“Drop the gun, I’m here for you.” A voice says I turn to see an absolutely sexy, amazing gorgeous, sexy, beautiful, sexy man. He’s so sexy. Yum I want to eat him up. “Naurrrrr” I say “I don’t wanna drop the gun.” “Ugh you are so hot” he says. And then He kisses me and takes off my clothes. Then we wiggle around his couch and do things.

And then I woke up.

—content warning: suicidal thoughts—-

Pages littered the cream colored carpet, dead pens and empty post-it note packs decorating the deep green comforter. Music filled the heavy air as the notes danced with the voices and melodies. Bailey seemed to be running out of hours in the evening to study for her mid-semester exams that had been coming up within the following days. Her ability to focus had wavered on the lines of actually getting work done and just staring at pages, not processing a single word.
A light tapping came from her dark oak door.
“Come in,” Bailey’s voice was no more than a mere whisper.
The door slowly creaked open to reveal a middle-aged woman wrapped in a navy blue robe. Her hair was still damp, but dry enough to hold small waves. “Bails, honey you haven’t come down for dinner. Did you hear me call for you earlier?” There was a slight shift in her weight but Bailey barely noticed.
“Oh, sorry mama. I guess I didn’t hear you,” Bailey shuffled some note pages together before tucking them in her psychology book.
“It’s alright baby, there’s some chili on the stove and I can make you a grilled cheese if you’d like,” Bailey’s mother replied with a gentle smile.
That was Millie, always kind and generous. Bailey loved her mom for that but could never ask for more than what was already done because Bailey knew that she always did everything. The two of them went down the hall and shuffled down the stairs with little noise, minus the creaky floor boards which seemed to be every third step.
Light emanated from the kitchen, the soft glow of the fluorescents casting shadows behind every object that lay in its midst. The previous night’s dishes stacked on the counter, waiting patiently for their turn to be washed. Crackers and cheese rested on a styrofoam plate with a white empty bowl next to it. Bailey scooped one of her favorite dinners into the bowl before sitting down at the surprisingly clean dinner table. Millie poured Bailey a glass of purified water before tending to some of the pre-existing dishes in the sink. 
“Thank you for dinner, mama,” Bailey said after finishing a couple spoonfuls of chili.
“Of course! Your father has already gone to bed and I will be as well. I didn’t want you to eat by yourself, plus I wanted to make sure you ate before going to bed.”
“I appreciate that. You know, I don’t mind eating by myself. I can finish the dishes for you if you want to go to bed now. I’m sure you have a long day at work tomorrow.”
“Bailey it’s okay. I can stay up with you if you want me to.”
Millie continued to work on washing dishes while Bailey made sure to get a full stomach of soup. It always made sleeping come a bit faster, at least that’s what she thought. Eventually, Millie dismissed herself and headed to bed which left Bailey to put away left overs and clean out the final dishes. Outside, rain first greeted the shingled roof before it trickled down to the ground where its final destination lie. The yellow hue of the oven light caught Bailey’s attention as she washed dishes. _11:25_ _at night… I only have eight more hours before testing begins…_ She had become so caught up in studying for the beginning of her tests the following day that she had lost track of time. Unfortunately for Bailey, but fortunately for her body, it was in her best interest to fall asleep before too much more time passed. Before she returned upstairs, Bailey double-checked that both the front door and back door had been locked. This once-over had become an evening habit of hers, after word got in the new reports that house break-ins were becoming more and more common. She didn’t want to risk it, even if her parents did lock them before going to bed.
A shadow danced along the white curtains that caught the attention of Bailey. Her heart got caught in her throat as she froze in her place. _If I just stand still…_ Fear cemented her feet to the carpet. Lighting cracked through the sky and the shadow seemed to disappear just as fast as it came. Bailey’s hands shook as she slinked back to her room.
The shadow she saw slithered around her mind as she gathered the things on her bed into an organized pile to move off to her desk that sat next to her vanity. Just off of her room rested a bathroom that Bailey had all to herself. That’s one of the things she was most grateful for, to not have to share a bathroom with her parents or any guests that came in. Bailey pulled a maroon towel from the small linen closet that was nestled in the corner of the bathroom along with a matching rag. She always had to sit everything out for her shower beforehand because if she didn’t there was a very high chance she would forget something. Steamed billowed up around the ceiling and mirror after a short time in the shower. The water _had_ to be scalding hot for Bailey, anything colder and she turned into an ice cube.
