There is a man sleeping in my son’s bed

Dark hairy legs hanging off the bed

Where’s the crib?

There is a man sleeping in my son’s bed

Sharp jawline and morning stubble

Where’s the toy razor and bubble bath?

There is a man sleeping in my son’s bed

Muscled arms crossed over his head

Where’s the baby fat?

There is a man sleeping in my son’s bed

“Good Morning, mom,” he says, his voice squeaks with puberty

Where did the time go?

do you ever feel like the main character? it’s okay, sometimes, i do, too.

maybe it’s when i’m listening to songs from reputation. maybe it’s when i start writing again after a writers block. maybe it’s when I score a goal in field hockey.

but it’s always important to remember that other people have their own lives, too

no, seriously, think about it.

that girl sitting by herself at lunch? she’s a first-generation immigrant who just moved halfway schoss the world.

that boy who acts like he’s better than everyone else? he’s still trying to accept that his parents left him because of his disability.

that substitute teacher the class laughed at yesterday? he’s working all kinds of odd jobs to feed his three children.

that person heading towards the school counselor’s office? they were disowned by their parents for choosing a different identity.

we all have our stories

we all have our flaws

we weren’t created equal

so we have to make it that way

some of us are more fortunate than others

while other have to climb extra stairs

so get rid of that main character syndrome

this isn’t just your story

open up the book

and add a few more chapters.

Even though they’re different They’re much the same If I give them everything And I take nothing Will the world thank me? If I think about yesterday If I think about tomorrow What will I have but a life of nothing

Sonder: Definition — noun. the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own — populated with their own ambitions, friends, routines, worries and inherited craziness — an epic story that continues invisibly around you like an anthill sprawling deep underground, with elaborate passageways to thousands of other lives that you'll never know existed, in which you might appear only once, as an extra sipping coffee in the background, as a blur of traffic passing on the highway, as a lighted window at dusk. (via the Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows by John Koenig, word created in the English language, 2012)

Yes, I do wonder. I wonder why wonder is said like sunder and wander is said like sonder.

How do I use it grammatically?

I was gripped by sonder?

I experienced a sonder?

The sonder crept up on me?

I was full of sonder.

Can it be a verb?

He finally sondered.

An adjective?

The sonderous man felt sonderous.

The definition:

‘the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own’

Why compare it to my own life? My own life may not be vivid nor complex. Moreover my vivid, complex life may be completely different to your vivid, complex life. Our experiences will be special and unique.

Meaning in German sonder = special

Meaning in proto indo european sundraz = isolated separate alone

Could these root words not infer a sense of the life of each passerby being special and unique. Could the meaning delete the words ‘as your own’ to become more accurate and carry more of the feeling of the word itself?

‘the realization that each random passerby is living a vivid and complex life.’

What a beautiful word, what a beautiful creation, what a beautiful addition to the English language.

Sorta not a poem or a story. Just thinking. I guess there's some poetry in it. But its loose, free-verse-ish at some points. Has some Christian themes and some hard topics. Trigger warning for the blind and visually impaired as well… oh and it's also like 1,000 words. ———————-👀🧠—————

“sonder – n. the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own”

//////////

What shade of sonder is it, when I wonder if anyone wonders what I’m wondering as I wonder this? Or if anyone has ever wondered the same thing? Or if they are wondering about it right now? Is that just wandering thought, or sondering sought?

I sometimes wonder if anyone else has ever just laid there with their eyes closed and focused on the little lines flashing around in the darkness of their eyelids, then they press on into the shadows, tuning out everything and thinking of nothing. I wonder if anyone else has ever felt that sinking feeling of nothing, like I have. That feeling that doesn’t just take your breath away but makes your lungs vanish, as you become nothing for a moment before quickly opening your eyes to stop the fall.

