June 30th, 2014.

 

             I sit at my desk twiddling the ring that is planted on my left hand. Round and round in circles it goes.

 

 

 

 

A year ago: 
Two weeks before the wedding
June 16th, 2013.

 

           My fiancé and I are finishing the last remaining details of our wedding. He wanted this small ceremony and me being a girl of course I wanted a big glamorous one. We both decided we wanted this wonderful outdoor wedding with all our friends and family. With the wedding this close I couldn’t shake this feeling that something was still missing. I couldn’t tell Gordon about that because he is stressed enough and to tell him that I am having my doubts, he would lose it. I call up my friend Spencer and explain to her what is going on; she told me that it is perfectly normal to be having doubts this close to the wedding so she advised me to go out and get away from all of the wedding plans.

 

            The moment I got off the phone with her I got up off the couch and made my way to the front door. I took a deep inhale and then slowly exhaled. I grab my keys and walk out my front door and the New Jersey air hits me like a ton of bricks. It felt nice and refreshing to finally be outside on this gorgeous Sunday. I grab the keys from my purse and start walking to my car. When I get into my car I just sat in my driveway with my hands on the wheel with no destination. Finally after ten minutes of sitting here in complete silence I grab the key and put it in the ignition. I start heading down the road and all of the Sunday drivers are out and about, good thing I am not in a rush to get anywhere fast. I pull out my phone and plug it into the AUX port so I can play some music because this silence is killing me. I needed something to clear my head. I decided I was going to drive into the city and spend the day there.

 

            On my way to the city I decide to pick up Spencer so she can tag along with me. I pull into her driveway and before I even put my car into park Spencer comes running out of her house.

 

            “How is everything?” She asks.

 

            “So far so good I guess. I am getting out of the house and you are coming with me.”

 

            “Sounds amazing,” she says beaming with joy.

 

            We finally arrive in the city around noon and it is packed. We see a garage about a mile up the road so we decide to park there instead of trying to get around all of these people. Once we get to the garage she looks at me with a puzzled look on her face.

 

            “What’s wrong?”

 

            “Nothing, just have a lot on my mind,” I said with the least amount of convincing.

 

 

            “Well no worries, today we will make all of those worries go away,” she says as she grabs my hand and leads me to the streets of New York City. I am from a small town in Jersey so all of this foot traffic is something I am not too familiar with. We started walking towards Broadway and we notice this small diner called the Stardust diner so we decided to go in and grab something to eat for lunch. When we get in there the waiters are singing and dancing as they bring out peoples food, this would have to be, without a doubt, the coolest diner I have ever been to. We get seated and we start looking through the menu to see what we want. We placed our order and then we just sat there; neither of us said anything. I wonder what is on her mind. We both ordered a cheeseburger with fries, it was delicious. When the waiter brings out the check I go to reach for it but Spencer grabbed it before I had the chance to.

 

            “You really don’t have to do that Spence.”

 

            “I know but believe me I want to,” she gives me a little wink.

 

            As we are walking out of the diner she starts to skip down the sidewalk heading towards Time Square.  Spencer is a ball of energy and has been ever since I have known her. We have been best friends since high school. If there were ever a time I needed her or to tell her a secret, I knew I could count on her. So I follow her. As we approach Time Square we both stop in awe. It is so breathtaking. She is standing in the middle of Time Square and she makes some bystander take our picture and right before he snaps the picture she gives me a little peck on the cheek. The picture turned out so beautiful that when we get home Spencer wanted to have it framed.

 

            It starts getting dark so Spencer and I start to head back to the garage. All in all it has been a good outing. It definitely got my thoughts off of the wedding. We pay the gentleman at the booth and we make our way to my car. We arrive to my car and I plug my phone in and away we go; trying to get out of the city at 6:00 PM was a terrible idea because of the traffic. We finally arrive back at Spencer’s house at 7:45 PM. I sit down on her couch for a little, I don’t feel like heading back to my house at the moment. She drops her body right next to mine on the couch. I feel like I could sit here doing nothing for the rest of the day

 

            Next thing I know I wake up three hours later, both Spencer and I had fallen asleep. First thing I do is check my phone and I have three missed calls and one voicemail from Gordon.

