In sacrificing all I had to give I thought to make him my whole word Year my efforts only made it clear He was looking for another girl. I hope to be the chosen one His greatest desire above all things But he left me for a chance Leaving my heart pulled,with sorrow he brings. My family grew anxious for my well being, For me was my sanctuary,the ease to my pain Until the moment he chose to leave And ignite a depth of hurt and disdain. I question what he saw in hear Was she truly worth risking it all? To me she appears to use him A fact which he remains blind to and doesn’t see at all. And if he ever sought to come back to me I will never let it be For he shattered my heart into a million shards A wound that refuses to heal or cease. May he never forget the price he paid For tearing me apart without a second glance For I obliterated all that I used to be, All for the sake of a hollow romance I waited for the day Uh until,finally the chills stopped. ♾️

spiraled down an endless hall the light at the end of the tunnel was so near yet it was impossible to reach it moved further and further as you chased it the sweat built up on your forehead a tingling sensation in your fingers a chill crawled up your spine a snake tightened around your neck your vision went blurry and then to black dry lips because you chewed too hard sore throat because you yelled too hard a messed up life because you tried too hard you went crazy spiraled faster and faster got colder and colder yet sweat more and more felt suffocated by the snake its fangs were sunk into your skin your head pounded harder and harder until finally the chill stopped. ————————— idk what this was lol just playing around, it’s been a while

a chill had started to spread over the inches of my body a fire had already been lit you cursed everybody of your own femininity oh, how you’re scared i would have laughed sooner but oh, how i cared because we were friends or so we used to say but friends don’t kill your soul each and every day and i tolerated it for so long probably could for some more but some things i can’t forgive you’re rotten to your core you crushed all my friends and i won’t call them ours that luxury you forfeit when the taste of your name sours where did you learn to act like the most manipulative of men? “you’re being dramatic” you said again and again and again please, get over yourself you think the world revolves around you think we care enough to not question every lie you constantly spew so maybe i’ll take a page out of my own revenge handbook i’ve gotten quite a bit of practice lately your world will be quite shook and maybe when i’ve lit a match to your name, your ego, your cries we’ll all feel a little lighter without your intangible, incessant lies oh, would you look at that? the sight of you being dropped out of the door of our lives and just like that the chill stopped.

Okay so I need to admit something. I liked a boy. So much. I liked him in first and second grade, and then I liked him in 4 again. I also liked him in 5th grade. Now it is 6th. I don’t know why I liked him so much. Like half my life. He is weird. He has bad teeth and stupid hair. He doesn’t have a phone. He is basically an ipad kid. While me, I wear lululemon. I have a phone, and lots of friends. I am pretty and smart and well liked. So how did a girl like me like him? I have no idea. Love is weird sometimes. It is a mystery. I think it was just because I liked that I liked him. I liked how I got a chill when I talked to him. It was half way through 6th grade when I started flirting with this boy that was in the play with me. I started liking this boy now. I stopped talking to the weird boy. I practically forgot about him. I am so embarrassed I even liked him. With that boy, either I came to my senses, or just one day the chills stopped.

I hate summer. I hate the stifling warmth. I hate how I can’t breathe. I know that makes no sense to you. Why would it? I’m not like you. Why can’t you see that? We’re two separate people. We have two separate pasts, Two separate memories, Two separate personalities. We have two separate dreams and wishes. Two separate hopes and fears. I love winter. I love the clear air. I love how I can breathe. You don’t understand it, And I don’t blame you. You don’t understand me. That’s fine, But don’t act like you do. Don’t twist my words Into what you think I am. Don’t act like you know What’s running through my head. Don’t pretend you know What I’m thinking. I live in cold rain. I live in the soothing mist. I live when I see my breath. You. Don’t. Get. Me. You’re not LIKE me. So don’t you dare compare us. Don’t compare our pain. Don’t compare our history. Don’t compare our feelings. It’s like trying to compare The ocean and the stars. I’m breathing different air than you. I’m seeing different skies than you. I’m listening to different music than you. I hate summer. I hate the stifling warmth. I hate how I can’t breathe.

