Perfect surplus Triumphant urges trump courage Syrups curb purges Thirsts worsen Splurges curtain purpose

I say I still suffer But I no longer pick my nails

As white as they are now They have started to return

Dirt in the bedding Spots on the ivory

Shown struggle from years Where I would scrap all the fiber

I made a promise some years ago That when I switch the timing

Stop wasting what should grow Then happiness would find me

But what I barely knew What I didn’t expect

Was the wealth of other things And dreams that would erect

To pick was my therapy A cap on my anxiety

To crush my own fingertips Under teeth that were grinding

Was ultimately

An escape for me

A controlled kind of eruption A destruction I’d accept

Because I could damage my own bedding And disturb none who slept

And when I wept

Yes, when I wept

I knew I wasn’t ready, To stop picking yet

But now in the relent When the nails should be dead

They are growing because they show me There is more growing ahead

Happiness is fleeting People to be meeting Destruction and creation In a cycle that is fleeting

Repeating

But when my heart, soul and body Convine in a meeting They decide they want to grow As long as my lungs are still breathing

I like you I really do but I shouldn’t it’s dumb it’s stupid I’m being an idiot you probably like her you don’t notice me you never will but ugh, your EYES no it doesn’t matter it’s never going to happen I mean, look at you and look at me I have no chance but ugh, your SMILE you’re so agKajsAbrFaPxMbgGaga NO STOP IT I have to stop this the more I fall the harder it’ll be to get over you the more I fall the more I’ll get hurt BUT UGH, YOUR FACE YOUR PRETTY PRETTY FACE why do you have to look like that this is bad really bad I’m just going to get hurt I need to stop I REALLY need to stop but I can’t because UGH, YOUR EVERYTHING you’re freaking BEAUTIFUL I’m not, though and you’re never going to think I am I should stop pretending like you could you won’t you can’t it’s not true I’m just being an idiot overthinking it all being stupid and I really REALLY need to stop

I’m fighting off the demons in my sleep I pray to God my soul is his too keep I really hope it’s not too late for me But I’m starting to think I’m in too deep Uh bourbon sipper Pill popper Fucking up my liver Oh my liver my poor liver But without it I get shivers shivers shivers Withdraws make me feel like I’m slowly dying Withdraws make me wanna die quicker Devil in the red dress hopping around my head like a reindeer prancer Thinking that you straight but you don’t know all the answers Thinking that I’m safe but I don’t know all the answers So excuse my manners Get high till I can’t manage Anymore Demons got a knife in their hands they’re slashers Stabbers She took a knife too my back So I stabbed her I tend to talk to God more than ned Flanders I still have demons in head planning

Fighting off the demons in my sleep I pray to God my soul is his to keep I really hope it’s not to late for me But im really starting to think im in to deep I pray to God my soul is his too keep Bourbon sipper Pill popper Joint roller Fucking up my lungs and liver Oh my liver my poor poor liver But without em I get shiver Shivers shivers Withdraws make me feel like I’m slowly dying Withdraws make me wanna die quicker Here I am Wide open On and off and off and on potions Church bells I’m in hell Raining hail Frozen Wishing wells Killing myself I need to write a will It’s getting hard to stear I’m not in control of myself anymore I’m the worst The badest
I got so many bad habits Searching far and wide for some answers Until then I won’t get no peace In this building the demons look for me Im a fish that’s been caught and being reeled in That’s just the way I’ve been feelin Fightibg off the demons in my sleep I pray to God my soul is his to keep I really I hope it’s not too late for me But lately I’ve started to think I’m in way too deep I pray to God my soul is his to keep Bourbon sipper Joint roller Pill popper Fucking up my liver Oh my liver my poor poor liver But without them I get shivers shivers shivers shiver I really wanna die quicker

For this to catch your attention I would like to start at the beginning Pull up a chair and get ready to listen So I can intrude you on What you’ve been missing Daydreaming about you Gives me a sense of sensation I fantasize about you teasing me Unconditionally As I elude you so I can appeal appeasing The thought of your touch igniting and rushing into me Not for a second will I feel uneasy I’m convinced that we have crossed paths At last it would be elevating and tempting

Sometimes I wonder, How long will it take for them to stop?

