I knew I loved you before I met you, I’d been alone for far too long, And you were a rare breed, One that could never be Capable of hurting me, And saving me all at once. When you died, Most of me did too, And I can’t get over it, I can’t get over shit, Forgiveness and I are just not a good fit. And I can’t control myself when that feeling hits. I wish I had been there, As you took your final breaths, But I understand And I know why that was planned But I wanted to be with you to hold your hand, And never let go. I miss you every second, It will never go away, Until it’s finally my turn regardless of the pain To face my dying day, And zero part of me will wish I could stay. You are my home and I’m coming your way.

the blink of your eyes your lips curving up the corners of your eyes doing the same your lips parting going to make a sound, but you hold back I blink and blush, turning away so you don’t see you grin, beaming lines form on your face, your cheeks the hair on my skin prickles your smile turns into a laugh as you throw your head back an obnoxious but somehow adorable sound comes out of that mouth and those lips which close shut just as quick and there I sit holding in my own laugh waiting to get another chance to swiftly turn and catch a glance of you as your attention is diverted to see your lashes on your eyes that blink the pink, pillowy lusciousness of your lips that curve up when you catch me drowning in your oceans of eyes and longing to see you throw your head back kicking your legs with joy and laugh that beautiful, obnoxiously adorable laugh.

I’m ready for the end Of cardboard box-days Of unfamiliar keys In brand-new locks-days I’m ready to be done With deep cleaned wall-days Taking down the art In empty hallways I’m getting pretty tired Of make new friends-days Sorting through my piles Of odds and ends-days I’m sick of starting over Of never-ending change I just wish for one moment That things could stay the same (We’re moving into a new apartment tomorrow…I’m kinda sick of it lol)

You made me created me formed and fashioned me fit to be queen sprouting wild and free fruit so lush surely no eye hath seen What you planted deep inside me Aching forth now... my destiny. See, your name on my heart your love on my sleeve My life song on your lips AS WE Dance into eternity I’m your Pitch perfect delight So Simple yet Graced Secured Posture and frame. Power in hold tight. Being led shifting weight All without any movement. Your love’s firebrand on my life This life waltz bears your name Away my breath, you take The you give it all back And I raise you up again shifting weight All without any movement . your glory remains. And the curtain opens. Gratitude floods these veins And I freely melt Shifting weight All With much movement Fully alive In me You reign. Proclaim Your Victory As we Twirl And We Dance And I Rise

Dear Death, Your offer is gracious and while I am extremely tempted, I don’t think I can take it. Don’t ask me why, I haven’t a single clue. Your like a unicorn, some days I look up to your magic, others, I feel too old for such childish fantasies. All I long for right now is to cry. But I don’t. It’s forbidden. And then I want a hug. However, I don’t have anyone to hug me — or at least for me to hug. And besides I know it will make me squirmy and uncomfortable. It always does friend. But sometimes I’m willing to risk it. Dear Death, It’s me. I can’t move my hand because of the pain; I can’t move my hand because of the cast; I can move my hand because the pins and needles have tightened my muscles to the point of no return until I fully cross the sea. I want to join you in its depths. I feel as though the Maryellen Trench is more suited for me than this earth has ever been. Hey friend, deep question here: is it fair to end it? I know there are only 2 maybe 3 people who would attend my funeral, but is relinquishing my pain worth adding to theirs. Dear Death, It’s just you and me in this world now. The halls we walk have a life of their own. We stand in the blazing sand under a stary sky alone now. Just the 2 of us in this crowded, holding hands and closing our eyes as we look to the sky. Dear Death, They’ll send me home. I’m sitting in this chair. Not even you are tending to me. How is this one chair such a valuable resource that it can’t be used to help me. They’ll send me home because of my disability. I know they may not fully understand it. But they have try. I can’t change my brain chemistry. My brain was built wrong, who are you to try and control it, or even tell me I have any control, which I don’t. Dear Death, I don’t care who you are, I’ll back you in any fight if it is a meaningful one. Dear Death, I want us to be together forever. Please never leave me. Though I really need you to go. Hi friend. I’m back. I wish I didn’t ever have to come back, but your warm hands comfort me. You’re like no other Death. I am envious of you relentless bravery. Like a zebra standing off with a lion. You know what you want and you get it. I know what I want but no matter how hard I try, I never seem to make an accomplishment. Dear Death, I hold you close but only want to let go. Sometimes, that is.

Open your mind, take nature by the hand, and move your feet to the stars

We go through life The motions second nature Get a job Find a lover Be on your best behavior We go through life And soon begin to question Who we are What we want What the gods have destined We go through life All of its many stages We run We walk Make up words that fill up pages We go through life They say so fast In a zip In a fly Like a camera’s flash We go through life Trying to take it all in The places The people The things that make our heads spin We go through life Never knowing the truth Where are we from Where will we go Whatever should we do We go through life Feeling amazed Depressed And nervous Our heads in a haze We go through life Trying our best To love To live To leave something for those left.

From birth to first steps I moved. From a crib to a bed I moved. From home to home I moved. From your asylum to your bad side I moved. From trauma to healing I moved. From danger to safety I moved. From then to now I moved. From here and forever I will move.

I cough Pain splinters my back My abdomen tightens Holding myself together Between breaths I cough Aching bone deep Sleep nestled in my spine Elbows knees Weighing me to sofa in front of Keith Morrison I cough Myself awake My thoughts slurred My movements slush Flames lick my throat Between boosters and antiviral meds I stagger towards wellness

When Do Artist Die? It is not the moment Our heart stop beating in our chests. When we draw our last breath No. It is when the candlelight we followed In this hazy twilight flickers And leaves us blind to wander this wretched wood I am a dead man I spend my evenings among those lucky enough To never lived at all We watch the living There are living on the stage tonight Were I still a poet I’d appreciate the horizon curve in their spines in sonnets Would if I could describe the siren call Of the synchronized steps of their pointe shoes along the polished wood floors of the stage Turns and turns make tornadoes that shake this theater A storm we all weather with gratitude These young dancers are alive for now And the echo of envy sits in my soul Still my old knees creak with the speed at which I stand for my ovation My palms string from the force of their clapping I wander the land of the dead and watch the living I long for a resurrection