 

           Oh crap!

 

_            Gordon: Hey Vera, where are you? I am worried sick you haven’t called or texted since you got into the city. I am scared something might have happened to you. Please call me as soon as you get this. Thanks and I love you baby._

       

 

            “Spence, Wake up!”

 

            “What’s wrong? Is everything okay?” she says rubbing her eyes.

 

            “We fell asleep. Gordon is worried, I have to get home.” I say as I am grabbing my purse and keys.

 

            I am about a half hour away from home and I am trying not to speed but every time I check my odometer it is always over by at least ten MPH. My music is blasting trying to help calm my nerves but sadly it is not working. When I finally arrive back at our house Gordon is frantically walking back and forth on the deck, anxiously waiting my arrival. I put the car in park, take a deep breath, and then step out of the car.

            “Where the hell have you been Vera?” He yells across the lawn.

 

            “I was at Spencer’s house relaxing and we fell asleep I am sorry.”

 

            He grabs my hand and pushes me up against the door. He kisses my neck.

 

            “I am sorry I over reacted. Come in I have dinner ready,” he says as he leans in to kiss me.

 

            I walk towards the kitchen and the food smells delicious. I grab a Diet Coke out of the refrigerator and sit down at the table. During dinner neither of us say one word, however Gordon keeps passing dirty glances my way. As soon as I am done eating I take my plate and put it in the sink.

 

            “What’s wrong sweetie?” He says as he grabs my waist.

 

            “Oh nothing just tired. I am ready for bed, come join me when you are ready.”

 

            I put my sweat pants on as well as a shirt. I crawl into bed and pull the covers over my body, wrap it around my hand and snuggle with the blanket. I start to drift to sleep and my head starts to fill with dreams of random things. At first I don’t think anything of it because they are all dreams but that is when it happened. I see the face that makes my skin crawl; a face so beautiful there are no words to describe it, just seeing that face in my dream makes me jolt awake. I get up; I can’t think of this person it is bad. I get out of bed and make my way to the kitchen to get myself a glass of water. I sit at the table taking small sips of water.

 

 

            “Everything alright?” He asked whisking me out of my little day dream.

 

            “Just thinking about things, nothing to worry about go back to sleep I will be there soon.”

 

            “As you wish my dear, I am here for you just remember that,” he says as he turns around and starts walking back to the room.

 

            As the glass of water becomes empty I make my way towards the living room. I figured the best way to clear my head is to indulge myself into another world. I pick up the book that is on the coffee table, wrap the blanket around my waist, and sat on the couch. Before I even realized it; it is 4:30 AM. I close the book, place it on the coffee table, and lay down. My head is filled with dreams of all different colors and sounds. As I start to drift asleep rough hands abruptly wake me.

 

            “What the hell! Why are you sleeping down here?”

 

            “I couldn’t sleep so I started to read and I just fell asleep. I am sorry.”

 

            He grabs my hands and leads me into the kitchen. He pulls out my chair and pushes me down then he goes by the stove and starts to make breakfast.

 

            “I can’t believe you didn’t come to bed,” he said quietly as he is making eggs.

 

            “I said I was sorry.”

 

            He looks at me with cold eyes.

 

            “What is going on with you? You are acting very strange,” he said as he turns his body to face me.

 

            “Not…”

 

            “Bullshit. I do not believe you. Tell me what is going on now!” He rudely interrupt me.

 

            “I just have been having doubts. I am stressed, that is all.”

 

            “Whatever,” he says under his breath as he walks away.

