Checked, Check, Mate.

I’d been played, I’m the one who caved, In on your un-paid promises.

To think you can be saved, by the split personalities, which you’ve made.

As my womb wasn’t enough, to the babies that I’d made, You didn’t change, though I truly tried to save But instead I got drained.

With a mused mind, Barren behind the eyes, Typed in curved, Shouting in slurred words, With palms full of rage.

Checked, Check, Mate.

Within mummy’s grip, You soon became her missing rib, Creating an emotional hardship.

The law will glore upon me, My paid debts, To become yours, God is greater than the law, And you’ll be treat no better, In the ground positioned bellow, as he’s soon hand you over.

The Queen, A favouritable piece to play, not to be replaced, reliable and tactical, thats what makes the game.

Checkmate.

I see the world in shades of gray But even I’m a hypocrite I hate you for taking him from me, I say But wait- Why do I blame you? Why not blame him? He who took me for granted and threw me away? You with the trauma, dead parents and all Blame the girl always, and the man gets off You fell for his charm, you wanted to be loved I don’t blame you anymore I was you, growing up Heal first, baby girl Love will come later And never fall for a liar or a hater You’re worth much more, don’t settle for less I’ll find someone better and you will too Trust me, love as I trusted you.

This is how I left the war. This is how I turned the words How I couldn’t grow my hair How I couldn’t free the birds.

Here is where I start to hide. Here is where I closed my eyes How I couldn’t hold your hand. How I couldn’t loosen ties.

That was how I saw my life. That was how I faced the day. In the towns where I was born In the friends I turned away.

This is how I leave the years. This is where I fall. Cracked and speckled, National Health. Pictured on a wall.

How could you leave us so unexpected? We waited, we waited For you but you just left us We needed you, I needed you Yo, I don't know what it's like to be addicted to pills But I do know what it's like to be a witness, it kills Becky told me she love me, I'm thinking this isn't real I think of you when I get a whiff of that cigarette smell, yeah Welcome to the bottom of hell They say pain is a prison, let me out of my cell You say you proud of me, but you don't know me that well Sit in my room, tears running down my face and I yell Into my pillowcases, say you coming to get us Then call a minute later just to tell us you not, I'm humiliated I'm in a room with a sister that I barely know Some lady in the corner watching us, while she taking notes I don't get it Becky, don't you want to watch your sisters grow? I guess drugs are more important, all you have to say is "no" But you won't do it, will you? You gon' keep drinking 'til those drugs kill you I know you gone but I can still feel you Why would you leave us? Why would you leave us? How could you leave us here? How could you leave us? Why would you leave us? Oh Hey I got this picture in my room and it kills me But I don't need a picture of my sister, I need the real thing Now a relationship is something we won't ever have Why do I feel like I lost something that I never had? You shoulda been there when I graduated Told me you love me and congratulations Instead you left us at the window waiting Where you at Becky? We're too young to understand, where you at huh? Yeah, I know them drugs got you held captive I can see it in your eyes, they got your mind captured Some say it's fun to get the high but I am not laughing And what you don't realise and what you not grasping That I was nothing but a kid who couldn't understand I ain't gon' say that I forgive you 'cause it hasn't happened I thought that maybe I feel better as time passes If you really cared for me, then where you at then? Why would you leave us? Why would you leave us? How could you leave us here? How would you leave us? Why would you leave us? Oh Hey Our last conversation, you and I sat in the living room Talking 'bout my music and I brought you something to listen to You started crying, telling me this isn't you A couple weeks later, guess you were singing a different tune You took them drugs for the last time, didn't you? They took you from us once, guess they came back to finish you Crying my eyes out in the studio is difficult Music is the only place that I can go to speak to you It took me everything inside of me to not scream at your funeral Sitting in my chair, that person talking was pitiful I wish you were here Beckah but every time I picture you All I feel is pain, I hate the way I remember you They found you on the floor, I could tell that you felt hollow Gave everything you had plus your life to them alcohol bottles You gave everything you had plus your life to them alcohol bottles Don't know if you hear me or not, but if you still watching, why? Why would you leave us? Why would you leave us? How could you leave us here? How would you leave us? Why would you leave us? Oh Hey Sometimes I think about like Sometimes I think about things like, you know When I have kids, I'm like You won't be there, you know? You won't be there for any of that And I'll never get to see you again Sometimes I wish I would've just called you I wish I would've just picked up the phone, wish you were here I mean you should've been there for us, you should have been here Them drugs got you, right? Them drugs got you, right? I wish you were here

How could you leave us -NF [Re edited by me]

Staring into the truth It’s staring back at me, staring with so much silence and couth. What can I do? What can I say? For me and my bleeding heart have chosen to stay. Trapped, forever trapped. In your mind twisted in a thread I am trapped. In a last effort to regain my shaky balance I snapped. Scared and afraid, I brush off my fear and sorrow. They can never know. They don’t need to know. Why should they know?

My body has grown weaker. The branches of life that make me who I am have faltered. All I want is to be happy. Happy with you, fortunate to have found you. But how can I when I’ve got a deadly wound I claim to be untrue? Untrue for if it were in face true it would make no difference Because in the end, it’s still the same, only more anger after the deliverance. So the deadly wound is ushered into small words you can’t hear For if you were to hear it I would be pierced by your bitterness like a spear.

Don’t let it fester, be honest with me. Sit down, talk to me, let it be. I can’t, I’m trying, but I can’t. The second I be honest, the second I let things be My mind might explode, my resentment runs free. So in my trapped area I stay with the familiar suffering of silence. Suffering, yes, but at least it’s safe without urgence. I cannot escape, I cannot make things better. The door to leave is there, the door unlocked for the average fretter. But I don’t want to leave.

A sense of fleeting meaning, Rocks thrown for no reason, Shoes with no laces to tie, Tears but nothing to cry.

Pages torn and turned, Days passed and waved, An unfortunate lonely day, Someone asks to be saved.

I won’t speak of death, I won’t deny it’s truth, This man, what’s his name, He’s guiding these troubled youth.

So, one must imagine hope, One must imagine a way ahead, His words, they shall be spread, And we can thank the cows that moo.

Mamma you are so strong Mamma we have that bond Mamma you are my bestfriend Mamma I will be there till the very end

Mamma I love you Mamma I can't believe what you have been through Mamma you make me proud Mamma I will always want you around

This is a draft Of a poem I plan to write On the given prompt I’ve been influenced by so many But I’m a bit rushed atm And don’t want to lose my streak Cheating I know But I’ll be back I promise Probably about an English teacher Or some writer Or a tv show

On twitter, on Facebook, on instagram, on Snapchat.

happy birthday, today was fun, need to make plans, hey.

you stand out. youre nothing like them all. imagine just being ill with being social.

NO. you dont have any concerns or worries about friends and social status, only family and self care.

At first I met you There was distaste To not support Merely accept My identity Hurt

At first I talked to you There was amusmant With your prayers Your psalms A God I rejected

At first I understood you Split second We connected I felt jealousy That you could believe So faithfully

At first I loved you As a friend I’ll say that But it was a romance In a sense of awakening Of faith

All these firsts but now we end With a bond Unbroken Used to fear churches Fear of my sexuality But you didn’t care

God loves you You promised God loves you You reassured And funny thing is I believe you.