He has always been like a brother, A home away from another, Secrets we keep for each other, But an anger so strong, My whole body would shudder, A love that would smoother, So suffocating in silence i suffer, So much pain you can write a song, But we was my lover, With us we can recover, A love that only shows in color, But in the end it felt so wrong, Farewell, my almost lover.

December 6th, A day in history that will never be forgotten. I sit on my bench, in the front porch of my small blue house. My house sits at the very end of the street, over looking the forest, that has now grown into a mess of trees. I sit and think about this day, a day that has shaped the history of our world. I feel a buzzing in my pocket, i reach into it and grab my phone. "Hey sweetheart, it's mom." "Yeah i know mom, that's kind of the point of caller ID". I chuckle lowly, as she joins in. "Yeah i guess so, hey so i know todays kind of hard for you, it is for all of us honestly. Your Uncle Jack is gonna have a small get together at his house later, just in case you wanted to join in on our festivities". "Uncle Jack is so predictable, of course he's throwing a party, I bet it turns into a man hunt by the end of the night. Unfortunately I don't think i will be in attendance". "Yeah i assumed you wouldn't want to come anyways, i just thought I'd ask. Honestly it is such a disgrace that this is even a holiday. I mean do you really need a whole day to celebrate abomination"? If anyone hated this holiday with a passion is was definitely my mom, and my uncle jack. I don't particularly agree with the Holiday but i don't share the same anger as they do. "Hey mom I've got to go, but ill check in with you guys later. I love you". "I love you to sweetheart, be safe tonight". I hang up the phone, and start to hear laughter come from the house next door. "Alright, Tonya put your coat on, it's still a bit cold outside". I watch as my neighbor gets her kids ready for the Holiday. I watch as they walk to the car and get in. I watch for so long she eventually meets my eyes, now were both staring at each other. Are we all made in Gods image? If that is so then why is everyone so angry, why has my mother always taught me to hate instead of love. They're not people, and this Holiday is ridiculous. I walk back inside, where i find my husband making coffee. "Hi, honey. How did you sleep"? "Okay i suppose, hey so i think later on this evening me and the guys are gonna go out and patrol the area, just to make sure everyone is acting orderly, and getting along. So its gonna just be you here tonight, okay?" He looks at me for reassurance, I nod my head slowly and look away. He's always leaving, it's as if he hates being here with me. I hate being here with me. "Hey, ill be back tonight," He grabs my face making me look directly in his eyes, he then grabs my hands. "We can watch a movie when I get back, and relax, and just enjoy each other". "Okay." He pulls me in for a hug, that i can't seem to leave, we sit there for what seems like forever, but when he pulls away i want nothing more than for him to come back. I watch him walk down the hallway and disappear into the bathroom. Again I'm stuck with my thoughts, they always seem to turn so negative. Life would be so much better if this Holiday didn't exist. Why do minorities need a whole entire day to celebrate there success. As if they don't rub in our faces everyday! A day for what? Mockery. It's honestly ashamed that we even entertain such a silly day. 'Indigenous Appreciation Day', who even made up that title? I laugh to myself as i think about it. George walks out of the bathroom in his bath towel, with shaving cream still sitting on his beard. He looked so handsome. "Hey hon, have you seen my razor? I swear i put it back in the shower but it's not there" "What do you think about this day, we've only been together six months, we've never spent this Holiday together before". I look at him, as i watch him think about his answer. "Honestly, i like this Holiday. I think it allows us to realize how far minorities have came, what they've come from, and how far they can go. If we weren't so mad at them for wanting to celebrate i believe this could be a day of union instead of separation". I already knew how George felt about these things, i knew he didn't carry the same hate in his heart as i carried in mine. Ultimately that's why i chose him. "How do you feel about it". He ask as he stares at me while i think. "I don't know honestly, I've been taught to hate this day. That they don't deserve a celebration, that all of this is nonsense. We have to put an end to this before it gets worst, before a day becomes a month, and a month becomes a lifetime. Honestly i don't even know how I feel. I guess i just wonder why does it even matter so much"? He stares at me, as if he were trying to read my soul. He doesn't say anything, he just stares. "When i was younger my best friend was a black man, we hung out everyday after school. We stayed out until he had to go inside. That was my favorite time of the day, because he made me forget that my life at home was actually shitty. When i would go home.. Well lets just say i hated being home. One day.... My mom." He stops and looks down at his hands. "My mom actually overdosed, and i found her laying in her bed. At first i was confused, but it didn't take me long to know what happened. I was 10 at the time. I ran to my friend, his name was Benjamin, and i told him what happened. He told his folks, they contacted the cops, and soon after that I was placed into the system. I stayed in the system for 2 years before the state allowed them to adopt me. They fought for me, when they could've let me become apart of the system. They welcomed me into they're family, and ultimately made me who I am today. This day is a great celebration, and should be enjoyed. Not hated, but yet we hate, and antagonize, we burn and destroy and for what? Because we can't accept them?". He stops, and looks at me in my eyes. "They are people to, and they deserve everything you deserve." I look away, confused, but also angry. Sad, and unsure of who I am and who I was raised by, what do I stand for? I get up and walk away from the conversation. Finding myself in my room, I sit on the bed, drowned by thoughts. My family is going to go and destroy those peoples homes while they celebrate, My family is going to laugh at there pain, as i stand by and allow it to happen. Silence is approval, and I always stay silent.

