Pinocho was a bad boy He lied, he stole So he became a puppet A prop for a show

His father made a new one Who became a real boy But Pinocho was left As a wooden toy

He begged the fairy To give him real skin But she denied his request And said that he must be real within

So now Pinocho Is stuck with wooden limbs His story isn’t happy It ends dark and grim

“No,” screamed Gretel.

“NOOOO,” she wailed bolting up into a sitting position. Beads of sweat ran down her forehead, and tears prickled her glassy eyes.

She tucked her knees to her chest, wrapping her trembling arms around herself. She struggled to breathe as memories flashed behind her eyelids, flooding her mind like a dam cracked open. Screams echoed in her ears and old wounds ached, centuries could pass and she still would remember the horror etched on her brothers face. The realisation that he won’t live another day, feel the warm kiss of the sun on his skin, taste fresh bread... or see his sister.

It had been years, Gretel was a grown women, had a simple life. Yet at night she was still tormented by the brutalities her brother endured. She was still a little girl lured into the same trap every night.

She laid back down, staring at the cracked ceiling, her blanket coiled around her legs. A single tear ran down her cheek, leaving a hot trail in its wake.

“I’m sorry,” she mouthed.

The clock struck midnight and she realised she had to sprint to the coach before the spell broke otherwise he would uncover her stereotypically female background. She reached the 200 steps and shouted “who the hell thought 200 steps was a good idea? I’m in heels!” Thinking on her feet, she reached under her extremely puffy dress, slipped off shoes and picked them up before running down the steps barefoot, all the while saying “this dress is too big, I literally can’t see the steps in front of me, I’m going to fall” Sure enough she did.

Crash! She tripped and the shoes broke into thousands of tiny little pieces. She felt a sharp pain in her hand, when she looked down she saw pieces of glass stuck there and blood beginning too ooze out of her skin. The coachman ran up the steps to help her and she was inside the coach when the prince turned up.

“Damn it! She’s leaving, I’ve fallen in love with a girl I’ve just met and she’s leaving...I will never recover from this, hello darkness my old friend...” the prince cried. It was at that moment that Josephine happened to walk by, he looked over at her, she stared back and beckoned him over. Within minutes he was down on one knee and she said yes.

As for Cinderella, she realised that she wasn’t in love with the Prince because they had just met each other at the ball and in that time, hadn’t spoken to each other once. She also realised that heels in general were not a good idea.

When she reached her house, she dealt with her hand and decided that enough was enough. She was done with people pushing her around and making decisions on her behalf, tonight she had followed her own path and she felt more confident in herself (even though broken glass was a consequence).

She confronted her evil stepmother and told her piggish stepsisters where to go. Afterwards she took what little belongings she had and headed into town. It was there that she ended up being offered an apprenticeship behind the bar of a local tavern due to her kitchen skills and quick wit.

So what happened afterwards? The evil stepmother and co are still trying to figure out how to run a house, the Prince got married to Josephine in August, which he regretted as she showed her true colours after the wedding night and Cinderella became head bar woman at the Mother Goose tavern.

She’d met her Fairy Godmother and made it to the ball, She’d found a prince and pranced and danced, and given it her all, The clock struck twelve, she took her leave, pursued by twenty men, So drunkenly she stumbled, over mountain, meadow, glen,

She ran and tripped, her shoe escaped, she used some language foul, Her shoe ran off, it found the toff, who gave a mighty howl, “The man who finds that bucksome wench shall earn a golden crown! Go! Everyone look out for someone one stiletto down!”

The following day, at 2pm, Cinderella rolled out of bed, Her head was banging, as was the door, so she crawled to respond and said: “I know I went to the ball last night, but I don’t know more than that. My recollection’s gone all fuzzy, my memory’s gone kersplatt!

I shouldn’t really have spent so long on cocktails, wine and gin. Now who’s this noisy bugger at my door, trying to get in?” Her Prince continued knocking, and she spied him through the window, “I recognise you, Sir, but please calm down!” The Prince yelled “Bingo!”

