Try Again

Next Semester

But this time

There is no next time

There is no more first day

Or first date

Or first “hey”

There are no more juice boxes

Or hair bows

Or “Mr Fantastic Fox”s

And soon the Algebra tests will be gone

And there will be no more carpools

And no more prom

And then we’ll walk into university

And pray it doesn’t go wrong

Because this is a new chapter

With new “firsts” and new wan...

Gravity weighs on us like our thoughts

the two are always there but yet we wonder what it would be like if they wearnt

From the moment I was born I experienced life for the first time

I experienced what gravity felt like

and it wasn’t until I grew older I realized what thought was

I began to accumulate questions

questions like what if I never existed?

the question the whole universe’s ask

...

My first time riding a scooter

After half an hour

I had gotten used to it

Until

I decided to go down my grandparents’

Gravel driveway

No one was around

I was 6

So I pushed myself

Down this steep

Uneven hill

I was on my pink

Princess scooter

With metallic tassels

And a picture of

Cinderella, Ariel, and Tiana

Below my feet

I made it not even halfway down

My front wheel got stuck on a rock

I tipped f...

It was a cold Tuesday,

My young mine perceived,

That it was chocolate,

Or so I believed.

My dad hands it over,

No words to explain,

In my mouth it goes,

And so begins pain…

The shock and the startle,

For it was not sweet,

An alien food,

No alien would eat,

The bitterness, dread,

Disgust, coalesce….

I run to my room,

In emotional distress.

I’m scared to tell dad,

That it’s something I hate,

So...

Putting the pieces together,

Reed to mouthpiece,

Mouthpiece to neck,

Neck to body,

Now my saxophone is whole.

Unsure of what to do,

I watch the

Tutorial on how

To make a sound

On the saxophone.

When I think I have it

Figured out,

I put the mouthpiece

Inside my mouth

And blow.

At first, the only sound

That can be heard

It an ear-piercing squeak,

But then it happens…

I play a proper note,

A warm...

First breath

First movement

First sound

First word

First step

First tooth

First candy bar

First swim

First trip

First injury

First day of preschool

First school picture

First friend

First enemy

First soccer practice

First soccer game

First play date

First drawing

First day of elementary school

First board game

First birthday party

First best friend

First bully

First fake friend

First field...

…

…

…

…

My hands tremble

I’m holding a needle

Should I do this

Risk starting a habit

Probably not

But I do it anyway

Small scratches

No blood

Only a moment

Then I’m done...

****

**To live young, wild and free.**

**The mantra of a true college kid.**

**But this kid was afraid, afriad of uncharted territory.**

Culture, tradition and religion. The pinnacles of what I used to

believe was oppression.**

**What is true freedom? In the face of redundant needs and wants that society feeds us and begs us to submit too.**

**I always understood the true nature of rules and...

Flip Flap; Pfannkuchen fliegt auf und ab

Er ist süß, rund und später in meinem Mund

Gewendet wie ein Profi, ess ich ihn gleich oder doch später mit Toni

Ein erstes Mal...

Sometimes it’s difficult to close my eyes at night.

As if a marionettist is cupping my cheek, pushing furrows into my brow and squeezing my eyelids closed, tight enough to peel until my forehead aches.

When my eyes glue shut for long enough, staticy patterns bob and dip in my vision until they swirl and mold into my mother and I am opening the garage door.

Breathing in the scent of tar, marlb...