 

            I grab my keys and walk out slamming the door behind me. I pull into a vacant parking lot. I plug my phone into the AUX port and looked for something soothing to put on. I slide my shoes off my feet and remove my socks; I put my feet out of the window so the nice cold air hits them. I lean my head against my center console and just stare out the sun roof at the big grey fluffy clouds. I heard the vibration of my phone going off so I grabbed it from the cup holder, the name Spencer lit up my phone.

 

 

            Spencer: Hey how are you?

 

            Me: Gordon and I had a big fight so I’ve been better.

 

            Spencer: Oh my god. Are you alright?

 

            Me: I’ve been better. What are you up to?

 

            Spencer: Nothing really. Would you like me to come up and keep you company?

 

            Me: I would love that. I am at the old creek by the center of town.

 

            Spencer: Great! I’ll see you in ten minutes.

 

            Out of the corner of my eye I see Spencer’s green Jeep kicking up dust. She pulls right next to me, jumps out of her car, and enters mine.

 

            “Hey there gorgeous,” she said as she leans in for a hug

 

            “Why hello,” I flashed a smile.

 

            I checked my phone and I still have not received a phone call or a text from Gordon. Part of me is worried but the other part of me is glad because I am not being bothered. Spencer and I talk about everything under the sun; from guys to jobs.

 

            “So are there any guys that you have your eye on?” I asked

 

“Well there is this one person that I do like but I can’t tell them,” her face turned bright red as she replied.

 

            “Why not we aren’t in high school anymore, just tell him.”

 

            “I can’t it’s too hard.”

 

            She turns her head and looks out the window. She must really like this person. I put my hand on the small of her back trying to comfort her. She looks back at me and smiles. I lean in to her give a hug and she put her lips against mine. At first I am put back because I wasn’t expecting a kiss from her.

 

            “You kissed me?”

 

            “I know I am sorry I shouldn’t have done that. It was just an impulse,” she quickly moves away from me and looks out the window again.

 

            “Why did you kiss me?”

 

            “You are the person I like. I thought you felt the same way about me but I know you don’t and I am sorry.”

 

            “Don’t be sorry, I actually liked it,” I put my hands on the back of her neck and pull her closer and I kissed her again. It’s strange because kissing her feels more natural than kissing my own fiancé. Oh my god my fiancé! What am I going to tell him?

 

            “I-I have to go. I will text you later. I am sorry.” I start my car up and start heading home. I feel so guilty. Gordon and I have been together for seven years and I have never cheated on him. I just don’t understand; Spencer and I have been best friends for four years why all of a sudden am I having these feelings for her? I try to shake these thoughts as I walk through my front door.

 

            “Honey, I am home,” I shout.

 

            “Upstairs,” I hear in reply.

 

            I start walking upstairs slowly breathing in and out. I see Gordon in our room lying on the bed.

 

            “How are you?” I asked shyly.

 

            “I’m fine. Come here,” he said in a low voice.

 

            Gordon takes my hand and pushes me down so I am on my back. He straddles me while kissing my neck. “I love you,” he whispers in my ear. He gently runs his hands along the inside of my thighs. I can feel his manhood against my leg and I can tell he is definitely in the mood. He puts his finger in my vagina as a way of teasing me and then he undoes his pants and thrusts into me. I scream; not out of pleasure but because I know that is what he wanted to hear. He thrusts a couple more times and then he stops and looks me dead in the eye.

 

 

            “Where are you right now?” he asks

 

            “What do you mean? I am right here with you baby,” I lie.

 

            He finishes and then turns over facing the wall. I feel so ashamed, I get off the bed put a towel around my nude body and walk into the bathroom. I turn on the water and just sit there in my tub with the water hitting me. With each drop of water that hits my forehead all I can think about is what will happen to Spencer if Gordon ever finds out. I can’t help but to cry. I betrayed the man I love but my heart is split between the two of them. I know that I can’t throw away this engagement. No matter what I feel for Spencer this engagement has to go on. I finish my shower put on my sweats and climb into bed.

