Putting the pieces together,

Reed to mouthpiece,

Mouthpiece to neck,

Neck to body,

Now my saxophone is whole.

Unsure of what to do,

I watch the

Tutorial on how

To make a sound

On the saxophone.

When I think I have it

Figured out,

I put the mouthpiece

Inside my mouth

And blow.

At first, the only sound

That can be heard

It an ear-piercing squeak,

But then it happens…

I play a proper note,

A warm...

First breath

First movement

First sound

First word

First step

First tooth

First candy bar

First swim

First trip

First injury

First day of preschool

First school picture

First friend

First enemy

First soccer practice

First soccer game

First play date

First drawing

First day of elementary school

First board game

First birthday party

First best friend

First bully

First fake friend

First field...

…

…

…

…

My hands tremble

I’m holding a needle

Should I do this

Risk starting a habit

Probably not

But I do it anyway

Small scratches

No blood

Only a moment

Then I’m done...

****

**To live young, wild and free.**

**The mantra of a true college kid.**

**But this kid was afraid, afriad of uncharted territory.**

Culture, tradition and religion. The pinnacles of what I used to

believe was oppression.**

**What is true freedom? In the face of redundant needs and wants that society feeds us and begs us to submit too.**

**I always understood the true nature of rules and...

Flip Flap; Pfannkuchen fliegt auf und ab

Er ist süß, rund und später in meinem Mund

Gewendet wie ein Profi, ess ich ihn gleich oder doch später mit Toni

Ein erstes Mal...

Sometimes it’s difficult to close my eyes at night.

As if a marionettist is cupping my cheek, pushing furrows into my brow and squeezing my eyelids closed, tight enough to peel until my forehead aches.

When my eyes glue shut for long enough, staticy patterns bob and dip in my vision until they swirl and mold into my mother and I am opening the garage door.

Breathing in the scent of tar, marlb...

I heard it could help.

Water close to freezing temps.

Honestly, how could I?

They said go fast.

They said regulate your breathing.

Just a toe is excruciating.

Will I have a heart attack?

One, two, three.

Still chicken!

Ok, deep breath.

You. Can. Do. It.

All the way in.

All at once. Except the arms.

Can't catch my breath.

Regulate.

Close my eyes. Breathe.

Yeah. This works.

Feels fuckin...

The knife against my throat, your hands around my neck.

You promised that you loved me, but I knew we couldn’t go back.

You gave me what I wanted when I wanted it the least. I know that I hurt you, as you spread my legs and feast....

The light in my eyes grew more dim

As my womanly curves began sprouting—

Even the pollinators craved the taste of me—

A cherry blossom in the throes of her first spring.

So fragrant that I want to pluck myself.

Opening my petals took courage

That I was not born with—

Yet I drank it

Like it was liquid gold,

Coating my vocal chords in honey

To sing a syrupy song.

I thought a choir of angels acco...

With each step I take into this mysterious and foreboding world,

Because there is no other option, I wished to discover in this shadow how to discover the light.

After being in the dark for a long time, it is hard to see the light.

Until one day I caught sight of a twinkle—what appeared to be a single star in the cosmos—and, as it drew nearer, I realized it was more beautiful than before; I desi...