I miss you I miss holding you Loving you Being with you I miss your laugh Your winsome smile Your Enchanting dancing Your heavenly singing I miss your love Your infectious joy Your heated anger Your adorable anxiousness I miss your face Your welcoming look in your eyes Your sweet, red cheeks Your flowing hair I miss your laughter Your tragic tears Your touching words Your gorgeous voice Your sense of humor Your wonderful kindness Your endearing drive Your strong intellect I miss it all All of what made you who you were Although you were just one out of many The many who once or still exist I still miss you Because you were the one dearly special to me

I’m miss you Everyone misses you It’s been three years It could’ve been yesterday for all my brain knows I miss you everyday But today I do just a little bit more My forever hero ——— (If you read my most recent poem, this is about a different person, my grandfather. Their death dates are close together, though years apart. I’m truly ok, I promise! I just have to continue grieving and processing. I am so thankful for this community on here. I have been able to be vulnerable on here and that’s a testament the people. ♥️)

Sitting by your grave sobbing “please come back” I’m not over it yet Like everyone else I mope around Because adventures are nit fun without you I sit by your grave And swear ag the sky For taking my last goodbye And making you leave too soon I brush away the dirt Resting on the stone So young with a life ahead I beg to God to let this be a dream To send you back to me But it never happens So here I am sitting by your grave I’m so sorry

One year it has been, it’s been one year since… One year since I’ve seen your face, your devilish smile like you’re about to crack your next joke. One year since I’ve been able to study the wrinkles and crinkles of your face. One year since I’ve seen your eyes, the colour of blue like the clear blue ocean. One year since I’ve heard your voice telling me to play your favourite song or hearing you ask how my day has been. One year since I’ve heard one of your crazy stories about your younger years. One year since I’ve been able to hug you or kiss your cheek. One year since I’ve been able to hear your advice. One year since I’ve been able to go on an adventure with you. One year since I’ve seen you wave as I leave. One year since I’ve been able to tell you that I love you daddy, that I miss you daddy. One year. 365 days. 8760 hours. 525,600 minutes. 31,536,000 seconds. One year too long without you near my dear.

208 days 30 weeks 7 months That’s how long I was with you It’s how long I was my happiest, Most adventurous, growing self I had trusted you But that trust had evaporated into the clear sky Sending me spiraling And not handing me a parachute Plummeting me to my death It was 221 days 31 weeks 7 months Of heartbreak Growth And confusion I’ve found heartbreak as a comfort And a death While a sacrifice was forced on a broke being With nowhere to go

It’s been… 5 years And yet I still miss you. It’s been difficult Because I was not Someone who talked much And I didn’t get to know you. It’s been five years And I wish you were here.

It’s okay To not Be okay But when Is it okay To be okay? A leap year and a day, And am I okay? You passed on the first day Of Passover And no one much felt Like having a Seder I mourned your death Before you died And soon ran out of tears Fourteen days until Passover returns How do I feel? I don’t know But all thirteen years you had Eleven spent with another You found a place in our home A place in our hearts Thank you for spending Your last years with us

As i check my phone, I realize it’s November 17. I start to cry. My mother dies a year ago I remind myself to stay strong She’s in a better place She wanted this She died in a horrific way. She drove her car into a tree at 78 MPH. On purpose She didn’t have many work friends But I didn’t know she was depressed I feel like its my fault I never snuggled her I never wrapped myself in her warm embrace Instead i hid in my room I never thought about her I said “i love you” But i never showed it I walk to the bathroom I put some water on my face I see something I look in the mirror, theres a message; “It’s not your fault” My eyes open in shock I smile a little. I look out the window She’s making the sky beautiful for me —————————————————— Hi! I made this story because recently I’ve released that I don’t spend enough time with my family. My mother hasn’t died, but i imagine this is how it would go if she did. Love you, and have a good day/night!

The first year after your death was the hardest; Largely because I still expected you to come back. To walk in the door, with a sideways grin & a shrug. Asking, “Did ya miss me?” I do miss you; you have not come back. Not that first year, nor the near six that’ve followed. Meanwhile, each passing year the grief has been harder and harder to swallow. What am I to do this coming March? When my birthday arrives and I reach the age that you stopped aging. When you pushed that filth into your veins did you think of the fate you subjected me to? How you doomed a little sister to become the bigger? I try to remember the good; the leaf piles and igloos. But it’s overshadowed by the bad; the silent, immobile hearts and ambulances. I wish for your return every day Still hoping one day you’ll respond To the messages I still send you. But Gods, I swear I’ll just never forgive you. Sometimes I wish you were alive so we could fight Square up, and bloody each other, until I could knock the light out of your eyes, like you did mine. You know what, I’m tired of trying to be kind, You want to know the legacy you left behind?! You’ve made our father shrink Both in personality and in size he’s half the man he was when his son was alive. I can see it in his - your - eyes. You’ve made our mother wilt a beautiful flower shriveling without her light. You’ve left her fair skin covered in angry red scars that only my weary grief stricken eyes can see. You’ve made our angry older sister that much more bitter and she’s folded in on herself like a retired flag. Now I’m forced to miss her too! So I f*cking ask you dear brother, Did you ever stop to consider, what would truly happen when you made your little sister the bigger?

I remember the day your soul separated itself from the earth side. I remember the shattering cold of your finger tips as death slowly closed in around you. Three hundred and sixty five, plus two hundred and twenty eight. So much of me was taken with you. I had all of these pieces of you, and you brought them with you to whatever purgatory proceeded you. You took my deepest secrets, and you kept them when you went. Three hundred and sixty five, plus two hundred and twenty eight. I spent our final days hoping for peace. Hoping to hold onto you as long as whatever higher power would let me. Praying for softness in the days you began to slip away. Three hundred and sixty five, plus two hundred and twenty eight. I picked up the phone and tried to call you today, but I guess a text will do. I constantly find myself hoping you miss me … too. I drove home in the silence, hoping my screams into the void would be heard by you. Three hundred and sixty five, plus two hundred and twenty eight. I can feel you overcrowding my atmosphere. Your energy heavy, like god placed weight on my shoulders that maybe I wasn’t quite ready to carry. Three hundred and sixty five, plus two hundred and twenty eight.