Now understand, this wealthy man had been searching through the night, Although this was his own fault, he believed he’d earned the right To claim poor Cinders as his own, to seize her like a vulture, But this possessive thinking was a problem of his culture.

Cinders wasn’t interested, she found the rich-boy weird. She said “I’m sorry, Mister, but I’m not into that beard. Perhaps if you go home and shave, and ask me out to dinner, Instead of breaking down my door, you rude, presumptuous sinner!”

He breathed in deep through gritted teeth and cawed “Now, let me through. I’m sick and tired of looking, just try on this fucking shoe.” Now Cinders wondered aloud, “Hold on a bloody minute. This man’s decided overnight his future, and that I’m in it!

I’m not sure that I’m down with this, I’ve got a life to enjoy! I don’t really want to marry this overcompensatory boy!” She wrote a note on paper, then tried out her origami, Then launched a paper bird out of her window, seeming barmy.

The Prince got mad, he blustered and he ordered “Kick this door down!” His guards obeyed, they entered, and he looked a total clown, As Cinders’ requested horse and carriage pulled to the back door, She hopped inside and rode away, to start a new life abroad.

The Prince wailed in self pity, and some soldiers he dispatched, But soon they returned empty handed, having failed to catch their catch. He miserably seethed, became an endless pit of rancour, But this is the price a man must pay if he chooses to be a wanker.

The Prince approached the doors to Aurora’s chambers. He was hesitant to just stride in, but the entire kingdom was asleep, so he pushed himself forward. I’ve come this far, so I may as well see this through, he said to himself.

He walked with trepidation, rehearsing what he was going to say to the beautiful princess once she’d awoken from her slumber.

As his lips touched hers, the door to the room slammed open and guards and knights stormed the room. “What the-“ was all the Prince managed to say before a metallic boot hit him in the stomach and he doubled over. Two knights in shining suits of armour held him down and in place- firmly.

“You are under arrest,” announced the chief guard (a rather rotund man with a moustache thicker than the bracken surrounding the castle grounds). “What for?!” asked the Prince, incredulously. A knight handed the chief a scroll. He opened it and it dropped comically to the stone floor.

“Hmmm, let’s see,” mused the chief, “necrophilia, abduction, identity theft, larceny... shall I go on?” “You don’t know what you’re talking about!” snapped the Prince. Then, calmer: “This is all a mistake.” “I can assure you, ‘Prince Charming’, it most certainly is not,” said the chief. “See- that’s not even my name. I’m Prince Phillip!” laughed the criminal. “Phillip, Charming, Eric, Ferdinand, whatever alias you’re using it doesn’t change the facts. You’re a wanted man, and you’re coming with us.” “Bu.. but what about Sleeping Beauty?” he asked as a last-ditch attempt to clamber out of this hole he’d dug for himself. “She’s perfectly fine,” Aurora said from behind him.

The criminal turned (painfully) to face her. The not-so-sleeping beauty continued: “In fact, so is the entire kingdom. You didn’t seriously think that an entire realm could fall asleep for a century without it being an international scandal- or at least raising a few suspicions?”

As the knights marched the criminal towards the dungeons, Aurora turned and smiled. The other presence in the room with her took her hand carefully, gently. “I’m so glad that monster is finally gone,” whispered Cinderella. “So am I,” agreed the other princess, “Now we can all finally have our happily ever afters.” With that, Aurora kissed her one true love.

                        ~The End~

Prince Charming made his way through the group of seven dwarfs, until he stepped foot in front of the glass covered case that held his dear Snow White. He pushed the glass case open and kneeled to come face to face with Snow White. He kissed Snow White and Snow White woke from her deep sleep. The spell had been broken by true loves kiss. Prince Charming helped Snow White out of the case. He knelt down and asked for her hand in marriage right then and there. Snow White glanced at the seven dwarfs and saw their faces of suspense. She turned to the Prince and said “Absolutely...no.”