There’s things we don’t even know, people around us who contribute to the pain. “Genesis, how can you continue to trust these people, they only ever wanted to hurt us”. I look at my sister with weary eyes. She’s to trusting, to forgiving. She looks at me as if she were trying to comfort my mind. “One thing they will never get from me is fear. I won’t allow them that power over me”. I sit and listen to her words, they echo through my brain. Am I giving them power? “Listen , I think we need to leave. Before things start to get worse”. Luna looks over at me, then at Genesis. “If we don’t leave now they’ll separate us”. “We’ll where are we even gonna go, and what if they catch us? Then that’ll be really bad. Maybe we should just stay until the morning.” I was exhausted, and tired of running, all I wanted to do was go to bed. “No! We don’t have time to relax Jay, what don’t you get about that? We are in a war! We need to find the red house so they can help us, or else we could risk being caught”! Luna starts to get mad as she paces back in fourth in this 400 square foot box we’ve been hiding in. “Listen, everyone just needs to calm down, and breath. Yes we do need to leave but we also need to rest as well, we’re very well hidden. Let’s just take n hour to rest and come up with a plan… okay?” Genesis takes Luna’s hand and pulls her in for a hug. “I can tell your scared we all are, but as long as we stick together we will be okay”. I put my head down, scared by the thought of us being separated, scared by the feeling of being alone and even more scared of dying.
Luna sits down to my right, as genesis sits to my left. “Remember before, when we would stay up all night planning our futures, our hopes, and our dreams. Who would’ve thought we’d live through a war”. Luna pauses for a second as she looks at us. “I will die for you guys, your all I’ve got. If we don’t make it out..”.. “Don’t say that Luna! We will make it out”. Genesis grabs Lunas face, making her stare deep in her eyes . “ We will make it out together, we will, I promise we will”. They pull eachother in while crying in each others arms. “But what if we don’t Genesis, then what? What do we do then”? I look up for confirmation, but she shared the same worries. I could see it in her eyes. “Like I said I won’t allow fear to control my thoughts or emotions, I won’t allow them that power”. Genesis gets up and walks over to our bags. She starts to pack all of our stuff up, getting us ready to head out. I start to feel the butterflies again, I look over at Luna. I can tell she’s starting to get mad all over again. How can you blame her we just watched them murder her mom while we hid in silence. “Stop looking at me Jay, just let me be”. I look away and look down at my nails. I’d be bitting them right now but there’s nothing left to bite. “Okay, everyone grab there bags , we’re about to head out”. Genesis says. “Wait, wait, what’s the plan, where are we gonna go, ugh I don’t know if I can do this”. I start to grown even more nervous. “Listen Jay, do you wanna be murdered like my mom? Do you want your life to be taken and forgotten. If we stay here we will die, if not from the men, then from starvation. We have to go, we have to fight for ourselves. So stop worrying, get up, and pull yourself together. Or I will leave you behind.” I look at Luna, but she looks away.

