I wish I had never let go My hands lost grip on a beautiful girl That taught me how to love How to shine like the sun above That I should leave this darkened glove And hope for salvation, a dove

I wish I had never let go Guilt is making me trip over my feet Falling over and over again Leaving a pin a stabbing pain On my heart there is a stain The darkness that I belong to remain

I wish I had never let go A future that is now out of my reach So bright yet so destroyed Was shining so beautifully but now burned Flames to my heart, more broken-ed Hatred of myself is returned

I let go of a beautiful girl But I also let go of myself

I remember the smell of wet soil in the morning

The early tones of the light

I can still feel the cold, wet grass when walking

The trees and flowers were a beautiful sight

But they were all soon gone

I moved somewhere new

I no longer had my quiet dawn

I doubt I’ll ever again see you

I thought this would be a better life

I left everything I used to know

I regret coming here, it's like a hot knife

I wish I had never let go

“I wish I had never let go,” She whispers to the night, As memories rise like restless waves On shores she cannot fight.

She let him slip between her hands, Too scared to let him stay, Afraid that love would drown her whole, So she pushed it all away.

The weight of silence grew so loud, And fear became her friend, But in the dark, she couldn’t see What waited at the end.

His eyes, once full of endless hope, Now linger in her mind, A gaze that asked her to be brave, A love she left behind.

She walks along familiar roads, Where once they used to roam, But all she feels is emptiness— Her heart no longer home.

If only she had held on tight, To all she couldn’t show, Perhaps her heart would not be here, Wishing she hadn’t let go.

˚ʚ♡ɞ

˚ʚ

I wish I had never let go… Im sitting at her grave again. I’m here to lay with her My Julie

My mom caught us laying together when she was still here She screamed and yelled about how sinful two girls being together was She might have been right I didn’t want her to be right I loved my Julie I didn’t see Julie that much after that We would sneak out to see each other occasionally “We should run away” she whispered I giggled Where would we go? She didn’t know Just far away I lit the first cigarette in my new pack I felt the heat in my lungs And breathed out. I let Julie have the rest I looked at her She had olive skin Her hair was like pink strawberries She had freckles all over her face They were like stars But it was her eyes I was in love with They were pale blue They sparkled “I miss you” I missed her. I wish I could sneak out every night And we did our entire junior year We went to parks 24 hour diners I even snuck into her house a few times She would lock the door so we could just lay there We wouldn’t have to worry about anything I could just love her I wish this was enough But It’s not I’ll wait Junior years goes by “I miss you” She told me this for the millionth time I couldn’t help that our parents didn’t want us together I felt a sting of anger at her saying she missed me Like we didn’t see each other? Our light had faded I was tired of lying to my parents When I went home, I put on my cross necklace My mom was right I couldn’t be with her It was wrong I prayed to find a boy I could love like I loved Julie This boy started going to school He had pink strawberry hair Olive skin Freckles They looked like the stars He had brown eyes They were so dark they almost looked black We sat in math together We talked It was mostly boring things like the weather He wore a cross necklace We started eating lunch together I usually stared at Julie He would stare at this boy who always read romance novels Me and brown eyes started dating summer after junior year ended Senior year started I had three Cs and several Bs I would hide in the bathroom to escape my grades I found Julie My Julie A cigarette in one hand and a blade in the other My baby I wanted to hold her But I couldn’t I walked away Graduation came a little faster than I wanted it to I wasn’t going to college I just wanted to move away

Brown eyes proposed I thought about it I didn’t have a good reason to say no Besides the fact that I was in love with Julie And he was in love with the boy with books We just wanted to make our parents happy So I said yes We moved far away It was 2 in the morning when my mom called My baby My Julie Took to many pills last night And she had left me a letter That she didn’t want to be with anyone but me And a life without me wasn’t worth living…

So here again I sit at her grave. Wishing that I would have clung to her. The tears stream down my face I couldn’t go on this is to much

I was back again in my bed. It was late At least 2 in the morning Brown eyes had fallen asleep a while ago I cling to a picture of Julie My Julie Like this is going to bring her back I should have ran away while I could have Instead I let go

I wish I never let go. That I was there. That they were alive. Now, every step is forced, every action, false. Without them. Will I ever move on? Can I? They were the light in my forever dark sky. The love in my hate. The good in my disgusting evil. I wish I never let go. That I never gave myself that chance. That this fall brings me to them.