Her thoughts carried mind away to a distance place which left her body to idly lather body wash. The shower provided a safe space for Bailey and she seemed to do most of her deep thinking in the shower. It was there that she had time to reflect on the day’s events and be washed clean with the worries being sucked down the drain along with the scented bubbles. It was the one time where she didn’t have to have her guards up, she could just relax and not have her different masks on.
After Bailey had showered and washed her hair for the second time that week, she wiggled into a pair of cream satin shorts and a loose tank top that matched in color. At some point during her teenage years, a dermatologist had told her that satin clothing kept skin looking clean and it reduced skin irritation…. Or something like that, Bailey couldn’t fully remember. She settled under her comforter and relaxed into a light sleep. Images of the shadow from earlier walked along her eyelids, keeping her captive from a deeper sleep. It was instances like that where she wished she had some sort of guard dog, but even then how could she be positive of what she saw. Bailey’s mind kept turning this shadow around and inside out, unable to let it go. The shadow changed to an animal to a vehicle, only to finally end up as a familiar face. Scientists say dreams are a reflection of the days events and the worries someone has but Bailey didn’t view it like that, she liked to look at it like her mind was creating and directing a movie.
Her tired body carried her back to bed where she stared up at the ceiling only to be greeted by familiar faceless figures. Bailey’s mind had been plagued by inner demons, which most people had, yet hers took on a more physical affect. They brought different impairments with them, one of them being hallucinations. The downside for Bailey, she could never tell if they were real or fake. Her parents weren’t much help either as they couldn’t understand what she experienced on a daily basis.
Along with the disfigured shadow people came the voices. This had been something that she had not disclosed with anyone- not even her pysciatrist for fear of being labeled insane. Voices spoke to her internally and had more control over her than Bailey would have liked to admit. They drove her mad and the more she ignored them, the louder they became.
Tears began to stream down her shallow cheeks and tremors soon followed. She had been so caught up in the upcoming tests at college that she neglected herself. All Bailey wanted was to pass her exams yet unrealistic expectations weighed her down. The voices reminded her of that and they made sure to continue to add salt to the wounds their words dug into her mind. She reached for her phone and began to send a text only to stop half way through typing. ‘_He won’t care, don’t waste his time. You are worthless to him.’ _The words bounced off the inside of her head, an echoing reminder of how no matter what she did, at the end of the day it would be all for nothing.
Part of her didn’t want to act irrationally but the other part overrode any feelings of doubt. With her mind turned off, Bailey found herself downstairs once more. This time she had made her way for the safe behind a horribly potted plant. She finally sent a simple text that read, “I’m sorry for everything. I love you.” which would soon cause a string of events that would unfortunately benefit Bailey.
The gun felt cold in her hands, her skin occasionally sticking to the cool metal. Her fingers fumbled with the clip as she double-checked to make sure there was ammunition in it. That had been her father’s mistake only how could he have known about his daughter’s desires. This is what she wanted. She wanted to end the constant talking and the never-ending shadow people who always seemed to be everywhere she looked. Bailey said a small prayer before removing the safety. She could already picture her mother and father crying over her lifeless body in a matter of moments. ‘Please forgive me’ Bailey raised the gun, hovering in front of her chest.
The living room door busted open, rain hitting the wooden floor. A gasp came way before the sound of boots came that squeaked slightly. Bailey had forgotten Dylan had a key to her house… only she wished he didn’t come and had leaned on the hope that he had been asleep.
“Drop the gun; I’m here for you.” His voice broke into as many pieces as her heart did. She didn’t want him to see her like this.
“Why…” She cried, her hands shook under the weight of the gun.
“Because I’m here for you and I love you. Bailey… please don’t do this.” His plea stomped on the pieces of her heart, ensuring that they were shattered into even smaller bits.
She couldn’t speak clearly as a cough denied her of that ability. Dylan crouched in front of her and pushed her hands down. He pulled the gun away from her and looked at the person he held near and dear to his heart. That gaze crushed her, stabbing a dull knife into her chest.
“Whatever it is, it’s not worth it. Come here baby…” Her face ended up buried into his chest and tears soon soaked his shirt.
Bailey didn’t know how to tell Dylan what had been going on for almost three years. Doubt clouded her mind and tricked her into thinking that he would view her differently. That was a secret she couldn’t tell him, regarldess of how bad she might have wanted to. He would just have to accept silence for the answer that she could give and more importantly, she would have to become okay with that being her response for a while.

