Killer outfit on? Check. Resume on point? Check. Bowl of cereal? Check. All that was left was to find out what was in store for me today. Pulling out my phone, my horoscope app front and center. ‘If someone is pushing your buttons today, you just need to roll your eyes and let them do it. It’s not that big a deal, really. Your good energy is best for focusing on the stuff that matters.’

How can people not believe in horoscopes? My horoscope has never led me astray. Not when it led me to finding out that my boyfriend cheated on me with my ex-best friend, or even when it was time I quit my old job. Getting a Taurus tattoo was the best decision I’ve ever made. Now I was trusting that today’s horoscope will give me insight into how my interview will play out. Placing my bowl in the sink, I give one my bangs one final spritz of hair spray before heading out.

Somehow, I expected ‘Dress and Co.’ to be more…upbeat? This building reminded me of that sitcom about a paper company. Large block windows with a gray concrete exterior. This was as far from ‘dressy’ and ‘fancy’ as one could get. Making my way inside, a woman who reminded me far too much of Dolly Parton sat behind a desk. “How can I help ya sweet pea?” Pulling my resume from my oversized purse, I slide it across to her. “My name’s Kara and I have my interview here today. I’m a few minutes early.” Watching her fingers fly over the keys, it’s starting to make me nauseated. Of course that could just be my nerves. She shakes her head. “I’m sorry hun, but there’s no mention of you in the system.” I’m not sure what to say. The extroverted part of me would demand she check again. It could’ve just been a simple mistake. But I don’t want to be rude either. She seems more than capable of scanning through a simple list of appointments. The words fall from my mouth before I have a chance to grab them and stuff them back down. “Can you check again?” “Sweetheart, I can assure you. You were not on the list. Now please, I have list of tasks to do today that are taller than me. Don’t push my buttons.” Without giving me another moment of her time, she resumes to the endless stack of papers vying for her attention. Becoming suddenly invisible to this woman, I take a seat in the corner of the room. What do I do now? It’s not like I can push my way through. I don’t even know what floor Matilda is on. The clock in the corner officially sits perfectly on the ten. I should be upstairs selling my designs, not sitting here like a sitting duck.

Just as I’m about to demand for a third time, a middle aged woman hastily walks through the room, her polished red heels click-clack-click-clack across the hardwood. Her hair is colored a shade that’s definitely artificial. No one could have auburn hair like that while also having a wrinkled turkey neck. Reaching for a complementary water bottle, her eyes pierce through me as she sips. I take a deep breath, offering her a smile. She doesn’t return any sort of friendliness. Reaching for my purse, I make my way outside so I can contemplate why I’m so deathly afraid of confrontation. Out on the bench, traffic bustles by as I stare out at nothing in particular.

“Nice outfit.” It’s the scowl faced woman from inside. Her lips return to a fine line the second I meet her stare. Is this woman Matilda? Should I hand her my resume? Beaming, I pat my skirt down. “Thank you!” Rolling her eyes, she gives a sarcastic laugh. “Oh my god, did you really think I meant that? That outfit is so early ninety’s. Do you know what fashion is?” Before giving me a chance to come back with a comeback -not that I actually had one- she returns back to the air conditioned building. With my hopes officially dashed, I pick up what self respect I still have on reserve and head out towards the palm tree covered sidewalk. As the sound of my heels create some much needed distance, I find the first available bench that won’t give me a third degree burn on contact.

Was that woman really right? Is my outfit that awful? Am I really- “I like your outfit.” I didn’t even realize the woman sitting next to me. Wearing a black and white polka dot dress, a matching polka dot ribbon hangs from her ponytail. Excitedly, she points to my shoes. “Especially those. That shade of blue really makes a statement.” I had the same thought this morning when I was planning out my outfit. “Thank you. I was afraid they’d be too much.” Waving away my insecurity, she shakes her head. “No, these are seriously amazing. I’m Lauren, by the way.” “Kara. It’s nice to meet you.”

A quiet moment passes before she speaks again. “Do you anything about fashion?” Her question surprises me and I’m afraid she’s going to somehow make a snide remark like the turkey neck did. But Lauren has a much friendlier face. “I know fashion trends like the back of my hand,” I say proudly. “I was actually supposed to be interviewing at ‘Dress and Co.’ earlier today, but it didn’t exactly go according to plan. I didn’t even get past the receptionist.” A grimace crosses her face. “‘Dress and Co.’ is a horrible business, run by some of the crudest, snarkiest bitches I’ve ever met.” Laughter escapes my lips. “Trust me,” she says, reaching for her sunglasses. “You dodged a bullet with that place. I worked there for three years and they were without a doubt, the worst years of my life.” “What do you do for work now?” Leaning in, she acts as if she’s about to disclose a government secret. “Fashion. Through my time in that hellhole, I did learn some master techniques. After they fired me for not being ‘trendy’ enough, I decided to create my own company.”