 

            I wake up before Gordon does so I get out of bed and make my way downstairs. I figured I would make a nice breakfast for him. I know it won’t change what happened but at least I can try to make things better. I pull out the bacon from the fridge as well as the eggs. I get a small mixing bowl and start cracking the eggs over the bowl dumping the shells into a smaller bowl right next to the sink. I put a little cheddar cheese into the mix as well as the milk, and then I put the egg fixings and the bacon on the stove and wait as they start to cook. As the eggs and bacon are cooking I start preparing the coffee. I hear Gordon start making his way downstairs so I quickly set the table.

 

            “What are you doing?” he asked.

 

            “I am making you breakfast. It should be done shortly if you want to go get ready,” I said as I start bringing the plates closer to the stove.

 

            By the time he came back from the bathroom breakfast and a nice big cup of coffee was on the table all ready for him.

 

            “Thank you. It looks delicious,” he smiled.

 

            “Anytime baby. I love you,” I said as I kiss his cheeks.

 

            I have to make this work with only two weeks before the wedding, things are very stressful.

 

 

            “Did you write your vows yet?” he asked me.

 

            “Just about done, you?”

 

            "Yeah I finished last night,” he responded.

The house was cold but I did it feel the cold because I was so excited. The witch walked into the room and for once I felt happy. I knew going to ask her for help was considerd a bad idea but I couldn’t help it. I really wanted to be smart and come up with ideas so when she asked me what I wanted that’s what I said. The witch had me sit in a chair with candles in a circle around me. And then she chanted a spell. “Ìptica, Mística, Penica, Mística!” Then she blew out the candles and said “ Your done… and remember this comes with a price!” But I ignored her and exited the cottage. Later I got a job at a office and on the first day as I was working on a essay on a new object called a Suplic I started daydreaming. My soul left my body and traveled around the room. A snap and I came back to find my boss staring at me. “Are you going to work or daydream?” I replied “Work.” She nodded her head and left. Meanwhile a voice kept nagging me repeating “Remember what the witch said!” Then the witches voice echoed through my head. “This comes with a price!” I would be cursed forever!

I see him, pulling my arm forcing me to face him as the rain patters down.

“I’m sorry!” He shouts as the pattering becomes stronger on the cold cement driveway. “Why didn’t you tell me?” I ask, cold drops trickling down my face. “Because I didn’t. . .” He pauses, moving his eyes to where the rain lands. “I didn’t want to hurt you.” He lifts his head, his black eyes locking on mine.

A gust of wind blows the rain against my cheek, “Colin, you were behind the wheel of the car that killed my mom,” my voice breaks as I speak, “What do you expect?”

Colin shakes his head, his wet hair falling across his forehead, “I don’t know . . . You’re different Mya.”

I’m about to swirl around and walk away when a question burst out of me. “How long have you known?’ I ask, rain pasting my shirt to my back. “How long have you known about me?”

Colin shifts his eyes to the trees behind us, “I’ve known since I first met you.” His eyes come back to mine, “And I’m telling you because. . . I love you.”

Colin’s words sting like a knife pricing my heart. He tells me that he’s the one that killed my mother, and then he tells me he loves me.

“You . . .” Colin whispers as rain drips off his chin, “You make me feel sick, and for the first time I love being sick.”

My heart flutters in my chest as I stare into Colin’s brown eyes.

         …………………………………

“Mya!” My boss yells at me, “Stop dreaming, and start working!”

I could think of anything, but I’m thinking about them.

I’m not sure how I feel about it. They’re cool and mysterious. Serious faced except when something makes them laugh and then I can’t stop looking. They are gorgeous. I’ve always thought that about them, if only we had more time together. “I don’t think they care to get to know the real me, the one who laughs and loves and thinks” I say to myself. I’d love to know if this would be real, even a friendship.

I can’t tell if they’re a loner or if they are so popular that they know who they will like and who they won’t. I am afraid to think that I won’t be someone they would choose friendship with. Or anything else for that matter. I try, or have tried but maybe not hard enough. They do intimidate me, but damn that’s sexy in itself and I’m all over it. “Got to keep going, otherwise it’ll all just be fantasy talk and you’ll never get work done just daydreaming of them…”. But it’s impossible when their face is in my head.