It has been sometime. Approximately, it has been 37 days.

I don’t think I would’ve ever said a word if you had the option to go on living. I had all of these mixed up feelings, tucked away for good in the back of my mind. I never wanted to imagine a world without your soul.

Our souls may not have been untangled completely, but I swear Ive never imagined a world you weren’t in, too.

I wish I would’ve gotten a phone call. I would have stormed through the house, not knowing what was awaiting before me.

I would’ve told you to drop the gun.

I would’ve told you to leave a note.

I would’ve told you about the file I had for you tucked inside of a dark corner in my head.

It’s always harder to fall out of love, I truly don’t believe we ever stop loving.

Love is in everything.

37 days. 37 days wondering if I could’ve stopped it. 37 days picturing what could’ve happened if I had said something. 37 days wondering what other life exists out of this one, and hoping you found peace inside your mind.

Drop the gun, I’m here for you.

I fell in love with Julie like how water boils. Slowly but then all at once. I knew she was everything I needed, and more.

I knock on the door to Julie’s house. Step back and wait. I can’t see any lights on, but I know Julie’s here. She texted me fifteen minutes ago, that she needed help. I would have come faster but Mom had me do the dishes before I came. I knock again this time leaning towards the window to see if anyone’s coming. No one does, so I decide to try the door knob. It wouldn’t exactly be breaking in Julie did ask me to come. It’s open which is a surprise considering her dad has a big phobia of burglars or shooters. Which is odd since he has hunting guns in the house from his hunting teenage years. I step into the dark hallway the floorboards creaking beneath my feet. “Julie?”I call walking towards the stairs where Julie’s room is, “Julie are you here?” There’s no answer I run up the stairs stopping when I reach the top. The closest next to Julie’s room is open. I squint my eye’s to see what’s in it. My heart stops, as my mind realizes what’s going on. I run down the hall calling Julie’s name at the top of my lungs. I reach her bedroom to find her in the middle of her rug holding one of the hunting rifles from the closet to her chest. I stand in the door way, “Julie,” I say lifting my hands, as I approach her, “Julie drop the gun.” Julie looks at me her eye’s red with tears and her blonde hair falling over her shoulders. She shakes her head, “Go alway Jace,” she says, “Please.” I step closer to her, “Drop the gun; I’m here for you.” Julie shuts her eyes as tears spill down her perfect face. She lowers the gun and I take it before she can make the choice weather or not to use it. It’s cold to the touch, and makes my blood run cold. Julie falls to the ground, heaving out sobs. I set the gun gently down a few feet away from her, before lowering myself next to her. “Jule,” I whisper, putting a arm around her shoulder. She leans her head against my shoulder crying so hard she’s barely breathing. “It’s too hard,” she shouts, “Everything is too hard.” I wrap my other arm around her pulling her close to me. “What happened?” I ask. Julie shakes her head, “I don’t know. Everything.” I feel tears spring into my eyes. If only I had been here more. I would know how Julie’s feeling. This is all my fault. “It’s my birthday on Sunday,” Julie sniffs, “And I don’t want it to come. I don’t want to live another year of my life.” I hold Julie as she cry’s, “I want you too,” I whisper. “I’m pathetic,” Julie mumbles, “I’m stupid and worthless. I can’t talk to anyone at school besides you. I can’t get anyone to pay attention to me. And you know what the most pathetic thing is? I couldn’t even get myself to pull the trigger. I’m so pathetic I couldn’t even shoot myself.” Tears spill down my cheeks down, dripping into Julie’s hair. “Julie,” I choke out though tears, “Julie if you ever think your going to do that again. Tell me, and I promise I’ll help you. Please Julie. I’ll help you.” Julie shuts her eyes, “What if I don’t want help.” “I love you,” I say as tears spill off my cheeks, “I love you so much. Please don’t leave me. Please.” Julie chokes on her tears lifting her eyes to meet mine, “I don’t want to leave you,” she says. Julie’s eyes leave mine, as she wipes her cheeks, “I love you Jace. But I can’t do this.” Julie reaches over me and pulls the gun to her. Before I’m able to grab it away from her a loud deafening sound echos through her room. Julie drops the gun as she falls to the carpet. “Julie!” I scream, “Julie no. Please Julie.” Blood soaks her white shirt as her chest fails to rise and fall. I grab her limp hand, “Julie, don’t do this. Don’t go where I can’t follow.” I shut my eyes as the diamond ring in my pocket falls onto the ground beneath me. Right next to Julie.

