(Depression, denial, reflection).

I am struck that every moment I spend with her can spontaneously be the last,

that this may be her last laugh,

her last sunset smile,

before I am left without her marigold soul.

Dusk and dawn are warring with each other, each to consume the time I'm clinging to,

because soon I will be older,

and she will be older too.

How am I to cope with that?

Maternity...

When you died,

I didn’t feel sad, maybe indifferent?

There was this child ignorance

of the permanence of death

You drifted out of my life

trying to get better

It never worked

I thought it was like that

It wasn’t.

I didn’t grieve you

not in the traditional sense

I grieved through other people

I saw your absence through the tears

of my mom

of my grandparents

of my aunts and uncles

As time ...

The wings of a butterfly

Lay crumpled at my feet

My heart begs to live

But I won’t let it beat

Because somewhere in this great big world

Somewhere your body lays

And until I get to bury you

I’m gonna keep digging that grave

Fly me away on your wings of ivory

Don’t leave me to this earth

With my soiled-stained feet

And a soul drained of mirth

If only I could have something of you

To hear your v...

They say that dust is largely human detritus

A buildup of the wake of microscopic entropy

Trailing behind each one of us.

Regardless of decomposition, of further entropic breakdown

Some of these little pieces and some even smaller

Have surely settled into the places you’ve been-

Or have been borne up on the currents of the wind, fated to circle the earth until the sun explodes.

In both cases...

I’ve been crying a lot lately

But only in my head

A grief unborn

Like a leaky gas main

That travels underground

Snaking its way through life

Destruction unseen

If I can’t feel it

Does it really exist?

Can I weather

The lurking tidal wave

Will the dam hold?

An escaped tear

A sigh

Then back to the bargaining table

Maybe time isn’t real

What if in another dimension

Another reality

I can’t help ...

Sadness

I have so much sad in me

Born with sadness in my veins

It’s the only stable thing that goes through me

Flowing back and forth my body

Sadness is always there

Under every happy moment

There is a sadness

One I can not describe

For it is always there

When I get sad it comes in waves

But not small ones

Tsunami waves crashing inside my head

Rocking my brain and spilling out of my eyes

My sadn...

She’s gone?

No. This can’t be. I saw her not two days ago.

I haven’t even said goodbye. I must do that first.

Fix what I said and did on that Friday.

But she is.

Maybe there’s something I can do?

A soul for a soul.

Take me instead.

It’s all my fault.

Maybe if I did something different?

Maybe if I never even knew her in the first place.

She’s gone.

Tears are all I know.

I’m drowning in sadn...

Why . . .

I thought you loved me

I thought I found my way back

I am . . . Was finally me

The true me

And now you’re taking that away

Why . . .

What did I do?

What have I done?

How many times can I ask for forgiveness

Before you start listening

How many times must I tell myself this is not true?

What do you want me to do?

I loved my life

Wait that’s a lie

I didn’t love it

I tolerated it

...

Hey, I’m pretty tired today from an exam, but I have a poem about this that I made a while ago called “your sweater” it’s one of my favorite pieces....

Trouble with grief,

Is that we don’t know,

When it ends,

Just when it starts,

This overwhelming,

Feeling of pure loss,

That only we know,

It starts you think,

And then your heart begins to sink,

And then throe,

After throe,

Of stormy seas,

When will it cease,

Only our heart will show,

Us the ebb and flow.

Be with it child,

As if a fire wild,

Let it burn you,

Till you are through,

So you can stand,...