The first funeral I can
Remember
Is my
Brothers.
I hate it here.
He was only 32 years old.
Hit and run.
Riding home on his bicycle
Ten years ago.
I hate it here.
Denial denial denial.
I hate it here.
Day arrives for his funeral.
We drive there.
My boyfriend drives I should say
I sit there in numbed silence.
Numbed disbelief.
Pitch self.
Will self to wake up from
Nightmare
Pleas...
I hate camping. Summer is the more outdoorsy campy kinda twin. I am okay with glamping or better yet just staying at a freaking hotel. But noooooo Summer just had to pull me on this camping trip with her saying it would help her get her mind off her break up with Ally. And there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for my twin. Even camping.
For me, my loathing for camping comes down to a few things:
...
Empty beach
Just the sounds of waves
I have heard that contractions come in waves…
…And that some women use that metaphor of
riding a wave of a contraction
to help them get to the end of one contraction
and to the
next.
I close my eyes and take in the sounds of
the beach
Waves.
Seagulls.
Peace.
This is my happy place.
This is my home.
I touch my
pregnant belly.
This is what I will c...
(Note: this is a work of fiction and part of a larger piece)
September 9
Dear Diary,
Well I’ve made it to 40 weeks pregnant!!! When will my Teddy bear be born?! I didn’t think I would make it to 40 weeks since Summer didn’t. I know that doesn’t really make sense cause just cause we’re twins doesn’t mean we will get to have the exact same pregnancy and length of pregnancy or anything but I just f...
I should have checked
the weather forecast.
I should have brought an umbrella.
I should
not
be out
in the woods
But here I am
As the rain starts to fall
And the thunder is in the distance
Rumbling away.
I’m far into the words too
The hike out
Will take a while.
The woods both
Soothe and scare me.
The juxtaposition of those
Feelings creates an unease
But also a pleasant sensation.
T...
Motherhood is a contradictory state…
State of mind and being
Being needed all day everyday day after day
Day in and day out.
Out of the darkness comes a new life.
Life that rearranges your love.
Love that never will never end.
End of freedom though
Though beginning of big transformation.
Transformation that’s the biggest ever.
Every time I see my kids I heal more.
More love, cuddles, and ...
(For context read my writing from yesterday “Father’s Day?” A work of fiction of characters I’m fleshing out for a larger story.
CW: pregnancy, slut shaming, non-monogamy, cursing)
Judge me if you want, but hear me out. When Summer told me that she was pregnant AND I could be ONE of the two possible baby dads, I felt protective of her and her unborn child. Even if said child wasn’t mine. I kno...
(FYI this is a work of fiction)
Summer Vallens peed on a pregnancy test waiting for the results. Hoping it would come back positive. Buying donor sperm was incredibly expensive and no guarantee of pregnancy. This time, she’s be a true single mother by choice and price of sperm be damned, at least, AT LEAST, she wouldn’t have to have an awkward awful conversation with someone about the result...
TW: birth, labor, infant death mentioned
Will I be a good mother?
I’ll be a good mother, right?
Will I even know how to be a mother?
What if I don’t know how to mother?
What if I look at him and don’t cry?
Does that make me a bad mom if
I don’t cry at his birth?
I don’t cry often.
I hope I cry when I see him.
But knowing myself I won’t.
And maybe no one else will judge me
for not
crying
But ...