“Drop the gun; I’m here for you.”

My heart beat is a drum in my chest that seems to vibrate in my blood stream in my ears. I blink a few times, my steps uneven, but I keep the gun up.

I can’t see. I. Can’t. See.

The only thing keeping me anchored from losing my sanity is the gun pointed toward whoever—whatever this person is, something at the edge of my mind urges me to delve into the familiarity, but fear clings on like a reassuring parasite through the darkness that is now my vision.

“Stay back. O-Or I’ll shoot.” I state firmly, my voice certain even as my mind and insides are anything but.

His voice sounds—sounds like a hitch of surprise, “Kvia—

My name. Right—That’s my name. How does he know my name? My thoughts are sharply cut off however when hearing a singular footstep, the gun clicks and I swing my arm to the sound, panic shooting through me and out my throat, “Don’t—Don’t come any closer! I swear—I’ll shoot!”

Blood trickles down my arm, a liquid with a unmistakable coppery smell not only from me but from what I could—I could sense around the room, a pain flaring at the side of of my leg that threats to buckle from the rest of my bodies trembling, the sound of his whispery voice—the tone of it now almost as painful as what’s along my leg.

“Okay, okay, easy now…” He speaks as if to an animal, and I have an overwhelming urge to snap and snarl him a sharp response at his soothing tone.

At the same time, it…washes over me. A sense of trust like a string pulling taut seemingly out of nowhere at the compassion.

And as of the wave washed away my fear, it takes away the pure adrenaline, and I simply and gracefully…

Collapse. Knees finally giving in.

Somehow my knees don’t make it, my gun clattering to the floor as a force of—of wind causes me to pause mid air. A familiar sort of breeze we utter numbness, ache, and drop-dead, born tiring, hole digging exhaustion wafting through me.

The wind is quickly replaced with a warmer presence wrapping around me, and I practically melt in his arms—Erevir’s embrace I could recognize anywhere anytime—even blind, as he gently cupped my face and out his head to my own.

“Star’s, you are to kill me with worry, aren’t you?”