“What?” said Prince Charming.

“I’m sorry Prince, but I do not know you, not truly. Don’t be mistaken, I am grateful for you awakening me, but that is it. Farewell my friends!”

“Where will you go?” asked Grumpy.

“Im off to kill my step mother and collect my inheritance. And after that, I’m off to college so that I can become CEO of some grand company. I will travel the world and be as what Taylor Swift once said ‘the man’.”

Snow White kisses each of the seven dwarfs on their shiny bald heads and gives Prince Charming the warmest hug. She skips away joyfully through the Forrest with all her furry animals following behind her.

And she lived happily ever after. The end.

As the prince’s lips touched the sleeping girl’s, he felt his own eyelids heavy. With a sob-like breath that wrenched his body and pulled at his lungs sharply, the dwarves watched as he too crumbled to the grassy floor. “Oh dear,” Dopey told himself. And for once, the stupid little man was right, thought Grumpy as he looked upon the dreadful sight. The prince’s face was a glassy, milk-white such as that of Snow’s and his lips that before brushed the sleeping woman’s now where chapped and faded. “Oh!” said Sleepy, then he mumbled into Bashful’s ear, who looked bashful at the secret plan. “Ooh, I don’t know, Sleepy...” But his companion was already snoring. So Bashful took a deep breath and waddled up to Snow White’s sleeping figure- looking sheepish in the spotlight. The silly bearded fella then decided to kiss the woman in question. Grumpy felt almost faint in response. Why were his brothers so downright stupid, he yelled in his head- turning an angry colour. As if in reply to his private scream, Bashful sucked in a breath and collapsed on top of the Prince. Sleepy, who had woken up in time to see the previous turn of events, moaned in grief. He had just put to sleep his own brother! The man crawled over and clutched his hand- but the contact made him sway and close his eyes. “What a pickle!” exclaimed Happy, causing Grumpy to stare in dumbstruck and despise. “But don’t worry, guys! I have an idea- we could just shake their shoulders or something to wake them up!” Grumpy scoffed. “As much as I long to splash ten seas on their faces, Sleepy didn’t succeed much, did he?” But Dopey was already on the case, rushing up to his pal Sleepy to shake his shoulders then fall very asleep. “Oh well done, Happy!” said Grumpy.

Grumpy did not know what happened in those next few seconds but he did know two things: only him and Happy (of all people!) were left and that he was very, very angry.

Everyone was happy. Everyone got what they wanted. Snow White got her prince. Her evil stepmother was killed. She was now the queen. Everyone in the land could not have asked for a better ruler. So everyone was happy. Were they though? Are you sure about that? Well that’s what we all think, isn’t it? That everyone got what they wanted. Well I’m sorry to be the one to tell you but you’re wrong. Do you forget about the adorable seven dwarfs. Yeah that’s what I thought.

Well the seven dwarfs were happy to begin with. They were accepted into the land and were made Queen Snow’s personal guards. They lived in the castle. They had access to all they wanted. They couldn’t ask for a better life.

Well after about two years, everything started to change. Queen Snow was getting more distant towards the dwarfs. After her second child, she forgot all about the seven dwarfs. Dopey was the one that took it the hardest and ended up running away. He didn’t feel wanted or loved anymore. So he turned to a life of crime. Stealing from the rich. And the rest of the dwarfs soon followed him and joined. They all felt abandoned so they wanted to steal from the rich to make them feel abandoned by having no money. The dwarfs were unhappy for a very long time. Then they met Snow White and she brightened up their world. But until the moment she had her own children she forgot all the ones that she basically adopted and cared for as her own. This killed the dwarfs inside. They couldn’t bare the pain. So they ran away and decided to get revenge. After a year of crime, they were planning to get revenge on Queen Snow, so she would feel the pain that she caused them. They wanted to take away the only things she loved more than anything...