Or if anyone out there is flubbing along with me as I ‘sing’ my favorite songs… I always wonder how many people are singing along. I wonder what they sound like, and what the words mean to them, how it makes them feel… do they sing to heal? Or if they have a sore throat at the end of the day too, because they were screaming along with me to their favorite heavy tunes. Or maybe they’re like whisper screaming, like I sometimes do. I wonder if they get goosebumps when they listen to a certain song, every time they do. Just like I do. I wonder what’d it be like to sing along together, but I’m alone…

…however….

I wonder if anyone ever reads a piece and desperately wants to meet the writer, knowing good and well that they’d have nothing to say and nothing to do. I just wonder if people wonder that too.

I wonder if anyone out there has made the same exact mistakes I’ve made, maybe on the same day. I wonder if they pray for me as I pray for them. I wonder if they doubt that He will hear them out because they don’t follow Him as they should. And if they question it all because the yoke isn’t as light as they said it would be. Just like me.

I wonder if anyone out there has ripped up a tear-stained note at the same time as me and how many people didn’t. Maybe they couldn't grin and bear it.

I wonder if I’ve ever met someone here in person, but we didn’t know it. I wonder if we both wondered if it might be someone we know, you know?

I wonder if anyone else thinks about how everyone is broken in their own way; our brains are slowly rotting away at different paces. I wonder if people meet someone and wonder how their brain is. What little neural pathways are engraved in it to make them perceive all this, like only they do? Wait… does that make sonder untrue?

I wonder if people's lives aren’t really just as vivid as mine… or maybe mine isn’t as vivid as theirs? Like they see color, and I see black and white. Maybe that’s why some people just smile all the time. Because they really aren’t like me, and they don’t see things like I see. And I wonder if they know that I’m happy for them, because they don’t have to see the things I’ve seen or ever be the places I’ve been. I wonder if they’re happy for me, because they had it so much worse than me.

I wonder if their blue is my red, like their morning looks like a sunset, and my evening looks like their 10 AM.

Does sonder leave any room for individual perception?

I wonder if there's another who turns their eyes away, just right at the same time as me. And if they think they made it obvious, they don't trust themselves to look, not even in her eyes. I wonder if they wonder about me too. Or if they feel alone like I do.

I wonder if anyone else out there has a mind that won’t stop producing such strange things, constantly wandering and wondering, making them think that they’re crazy cause they can’t sleep until they spell out the things that their mind thinks… kinda like living a daydream. I wonder if anyone else dreamspeaks.

I wonder if sonder includes people who can’t see, do they really experience things just as vividly as me? It sounds nice and fluffy, and gives hope that someone might understand, but not everyone does. Not everyone reads Braille. And that’s beautiful. It’s unique. It’s a different color. But that doesn’t mean they experience less. Maybe sonder is true, then. Perhaps this piece was just my thought process. But wouldn't that discount individual experience?

Did Dad see things just as vividly as me when he left? Or did he see things differently, maybe even to a lesser degree?

Was Mom's perspective as clear as mine, even though she was getting high all the time? Maybe she saw things even more vividly than I! Maybe that's why we were always so hungry, cause she was chasing colors that we couldn't perceive. What do you think?

I don't know.

I'm just wondering sonder….

Maybe it's just feel-good words anyway.

Like an absolute statement that missed the mark…

There absolutely aren't many absolutes.

I just wonder if you wonder too.

I wonder if I've ever written something that changed someone's life. I wonder if they wonder if they've wondered if they've changed mine. They have.

I think I need to keep wondering sonder...

And I wonder if you do too.

Then I wonder if all this wondering is really even sondering, or am I just wandering because I’ve severed all my relationships and I am just longing to feel connection.

And I wonder if you feel the same, so I wonder if you wondered that too.

Hmmm… how about this:

“sonder – n. the realization that each random passerby is alive, and most of them are trying to stay that way.”

Or

“sonder – n. the realization that each random passerby is experiencing the human condition through their own unique consciousness, which may or may not be very dissimilar to your own perception.”