I wish I had her ambition. I’m more of a ‘behind the scenes’ type of girl. Designing is where I really shine. Breaking me from my inner monologue, Lauren grabs my arm. “Come work for me! You have just the kind of determination that I’m looking for at my company. If you were willing to subject yourself to those ‘Dress and Co.’ snarks, that’s more than enough proof for me that you’re a hard worker.” “Are you serious?” “Are you serious about your love for fashion?”

Weighing the pros and cons, my horoscope repeats itself inside my mind. ‘Your good energy is best for focusing on the stuff that matters.’ Fashion is what matters to me. It’s my life. Feeling optimistic, I accept her offer. Pulling out a piece of scrap paper from her purse, Lauren writes her phone number for me. “Give me a call and we’ll set up all the details! This is going to be so much fun!”

Day 21; “you maybe experiencing some changes within your career path, ones that open the door to more financial freedom. Do not let the fear of change hold you back. As one door closes, another may open..”

21 days of daily horoscope reads and it’s safe to say I’ve become devoted. Although, today’s read has left me feeling optimistic about the future; I’ve been dwelling on each message forgetting that my path is far from controlled. How is it that upon waking my first cause of action is insight into where my days are heading above gratitude? Had I released the fear of the unknown allowing myself to exist without mincing ones words, peace of mind would come undeniably yet here I am..

Deliberating in my mind. What changes are yet to come? How can I get there? When will I get there? These are questions that could do more damage than good when over analyzed in your mind. Overthinking is a killer. Indulging too much has only nourished my constant worry and I’ve realized horoscopes are doing more harm than good. I’ve always been one with faith, always been held onto hope and slowly it’s diminishing. Slowly my days are controlled by a short excerpt when it should be led by God.

I’ve decided to let go, and leave it all to the universe. Learning that what you think creates your reality only urges me to detox my mind and create a safe space where my thoughts are analyzed and not judged allowing me to not dwell on the negative and focus more on the positive, and rather than worry about what’s next I will dedicate my days to showering my mind with what I know will come and be at peace.

I am great, I am blessed, I am creating the life I want.

Sarah opened her email inbox and clicked on the topmost unread email - a Vogue newsletter. She scrolled down to the daily horoscopes.

"Word for the wise," she read aloud, "shift your gaze a little. Look at the given situation from a higher perspective. This will help you recognise that you are being redirected towards your soul purpose."

Sarah bit her lip, mulling the words over. Then she unplugged her laptop, grabbed her coffee mug, and headed out of her apartment. At the elevator at the end of the hall, she pushed the "up" button, and tapped her foot while she waited. The creaky old thing always took too long, but she lived on the first floor, so taking the stairs wasn't a great option.

Finally, she came out on the roof of her apartment building. There was a little garden up there, and a small green metal table and chair, a bit damp with morning dew but with a nice view of the city.

"A higher perspective," Sarah said to herself as she settled in at the table, taking a sip of her coffee. "Alright, soul purpose, I'm ready!"

You should always trust the stars and your horoscope, here’s why.

I had found a book that had nothing on it’s purple spine, I picked it up out of curiosity. On the front there was gold writing that simply said “Horoscopes”. I opened it to see that it was full of information and readings. I went to the section for 1995. I went to my specific one. It said that both 𝙶𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚝𝚗𝚎𝚜𝚜 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝙳𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚎𝚛, were ahead. I believed what it said because I'd 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 believed that horoscopes were true. They tended to be true for me. This was no exeption. There was a lot of great things. But there were even more dangers.

My phone shook me from my sleep as my alarm’s chimes pierced the quiet of the morning. I blindly reached over to fumble with the screen and shut off the racket. As I squint in reaction to the bright lights of the screen, I see that I have a new notification.

It’s my daily horoscope.

“Cancer: Today you will meet a stranger who will impact your life forever.”

My horoscope was always a fun way for me to set my day. In a way I knew it was hokey and likely written by a computer program or some amateur wanna-be writer. But it was always had an innocent tone.

