I didn’t have my heart broken. No one died. I have a safe home, food. A loving family, friends. So why? What went wrong? What led me to this?

Start traveling Going through time Going through the river of expectations Wanting to get it over with Able to live my life But yet My parents want me to achieve goals Just like my brothers I want to be left alone some Just let me peruse my art Let me do anything I want I don’t want to follow my Brothers I am still in middle school But I feel I have depression ADHD I ask And ask again If I can go to the doctors But you say I am fine And brush it off But with everything I do Am I really fine?

People like to ask questions Ones they think are simple Ones about who you are Because who doesn’t know themselves Well I’m here to say those are the hardest Math is rules So is science and grammar Just facts or truths That’s why the hardest question of all is Who are you?

I would climb the highest mountain Run the longest valley Jump across the rushing river Brave the forbidden artic I would do anything for you The question is Would you brave the Arctic? Jump across the rushing river? Run the longest valley? Climb the highest mountain? Would you do anything for me?

I wonder what it’s like to physically feel her skin, As we feel like life is going to be alright, Her arms clinging on my waist like a koala as we cuddle, Our fingers intertwined as we take a peaceful stroll. I wonder what it’s like to be enamored by her stunning appearance, For her precious beauty to hypnotize me, To bless my soul, To save me. I wonder what it’s like to laugh with her, Joy cozying us up like a warm, fleece blanket, Her candied chuckles giving me a sweet tooth, Her words sketching a smile onto my face. I wonder what it’s like to lose myself in her eyes, How they’ll twinkle like the most lavish crystals, Her stare making me float into space, Maybe I’ll know one day… Oh, how it would be exceptionally nice, To meet her if she exists out there, But I for now, I shall wait and ask myself, When will she ever appear?

I’m not sure which is worse: Bad memories or happy memories? I was just minding my business, Browsing through my old games. I redownloaded one I hadn’t played in a while, Just a stupid puzzle game. But the second I opened the first level, I’m hit with wave after wave of… Happy memories? The calm feeling. Being content. Being satisfied. Out in the cold air, Alone, But happy because I was just with my favorite person in the world. That feeling where you can’t help a little grin, Because life’s just so good, you know? And I’ll get on the bus and do all the things I love, Or maybe I’ll just watch the trees out the window. The whole word used to be at my feet. I used to be reckless and wild and free. I can’t believe any of those words could ever describe me, But it was true. Once upon a time, I was genuinely happy. Calm. Free. Loved. I was okay, Was something more than “alive”. Tell me which is worse: Bad memories or happy memories?

Why do people have to be so mean? They’re always saying rude things Making others feel insecure Making them hate themselves Why can’t they watch their words? Be kind for once in their lives Why are they still here? Why can’t they just leave others alone?

I look in the mirror I hate what i see I see big cheeks Wide shoulders Ugly smile I see an anxious failure I see a burden I see and expense I see a mutated creature I see myself I hate myself And i have for a while People dont wanna talk about it People say I’m pretty But i don’t belive them Some days its really hard And some its really easy But i hate myself I hate my body I hate my voice Other people hate me too Why else would they be so mean Why else would they hurt little old me Why else would I feel so alone Why else would I be crying But i do have a question because you have listened to me rant and I can not get it out of my head I have to ask Do you hate me too?

I feel like I have change logeded in between My first and second ribs. And if I try to study it, pain will flower and my lungs will collapse. Is it always ending?

Why am I so wary of the world? I don’t trust anything, anyone. I feel so distant, so detached. And so, so tired. Tired of expecting to be hurt. Tired of carrying on when I _do_ get hurt. Tired of being tired. Tired of not caring enough to save myself. I don’t want to see tomorrow, Because I already know it’ll be exhausting and painful. Since when was I this wary? Since when did I expect hurt around every corner? What happened to the innocent girl who saw “tomorrow” as a synonym for “hope”? What happened to the girl who saw the brightest future? And more importantly: Where did the girl who wants to give up so badly come from?