I remember the moment I realized my feelings.
We were 16 and at a meet. I had already finished my floor routine and was waiting to be called to do my bars. While waiting, Josie had been called to do her beam routine, and since I had nothing better to do, I decided to watch it.
The flips and tricks stirred something in the pit of my stomach and the butterflies fluttered around in crazy circles. When she landed and saluted, she also winked, that definitely did /not/ help.
When I went to do my routine on bars, I was still so distracted that I forgot to chalk /before/ I saluted, and I mixed up the order of my routine.
Luckily, it had been a routine I had made with no help, and only my coach had seen it before, so no one noticed that something was wrong.
When I got home, I laid in my bed staring straight up at the ceiling. I wasn't quite sure what to do but I did know that I couldn't tell a single soul what I felt during the meet. That was when I first picked up my notebook and pen.
'Years of friendship shared A glance, and my heart now knows Friendship turns to Love'
For the first 6months of living in Hollywood, I stayed at hotels using money I took, and went to the free clinic for checkups on the kid. I had been very happy when I found out she was a girl. I wanted to name her Hope, but if she were a boy, I would've figured something out.
The only thing I missed was my sister, Mary. And having my own bed. However, once I turned 15, I was able to apply for emancipation. Only a month later, on September 23rd, Hope was born.
I quickly started studying for the GED and once I had that, I started looking for jobs and babysitters. I was soon hired as a receptionist at the office of a local Wedding Planner. Luckily, it paid just enough to get a babysitter, and the man I worked for let me and Hope stay in his spare bedroom.
Living there was my boss, Ben, his husband, Jake, Jake's sister and her husband, Juliette and Collin, their toddler, Katie, three cats, Uno, Dos, and Tres, and of course, the two of us. All of this meaning, it was very crowded with a total of 10 living beings in a small three-bedroom condo.
On the 1 year anniversary of the day I left Seattle, I decided to write a letter.
Dear Mary If I count the ways I love you, I would be counting for a million years, but if I count the ways I love my daughter, I would be counting for infinity. I miss you every day, but I wouldn't trade this heaven for the world. I'm sorry, I wish to see you soon. Love, đ«Ì¶đ̶đ̶đœÌ¶đș̶ Celeste
"Hey Ben?" "Yea, what's up?" "I want to be called Celeste, Linda is too tied with my old life and..." "Of course, and I will spread the word," "Yes, please,"
It was a regular day, but in a regular night last time, I heard her.
First thing I did when I got to work, was getting on the scale. âYouâre getting chubby,â my stylist had, âWe need to get you on a better diet,â
After hair, makeup, and wardrobe, we started the shoot.
8 hours later, I got home and went to the fridge. âWhat do you think youâre doing Dorothy?â
â Iâm hungry, I havenât eaten anything in hours Dad,â
âYouâre getting fat. Obesity is a terrible disease in this country,â
I just closed the fridge and went to my room.
About an hour later, I heard three knocks on the wall next to my bed.
I knocked back and said âHey, you get fat shamed, even though youâre literally 100 pounds a.k.a. on the lower end of healthy?â
âIâm sorry, Iâm really trying to figure out a way to get us out of here,â
âI know, good night,â
After only 2 hours of sleep, I woke up super nauseous. I start thinking about the past couple of days and realize Iâve been eating more but also having sudden food aversions. My head has also been pounding for the last 3 days.
I had been learning Sex-Ed in school and, well⊠I mean, because of my unhealthy life style, I hadnât even gotten my first period yet. Thatâs why my boyfriend, Carter, had insisted we didnât need to worry. I wasnât even really attracted to him, but he was pressuring me. I had somehow known thing might happen and had bought a test with no paper trail.
10 minutes later, I saw two lines. I felt tears fall down my face. When done, I grabbed my bag and stuffed everything I wanted in it. I knocked thrice on the wall before climbing out the window.
Once, I had taken the train all the way from Seattle to British Columbia, I started thinking about the baby and something my sister had said
âWe have to wait for hope to get us out,â the only thought I had after that was âHello Hopeâ
âThis is my girlfriend Carmen,â
Apparently the kindhearted Carmen Iâve been hearing about for the past 2 weeks, is the same Carmen that bullied me for /years/.
âTwo faced is the person who stepped on my heart to watch it bleed. Two faced is the person who wooed my love in deed. Oh, what she has achieved,â Iâve written about Carmen before, but it apart of the collection about Josie.