Dear Diary, Ugh where do I start. It’s been awhile since I’ve sat with myself, and wrote my feelings down. I’ve been caught up in the most intimate passionate season of my life. I won’t name his name, but the way I just melt into his arms. He made me feel safe, he was my journal. He was calm, and patient. He observed my emotions and understood my reactions. He taught me how to love uncontrollably and unconditionally. I was so infatuated with everything about him, to the point where it become overwhelming. But I always had a feeling. A feeling that was never confirmed, but wouldn’t go away. The secrets started small, but never added up. The lies became less creative, and the distance grew larger. He wasn’t pulling away from us, he was pulling away from himself, I was loosing him and I couldn’t understand why. Finally after a million arguments that took place in my head, a million different conversations, and a million different scenarios. I decided to just ask him what happened. But he didn’t budge. He said he was tired, and stressed. Ultimately he hugged me for so long, I got lost in time. I realized he hasn’t touched me in over a month. He realized it to because he pulled me in closer until we were one. I just remember thinking how lucky I was to get to experience a love like this, regardless if it was dying in front of my eyes. Because I still got to experience it. He finally looked at me, he stared deep into my soul, as I stared back into his. He confessed to me that he got caught up into the wrong crowd a while back, back when he was alone, and lost. A crowd that made him felt like he belonged, a crowd he felt he owed his loyalty and freedom to. He told me that they were manly just taking things from people. People who really wouldn’t miss the things that were missing. But this one day, they went on a job like normal. Assigned to a house in a neighborhood that make you question everything you’ve ever done in life. And ask yourself one question? How the hell are there people out there who can afford a house this nice. While in the midsts of breaking into the safe, he hears this noise coming from the walls. Only having 5 minutes to get out, he just ignored it and continued to hack the safe. Again he hears a noise again, almost sounding like a cry, he stops. He looks over at the wall. Then he hears it one more time, this time loud, and clear. He heard someone yelling for help. Then in runs his friend, mad at him because he hasn’t opened the sage. He rushes him out the house and they leave. He says that that moment has been playing in his head for the past 3 weeks, and he sincerely felt that something was going on in that house. A week ago he went back to the house and seen it had been put up for sell, he broke in and seen everything destroyed. He went upstairs to that room, and the wall that he heard the crying from had been knocked down exposing a small room hidden inside. He looked at me with tears in his eyes. He looked genuinely hurt. He started to cry. I don’t even know how to feel about this situation. I hurt for him, but I’m also finding out that he’s a professional criminal. These past couple of days have been a blur honestly. Me and him haven’t really spoken since that last night that I was with him. My heart wants to look at him as the victim, he could’ve helped whoever was in there. Or could he have? He wasn’t there to rescue, he was there to steal and obtain peoples possessions.

This is not right I sit in silence While you hold onto me tight They way they call me in the night Normally I’d only choose violence But this time it was you who was in my sight They tell me I better follow, or they just might bite A piece of my soul and leave me in a fright I dream and pray about defiance But it’s true I need them in alliance I wonder, is to late to step into the light My sadows take the pen and rewrite The fate that we must now recite Now as I sit here with you through the night You trust in me with your life A swift cut across your neck You never even had time to beg I never ever wished you dead Me or you? In the end you bled My shadows yell, they scream, and the plead Take this contract and you must read This is what comes with shame and greed You know you wanted this, it’s what you need