I start my day the same way every day. My alarm rings, and so does my husbands’, a warning that our time together is ending soon, as we push tighter into each other to steal the skin to skin contact while we can. The minutes pass as I slowly lower my standards. Do I really need to wash my hair? I showered yesterday, it’s not like a stink! But time kept marching on either way, and as usual, I’ve put it off until the last minute. I quickly throw on some jeans, a black tank with a black and white jacket that made me look respectable, especially compared to most of the people downtown. I threw on some large hoop earrings, slick my hair back and drew some lips on, in a deep red - you know this is your color.

I take that last look in the mirror before we rush out to the car in a way that made it feel like we were excited about where we were going.

We weren’t.

Dread is a much more apt way to describe where I’m headed. As I sit on the phone, trying to memorize funny jokes as I page through

Let’s circle back

To pick the low hanging fruit

I don’t have the bandwidth

To boil the ocean

To break down silos

They need to get on board

To push the envelope

To be breakthrough

Hard stop

Confused? Me too!

Sorry, did you think this was a poem? We’re you trying to make sense Of this lingo?

My apologies This is just a list of phrases we’re ideating For a game of corporate speak bingo

She suddenly awakes in a grass field. She enjoys the halcyon breeze until suddenly, she hears screaming. Jumping up, she searches for the source of the screaming, her eyes landing on a small kingdom. Small, literally, it the kingdom of Cats. Grabbing her bag, she pulls out her sword and runs over to the kingdom. As shes coming upon the castle, she sees 3 small gremlin-like creature. She quickly becomes impetuous and flails her sword around, screaming "Leave them alone!" in the process. The irascible creatures jump onto her, biting her legs and torso and scratching her face. She uses the sword in her hand to stab one of the creatures in the back, successfully getting it off of her. She then grabs the other and throws it in the air, slicing it in half as it came back down. The last one becomes contumacious and doesn't let up on scratching and slicing her leg. She grabs it by the scruff, holding it up to her eye level. She grabs the dagger stored in her belt and make one quick stab to the heart. She then hurries over to Purrincess Kitty. The (technically queen) princess of the cat kingdom. "Hey! Are you alright?" She asks, bending down to the Princess. "Oh thank you brave hero! You've saved my kingdom! I offer you my gratitude." The princess responds. She gets back up, putting her sword back into her bag. Waving bye to the Cat Kingdom, she makes her way to yet another kingdom. This time the kingdom is more normal sized, very big, but the size of a normal kingdom. Walking into the kingdom she see all the people, not human, peculiar beings. Every other citizen is yet another mythical creature, except made to be humanoid. There Phoenixes, unicorns, jackalopes, and many others, all with humanoid features but not quite human. She walks forward, towards the castle itself, waving at a mothman and and nice gryffon on her way. As she steps into the castle, she sees jackalope scurrying around, tending to their duties. She wanders around, her eyes scanning her surroundings until they land on a certain individual. There stands a humanoid kitsune, the King of this kingdom. His name being, King myth. She walks up to him, suddenly becoming diffident. "Hello KM!" She says, gleefully. He looks over to her, once his eyes land upon her a ghost of a smile lands upon his face. She knows hes happy to see her, but she also knows he doesn't like to show emotion nor weakness to anybody, except her. "Ah, just the human i've been meaning to see. How are you on this fine day?" He asks, solemnly. "I'm good! I just saved Purrincess Kitty from a few bad guys!" She says, pride in her voice. "That's wonderful, i'm glad to hear you're always helping others." He responds. "Come with me, lets talk" He says, gesturing her to follow. She's already aware of the place he's taking her. The library, the place she has always loved. He guides her to their spot, the small corner of the big library they always go to chat. They both sit in their respective seats and start chatting about anything, everything. "So. I'm planning an event to celebrate the successful partnership with the Water Kingdom. Would you like to join me?" He asks. "It would be a date, but it doesn't have to be if you aren't interested.". He finishes. "I- I would love to!" I says, smiling nervously. Im so happy he asked me, i have liked him for quite some time but, I was just scared he would reject me. "Wonderful, its at 9 tonight. I will await your presence. He says, standing up. "I must go now, ill see you tonight?" He asks. She just nods, not wanting to say something embarrassing. He does a slight wave goodbye then walks away, leaving her to her thoughts.