âThis is my best fri-â
âWeâve met,â I interrupted.
âCharlotte, good to see you again,âI had transferred schools in the middle of last year because of how bad the bullying had gotten.
âOoook?â Josie looked mildly uncomfortable. âSo, howâd you two meet?â
I surprised by quickly how she recovered.
âWe had /similar/ classes before she transferred,â Carmen supplied.
âJosephina,â the restaurant worker called.
When Josie went to go get our food, I said, âwhat are you doing? What your plan?â
âNo plan,â She replied, âI like Josephina,â
âShe prefers Josie,â I countered.
âShe hasnât had a problem with me calling her that,â
âYea,â I agreed for the first time ever, âSheâs also a people pleaser and wonât correct you,â
âWell, I think she likes it,â
Just after Carmen said that, Josie came back with our food, âSo, howâre yâall getting along?â
âSplendid!â I answered with a forced smile.
Josie immediately went pale and I realized what I did.
âSplendidâ, I use that word only when Iâm being sarcastic and that forced smile mustâve looked like I was thinking of murder. I didnât think there was a way to save this.
And there wasnât. Only a few minutes later, Josie said, âOh crap, I just remembered, I told my neighbor I would babysit, and at this rate, Imma be late,â
God, what a lame excuse, the only kid in her neighborhood that doesnât have an older sibling isnât potty trained and Josie hates changing diapers. Carmen just accepted the excuse and I wasnât about to drag this on. We said our goodbyes and left.
It's a funny thing really, the tattoo that marks my skin. Everybody else's tattoos are a picture that brings joy to all parties, but not mine. I honestly can't tell if it's the picture or the fact that I have someone who is meant to care bout me unconditionally and vice versa. The tattoo on my right shoulder was of a phoenix, something that signified resurection and life after death. When I die, which I pray will be soon, I would like my terrible life to be over. And really, someone who is supposed to care about me no matter what? Isnt that also the job of a parent? If neither of my parents care for me, why would some rando? Its all a bunch of B.S. which is why I always keep it covered. Then again it was only a matter of time before I saw her walking down the street. How do I know it was her, you may ask, she was in a tank top, the bane of my existence. She was flaunting the phoenix while all I wanted to happen was for it to disappear, and yet, for some reason, all I wanted to do now was talk to the girl. In that instant all my previous feelings went out the window. She soon stopped at a cross walk, this may have been my only chance. Being too deep in my thoughts, I hadn't realized that she was referring closer, so close that she bumped straight into me. "Oh my god!" She exclaimed, "I'm so sorry! My names Ember," "Uh" I hesitated, "Asheley,"
Eternal Darkness was something the witch had promised for thousands of years. Though after she was banished nobody really took it seriously. Now it has been hundred years since her banishing and life is great... for everyone else. I'm what people call a 'Death Seeker' but not only is that inaccurate, it is offensive. I don't seek death, death just follo0ows me around. Let's see if I can explain, whenever someone turns 10 years old they get a special power. Every power is different, mine is a special kind of foreshadowing. I can feel different emotions based on what is going to happen, Anyway, Death Seekers are a person who heads on a dangerous journey to protect our ancestry. Most of us encounter death in one way or another. I started my journey the day I got my power, the day I started to feel this heavy weight on my shoulders. I have traveled around the land of which we have lived for 5 years. Most recently, I have been looking into rumor of a wannabe witch. I am currently outside a cave, the closest I have ever been to figuring this out. Walking in, I feel a cold chill run down my spine. A split second later a swarm of bats came flying out. That's gotta be a bad omen. Oh well.
Everyone has heard the stories of the Grinch and Ebenezer Scrooge, but that's all they are stories. I'll tell you the true story, the one that inspired them all. This story has many names, ĐżĐ»ĐŸŃ ĐŸĐč ĐĄĐ°ĐœŃĐ°, slechte kerstman, mala Santa, but they all translate to Bad Santa. It was a few years after the poem "T'was the Night Before Christmas" was published in 1823, it was 1826, a man named Walter hated Christams because his mom had died the day before Christmas a year earlier. On the first day of Christmas Walter came up with a plan to make everyone as miserable as him, to steal Christmas. On the 12th night of Christmas he dressed up as Santa, grabbed a few large bags, and rolled a big wagon south to town, He went in every house and store "Christmas". He took everything that had to do with Christmas. After he took from the houses he went to town center, hall, hall and church and took everything. He then hauled the full wagon back to his mansion and put it in his yard. The next day a little girl came to his house to ask if he had any
Authorâs Note: I have multiple other unfinished stories I will be posting and this is the only one I do not want feedback on. The reason is because I wrote this several years ago and I know that I am much better and after this I took a break of writing these prompts. The next time I wrote a prompt from here was about a year and a half later so I know I have grown and would like feedback on how to improve my current writing rather than my old. I also want feedback on all my other writing but keep in mind if you post constructive criticism on my older writings (anything before Haunting Insecurities) I will keep it in mind, but I most likely have already learned to fix that part of my writing. Thank you.