This was so ambiguous. What kind of impact could it be? A good one, like someone with a giant novelty check for a ten million dollars will show up at my door? Or maybe this was a bad omen, like today I am going to lose a toe in a boating accident? Maybe some random guy is going to trap me in his basement and force me to watch every single horrible spinoff film in the “American Pie” movie series? That would be a fate worse than death.

I laid in bed, contemplating exactly what those words could be. My mind flip-flopped between the best and worse case scenarios. Hope would turn into panic and then back into hope, only to return to panic.

So I decided to not leave my bedroom today. Best to play it safe.

“Not a good week to socialise, this one, so I’ll just stay home most of the time.” Jenny answered, slightly bothered for the interruption to her favourite series, which she loved binge watching.

“Oh c’mon, says who?” was the eager, skeptic answer from her best friend on the other side of the phone.

“My horoscope. I just checked.”

A deep sigh from the other side.

“I cannot believe that you believe that crap, Jen.”

“Well, I do. I’m a Cancerian, I prefer home anyway.”

“Some other website or magazine will be saying the opposite, that it’s a great time to go out. That’s all nonsense and you’re making excuses.”

“So what? And what if I’d rather be home watching series? Not everybody is always in the mood to go out all the time. Can you please respect, Suzy?”

Another deep sigh and some babbling.

“Fine. It was the last time I ever invited you to do anything, Jenny. You’re hopeless and you’re going to be without friends in no time.”

Suzy hung up without even saying goodbye. Jenny placed her phone on the table slowly. Deep inside she didn’t really want to be without friends but she also knew the true ones would understand. And she was a Cancerian indeed. Not exactly the most extroverted star sign and one that absolutely loved being home. She always took that very seriously.

(Sorry, no inspiration for more than this 😞 thank you for reading anyway.)

John felt a glimmer of hope each morning as he pulled his phone off the charger dock and pulled up his Astrological forecast/ tarot card reader app. It was the first part of his morning ritual. Unaware of the phenomenon known as “self-selection bias” which is the tendency of humans to look for interpretations or confirmations for what they already hope to be true, John would check his daily reading and smile at the promise of love and fortune coming his way soon. He’d then finish his routine and head to work. He carried with him a quiet confidence that this was most definitely the week his horoscope promises would manifest itself into reality. A few years passed and John finally realized not once had any of his daily astrology predictions had come true. Ever. Like, not even close. Angry and frustrated he said to himself, “what a crock of shit”. He got home from work that evening and decided to use google and find out if there was any truth to this whole horoscope business. Among many things, he learned the one of the many cheap reason why astrology may seem like it works is because our brains are wired to look for patterns, even when none exists. Disappointed, he deleted all of his astrology apps, got drunk, and went to bed early. The next morning after waking, and determined to maintain his morning routine he came across an app called “Karma for dummies”. Everyday it gave the same message, “give more, help more. forgive always. the universe will reward with all your heart desires.” Within a very short time good luck found John again and again. He married a hot chick, started a family, and found money always came easily and often to him. He lived happily ever after and had lots of sex with his super hot wife. The end.

(There are no scientific studies that have shown support for the accuracy of horoscopes, and the methods used to make interpretations are pseudo-scientific. In modern scientific framework no known interaction exists that could be responsible for the transmission of the alleged influence between a person and the position of stars in the sky at the moment of birth. In all tests completed, keeping strict methods to include a control group and proper blinding between experimenters and subjects, horoscopes have shown no effect beyond pure chance. Furthermore, some psychological tests have shown that it is possible to construct personality descriptions and foretelling generic enough to satisfy most members of a large audience simultaneously, referred to as the Forer or Barnum effect.)

