The world around me spins but my feet stay grounded sand hugging my feet and ankles wind kissing my face

The waves crash to myfront and the cool water reaches my knees The seagulls chirp my name beckoning for me

The ocean resonates in my mind heart and soul my heart is the ocean and the ocean is my heart

…

🫀

you…

     you you                you you
  you you you        you you you

you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you

I’ll look at pictures of you and your bright blue eyes until they burn into mine through the late hours of the night I’ll listen to your favorite songs until I hear your voice in the ringing of my ears And swim in a river of tears from the memories that are etched into my mind

For the slight chance That it will tattoo into my brain deep enough for me to dream Of you And only you

Am I rushing too soon? Or is it the perfect time?

Oh, how I long for a partner, One who will support me, No matter what,

Through the happy times, And the dark.

They say, “You’re too young for that”

Ironic, coming from those whose relationships have fallen.

I believe love happens when one’s ready,

No matter the age.

I will continue longing for a partner, Until I have met him.

We shall deal with the glares and comments together,

As we grow,

And build on love, trust, and understanding,

Till death do us apart.

I've written enough poems about my inability to express/recieve love.

It's not that I don't want it, moreso I don't know how to find it.

I want to look at someone and feel butterflies in my stomach.

I want someone's arms around me, body molding against mine like puzzle pieces.

I want the type of love that doesn't need words; the type of love that you can just sense when you look into their eyes.

I've yet to get this feeling, as if the butterflies in my stomach just remained caterpillars, making me nauseous instead of nervous.

I want to have someone look at me and feel butterflies in their stomach.

I want them to crave my body against theirs like the last piece in a puzzle.

I want them to sense my feelings with just a look.

I want a love that doesn't need to be sexual; and I realize that's difficult nowadays.

So maybe that's why I'll never find love.

Act 1

My heart pounds Beating with every breath you take With every blink of your eyes

You’re here now Alive from my womb Grasping at me with your small hands

Your frail body It’s in my hands, safe and trusting As you look at me with your big eyes

He’s gone, though But you’re here, here with me And I’ll take care of you with my Ma

Oh! Don’t cry Mommy’s here with your food Good girl, eating it all

Big girl, huh? My sweetheart, braided hair, bright eyes and smile Are you ready for school? Let’s see if grandma has your book bag.

You’re back, Dan Stop! You’re scaring her! Don’t you touch her!

Grandma fine It’s alright, the police will take him away How was your first day at school?

I’m sorry For all the things that have happened No, they aren’t your fault, don’t listen to him

It’s not your fault

Act 2

It was fine Yes, Mom, I ate all my lunch No, Mom, everything was fine

What you say I don’t believe; you’re older now, I understand But are you supposed to be this distant?

High school, huh My sweet child, growing up It hurts ever so, seeing you change from sweet to avoiding

It pains me Little stabs in my chest Seeing you ignore me, ignore your grandma

You don’t know You spend all your time texting your father Who treats you like a princess…a prostitute

Paying whenever Whenever he wants you Acting like the hero, the savior from your life with us

My heart fails Sometimes it stops; it stutters Is this what life is supposed to be?

Life with you My sweet, sweet baby girl I don’t want you to be harmed, manipulated

Please be okay

Act 3

Hospitals Never thought I be inside one so early You and Ma come and visit me everyday

You cry much It warms my broken heart It feels as though I can live another day—with you of course

Dan visits ….I have nothing to say But you cry on his shoulder, the rat’s shoulder

Dan is scared He doesn’t want me to die, not because he loves me, no He doesn’t want to deal with you

My sweetheart Brown eyes, curly hair, plump lips I remember when you were a tiny infant, calm in my arms

The beeping Why is it going slower—I know, I guess I’m dying

Too early My death is, I haven’t even reach the brink of life I’ve only gotten a taste, a whiff

You stay here Lying down next to me on a chair Face relaxed in sleep, away from the tendrils of stress and anxiety

Teenagers They shouldn’t have to deal with this Especially not mine

Why? Why life? Why must you take away? Why can’t you give?

The beeping It’s even slower I feel my body relaxing to the point of nothing

You wake up You scream my name, but I cannot see you For my eyes are closed, my mouth open

My sweetheart Be safe Be kind

Be careful

I’ll watch over you

wherever i am

i promise

my sweet Hannah

Blue soothes the mind, washing over our troubles with the ocean waves.

Green like the folliage in a quiet forest, or like the emeralds that are adorned on crowns.

Black mysterious like obsidian, sought after like the mineral.

Hazel, an orchestra of colors that confuse sight, pulling you closer to inspect each color.

But brown crouches down, looking down at the floor and mumbling,

“Who would like my dull brown eyes?”

When I look into your eyes,

I can’t help but ask,

“Have you seen how wet rocks glisten in the morning light?”

We’re tangled up on purpose, letting loose-ends unravel. I can only hope they continue to _ _ flare _ out._ I’m all caught up, but leave me be.

                     **I am an ****addict**

These days without you leave me strung out. My hands s a e __ _ h k_ when they aren’t against you. A flame dances with the tip of my cigarette. Nicotine limbo, until I get another hit.

           "_Staying alive was never my intention_"

days of withdrawals on repeat you’ve shattered all my reason

                       **Give me anything**

Red surrounds each iris CO2 saturated,

         "**_you’re a panic _****_attack._**"

Blood vessels constrict. I’m numb. My pulse on display of this cardboard torso. "Pleading" at every intersection,

             **_I was given the shirt off of a man’s back
                                It wiped detox from my eyes_**.

Pressure induced white noise galaxies. Blinks of lubrication, a subtle sniff A beggar slips away.

                       **Now I’ve given myself**

his eyes remind me of the stars i love to gaze at in the sky each night eyes overflowing with all the poetry i could paint, forever holding him in my arms eyes that make everything else in the world worthless so entrancing, i am mesmerized constellations drawn in his irises i live my life mesmerized by him, having memorized everything about him, so much so that i hear the whispers of his smooth voice in the dark as i sleep for even in my dreams i am searching for him, hoping to wrap myself in his blanketing embrace, his murmurs still echo in my head, finding comfort in the way he says my name no one has ever said it that way before all the memories we have made outweigh all the pain i have ever felt for how could i possibly feel pain when i have seen the boy with the dark chocolate eyes and am lucky enough to call him mine

You hold my hand “Just in case you get scared” In the middle of horror movie But you’re the one terrified

You giggle at my jokes “Because you’re funny” But really, she does it for me And I just can’t lie when I say

I think I found love In the most wonderful place It’s the girl that is there for me Even when I don’t need it

I think I found love In the girl who just wants me For who I am And I don’t deserve her

In the girl Who learns my hobbies And I think I might be in love

I love the way Your cheeks blush At the sight me approaching you Even from far away

You still amaze In the most wonderful ways I love the way you stay Even when I want to run away

I think I found love With girl a who sings along With musicals with me Even if we don’t know the words

I think I found love With a girl who wants me For who I am And I don’t even have to change

I think im in love With a girl I don’t deserve But wouldn’t change it

Even if I had all the money In the world I’m in love with The most amazing girl