âOh, how beautiful someone could be, when theyâre sitting right in front of me,â cheesy, I know, but it was supposed to be. It was apart of a poem in a series that would never be shared with anyone, let alone the world. All of the poems were about the same someone, the someone rambling about something while trying to eat.
I had gotten a rip and scraped my knee during gymnastics, so they took me to my favorite pizza place. At first, we were just friends, but when I realized how amazing they were I fell fast and hard. The only problem? Theyâre a girl.
Josie and I had met at a kidâs gymnastics class when we were eight. A decade later and itâs almost graduation.
I wish I couldâve told her how I felt, but both of our parents our parents donât like gay people, and I donât know her standing on it.
âUm, on another note,â She said, âI went on a date Saturday,â I felt my heart sink, âThe reason I didnât tell you when I got asked out is because I wanted to make sure it wasnât a, um, prank? And I wanted to be careful that my parents didnât find out, because um, my date was a, um,â
âSpit it out already Josie,â I encouraged.
âGirl!â She yelled âMy date was, is, a girl,â She whispered the last part while looking scared.
She was scared of how I would react, like I have been for the last two years. âSo, uh, who is it?â
She looked surprised, âOh, um, you know Nina, the 14 year old on vault?â I nodded, âWell, she has this older sister, Carmen, we had been talking and flirting a little when she would come to pick Nina up,â
âOh, how love could hurt, when you are over looked for a flirt,â I never thought I would write a poem about rejection, but here we are.
I like a girl, who also likes a girl, but that girl is not me.
Reflection. Reflecting me. Reflecting my haunts. Reflecting my haunting insecurities. My bathroom mirror, my closet mirror, public mirrors, ponds, lakes, oceans, everything. They all show me the same thing. They all show me my scars. Inside and out. They all show me my marks. Skin and hair. They all show me my bumps. Above and below. I hate them. I hate them all... but do I have to? My acne scars, my heartaches, my freckles, my split ends, my bug bites, my boney joints. If I could, I would love them. Every bit of them. But I can't. My friends and my family can. But I can't. Even my boyfriend can. But I just can't. But maybe I can. Maybe, just maybe I can. Maybe, if I try. Maybe, if I try really, really hard, I could see what they see in me. What he sees in me. I hope that someday, I can see what he sees. What he sees when he looks at me with his enchanting eyes. When he smirks at me with his alluring smile. When he hugs me with his comforting arms. I hope that someday, someday soon, that I can see the beautiful girl he sees. Reflection. Reflecting me. Reflecting my beauty. Reflecting my beautiful soundness.
Another horrible date. Hi, Iâm June and I just got back from yet another horrible date. Every guy I meet is bad, some are cheating on their partners, others are cat fishers. Sometimes I feel like love is just some big joke. Anyway, tomorrow Iâve got class. I go to UCR. I major in writing and minor in botany so I spend most of my time writing in my journal in the gardens. A few days ago at class the professor started with âToday, class, Iâm going to give you a different sort of assignment,â I stare at him in confusion and he begins again âOver the next two weeks you will write about what love means to you,â I slump in my chair and give him a look like what the heck. Luckily, I like to sit at the back of the class so he didnât see me. The next day, I was thinking how I was supposed to go about this seeing as I have never had a good date. Except for maybe the one where I met my best friend, Jada. Dating just doesnât seem in the cards for me. Everyone else I know seems to have a partner, someone who loves them. Iâm currently sitting in the gardens writing about what love means to me. Well, for me love means someone who cares for you, someone who will be there for you, someone who will let you do the same for them, but thatâs just from my observations. I donât think Iâll ever know what love is really like. So that is my view on love, but maybe, hopefully, someday, I will get to see it for myself, but not today. Soon though, soon.
