A large hole in my heart, Unable to be filled, For now… But the absence is Still felt. I feel a burning pain In my chest Where my soul Used to be, Though it is gone now, Long gone. The pain Still remains Day in, Day out. Without a heart, Without a soul, That’s just how I have been living. It may be bad that The absence is still keenly felt, But now The gaps can be refilled.

Seven years of ups and downs, Highs and lows and everything, That lies between. It was, So beautiful, so bittersweet, Until it all came crashing, Down, down, down. I thought we had forever, But little did I know, Forever isn’t long at all, And time is a clever one, It has this way of slipping through, Your fingers, just like sand. And in its swift dissent, It grabs you by the hand, It drags you to the depths, It drags you, Down, down, down. But sometimes, if you’re lucky, Time will grow a heart, It’s sneaks back up on you, Right when you least expect it. To pick up all the broken pieces, Of your broken heart. So when I’m all alone, and feeling, Down, down, down, I think of you, my love, And I smile through the tears. Because I know you’re looking down, Down, down, down on me. Although you’re no longer here, You’re always in my heart. And the absence is still keenly felt, But now the gaps can be refilled.

If You were to see this It’ll probably explain how I felt In a time that shouldn’t matter anymore You should’ve been someone who doesn’t matter Yet timing says otherwise when you find a way Back into my mind Like you didn’t leave my heart in pieces Pilled too high for me to get over melancholic waters you taught me to swim Thankful to be alive Held together slowly with space and time The absence is still keenly felt But now the gaps can be refilled

Come sit by me and squeeze the hope from my kiss. My toxic levels settling on your lips. Sacred are these words that fit, when they’re filled with the emotional bile pumping from my chest… Play me to the beyond, and call me lovely today. Perhaps, then I will stay. Though truly you never will be able to tell where I’ll wind up, once my crazy heart goes on display. For, it’s a gamble, you see. The paler shades of printed words, between me and thee. So sit your cards down, that I may counter them with mine. I no longer have an ace up my sleeve; no, not this time… And even though, love seems so distant and surreal. “The absence is keenly felt, but now the gaps can be refilled.” -HMG

Warm light, pasted nights, glistening upon the curved edged line, of sight, Nutmeg induced inflected irises, Cast back Amphitrite falls, Intertwining with one’s Lacrimal Papilla, Chalk white, just might, Performing the inevitable, of being pale and transpare. Oh how blanched and waxen it is, to the oh bawling palette, of becoming Eros. Absorption to foe glaciers of shards, Yet to be proclaimed, and Pro-named, Over brimmed, over ribbed, Laced with the optic nerves, and the words, coming from thy lips. Trellised, traced eyes, somber upon the 1879’s sun, Seemed within sight of the haze. Masking and adjutants, Beau’s many mandate’s, In pursuit of luminary Proteus’ pulse. Aether so fore-feel, Reflecting minor memories, Melting meanders merged. Orpheus’ candour amorous, Òil is pulled, sits on the unlit dermis, Southern English, mellow tones, Raised hands, moving chased, Essence of hot stone, And cold moans.

Crease free sheets and cold coffee cups, A room hollowed out and clothes untouched, In place of a body or a hand or a heart, Is nothing but dust and worn faded cloth, Time heals at slow pace and repairs the broken things, She mends worn out cords and stitches open cavities. For a while all is upheaved and the room tidies itself, The clothes end up on other bodies and the world is freshly turned. One might think all is forgotten and everything has righted itself, That perhaps careful illusion can mask tragedy and loneliness is deftly felt. But When night falls quick and loudness breaks to silence, The absence is keenly felt, but now that gaps can be refilled.

You two were gone The fun nights The happiness The laughter The feeling of carelessness All gone New people No similarities Below them I am below them A new language I don’t speak Don’t understand I cant talk Communicate with others I am mute here Unable to express myself Meet others I don’t want to But I want to be able to To talk to others Meet others Feel heard in this web that I call life Feel listened to Feel like I matter Feel that people want me around Feel like people care Care about me Care about my thoughts Care about my opinions What I have to say What I think Care that I want to be myself Let me be myself Don’t judge me for being myself Your presence is gone The world is wrong The people here don’t care They don’t want to They cant They don’t know How I feel What I think What everything means What I call home Where my real home is They don’t know They don’t care They told me I had friends They told me people cared Told me it would be okay The holes would fade Be filled by more happiness They haven’t been I feel your presence Like a ghost haunting me Telling me to come Only to stop me To tell me no That I cant continue That you don’t care That you’ve moved on That I have been forgotten Replaced Hated A year in No friends They don’t care I can speak now Enough to express my hate My annoyance The faults here The mistakes Then I found a friend Someone who couldn’t speak Who couldn’t share Who wasn’t listened to They weren’t as great as you two Not as understanding As funny As similar But kind Knew what I felt Knew the hardships Knew the struggles Knew the feeling of being lost She helped me Navigate my life Helped me through it Helped me through the pain Through the feeling of darkness Of never finding the light Being lost forever Gave me a new sense A place To belong To share Thoughts held in for a year My life What I felt My opinion They gave me a confidence To speak To share To tell others They gave me the opportunity to say Say my life Say my thoughts Say my opinion The darkness still comes You two I still miss Like burns in my soul But there is no ghost anymore Just real life The solid ground The feeling of breathing Sharing Telling Understanding This is what I missed The ability to do all this The ability to be myself I had it back I could share Tell others Make progress Be happy Miss you two all the same Think of you guys at night Cry about it About life The unfairness But it will all be over soon I will be free More free than before I will be happy Happier then I had been for two years Happier than ever The absence is still keenly felt But now the gaps can be refilled

Every word you’ve said to me Has either been I’ll stop keeping secrets from you I’ll always be your friend I’d choose you any day I promise I didn’t believe you It kept happening She left us I thought I was becoming a third wheel I got cursed at Accused of not telling you at the beginning But I did You were too in love to realize What I felt Even though I told you A lot But you’re way better than her You didn’t leave me Or ignore me Or take me for advantage Like she did All I’ve done is hurt you And make you cry And I’ve done terrible things And influenced you the wrong way You’ve never done anything to me Never gotten mad at me Never overreacted Like I did So Many Times I’m so sorry For everything But we’re better now The absence is still keenly felt But the gaps can be refilled

You reminded me of my childhood and all the whimsical things I never had a chance to do. We melted together like the wax of a candle, molding together so firmly yet so soft. You gave me life when all I had was death surrounding me, planting wildflowers in all my cracks and crevices. We were conjoined at the hip, our belt loops fixed to each other. Family vacations, birthdays, holidays. You and I were going a mile a minute in all that we did. Late nights and silly videos. Belting everything we said in our off tone opera voices. Eating every snack in the house and watching every movie ever made. You were my best friend. But like the night leaves to make room for the sun, as did you with me. The absence is still keenly felt, but now the gaps can be refilled.

Sometimes we say things that we really don't mean. We do things in between the lines. The absence is still keenly felt, but now the gaps can be refilled.