Let me start off by saying there was no holy light I had no urge to go toward anything but had the urge to fight. And let me make clear I have never stated aloud that I want to die because I’m not sure if I really do or if I just want to have a good cry.

There have been times where the only one I trusted was God and there have been times where I cursed Him and begged Him to stop.

Both these times I realize I never didn’t believe. Even when I burned the Bible and forced myself to bleed. And no matter how many times I cower to the words “God is dead” there is still the message I have from Him that’s been left on read.

And though I find it morally wrong, morality has no place in this song. Us people, we need someone to cling to as much as we need someone to blame. And for both these things, God has the most heard name.

So I guess what I’m really trying to say is God is nothing more than a mere puppet in a play. And I guess what I’m trying to prove is that I am not completely helpless and, without God, have less to lose.

If He does ever decide to show His face, well, that would be the day.

And since I’ve bled out all my spiritual hate, and felt all this pain, I think I deserve to be okay.

Tell me once this is not the way and I will keep on walking, I will not pray.

God_ be real, please._ _Find me the start, find me _ the peace.

Without an end, instead we will have to call this a moment of ease.

Another year has been and gone, Resolutions come, then move on. Reflecting slowly, simply, clear— A complicated, fleeting year. 2025 now drawing near.

The fire’s warmth, the dog’s soft snores, Counting down the last days of ’24. Deep sighs of relief, the weight set down, The clock ticks toward another round.

Another chance, another year, To rise again, to face what’s here. 25 draws close, January’s spark— A quiet hope ignites.

Trigger Warning

• Christian
• Apocalyptic

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Rapturous visions - engraved upon my heart.

Oh, to yearn, for such an end to start.

Wishing for tomorrow to be the final breath, yearning for a freedom, that I only find in death.

Days will not console me. Weeks offer no peace. Months are given up to years. Years will remain empty.

That final day - I bow my head and pray.

That final day - Lord, please come back today.

Bring an end to the end.

Finish what You started.

I pray the days collapse, the weeks will turn their backs, the months crumble like ash, the years will finally lapse.

I pray You hear my pleas.

Where, without an end, I may have eternal ease.

If you stood in a room that was flooding, would you tell your loved ones what you see, Or would you wait till it consumed you, believing death might set you free Maybe you think they won’t try to patch the walls that break around you Maybe you’re convinced that there’s nothing to be done But if you fall under the water, darkness blocks out all the love And you think it’s gone, because you can’t see its there, But maybe you can breathe There can’t be such pain without an end, instead a moment of ease.

Wishing for peace In a world of turmoil Remembering the Golden Fleece From the world of old

Time to mend, With a whisper to please Without and end, Instead there had to be a moment of ease Tessa🦋

Every day I look in the mirror And frown I’m not the girl anyone wants I’m not skinny enough My hair isn’t soft enough My eyes aren’t interesting enough My personality is too loud To excited To much Every day I tell myself that I’m not good enough Because I’m not For you Because no one wants me No one ever wants me “I think she likes you!” That’s a lie I hate my body I hate my face I hate my hair I hate my eyes I hate how I look So I try to change it Stop eating Straighten my hair Paint on freckles Wear contacts, Not glasses Tone down my happiness Try to fit in Try to be “normal” I’m not Me Anymore And that’s what I like Without an end, There instead had to be a moment of ease. For me, There’s not.

Everyday breaks the same way, All the stress and loads we must last. This busyness cannot make us sway, It starts even before we break fast.

We must be statues upon this baying crisis, Steadfast in our in pursuit of our tailored peace. All the people blur and become faceless, Never meek just one piece

We stand ahead, but hold close those we love, Never begging nor on our knees. These we find when push comes to shove, Without an end, instead there had to be a moment of ease.

Assume to be done Prepare for lifelong peace and relaxation Summer breezes and dancing laughter among friends Put your feet up Despite your hard work, its not done. Despite the long ways from which you've desperately dragged yourself here, it is not done. The stars shine from within you, but they will always take more. The sun rises everyday, and so it sets everyday. You have never "given" enough. You have never "been through it" enough. You can sob with your body bowing before the night sky all you want. You can plead and get tears and snot eveywhere to your heart's content. The only way your struggles truly ever end is with you. Without an end, instead there had to be a moment of ease.

Wet on wet The brush loaded caresses the damp smooth hot press block Carmine and phthalo green explodes along the line Into the transmission of light through a glass of day lilies And In that moment I slip my dog collar Escaping Through a 4 by 6 opening For a hour or so

Lashing myself together in strokes

Without end A moment of ease We pass in the field Breaking teeth On our rotten cores It’s been a long time since we could feel The darkness on our skin Swallowed up looking like we could be something That great winter We choose inhabited

Driving alone Both hands on the wheel But your hand on mine Where did the time go

It’s been a long winter Away from home Away from you The snow drifts pass As the seasons stay the same But you left Just as quick as you came

The inhabited memories of the dreams we used to have Are they real or are they fake? I’m starting to feel like I can’t tell the difference

Today I don’t know if I feel okay you’ve been looking at me with those eyes of gray I gave it up I gave it up