Figuring out which path to take is tough. My mind racing, calculating every possible outcome. Should I do this? Or this? Or that? Do I dump everything I know and start fresh? Whichever route I end up choosing, will be from the silent voice of my subconscious. Leading and guiding me in all my ways. My goal is to fill this void within. It almost feels like the last missing piece to this 10,000-piece...

Its funny how such a small moment can make you question such a large part of who you are. I am sitting at my desk wrapping up a client session and before he leaves my office he says “ I dont want to be disrespectfull, but I just want to say that you are a beautiful woman”. I am taken a back. He continues “ You are always so kind and willing to listen to me and I feel like you and your team have he...

Perfection is dumb.

People assume I’m a perfectionist. I’m not.

I don’t give up because it’s too hard, because it isn’t perfect, because I’m too lazy, because I’m too tired. I give up because it isn’t whole.

It isn’t human and it isn’t me. It isn’t all there. I’m not sure all of me is there. I think a piece fell out, or maybe it was never there in the first place.

I don’t care if it isn’t pe...

_’Everything’s wrong, Everything’s wrong, Everything’s wrong,’_

I repeat to myself over and over again.

Could my life be more embarrassing?

Yes.

I was an embarrassment to everyone.

I'm a mess.

An idiotic, embarrassing, mess.

But it’s fine, I tell myself.

I'm human.

We make mistakes.

Unfortunately, it's going to happen again.

And I'm going to feel the same.

As long as I tell myself this.

_’I’m...

My whole life I feel like I’ve been searching for something that isn’t there, that I cannot find. Like I’m trying to complete a puzzle but one piece got destroyed. No matter how hard I try or how much I search, it seems as if I’m going on a treasure hunt without the treasure. I’ve always just walked around feeling like there’s a gaping hole in my chest that will never be filled. Am I asking for to...

I want to add a peice to my puzzle

I want to color inside the lines

I want to feel perfect

I want to get good grades

Look pretty all the time

I realize It can’t always be that way

I am changing day by day

And thats ok

I am different than I used to be

But I am still me

So for now

I long to be complete

Even If it is far from perfcet...

As I walk into my school, i watch as my best friend Aiden watched the popular girl Maya Jane. She has blonde hair and beautiful green eyes, she's skinny and perfect.

"Ella!, are you even paying attention to what im saying!?" Aiden says. "Sorry I zoned out for a second, what's up?" I ask him. "I was saying that you know, maybe its time for you to start going to the gym with me" he says with ...

"Do it," I urge the looming figure over me. My voice sounds hoarse from disuse. My vocal chords are new, afterall. New to me that is. My lips and tongue feel thick and stubborn, not wanting to move in the way I wish. I'll get better at it, I tell myself. They're probably still swollen from surgery.

The haze of narcotics washes over me as I struggle to relay my frantic desire to be finished. The ...

At first, I believed that being perfect was the best and only thing to impress myself and others. It was my one goal in life and the only thing I strived for, perfection. The concept of it was so indulging, so sweetly bitter. I once equated perfection with happiness. But I was wrong. Perfection means striving for something impossible, something out of my reach. Attempting to reach perfection meant...

I was never trying to be an artist

I just started with the shadows

the darkest darks

learning the language of lines

stroke by stroke

until I could make my mark

I was never seeking self care

but I built layer upon layer

carving stippled shapes

capturing the light

desperate to gain perspective

from a fresh canvas to a masterpiece

of time gorgeously spent

simply drawing what is there

versus w...