They needed to kill her family.

There was once a girl who lived happily, With her mother and father they were so content, Soon death took the mother away from the father, The little girl knew what would happen.

Soon the father got married once more, The girl has step sisters how frightening indeed, Out to travel the father went, Mother in law showed her true colours that day.

For death took the father, All alone the little girl cries, Turned into the maid for her wicked mother in law, Not to worry though little Ella had mice.

She had friends the animals, Her step mother saw her happiness, Moved her to the attic and doubled the chores, Little Ella was nicknamed Cinderella.

Cinderella could not take it, She ran away with the clothes on her back, She ran and ran into the forest she went, If you believe me she made an empire.

Through hard work and hard work alone, Cinderella saved wounded animals and made a house, Her friends the mice sent word, All animals loved little Cinderella.

Cinderella grew into a beautiful swan, With her wit and hard earned money helping the poor, She walked back to her old home, She saw her step mother all worn and aged.

Her step sisters moved away to the castle, They got married you see, Forgot their step mother, How wicked indeed?

Cinderella confronted her mother, Her step mother, She used a stern voice and money to bargain, Step mother took the money happily, Away she left never to be seen again.

Cinderella alone in her childhood house, Well not all alone she had the mice, New decorations back in the attic, Her childhood home is once again hers.

The bells rang waking Ella from her fitful sleep. She wanted to weep when she opened her eyes to stare at the now cold, dark fireplace and not at the prince. It was all a dream. The bells chimed again. Time to serve, time to clean, time to stop dreaming. Ella met her step-mom and step-sisters in the dinning room and gracefully served them their breakfast. “Good morning,” she said meekly without reply. She had gone accustom to their icy silence but obliged them non the less. She after all was raised to mind her manners. “Mother can you believe it? The prince has chosen his bride.” Miranda the eldest and rudest of the steps sisters proclaimed breaking the silence. “ Yes, my dear, I have.” Carlotta replied. “He’s chosen poorly. The Duke’s daughter is all airs and no brain.” Ella retreated for the kitchen where she would eat her breakfast alone. Her prince was not going to marry her. Ella pondered on that as she began to eat her cold porridge. “Ahm.” A gruff cough startled Ella out of her thoughts. She looked over at the doorway which revealed Gerald the stable master. “Good morning Gerald, care for some breakfast?” Ella rose from the table. Gerald nodded and sat across from Ella seat. He watched her as she fixed his breakfast. “ Thank you my princess,” Gerald smiled. Ella giggles at her nickname. “Must you call me princess, I am not royalty.” Gerald shrugged in reply and took a bite of porridge. He grimaced. “I’m sorry it’s cold.” “No matter, i have a feeling it will be hot today. Mine as well eat something cold before the day’s work.” “Gerald you’re too kind.” Ella giggled. “No!” Gerald snapped making Ella jump.” “No,” Gerald said again slowly. He stood up then and came to Ella. He towered over her. He took her hand in his, “ you, you are the kind one. I’ve been watching how you take orders from your step mother and her brats. Always serving them while they treat you cruelly, you are your father’s daughter! You have every right to be treated equally- I have half a-“ “Shh, Gerald, it’s alright, it’s alright. When my father died I knew I had to stay and help them. They are so helpless without my father. My father taught me well.” Ella kissed the back of Gerald’s hand in friendly comfort. “Cinderella!” “I sorry Gerald I must go now. Thank you for accompanying for breakfast.” “I hate that name they call you.” Gerald sneered. He held onto Ella a bit longer not wanting her to go back to them. “Gerald if I don’t go now then they’ll-“ “ meet me in the stables when you are done.” Gerald released her. Ella nodded. Ella chores had seemed relentless but she was finally done. She was heading to the stables when she passed the sitting room where her step mother and sisters sat. “When will we rid ourselves of Ella mother?” Patricia asked.