My stomach’s sick and ginger tea sits on the nightstand. I’m cold, but my thoughts are warm. You lay down next to me, and for the first time in forever, it feels like I might get better.

I was a brother once, But now I’m no ones brother.

Just a father.

Just a husband.

Just a far away son.

Mom couldn’t wear the same black dress to all your guys’ funerals.

David was excited to be an uncle, But he didn’t even make it to 26.

It was a shotgun wedding, But perhaps the word inspired Kerry.

Two brothers didn’t have a choice.

Two did have a choice.

I’m the only one that chose to stay.

I look at the football, all our mulleted faces flashing in my mind.

I glance at the guitar, Mike’s poster suddenly on a cork board.

I stare at the lanes on a highschool field, Kerry’s gift used.

I freeze at the postcard, David’s ending like a star.

Being a father, husband, son… It’s a wish come true.

But my wish didn’t come true.

Because I have to meet you all,

On the other side.

My temperates burns up.

My face brightens to a shade of the love I feel.

A long embrace, molding together for the first and last time.

A devotion until towers crumble, until the stars burst, until the moon fades.

A sword and a heart, an arrow and a heart.

Blood that was boiling, cooling down at the warm touch.

A love in only a dream.

In only a dream.

Their face is a bit murky.

Like the fog that always veiled my bedroom window.

Condensation patterned on the glass as I look up at the flickering light, water dripping down from the shower head.

I wipe the water off my face, but to no avail as the water keeps raining on me. Hot steam lifting off the tiled floor, like the fog outside.

I wince when the water starts cooling down, before my muscles relax under the cool water.

Like how I react when I see them.

Have I ever really seen them?

In this web of fog, I can’t seem to differentiate the manipulation and truth.

Can’t I just accept the manipulation in truth?

I trace a smiley face on the foggy glass, before it fades, only a scar on the condensation.

I can still see the smile, but it’s fogged up like the rest of the truth.

My words are much clearer than theirs. Even when I spew out a list of lies.

My brows furrow when I see them, truck as large as their ego.

My throat closes up, I can’t cough to clear it.

My heart beats faster, as if I’m holding a knife.

I smile, forgetting as everything becomes foggy.

My blood, spilling as I hug the devil.

The smiling devil.

A bit too charming of a father.

I pat his back, imaging a blade in hand.

I haven’t smiled in a long time.

But you.

Oh, you.

“What?” you ask me, grinning with those damned eyes.

And as much as I fight it, I can’t help but smile back.

“Nothing.” I whisper.

But it’s something. It’s everything.

It’s the way you hold your pens, the way you sigh when you’re tired, the way you grab my hand when we cross the street. It’s the way you try to balance on the curb, the way you always point out the pretty birds, the way you take your coffee.

I think, maybe, I might smile more.

I think, maybe, it’s you.

Beautiful. She’s freaking beautiful. She’s the most beautiful girl I’ve ever met, In any way you could measure it. When she’s in the room - I know. I always know exactly where she is, Am always somehow aware. When she’s not around, I’m stressed and anxious, Itching to be near her. Because when I’m near her… There aren’t words. It’s warm and cold And safe and thrilling And comfortable and unknown. She lights my world on fire, Leaving vibrant streaks of red and orange. She’s… She’s everything. Absolutely everything. I’ve never met someone like her. I’m certain I never will.

Sunlight is the beautiful language, That I can no longer translate, A golden canvas, forever unseen, A whispered serenade.

But in your laughter's melody, a world unfurls, Vibrant and unafraid. Your touch, a poem for my fingertips, Speaks of warmth, of kindness, a whispered rhyme. The closest thing to sunshine I will ever need.

The curve of your cheek, a comforting cliff, A haven I find in the vastness of time. A thousand questions bloom, in the darkness of my mind, A yearning to see the face that holds my heart.

But love, I have learned, Paints a different hue, Soft brush strokes upon the heart, A masterpiece crafted from a different art. A beauty that the human eye could never fathom.

I listen closely to the language we create, For in your embrace, an entire world is found, Love's beauty is unveiled, revealing the ties, That bind us together through it all.

And in my heart, I know that even with site, love is blind, A divine tactile masterpiece, For love resides not in what the eye beholds, But in the beautifully bittersweet moments, That forever define us all.

My dearly beloved daughter, you are joyously welcomed to the universe. May you bring joy and happiness to your mother, and may your father find pride and celebration in everything you do. May the honor of your presence and existence bring pride and joy to your parents.

The bump in your nose, The lines of your smile, The crinkle of your eyes, The angles of your teeth.

You often complain to me How these features ruin you, But really you just can’t see That vision of you isn’t true.

For your nose is those of Rome, Statues built to honor beauty.

Your smile means i’m home, Accepting me, even moody.

Your eyes radiate warmth That comforts with a look.

Your teeth only bring forth Stories of life, a book.

It’s easy to look in the mirror, And feel critical about these. Those very features reflected, staring at me, As my smile lines grow clearer, And the bump in my nose never flees.

But I look at them on you, On your face, they’re beautiful When comparing our faces too, The likeness is indisputable.

To look like you is an honor, You are all I want to be. To yourself you should be kinder, As it would also uplift me.

For our faces are the same, Built of the same code, I’m proud to reflect you, no shame. Do the same for yourself, it is owed.

Regardless of insecurity, We are mother and daughter for eternity. And of eachother we are proud, So let’s bare our imperfections loud.

For they are beautiful, and so are we.

My throat closes up My eyes sting My nose runs My whole body trembles

Sheer joy Hovering confusion Overwhelming longing Mounting sadness Absolute devastation

Seeing you Is the biggest gift And the worst prank Anyone could ever pull

It felt so nice to hug you Hear your voice Listen to your wisdom It felt so real

And then I woke up