One year it has been, it’s been one year since…

One year since I’ve seen your face, your devilish smile like you’re about to crack your next joke.

One year since I’ve been able to study the wrinkles and crinkles of your face.

One year since I’ve seen your eyes, the colour of blue like the clear blue ocean.

One year since I’ve heard your voice telling me to play your favourite song or heari...

208 days

30 weeks

7 months

That’s how long I was with you

It’s how long I was my happiest,

Most adventurous, growing self

I had trusted you

But that trust had evaporated into the clear sky

Sending me spiraling

And not handing me a parachute

Plummeting me to my death

It was 221 days

31 weeks

7 months

Of heartbreak

Growth

And confusion

I’ve found heartbreak as a comfort

And a death

While a...

It’s been…

5 years

And yet

I still miss you.

It’s been difficult

Because I was not

Someone who talked much

And I didn’t get to know you.

It’s been five years

And I wish you were here....

It’s okay

To not

Be okay

But when

Is it okay

To be okay?

A leap year and a day,

And am I okay?

You passed on the first day

Of Passover

And no one much felt

Like having a Seder

I mourned your death

Before you died

And soon ran out of tears

Fourteen days until

Passover returns

How do I feel? I don’t know

But all thirteen years you had

Eleven spent with another

You found a place in our home

A pl...

As i check my phone, I realize it’s November 17.

I start to cry.

My mother dies a year ago

I remind myself to stay strong

She’s in a better place

She wanted this

She died in a horrific way.

She drove her car into a tree at 78 MPH.

On purpose

She didn’t have many work friends

But I didn’t know she was depressed

I feel like its my fault

I never snuggled her

I never wrapped myself in her warm...

The first year after your death was the hardest;

Largely because I still expected you to come back.

To walk in the door, with a sideways grin & a shrug.

Asking, “Did ya miss me?”

I do miss you; you have not come back.

Not that first year, nor the near six that’ve followed.

Meanwhile, each passing year the grief

has been harder and harder to swallow.

What am I to do this coming March?

When my bi...

I remember the day your soul separated itself from the earth side. I remember the shattering cold of your finger tips as death slowly closed in around you.

Three hundred and sixty five, plus two hundred and twenty eight.

So much of me was taken with you. I had all of these pieces of you, and you brought them with you to whatever purgatory proceeded you. You took my deepest secrets, and you kept ...

One year later

Sometimes I feel like when I open my front door Kai will be waiting for me. When it’s raining Kai will be dancing with me.

Now when I look at the rain all I see is the sky crying for me. I here the taunting sound of the rain telling me I’ll never get to dance with him again.

It’s ironic that it’s raining. On his one year anniversary. It almost makes me want to break something. ...

Beep, beep, beep!

My alarm clock wakes me up and as I go to turn it off, that is when I notice the date: July 2, 2023. I tense up and put my hands to my face, I can’t believe it has been a year already. I remember the exact moment when I got the call that you had passed away.

It was July 2, 2022, at 1:25 pm when the phone rang. When I looked at the caller ID and saw Auntie, I pick it up quickly...

My love, your sweet laughter is echoing through my heart, listen to its rhythmic feats never missing a beat. beats, beats, beats, forever on repeat until we meet. This hollow beat that slows my feet, I stare at the world for that is where you are, I long to be with you. I’m jealous of the maggots that feast on you, your serene taste lingers on my mind. Today marks the day you ripped my soul away....