Can that be sonder?

Or should we call it something else?

I guess I just wonder what you are wondering, now that you’ve made it to the end of this post.

Thanks for making it here.

I wonder if you got tired of reading and just scrolled down here.

If you are wondering…

I think that’s fair.

See me, if you will, left out in the cold, Outdated weeds, uninformed, unfriended, Impatient of appointment with the mold. What is life, exclusive of belonging? Inclusion, contribution, common good, Community, cooperation, love, Relegated to the realm of Other. A sibling without sister, without brother.

Hear me, if you will, crying soundless call, Wordless by the standard slang that’s current, Addressing no one and unheard by all. Voiceless by the standard set by media, Deflected, unengaging, unattuned to, Ineffectual wave length, overpowered. To what end unheard communication? To converse requires reciprocation.

Find me, if you will, but no one searches; Absorbed by self in unintended censure. To represent that private realm repulses. Alienated lives repeating patterns, Themes, stereotypes, mistakes, romances, Misanthropic delusions, monsters, myths. To learn from dead past laughable, unthought. Thus, antisocial world thoughtlessly wrought.

I’ve always had these thoughts that make wonder, Every individual I pass by is living their own life A life that can be as vivid and nuanced as my own, tough to visualize the scale of how many living, breathing, domes Mind blowing to think about and there is a word that describes the feeling, it’s called sonder

Everybody wants to be the lead feature The main character, the wise teacher All the worlds a stage, but we all have our own theatre I am a grain of sand I am a blade of grass I am a shard of glass I am a star in space, it’s span infinite, vast I am a stroke of color on a brush, A wave on the Sea of Galilee, Handed life through the times of Jesus and Rembrandt I am warm as a million suns I am as quick as a bullet, Shot out like a gun, gods creation

We are unique as we are human, The spectrum ranges from the singularity to trillions of conclusions We are all projections of the universe expressing itself, The thought itself can cause cynicism, craziness, confusion

Everyone is the same speck of dust, but we have the power to spark our own enlightenment Don’t hide from it, confide in it Here today, gone tomorrow, create your own island You are unique, a pigment of color in a rainbow of humanity, be vibrant You will feel lost and wonder, What is the point of all of this, existence is overwhelming, might as well have a crisis

If these are your thoughts, pause Isn’t it ridiculous to question the cause? Of course, and I’m beginning to understand, Be curious, live, give yourself forgiveness, Beat to the drum of your own band

Every day is a chance at a new beginning, A new birth, The book of genesis starts with you, Keep sondering, and you will find your worth on this earth

I search for my higher self That which was forged from source I fell to fall again The lower, the vibes of fear Drains, infect and wear And eats the path away I reach for mastery Which grows my frequencies To sonder of the breadth of me

70,000 people shoulder to shoulder breathing in the open air and belting their favorite lyrics

70,000 pairs of eyes fixated on the stage, the screens, the artist, their senses enraptured by the flashing lights and ethereal voice

70,000 hearts beating in rhythm sharing the same enthusiasm, traveling to the same stadium, and experiencing the same spectacle

70,000 souls together for one night, each on their individual journeys but miraculously crossing paths in a seemingly boundless intersection— A combination never before seen and never to return again

The stars shine down at me and I bet you are watching them too. When we part ways I feel like a force thats been set back on track.

That train it carries so much, but it doesn't know it carries the one who's running away. or running towards. Who's to say I know? their patterns and their breaths their footsteps and their starlight. They're so far away now.

But you know whose close all those strangers they hold each other. Hold candles to that night sky. Illuminates their cars their rooms their walkways and their pasts. Who's to say I know?

Who's to say I'll go? Who's to say I'll stay, once you realize you're alive its hard stop your blood from pumping from moving your body against yourself against the world. And everybody's moving. And everybody's candles are aflame. I'm watching, waiting, for mine to join them.