Every morning, when Howard awakes from his Taurus like slumber, he checks how the date, of which today is May 15th, 2021, affects his horoscope. This chooses his outfit for the day, if the date does not match his horoscope, and it says that it will be a bad day, he will literally change his outfit to match the sadness. His family thinks he might be goth based off the fact that his horoscope always says today is not “compatible” so he wears all black to match these sad, sad days. He is quite a slim man partially because of his diet, which is purely influenced by ‘how someone of the Taurus horoscope should eat everyday’ catalogue, and the other parts is his great metabolism. He’s tall along with his slimness, with a towering height of six-foot-two, of which he uses to battle his enemies. His enemies you ask? They are none other than the opposing horoscopes, his ex’s, horoscope haters, and some new trend called the rise of the “Karen’s”. Yes, yes our friend he does stay trendy. As we mentioned earlier he does choose his outfits each morning based off of his signs compatibility to the day, but not only this is chosen by the sign, but even his career. After each morning of doing his daily horoscope research he gets out of bed, gets dressed in the compatible outfit of the day, and heads downstairs to the kitchen to make his meal, today’s meal, which is the same as every other day, eggs and bacon, but it’s different because his eggs are cooked as the book says. Next thing is to use his royal blue toilet, well because it’s royal blue it means that he must be royal, no? No he is not, the horoscope told him that his bathroom should be royal because he is in fact royalty to the Taurus, but the bathroom part I have no idea. He then gets into his Prius, now he might not be the most proud Prius owner, or the most environmentally centered person there is considering that he used to work for an oil mining company prior to finding out his destiny in horoscopes. Outside his Prius there is not a single dent, not one, although his ex girlfriend did key his car on his quarterly horoscope prayer date. The inside of his Prius is completely clean, almost as if he might have some sort of OCD but he does not, it’s his trust in the horoscopes that tell him he must keep a prestige Prius, because what could be more manly in the little rural town of Lindsborg Kansas than a bright blue, clean energy, clean air, clean paint, clean inside with a goth driving Prius. On his way to work he stops at the same diner, for the same item, a small pure black coffee, with a clean bagel, again because the horoscope told him to do so. Around twenty minutes after he left the diner he’d be at work, which he worked at an office, a crayon recall office, of which he’d answer calls of people complaining about the companies crayons qualities, can you guess the reason why he decided to get this job, and move from his half million dollar house in Texas, to a cheap trailer in a ghetto trailer park? Well you probably guessed it, based off of how we know Howard so far, you probably said that it was the horoscope, and yes you are in fact correct in your guess of saying it was the horoscope, because he got the job because of the horoscope. It was a major pay cut but it was all worth it in Howard’s mind. The horoscope tells him everything in his life, it got to the point where it would tell him what his type of girls is, so bad that he ended up breaking up with his 9 year long girlfriend. It also chooses what friends he is allowed to have, even removing his best friend, Gary, who is now married with Howard’s ex, was upset at first, but got a wife out of the fight and is now settled. This goes as far to tell him when he can see his family, saying that only two days a year should be used to see family, April 22, and November 24. These two days are in fact random but that’s what the horoscope wants. Dedicated to Sammy, my good friend, Sammy.

Gordon woke up with a jolt like lightning. A new day and a new prospect. He kicked the blanket off him, exposing his warm body to the cold, morning air. He didn’t mind it. It would wake him up. He did all the usual morning things that anyone would do but he had one thing that he always looked forward. The horoscopes! He sat down with his sugar-packed cereal and milk and simultaneously scooped a large mouthful whilst opening his phone to see the latest.

He scanned to his star and read intently. His eyes lit up with instant excitement. He spent no time wasting and opened up his Tinder and began swiping furiously to the right. There was no discrimination in the swipes except for the amount of seconds each new face had to wait between each swipe. He stopped when the app told him he had no more people in the area, which wasn’t many since the last time he swiped with open arms.

He subsequently finished his bowl of cereal at speeds that only pigs could compete. He went to the the local corner shop and purchased many lottery tickets. As much as the money in his wallet contained. Actually, it was the winnings from his previous lottery pot dash.

He scratched furiously to reveal the results. Nope. Nope. Nope.

He became furious and scratched his skull as the results betrayed the stars and he lived for the stars. He opened up his dating app to discover that he had been blocked from the app for suspicious activity. He became furious and swiped the app from his phone, deleting it from existence.

Today was not his day. He looked at the time and counted the hours, minutes and seconds until the next horoscope. He smiled and continued on his day.

“Your creative process has been in a state of turmoil in recent years, Virgo. That turmoil isn’t a random punishment—you’re being pressed to explore your craft to the deepest level possible to find what you’re meant to be pursuing. “

Shit! I think my horoscope is getting a bit snarky with me. I swear I wasn’t going to work on music today, I swore it off. I never wanted to take such risks. I have a girlfriend and we want to start a family. Now is not the time to pursue dreams, now is the time to make realities. Fuck! My horoscope has rarely been wrong though. Hmm maybe I can hold a Grammy in one hand and balance a baby in the other, I bet Entertainment Tonight would eat that photo up! How to use family to my advantage? Maybe I’ll make some children’s albums, something like Fred Penner But instead of “Sandwiches being beautiful” I’ll make my songs about quesadillas!