For them to stop giving me attention? For them to turn away and make snide comments? For them to stop showing me any traces of human affection?

And I know, I know, trust me, That this isn’t good to think of.

Yet the thought won’t escape me.

She’s my friend, But I wonder how long would it take, I wonder when the word would be used no longer.

He’s my… Not a friend, But just a guy, A guy I know.

And I wonder, How long that guy I know, Will turn into “that stranger I don’t”?

Though he’s not my friend, He treats me like one.

But the thoughts are telling me, “I wonder when he’d stop.”

I wonder when will the world finally turn against me, Just like everyone does.

Leave me to rot, Leave me to die, Leave me to wonder why didn’t I try.

Try harder to maintain that… That friendship.

That feeling. A “sense of belonging.”

No.__ __ __ I shouldn’t think like this. __ It’s not my fault. __ And this is unfair to me. __ So I wonder. __ Wonder when I’ll stop. __ When I’ll be okay. __ __ And better.

🖤warning I wrote this back in December of last year I’m in a better headspace now (somewhat) anyways enjoy 🖤

I was gettin by Not getting high From January to September I can’t tell you when or why I fell off the wagon can’t remember Something about a girl Late October or November I got sick and tired of all the fighting I surrender Just took some Xanax that I got from my dealer Drunk and fried Barely alive but living life A week goes by I need another liter If I’m gonna die or live Is up for question But all I know Is when the party’s over I ain’t dying sober When the party’s over Fuck dying sober Lord knows I can’t take this But I can’t help but take it When I Parrish Promise me You’ll put pills in my casket Pills in my casket

By the grace of God I’m still alive But still getting high I can’t help it But on the brighter side I’m only taking 3 instead of 5 That has to count for somethin But I still keep falling in and out of holes I put myself in I tried to stop I just can’t stop

When the party’s over I ain’t dyin sober Oh lord I can’t take this But I can’t help but take it Pills in my casket Promise me you’ll put pills in my casket The lights are getting closer Oh I ain’t dying sober When I don’t make it Put pills in my casket Pills in my casket

Im addicted to your flame Like a moth that can’t escape And you’re my only friend That’ll bury me in the end You’re as gorgeous as a rose And I keep ignoring your thorn’s Trapped in your toxic web You’re always in my head I can tell your full of lies But I can’t help but look in your eyes

Baby you’re poison My beautiful poison Controlling my choices Baby you’re poison My beautiful poison And when you bite my neck Your venom spreads I’m nearly dead From your poison Baby you’re poison My beautiful poison

Like a wicked rattlesnake Spread your venom through my veins Give me love so fake To slowly invade my brain Make me believe things wouldn’t end the same

Baby you’re poison My beautiful poison Control all my choices Leave me defenseless From controlling my choices Baby you’re poison My beautiful poison

An old man with a crooked grin, pulled me close with promises thin. “Out of hell and away from sin, a ride to peace—just step right in.”

The price was steep, all that I knew, but with nothing left, what could I lose?

Yet as I neared, a shadow grew, a boy with tears, old and blue.

Beside him, anger built in tin, a man who’d lost to what’s within, and a woman with flakey, peeling skin.

A sign flickered in the smoky air, a line of people, hollowed and bare, with them, a girl lost in despair, and her dog that didn’t really seem to care.

The man with the crooked grin stood still, I could be free, I had the will. But in that place, a void did fill, a hunger that only the euphoria kills.

One more night in this cell, one more night and then farewell. Just one more taste, one final spell— and the devil shoos the old man away, saying, “All is well.”

It can be a nasty thing Getting hurt so bad So many times But Wanting to feel that rush again To feel the warmth of the world The urge to jump back in That trap That warm oasis That feels like like home But son, Don’t fall for it You’ve gone through it too many times Don’t fall for that mirage again