Some time later, just an hour before the party, she goes to find a dress. She probably should've done this sooner but oh well, cant change the past. She walks into a small shop filled with formal attire, dresses, suits, ties, bows, etc. She goes over to the dresses section, finding the ones she sees fit to her taste. She finds a few, trying them on, none of them really sparked, except for one. A pretty off the shoulder dress, white cloth, long flowy sleeves and skirt, tied together with a dark brown under-cleavage corset. She thinks she looks lovely, and hopes King Myth would feel the same. She pays for the dress and starts walking towards the kingdom, the peach sky becoming darker by the minute. She walks into the castle, following the carpet to the ball room. She makes her way in, suddenly becoming nervous about wearing this revealing dress. She spots Myth in the crowd and makes her way over to him, her face becoming more flustered the closer she gets to him. He finally takes notice of her, his eyes becoming wide at witnessing her walking towards him, her dress flowing nicely behind her, her hair neatly brushed, the subtlest of makeup on her face. "Wow. You look radiant." He says, almost breathless at the sight of her. "O-oh, you like it? I was a bit nervous to wear this." She says, laughing awkwardly. "I love it on you" He responds, the slightest of blush appearing on his cheeks. They stare at each other, too nervous to say anything. Taking in the moment that is upon them. "You look dashing, Myth." She finally says. "Would you like to dance?" She nervously asks him, pointing toward the open space with very few people dancing with another. "It would be my honor." He responds, taking her arm in his and walking out. They start swaying to the music, his hands on either side of her waist, her hands around his neck. Looking into eachothers eyes, it feels like the world around them fades away, suddenly its just them, just him and just her, it feels like thats all they have, thats all they need. Their faces inching closer, she feels her face heating up. She closes her eyes as she feels his lips brush against hers. She leans in closer, to feel nothing. She opens her eyes to find, nothing. Everything around her is blank until, she shoots up, awaking at her office desk. Her phone buzzing underneath her arm. She picks it up to see a few texts, all from a man named Mike. She unlocks her phone and looks at the texts "Hey, are you at work right now?" "I'm hosting a formal party tomorrow." "Would you like to join me?" She reads the texts, a subtle blush appearing across her now smiling face. Responding to the text she types, "I would love to."

Day dream Not what it seems Office boredom Continuous humdrum

Phone rings Dingaling Lost in thought Hopeless distraught

Bored to tears Dreaming through years Loosing sight Just another night

Do you think they call it the runs because you have to run to the bathroom when you have them or because of the manner in which it comes out?

What?

Is it the because you RUN there or because it’s runny?

why (like what is wrong with you type of why)

when I walked in today I watched someone from the first floor run from their car to their office and they had the look of like “i’m going to shit myself right now.” they weren’t late, so I figured the only thing they could’ve been doing is running to the bathroom because they had to drop a mongo duker. and then I was like “wait, is that why they call it the runs? because you have to RUN when you get it? but no I think you’re probably right…

I didn’t even answer

it’s probably because it’s runny when it comes out. it’s a nod to the texture of the poop as it leaves your butthole

you’ve been thinking about this all day??

