Earthquakes no longer feel foreign to my body For it is my nature to crumble under the pressure of the world For me to destroy myself And the things that I’ve built When the weight of the world seems far too much

I go through the day with the tremble in my bones And the unevenness of my uncertainty swirling in my thoughts Through and through The waves of the emotions crashing into me Making me Fall

Fall

Fall

I now know the feeling that you get in your stomach when you fall into the depths of fear I can’t help but think Oh what a wonderful feeling it is Fear Constantly wondering if this is the day it will overtake me

I’ve also gotten used to the distant pound of my heart in the tunnels of my ears Along with the never ending alarm that is forever screaming in my head

Every time the earthquake comes back to me I’m not so afraid of it It is no longer unknown to me For it is the companion to my thoughts

A lifelong friend That has never left my side

First day of classes, And my body is freaking out.

My heart beats hastily, And my breathes are trembling and short.

I don’t know anyone, And no one knows me.

I can feel a bundle of an agonizing storm Brewing inside with nervous lightning strikes.

Earthquakes no longer feel so foreign, For my body shakes with anxiety.

Will I be okay? I know I will be, but one cannot predict the future.

I can feel the heat building. The gut wrenching inferno that rips through my body like wild fire.

It’s happening again but how do I stop it?

My brain reacts to keep me safe. But what is the danger it’s protecting me from?

I was once a child.

My innocence was stolen by the very people responsible for protecting me.

I’ve perfected my act over the years. When I had no choice but to smile and accept fate.

It becomes easy to adopt the persona of strength, when the alternative is punishment for feeling.

My brain reacts to keep me safe. But what is the danger it’s protecting me from?

I heard a bang lastnight.

A neighbour closing the car door.

My heart skipped a beat. Then it ricocheted around my chest screaming for help.

My blood gets hot and I freeze.

It’s just the neighbour.

I’m safe now. I can breathe.

But the feelings don’t match the thoughts.

Earthquakes no longer feel so foreign to my body.

Earthquakes no longer feel foreign to my body, as seizures plague me, my tectonic plates shift facing adversity, causing my epicenter to shake with frustration, I feel like earthquakes are no longer foreign to my body.

Earthquakes no longer feel so foreign to my body. I swear to God, I’ve never been this hot for anybody. You send my defenses into full blown karate. Every time I’m near you, I feel so fucking naughty. I wanna taste your lips, trace my tongue along your body. Puppetmaster pull my strings. The devil lives inside my body..

Earthquakes no longer feel foreign to my body My hands tremble My muscles strain My face starts to heat Drops of sweat fall from my forehead to my chest

I’m getting hot The air is too thick in here But I shake And my teeth chatter Like I’m in the middle of a blizzard

I wonder if the seismic waves of my body shake more than me Does the house shake? The neighborhood? The state?

I press my feet into the tile to ground me All my strength is being exerted I don’t think I can do this anymore

But it’s almost done. The earthquake turns to more of a slight thunder And finally It’s over

I stand up Wipe my ass Look at the mess I’ve created And let the lever flush the debris

I have chronic diarrhea. And I am strong.

Earthquakes no longer feel so foreign to my body The stable ground, crumbling in an instant The aftershocks, ripping through my veins Have become the norm, an expectation Why would any of this be easy?

Every time the ship starts to right itself Another wave comes crashing overboard Submerging me once again Suffocating me once again When I had only learned how to breathe again When I had only learned how to live again Why is this happening again?

They say if it doesn’t kill it you It makes you smarter, tougher Stronger Well I’m fucking strong enough And I’ve waited long enough To get a win or at least a draw To see a glimpse of the life I’ve been fighting for To remember why I started fighting at all

Will the dawn ever break? Will the storm ever pass? Will the mountain become a hill? Will the present fade into the past? Will I be here still?

Earthquakes no longer feel so foreign to my body I move with the strength of tectonic plates, not gonna stop me You don’t know me at all But I’m here to let you know, this is just the get-go I’m on the come up, volume one, scaring the hoes I’m not here for fame I’m in love with the game, which exists in my brain Even when I’m writing this verse, I can teach you about the universe Seriously, can you sit silently, still, stoic and Socrat-hears what I’m sayin?

I have several doubts, actually more than several I sincerely want to give healthy words of substance Social media is toxic, commercial, never natural or spiritual So many got attention spans of a squirrel, Kids scrolling forever, rushing through content, might need a 1980 miracle If you made it this far, congrats, you can now go do a little dance Call it chance, if you even remember the past Do you remember what I said, being able to drop some bomb knowledge, here comes the blast The most energetic cosmic explosion, just burst We’ve explored more in outer space than the oceans on this earth Who knows what’s lurking in the dark waters, No need to worry about the potential monsters, Return your focus to me, I’m the current showstopper Let that fear keep your eyes wide, As I’m writing down these lines Leaving your face confused and sweat dripped My pen cuts like a surgeons scissor, consider this a face lift Who could have known, my flow goes harder than a boat full of bricks, off white Pick a line, but I got the good stuff, not touching mine Tread lightly, swim quick or you’ll get bone picked Like a swarm of piranha, gone in a blink, sounds sadistic But I’m the judge, knowledge is my verdict

Before I go, see this, Concentrate, c’s get degrees, Celsius or Fahrenheit, no matter to me right, Focus like your life is at stake, vampires everywhere looking to eradicate Positive minds and information, stay on track, the gain train is leaving the station

These words are like acid, exposing anything plastic, Don’t use a wiffle ball bat, swatting anything my way Like Barry Bonds batting baseball stats I wasn’t gonna curse on this too, but f*ck that!

Earthquakes no longer feel foreign to my body My mind is racing and my ego is gaudy

Hurricanes no longer cause shivers down my spine Everything they are is everything that is mine

Tornadoes no longer can blow my life over My body stands fast as the grass and the clover

Thunder no longer scares me at night The sounds from above are the sounds in my mind

Forever no longer sounds like sure death It’s not enough time to use up all my breath

This emotion no longer holds all the power For I know that it may be gone in an hour

Earthquakes no longer feel so foreign to my body He was a magnitude eight That crumbled my world after shaking it so fiercely A quiet storm before the turmoil began

Bountiful love True and passionate With desperate longing and secrecy Tremors came to surface Too powerful to contain

I thought it best to release them The tremors that shook me Relief and confession Unburdening my soul

The tremors kept building Beyond my control My soul became restless In passion and love Breaking on the inside Spilling out all above

Then the earthquake did hit The damage was done Secrets pooled out that could not be undone Our world it shook and I couldn’t bear it So I crumbled instead, and you didn’t deserve it