My hands are shaking. Now my legs. In fact, my whole body is going into overload. Pressed up against an old mop and a crusted bottle of bleach, I can hear nothing but my own heartbeat. That’s good, I’m alive. I’m alive. For now. My fingers dig deeper into the cool, silver trigger of my gun; the only thing besides this flimsy cupboard door protecting me. Footsteps. I hear footsteps. Are they coming my way? Yes. Yes, they’re getting louder. Faster now. More urgent. I tighten my grip on the trigger so that I can feel my fingers slowly losing blood. I can deal with a dead finger so long as my heart keeps pumping. The footsteps have stopped now. That can only mean one thing. It’s go time. I kick the door down more easily than I should have probably been able to and delicately press my gun against the back of the man in front of me’s head. Tall. Solid build. Dark hair. “Don’t. You. Dare. Move.” I say, making sure each word is clearly annunciated. “Drop the gun;” he says in a low, gravelly tone mixed with something that sounds suspiciously like familiarity, “I’m here for you.” I can’t help it. I’m too curious. I carefully circle him with my gun pointed directly at his head at all times until we’re face to face. I don’t recognise him at first, time will do that, but when he looks me in the eyes I know it’s him. Still the same deep green eyes that could make me feel every emotion known to man, could make me laugh, cry, kill. He’s cut his hair back a little bit, he used to have it military regiment short, I guess his new line of work is more relaxed about things like that, I can also see the black outline of a tattoo crawling up his neck. He never had that before. He’s changed, but I guess I have too. “Nick? Nicholas, what the hell!” I whisper, lowering my gun, “I’m in the middle of a job if you couldn’t tell! So, whatever this is, go away and find me somewhere else where I’m not as likely to shoot you!” “As likely? But still kind of likely?” He smirks, his head tipping down so that his hair covers his eyes. “Please,” I plead, “Just tell me what you’re doing.” “I’ll kill him for you,” he takes a step towards me “It’s my fault you’re in this mess and I’m going to help you get out of it.” “I’m perfectly capable of handling things myself.” “I have no doubt about it. However,” his eyes look straight into mine and almost pierce my soul, “I will be taking this from here.” “And why’s that?” I ask, genuinely curious. He laughs, slowly prying the gun from my fingers and leaning down to my ear to whisper, a smile breaking out across his face, “Meet your new boss.”

I stand alone in a dark room preparing to end it. I put the bullets in the gun and ready myself. I just want this to be over, suddenly light

floods into the room. I look over and see the reason I’m here. I loved her, I really really did. I guess she didn’t love me anymore it

used to be so easy she loved me, and I loved her not a question asked. Then it got rough, she started to question us and it all came

crashing down from there. We stayed friends for a while but it became to much for me, I just wanted it done. I’m just so ready to end

this, all of this. She looks over at me scared. I don’t blame her. I’m holding a gun about to shoot.

“Come on, please put the gun down I’m sorry ok, I’m really sorry.”

I cant help but sneer at what she says. If she was sorry she would back away, she would back away and let me do this.

“You’re not sorry though, that’s the problem. If you’re sorry back away and let me do this.”

My voice comes out as a soft whisper, almost begging her to back off.

“Alice please believe me I am sorry.”

I want to laugh, I also want to cry. I don’t know anymore.

“YOU SAID THAT YOU LOVED ME!!! YOU SAID YOU LOVED ME!!! You said you loved me then you left.”

Tears pool out of my eyes, she must think I’m a psychopath. She takes tentative step towards me. BANG!! I fire one of my bullets.

“Don’t come closer” I want to sound threatening but I come off as scared. My hands tremble, do I really want this. I see a pleading look in

Sarah’s eyes.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you,” I no longer know what to say.

“Just put the gun down, drop the gun I’m here for you.” My hands shake uncontrollably, I slowly lower the gun shaking.

“It’s ok come here,” Sarah’s voice whispers. I slowly go over and drop in a heap on the floor.

“I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry” tears pool out of my eyes soaking Sarah’s shirt.

“It’s ok, we’ll get through this, I’m here.”

Isn’t life suppose to me awesome? All my friends…they seem so happy. I appear to be the odd one out, I am quiet, lonely, ugly and sad. Today I did not see a reason to get out of bed. “Why not stay in bed all day today?” No one will notice or care. I turned on my phone to see if anyone has messaged me, to see if anyone had missed me. Not one single message. Wouldn’t it awesome to be happy? I didn’t see why to stay on earth anymore, I just wanted peace. After a long time of holding back I decided it was time… time to say goodbye to this earth. I posted a picture on Snapchat of me holding a gun next to my head to see if anyone would care. I waited 20 minutes, no texts. That’s it, it was time. I was loading my gun when suddenly I hear my front door slam open and a voice screaming “DANIELA!!!”, It was my cousin. She ran toward me and said “Drop the gun; I’m here for you. I saw your story on Snapchat and zoomed to your house. I love you and care for you, please stay.” I hugged her and started crying more than I ever had. Crying and thankful that someone cared enough to come all the way to my house and prevent me from doing this. We stood there for 10 minutes hugging each other, crying and not letting go. From that day on I started attending therapy, a support group and I was healing and working toward happiness everyday. Sometimes all we need is someone to be there for us. To show us they care to hold us down to earth.