Hear me out.

Kind of the prompt, but a story idea rather than an actual writing.

taken from texts to my best friend after I came up with the idea

—

So basically it’s an enemies to lovers kinda thing but not. The two characters are competing for valedictorian at their boarding school, but like the guy wants it to prove he’s not just a dumb bad boy, and the girl wants it to have something to be acknowledged for. But the girl has an illness, a fictional illness, but an illness nonetheless. The girl has these little fading phases where she literally fades from reality, most of the time just for a second. But she’s told she’s going to disappear the day after graduation. And the enemies-to-lovers thingy is basically, she has astraphobia, he hates seeing people upset, but a storm breaks out at an event, right. And she freaks out and has an anxiety attack. And he comforts her and they like get closer. And then they talk about their reasons for wanting to be valedictorian, Callum (the guy) willingly tells her because he saw her vulnerable and wanted to pay her back for it. But Trinity (the girl) struggles to tell him that she wants it because she won’t be alive much longer than that. Callum edges away from the topic, a bit frustrated that Trinity won’t tell him why. And he kinda likes her but like he won’t tell her because she doesn’t trust him enough to tell him her motives for valedictorian. Another storm happens, she blows up on him, they break apart. They talk again at graduation. Just as he realizes he won’t see her longer than a day.

—-

It’s a sad story, but like, I’m kind of like really excited to write it.

So…

Would you read this story?

I wish I had never let go of the childhood with nonexistent worrying.

——————

Standing alone in the middle of the room, can they tell I’m about ready to jump? I’ve gone in and out of these little mindsets, and I’m starting to wonder if I’m a grump.

Standing, walking, laughing, talking, every single action brings an unsteady heartbeat.

It just hurts.

I wish I never had to let go of my childhood. I wish I never had to let go of the lack of the feeling clawing up my throat, or the sight of my world fading to black.

“I wish I didn’t have anxiety.”

They all respond the same. They all don’t get it. I don’t do it for fame. Why would I? This is a weakness. This is not a lie.

“I’m sorry, your wish is against the rules, only things capable of happening can be wished and received.”

“Get over it.”

“Social anxiety? Stop making things up.”

I’m sorry I’m nothing but corrupt.

This is a vent, not really a poem. But it hurts, So I thought to show them,

maybe it won’t hurt as much.

Please tell me it won’t hurt as much.

Please.

Anxiety hurts.

But doing it alone

is even worse.

I wish I never had to let go of times When summer seemed to go on forever Where the the days we’re filled Running through the fields Playing dolls in the grass And building dams in the streams

The days where mud on my face grass between bare toes Dirt under my finger nails And ants cradled in my hands Was all my daily life

When a smile on my face was the default the world felt welcoming And the future was something to look forward to

The joys of life trapped in my childhood I wish I never had to let go

I wish I had never let go. Everything about you. But mostly the idea of what we could be. I held onto it for a long time. I may have loved you. I know now that you never felt the same way, But what I regret the most is thinking you might. Letting go and realizing tore me apart. You were the only one I could truly image being mine. Now looking back, I wish I had never let go of that hope.

I wish i had never let go…

I didn’t mean to start a war in my mind— I just wanted someone to like me; I just want to like myself.

I thought maybe the pain would be worth it; that through the despair and aching I would come to find love.

But is love ever developed through pain? I think it can be discovered…right?

I just feel lost— If only someone could find me.