shakes his head while returning to work thanks man

Evelyn Rivers restarts her computer with a click that's little too aggressive. It's hard to be contemptuous to a computer when the person you really want to scream at is in the mirror. Two hours and nothing to show for it but a folder full of corny images and a few jotted notes that could've been done by a high school student. And now her frozen screen staring at her. She blames Tasha, but not really. It's easier than admitting the truth. "It's no good, Evie!" Bucktoothed Tasha had leaned over her desk, confidentially, "where's the sparkle? They want sparkle. You're just...bleh." She gestured to Evie's red sweater and roomy jeans, her cluttered desk, the coffee mug left standing too long. She's right, of course. But Evie would rather spend her life staring at this screen than say that out loud. She'd put her game face on, told Tasha she understood. Anything to get her out. Now the screen accuses her, staring blue and expressionless. She punches out a text to Julian from IT: Damn thing froze again. Can you come take a look? Her finger hovers over "send." She undoes the message instead. There are certain indignities she isn't ready for today, and nothing would make her feel less at ease than the bulky, self-assured warmth of him in her office while she was discretely and gently falling apart. As if he has read her mind, a message pings: "Lunch?" "I have to do this thing for Tasha. The face cream ad. She hated my last one." That's easy to dash off. It would have been far harder to dictate, "I'm staring at my screen in an eternity of frozen indecision that's just emblematic of the rest of my life, and sitting across from you makes me feel like a real human and I no longer know how to be that." She rifles through the images on her desk. The ingredients for the face cream. Something Something Botanicals. Stock footage of a tropical paradise, as though the "botanists" of the face cream were in the jungle teasing out the ancient secrets of youth from the sap of trees. Women in tailored suits lifting champagne glasses to their lips. She closes her eyes. It's easy to be cynical, but if things had turned out differently, she catches herself thinking, where would she be? Her mind has grown feverish from inactivity, and she wonders shamelessly. Maybe she could be in the jungle. A lady explorer slashing her way through seething vines with a machete, her field notebook in her pocket, pausing to inhale the breathing humus of the forest floor. She actually feels the heat of the jungle on her cheeks as she sees herself seated at the base of an enormous tree, tilting her head up, way up, losing sight of anything but green in the canopy, a monochrome of alive things. Close at hand, a fire-plumed bird glides toward her, and her keen voyager's ears pick up the cackles and calls of monkeys. She herself is alive, muscled and browned by the sun, her skin specked with the cuts of a thousand strange plants and dotted with mosquitoes. She is not beautiful; she is strong. Perhaps she is not an explorer after all. Perhaps she grew up here, scaling the trees, bringing down untold treasures with arrows. Her face, not the one she sees in her compact mirror, flat and running to doughiness, now all arched cheekbones and dark, penetrating eyes. An Amazon of the Amazon, she laughs, and turns a page in her folder. The woman in the tailored suit. This time, it's her, sitting in a Parisian cafe, alone for the moment, but not for long. It's a sidewalk cafe, and a warm breeze ruffles the stylish bob so she looks just carefree enough. She has all afternoon. She listens to the soft-spoken Francophone meanderings and sips her glass of wine. She has all day. She can read her book if she likes. She can watch the world go by and not envy a soul because a delicious lunch is about to be set in front of her. And her lover, in French, they are always lovers, aren't they? He'll walk around the side of the cafe and see her with her face lifted to the clouds without a trace of fear. He'll smile, and she knows that smile, and she doesn't want to know it, so she turns the page in her folder. A woman standing on a beach. And there she is, her feet in the generous sand, the salt in her eyes and her hair because she has just come up out of the sea. The sun warming the ample curves she has never needed to hide, turning them a soft, golden brown. Perhaps she will plunge back into the sea again once the sky has finished with her. She will throw herself into the waves and feel the bracing shock of cold against her cheeks. She will let the waves sweep her up in their arms and she will laugh. For now, though, she is content to linger on the beach, offering her shoulders to be kissed by the sea air. The ocean doesn't need to be told to sparkle. She allows herself a languorous stretch in the sand. A ping from her phone. She doesn't want to open her eyes, wants the escape to be for good. She opens them just long enough to see, "I got you coffee. Let me in." and decides the infinite sky can wait.