(Sorry for a rushed failure.)

Jason crept through the darkened halls of the abandoned apartment complex, clutching his pistol as he rounded corners, not knowing who was in the house with him. As he went into the bathroom, he heard the front door being busted open.

“Conducting search now.” A female voice reported. Jason locked the door, and hid in the corner of the room, his leg trembling from the anxiety of the possible intruders. The minutes ticked by as Jason sat there, his leg shaking as if it were a fragile building about to collapse.

A policeman attempted to open the door to the bathroom, yet it was locked.

“Hey, this door is locked!”

“Break it down.” The female voice ordered.

At once, the door was swung open and Jason pointed the gun at the officers in a panic, while the officers pointed their gun at the suspect. The female voice was revealed to be a blonde female with blue, shiny eyes.

She looked into the purple eyes of Jason, whose eyes were dimly lit up by the flashlights of the officers. She ordered him, “drop the gun; I’m here for you.”

Jason dropped the gun to the floor, putting his hands up.

The first officer asked the female, “What should we do, Chief Lucky?”

“Get the truck ready, I need to speak to this man.”

“Yes, ma’am!”

The officers left, going downstairs to get the truck ready. Jason opened his mouth to speak, but stopped himself, as he was too fearful.

“Go ahead,” chief Lucky stated, “this’ll be the only time you’ll be speaking to me as a free man.”

“I’m… I’m really sorry, Lucky.”

“Are you saying that because I’m the chief? Or are you actually sorry for all the crimes you’ve committed this past decade?”

“I’m actually sorry… and there’s,” he stammered. “There’s no way I can ever forgive myself for what I’ve done to hurt you, and our friends.”

“You even hurt your own family in terrible ways. Gun wound. Car accident. Poison gas.”

“I know… I know…”

“Well, sorry isn’t gonna cut it. I can’t believe I fell in love with someone who was really a villain. Put your hands behind your back.”

Jason just complied and did so.

“Jason Strange, you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be provided for you. Do you understand the rights I’ve just given to you?” She stated as she handcuffed him.

“Yes… I do.”

“Move it.”

Jason was taken by his former lover, Lucky, downstairs and outside, where police cars were waiting for him. He was put into the back of a car, door slamming shut on him. The bars on the window symbolizing the trapped feeling he now felt after all he’s done. It separated him from the key to his happiness, Lucky. The police car drove away as Lucky stood in the rain, watching his lover-turned-villain go towards the fate behind bars.

She’s always too quick to act and too slow to think, Linnett Kivone. I’ve known about her ways all my life (obviously, why would I not?), but her boyfriend or crush or whoever seems to agree with me.

Hardly trigger-happy, but she’ll go in guns blazing, scared for her safety — and ours. Sure, they’re Cruor, the lot of them, and it’s the most dangerous for her to stay with them, but murder will never keep her safe.

“Come on!” Gray yells, throwing open the door to reveal a girl I can’t recognise. Her hair is tangled and damp with sweat, eyes crazed, a lens from her glasses entirely missing. Blood drips from cuts all across her face and forearms, dark stains marked upon pale skin. Black stains.

I falter, but Gray does not. He walks up to the stranger, takes her hands in his own.

“Drop the gun, Lin,” he murmurs, and as the weapon crashes to the floor I realise that I didn’t even notice that she was holding one. “I’m here for you.”

“It’s not safe. Gray, please, please — I don’t want you hurt!” she sobs.

“I can’t-“ He swallows his words, trying again. “Linnett, I can defend myself. I know that you can too. Just come with us.”

“I have to do this.” As calm as a windless day, she speaks, and it’s not a sentence I should be hearing.

“For who?”

“For you! You and Evie!” She pauses. “I love you. You know that.”

“And you know that I love you. That’s why you need to come with us,” Gray said quietly. “I can’t lose someone else.”

Linnett looks away from him, glancing at me. “You’d lose me anyway.”

“We call the police.”

“They won’t believe us.”

He could say nothing to that.

Romance is hardly my strong suit.