I will spend the rest of my day Stuck in this hourless corridor, No clock to tell the minutes by, Every second a wasted one.

And now the script remains unplayed -- A joyful scene now turns to horror; The audience won't laugh, won't cry, Won't see again this morning's gun.

Millions of phantoms float by my eyes Through this graveyard of past plans failed My spirits lifting, then falling with each Every time, getting farther from heaven

Then suddenly, I see the sky Falling, crashing, beginning to hail, Distracted ears that a voice can't reach Are tortured until four eleven.

I don’t even know what to say

I can’t believe this is happening again

Please let it be a nightmare

But nightmares are better

Because those wake you up

This will be everyday

I kick at the small pebble in front of me, it scatters down the street. As I make my way into work, my friend Avery walks by. Her preppy smile and joyful expression attempt to break through the shield of my frown. She waves. I nod. Far different from our usual giggles and squealing routine. I brace myself and walk through the doorway of the tall office building. Immediately when I walk in I’m shoved by a passerby who refused to move. Shows them right for standing with their back to the door. I hear them behind me quickly apologize. They really should do more. I walk away without acknowledging them. I see Michael walk away from the coffee stand without refilling the water jug. I see Leisal very clearly not doing her job, as she stands next to the poster wall without replacing the old ones. I see broken legged Dan moving the boxes at a painfully slow pace.

“Must I do everything around here!?”

I grab six boxes in one hand, while very ungracfully refilling the water jug and tearing the posters of the wall. After I promptly sit down on my desk. Everyone stares. “What are you looking at? Get back to work!”

I can’t help but love And look for things to love in the souls of others. Love is the entire sky.

But to find another woman to love, I can’t just go to any bar And wait to get hit on.

I have to sense the queer parts in the crevices of others, And hope they’ll unlock them for me.

As a result, I’ve seen some shooting stars.

I excite them for a while.

But in the end, I am always flowers without water. Or a late night kiss at the train station bar, Left on the train. A woman who finally dares to let her feelings soar, Only to slam into the ground.

All I have is love to give.

But instead I am a coin tossed into a fountain, Cursed to look up forever from the bottom of a shallow pool.

Is this how it feels? I sit alone In my thoughts Smiling to the one I love I’ve waited for him so but it seems he has to go.

So I lie Stripped down yet sweating And pick up that five eighty page story. Yet despite the rain I hear the TV, noisy as can be. I have to stay, though. There’s light. Hands scramble to smooth out the dog ears Of these pages, so new. It’s time to hide. Return to my foster home. To not remember the one I love All, who tonight, I’ve loved alone.

All planned variables worked out right - External factors, but my mind’s set alight; The force field is back and my breathing feels tight: In the end, it was me who’s the problem.

Up until now, it would have been okay; T-minus 10 and my mind’s led astray - I guess it’s all part of this cursed Thursday: The path of success left untrodden.

I’ve no idea where all the time went: It slipped through my fingers, foolishly spent; I can’t forgive myself - no way to repent - Time swims on and I’ll be forgotten.

(idk why but my brain is just in rhyme mode but for this one i don’t want it to be and it’s even trying to it for this so i guess we’ll see) (ps i just rhymed ugh)

I look around at all these kids Baking cookies with their moms Playing catch with their dads While that’s something I never had So yeah, I guess it isn’t fair That you aren’t allowed To cut your hair Just a few inches, It gets in the way But at least you have people With which you can play Cause I’m not allowed To cut my hair I want it short Don’t want it there But they say no So I guess it’s not fair

I heard you talking to your friends I hear my name, knowing how it ends Did you see that girl? She has no parents I wonder who Is running errands But it’s just me, At the little red house No one to dress In your ugly blouse

Teacher says I have to be nice But why should I? When you started it Talking about my invisible parents Invisible cause One day they fell In a raging fire That burned like hell And let me tell you How it is Is it unfair If I do this?

Now they’re telling me That was wrong I don’t care Cause you were mean I just want To be seen Cause no one has my matching eyes No one to comfort me About my thighs So here I sit On this bench “Call my parent” And then they frown Asking if I need a counselor And rolling my eyes Cause this whole thing Is no surprise

I know they’ll look at me with pity But it won’t bring them back So I don’t care You can be sorry for me All you want But I can’t ever get The things I want

The other kids They want braids in their hair They want new toys, Their bedroom isn’t bare But what I want Is just a person Someone who I can see In the middle night Waking up, Saying “it’ll be alright” But I don’t So let me say It a second time For you today No it’s not fair You don’t want to wear Those silly pigtails in your hair But what I wouldn’t give To have a mother Who thinks of me Who says “Come here, I’ll do your hair pretty”

But the school just wants For me to pretend I have to act Like it’s not my end Like I have something I go home to later They just see me As a big old hater

But I’ll put on a smile And I’ll pretend That the second grade Isn’t my end But if you don’t See me next year I hope you’ll think To shed a tear

Standing here, Watching you go The reason why, I’ll never know You were my brother, My other half The only one Who could make me laugh But who knew We’d crash and burn And you won’t be there At the next turn So here’s to memories Flooding in my head But I think your words Should’ve been left unsaid

You called me a monster, You did before But I can’t stand you As you leave me on the floor Coughing up blood, Not from you But from the weapon that you used Sure it’s not real, That’s what they say But you really hurt me, You did today

So leave me alone, Leave me be You could say I found My second family The one searching for Since you left me first But you still come Pleading with thirst I can’t deal with you Not after this, After feeling used I have to protect What I call my own I have to protect What I call my new home

Chapter 4, Week 2: Tuesday

For the second time this week, I am completely fine as I walk into the room. I take a seat, expressionless, waiting for the go-ahead. I eye the imposter, who keeps looking around and accidentally making eye contact with me. This causes me to glance away. I divert my attention to the board with the instructions. They are not completely clear. Obviously, this means I am going to do as little as possible. I sit silently for a while, trying to work up the motivation to get started. My eyelids feel heavy. I haven't had caffeine all week. I sneak a look at someone across the room. Their iPad has a card game on the screen. That does it.

'No one is working,' I mentally recite as I proceed to do anything but what I am supposed to be doing.

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“Are you ready to see what we got for science?” Emery asked scribbling down drawings in her sticker covered notebook.

“Omg yes! I had been studying all week for that test!” I exclaim not being able to sit still in my seat. The teacher comes around to pass our test scores to us, putting them on our desk upside down.

“I hope I get an A!” I squeal hardly being able to resist turning the page over.

“I hope I get a C, I think I did reallly bad on the test”. Emery sighs closing her book to look up at the teacher waiting for her to say we can turn them over. The seconds tick by, one. Two. Three. Four

I groan silently “When can we look at the-“

I get cut of by the teacher suddenly yelling “GO!” Everyone then suddenly turns over the paper I quickly flip mine trying to keep up. My face drops. Emery looks over at me my face pale.

“You good girl?” She asks waving her hands infront of my face. I swallow. Hard.

“Yep” I force out my voice squeaky. I tuck my hands under my desk to stop them from shaking. Emery shrugs looking over at her paper.

“O M G! I GOT AN A!” She squeals jumping up and down with joy.

“Oh. Congrats” I say blandly anger suddenly replaceing the grief I just had. How? Why? Did I do something wrong? I tried so hard. Yet I failed.

School. Sucks.