the stalls and puked. He had barely made it to the toilet. He sat there on the floor almost in a daze. A text alert went off on his phone. He ignored it, but it only went off more.

Were r u? Do you want me to drive you home r no? Jay? Jason? Helloooo?

                                                                     Coming

He pulled himself up and washed his face off. On the way back to his house he gazed out the window. It felt like the world had fractured. He thought Gabe had been one of the good ones. He thought he was good enough for his sister. Till she came to his house covered in bruises begging for help. He shouldn’t have left her. “Here you are!” “Thanks.” “Hannah’ll understand if you don’t wanna come tomorrow.” “I’ll be there. Till then say hi for me.” He gave a smile then turned to walk inside. Once inside he went to the cabinet. He grabbed out a pill bottle. He didn’t take the pills. He turned on the shower and sat on the floor. Despite the burning water he still felt cold. His clothes were sopping wet. He goes to his desk and grabs out a pen. He writes a note and heads to the kitchen. He attaches it to the fridge and walks outside. His house is right next to a bridge. He walks to the middle of the bridge and steps up on to the railing. Stretching out his arms he leans forward.

Suddenly someone grabs his arm. They pull him back and he falls to the cement. He tries to get back to the railing, but they keep hold of him. He turns to see, his sister?! No, she just looks like her. Still, it hurts to see her. He slumps to the ground and sobs. “Please. I..I can’t take it.” She doesn’t let go. She holds him until the police get there.