There is something haunting

And achingly beautiful about

A winter sunset.

The colors are muted

And numb.

And ever so gentle.

Raw and unapologetic

Under-appreciated and quiet.

A cold, unnerving, but almost peaceful

Sorrow

Sinks into the breath

Of everything breathing tighter

Together

It’s bitter and unforgiving

But also warm and nostalgic

A somber joy resting in the details

Of...

It’s all you

It’s all you

High school

I really put the high in high school

Nickel blows in the bathroom

I was that dude

I follow no rules

So what makes you think

Your rules are worth me to follow

My brain is goner

I shot the devil in the face

It was a honor

It’s cause I fell in love with a few of his daughters

It ended with a “fuck you and your father “

I ain’t expect hell to be cold...

Time is a cruel mistress.

And I find her very hard to please.

So many demons, minutes squashed underfoot.

If then and now so when was the last?

The last time I looked at the animated faces and felt something some would call hope.

The last time I felt I was anything but just new,

Anything to you.

The last time I checked my what must be broken phone for the lifelessness it stares at me with.

I w...

I've spent countless nights crying in bed, wondering what I've done to deserve the hand I was dealt.

I've prayed— no, _pleaded_ —to a god I don't even believe in, hoping he would fix me.

He leaves my prayers unanswered, yet he punishes me for every mistake I've ever made.

Sometimes I wonder how one could still worship a god with such strict rules.

We're meant to worship him with no evidence he...

I think it’s kind of funny

How I sit here and love

Love every one around me.

I would choose

Youand you and

You

over again

to be my one person.

But who would choose me?

Everyone would choose someone.

But not me.

People like me.

Some love me.

But there is always a person that’s better.

That is worth more.

I would choose you

But you would choose your lover

I would choose you...

I grew up

Watching people fall in love

On TV, man and woman

Getting married

And I wondered

Why I didn’t want that life

Why was it too hard to see

I didn’t want to be that girl

And I watched as

The boy treated her badly

And then I’d fantasize on how

I would treat her so kindly

Then entered school

With boy obsessed friends

And I wanted to know

Why was I not crushing on some guy

And then I saw...

I loved you at first sight

An instant connection so deep

It pains me now to think of it

You were my challenge and I failed you

You, Bluedini soul could escape any confinement

Defying the laws of physics and often gravity itself

You somehow even defy certain danger

But I know now you could not defy fear….

You were not safe when no amount of comfort or medication, CBD, and herbal remedies.

And t...

Here’s my heart,

Yours to keep

What once was steel,

Now is glass

What once was broken,

Is now perfected

Please don’t throw it,

Or what was perfected,

Is now unfixable

And what is unfixable,

Is now unusable

And if my heart is unusable,

How must I learn to love again?...

There’s something about the way the world shifted. The mistake I made that day - thinking I could actually talk to that boy who had treated me like a human. But instead of joking around and smiling I just stood there acting like an ice cube, except for the sweat that was making my shirt stick to my back as I tried to open my mouth and talk- was all my mind would think about, all it would show me. ...

I can never stop the what if’s,

The maybes, or the who knows -

His escapisms and justifications,

All his not-today-but-maybe-tomorrows.

I don’t know if I will ever be okay

I don’t know if he’ll ever truly be gone

I want to forget him, I want to kiss him —

An apt but much-loathed paragon.

Why can’t he ever just leave me alone?

Why does he text me every few weeks?

Does it bring him great pleas...