I walk through the dark street, light poles on. I hold onto my jacket. A chill passes through me, making goosebumps run up my back. The lights flicker, my eyes grow wide. I turn my head left and right. “ No! Not right now, not again! “ I whisper, trembling. Then the voices start pounding in my head, once again. “ Your wrong “ “ nobody likes you “ “ you can’t even speak to someone without having a panic attack, your useless “ I put my hands on my ears, begging to make the voices stop, but begging never works. So I crouch down, and take deep breath. The light poles turn off one by one. The winds’ current suddenly gets stronger, making my hair flutter in the air. My face grows pale, I’m about too faint. As always. Until finally, the chills stop. “ Lilith, Lilith? Are you okay? “ A hand reaches out, showing me the light in the pool of darkness I fell into. I immediately take my hands off my ears, and I mask my emotions. It’s surprising how well and how quickly I manage to do it. Practice makes perfect, I guess. But that’s fine with me, as long as no one finds out about the demons within me. “ Yeah, I’m good. Just tired. “ I take Annie’s hand and slowly get up. She looks unconvinced, but she doesn’t ask. We walk hand in hand, and I slowly calm down. She’s the only one who can do that. I don’t know how she does it, but she does, and I’m grateful for having her, more than grateful, actually. But if she finds out truth, I’m afraid I’ll lose her, like I lost everybody else. And I can’t lose her too.

We are breaking we are breaking we are breaking. It doesn’t matter how much I love you. It doesn’t matter how much I thought you loved me. You really did, didn’t you? Once upon a time, you really did love me, right? Do you still love me? Can you still even stand me? Or do you just find me ‘annoying’? Does it hurt to look at me, when you remember how perfect we once were? Do you even remember that? Us, when we were happy, when we were whole? These are the questions I want to scream to you, Across all this space between us, Across the universe. You told me to just stop texting you. What does that mean? I wish I knew what you wanted. I wish I knew how to be enough for you. But instead I am left here, Doing the wrong thing over and over. Like an icy wind carrying all our hopes and dreams away. Stealing what you loved about me, And everything we had, Everything we had built together. So what happens when its gone? What happens when that icy wind leaves, with nothing left? What happens when it is too cold to bear? I don’t know. So I wait, freezing. But it hurts, it hurts so badly. So I light a fire. It was supposed to be warmth, to fight that icy wind, not you. But it got out of control. I should have known. So now that fire that was supposed to be warmth burns and burns. It burns everything away. And now I’m left in the ashes of what we once were. And that wind is still there. That icy wind, stealing everything away. There is nothing left to steal. So I sit, Lonely, Empty. Until finally, the chill stopped.

Fingers down my spine, whispers in the night. I hear footsteps, voices. I hear the dead speak. Raised hair, static electricity pops through the atmosphere. Thunder roars overhead, rolling across black, cloudless sky. The chills start, small goosebumps race up my limbs and down my spine. I breathe out slow, closing my eyes against the whispers. He gets louder, his lips curled at my ear. Through the open window, the wind picks up, carrying his voice. I shiver, shaking beneath layer after layer of clothing. I knew he would return once again tonight. The Invisible man and his wild chants. He says my name, a faint mock amongst the moonlit night. Unintelligible whispers, I clutch my head as I start to decipher the long line of his sacred language. Symbols and sentences swirl in my head, flashing before my eyes as he feeds them to me like bitter fruit. I squeeze my eyes shut and grit my teeth together with a blossoming headache. “Stop, please,” I whimper through chattering teeth. “Please!” I beg alongside his cackling vocals, I curl into a tight ball in my bed amongst the pillows and scream. A siren of helplessness cutting through his whispers like butter. Blood runs from my ears and eyes, pooling onto my pillow, the cloth absorbs the crimson hungrily. Suddenly, the wind dies down outside my crystal clear window. My curtains stop thrashing in the wind, I struggle to catch my breath as his voice fades. Only a small, dark chuckle is left behind. I stay in a ball, my eyes clenched shut, teeth grit together harder than ever before. I wait and wait. Until finally, the chill stops.

The cold seeped into my bones, Resting it’s frozen fingers beneath my skin— My heartbeat slows, The coldness smiles as it seems to win My fingers go numb And my tears threaten ice; What is this cold life That is nothing but a vice? Shakes tremble through my body Like drums singing above. My knees buckle onto the white snow, Though it’s not soft like that of a dove Pain courses through my body, I can feel life leeching— No I don’t want to leave, I beg beseeching! Darkness hinders my sight As I finally locked— I close my eyes and invite Death, Until finally, the chill stopped.

Midnight dreams, beyond the quarry, Reminisce in all your glory: Love is gone, the war is won. Time to leave: hang up the gun. Cold breezes sneak through unopened doors, Not unlike those winter nights in the moors. Jump to the windows to see it again, But there is only one time that you can win. At the window of eternity, the window is warm, But this time it is hot: it is time for a storm. Sitting back down, the breeze has come back, And it’s coming in for it’s final attack. With wind unbearable, I can’t survive, There’s no way my warmth could keep me alive. Standing there broken, a husk of what was me, There is one thing I know, but not what I see: Cold, dark nights are hard to forget, Much like those I loved to have met. “Is it truly over?” I thought while I dropped, Until finally, the chill stopped.