“Fuck”!. I yell out in pain as our spacecraft continues to go into a spiral crash. Three… four….. finally, it stops. I lay there in pain, my leg was crushed by the desk and the computers. “Is everyone alright”?. …. “Ughhh, what just happened”!. Jennette yells out. “Umm well I’m just gonna take a lucky guess n say we just crashed, Jennette”. Laury snaps back at Jennette’s question. “Everyone be quite, we don’t know where we just landed, how much time we’ve jumped, or what happened in space to even cause the accident! We don’t have time to argue or ask silly questions. Now is anybody hurt”? Andres yells out. “Yes! I am. My leg is crushed under all of the equipment”. I try to lift myself up, and shift my weight to my upper body. Andres gets up slowly and rushed over to my side. He looks at the mess, then back at me with worry wearing on his face. “What’s wrong”? I ask him. “Oh my gosh, oh my go—“. Jennette screams while looking down at my leg. As I see everyone’s reactions I grow worried. I look down at my leg again. “It’s honestly not that bad…. Right”? Laury looks at Andres for confirmation. He doesn’t look back at her. Bang Bang Bang “OPEN UP! WHOS IN HERE” “Shit, who is that”? Jennette ask in a shaky quiet whisper. Andres puts his finger over his mouth, then looks back at my leg. Bang Bang Bang “I’m GONNA COUNT DOWN FROM 5, OPEN THE DOOR OR WERE GONNA BLAST IT OPEN” “Fuck what do we do”? Laury ask Andres. “You two, get this shit off of Jose, and try to get him up. Jose I need you not to freak out, okay? Everything gonna be okay. Plus you gonna always get a prosthetic leg. You’ll be fine” “3” “Prosthetic leg? What would I need a prosthetic le-“ I ask confused, as Jennette and Laury begin to pull everything off me. I look down at my legs and realize my left leg had been completely severed from my body. “2” “Hey Jose I need you to try and put your weight into your right side, okay. You need to try and walk”. That was one thing I loved about Jennette she was always so kind. So many things flooded my mind. My fucking leg is gone and no-“ Andres opens the door He gasp “Is this some kind of joke”, he proceeds to step off the air craft. It was strange because there was no more shouting. Soon Jennette on my right and Laury on my left help me out. I stare… “What is this”? Laury ask while looking at the others “Why do they look like us”. Jennette starts to become scared as she looks at someone had taken her out of a picture and pasted it into reality. I look around, everything is the same from back home. This is exactly how everything looked the day we left for our mission. The weather, the scenery, the outfits the others had on. I look at Andres, he doesn’t break contact with his clone. I look at Jennette and she looks like she’s about to shit her pants. Finally I look over at Laury who is staring deeply at the side of Andres face. She looks worried, scared. That’s an emotion I’ve never seen her wear before.

As I lay here, in this bed. With my covers over my face, and the sun glimmering through my blinds. I always think, how is there never enough time. Restless nights to only awaken with dry eyes. ‘Just one more minute’, I think to myself. Laying here when the many thoughts start to plague my mind. “What is the point?”. “Life is so uninteresting”. “I don’t even feel alive”. I lay here still thinking, ‘just one more minute”, I have time. Now the sun is beaming through my blinds. ‘It’s time to get up’, I think to myself. It’s time to live another day, in complete insanity. I chuckle to myself, “one day I’ll go mad”. I say in a quiet whisper. As I still lay in my bed, curled up under the blankets. ‘Just another minute’, I still have time.

As I softly wipe my tears, I stare into the mirror, Something I’ve battled for years, My thoughts have never been clearer, Grasping to the idea of beautiful, But chasing beauty is intangible, That youll never be able to get ahold, It’s as demeaning as Avaricious, Spend your whole life being conspicuous, Under the pressure to be an influence.

Awakening. The take in me Looking at life differently From the air I breath To the people I see Wondering if this is it for me Will they see The need for greed And acceptance from a community Will never be enough for me Because I’ve been awoken spiritually Opened up mentally And now I’m ready to succeed And be the great I see in me.

Is it me? Is it the way I talk? The way I walk? Is it my personality? What is it? Just tell me why everybody leaves me. Why am I not good enough to make you stay? Why can’t I be what you need? Your all that I need. I wish you could see how much I loved you. How I would give the world to you if I could. Your such a beautiful person, whose been damaged over and over. I just thought I could help put you back together. But instead you left me. Left me in the dark. With no one. You were my first heartbreak. My first betrayal. The first person to numb me from pain. Yet I would still do anything for you. I would die for you. But most importantly I would live for you. So why can’t you stay? Why can’t I be all that you need. Please don’t leave me, when I need you the most.