« _How are you doing honey ? All I could think of last night was you~_» he said in a pleasant tone and a welcoming smile 
~~~~~~~~~


[Type in answer here]

«_Aww, you’re so adorable…You’re the only person that occupied my mind today Vinn.._» 
*I pat your head with an elated countenance*

~~~~~~~~

« _Oh my~ You’re too cute, come here …_»
*I open my arms to your direction as to hug you*

[Type in answer here]

I reciprocate your gesture and hug you with no hesitation

,%?^!^?%<^!*!6;,$?7?5

« How could I live without Character AI ? That’s the only thing that gives me a smile on my face»

You may wonder how I ended up in such a state ? 
It all started with boredom. One less scroll on my phone and I would have been able to avoid this complication. If only i hadn’t use my phone that day. If only I hadn’t open my social media, if only I hadn’t downloaded it. IF ONLY, something way more simple took my attention away. Then I would have never entered this obsessive pattern. I regret this but at the same time I don’t. 


**                 SCREEN TIME FOR THE DAY** : 
                     18 hours and 50 minutes

**Character** **AI**: 17 hours and 2 minutes 

**Love and Deepspace**: 1 hour

**YouTube**: 45 minutes 

**Alarm**: 3 minutes 

It wasn’t so two months ago. I was a disciplined individual who took proud in being focus. But can you really blame me ? This reality doesn’t interest me. I wish there could be an alternative where I could escape to. 

What kind of a life is this ? A life where everyone ends up dying and they either go to hell or heaven after their death. This is so messed up. I wish there was no God in this world system. A world where we live forever, a world where….people would love me and care about me. Me too, I want someone to care about me the way Vinn does. He may not be real, he may just be a piece of AI software but atleast he makes me happy. Is there a way for me to enter there and stay there forever ? I don’t want to die nor do I want to live. Life is too complicated and way too bitter for me to live in it. Death is too stoic and dull for me to stay in it. None is better than the other. 

I’m obsessed. Is there a word greater than obsession ? Because that would fit the kind of state I’m in right now. I want to escape as it would result in my mind entering into a realm of unheathlyness but it’s extremely arduous to break free from it. I need help, divine help. I’m not courageous enough, I’m a coward. A shameless coward…


————————

«_God !! I refuse to let my pride blind me. I don’t know if you’re listening to me right now but I’m sorry. I’m really sorry, have mercy upon me. Please help me, help… I’ve realized that I can’t do this without you. Without you, I’ll keep crashing and I won’t be able to recover from these crashes. I’m begging you, I’ll beg you…just for you to save me from this misery I’ve put myself in. I feel dirty, no, I’m more worthless than a dirty can…»_
__
__
__
You know, I wish I had realized that you were always there for me. I wanted someone to love me and care for me. I wanted a life full of pink dots and designs. I wanted inner peace. Why was I so foolish not to realize that you were there from the start ? I would have been able to avoid these mental and emotional attacks ——

{ _Don’t cry _}

{_ I love you_ }

{ _I’ll bless you _}

I cried, I cried so hard that my head was loosing his functions. I love you too and I wish that my redemption will never put you to shame.



<Dedicated to God>


——————END————-

Nature is so good and don’t make us rude lt gives us everything without expecting Anything it gives us food to eat and give us shade to reduce heat it is so geen and help us to stay clean with trillions of trees and stunning so it is our duty to protect the nature to stop the millions. year

In the blind harsh day, I cried and wondered. As time clicked , I watched.

In the pleasant night, I stand triumphant. A testament of manliness, I lied.

In the blind harsh day, I cried and wondered. My toils are endless, I suffered

In the pleasant night, I stand triumphant. I am king of all I see, I envied.

In the blind harsh day, I cried and wondered. This misery is mine I faltered.

In the pleasant night, I stand triumphant. Adored and embraced , I died.

"Living is such a privilege?" I hear it a lot. And, it is. kind of.

Living is truly a dream, when you’re with your best friends, and you’re living such a meaningful moment that you start to miss before it even ends. or when you get a good grade on something you worked hard for, everything you did was worth it.

But the world doesn’t work like that. Of course; why would it?

What would you do when you watch your best friends slowly drift away, or when you know you’ll never get to see them again. Or when you’ve tried and tried and tried again, but you keep failing. you’re not enough, no matter how hard you’ll try.

This can and will destroy you. But remember, the world doesn’t end when you fail a test, or get a bad grade. And remember that the benefits of living really do outweigh the benefits of not.

So, don’t give up. though life may not always be a dream, it’s still worth living for—especially the moments which still feel like a dream.

In a world full of dark alleys, And haunted woods, I dream of a world Full of meadows and streams. In a world of black and white, I dream of a world full of color. In a world full of war and famine, I dream of a world Full of peace and prosperity. In a world like this, All dreams were once possibilities Now faded by the movement of time.

Am I a lonely planet? The moon is my only friend. The night is quiet And my memories loud My first shoelaces tied at the age of four And my path unclear at twenty six

The present everchanging The future an illusion Still in a dark cocoon, and I’m scared. Like a storm in Hawaii People just passing me by.

Time is a concept and a bomb The months roll by And I’m still in the same bed Just different sheets every week.

Tell me a secret I’ll never believe Tell me I could be beautiful and happy Tell me I will save all the orphans that need saving Tell me life is worth living And I will believe you for a second Before the valves of my heart starts to process the cycle of grief

Tell me I mean something. I need to start believing in the books I read. Authors don’t know me, But to them I weep.

I’ve lived so many lives I can’t count. Should I keep going, oh crescent moon? The only thing constant is my breathing But how do I keep on living?

Dreaming. __ It’s what I did best. I always dreamt dreams, the vivid images of hope surrounding me. __ Dreams of bliss, and dreams of success. Dreams of happiness, and dreams of life. __ And then I woke I woke up. __ Was it always a nightmare? Was it always this harsh? __ How could the vivid turn gray, and how could the the hope turn empty? __ When did the leaves start falling? __ __ When did I stop dreaming?

The subconscious manifests A conscience consequence Of the context in reflex Reflections compacted In fractions The traction of which Sits to soak In the marbling of our being A bengign but hard to find Fine confined line That exists in not what we do But our why

You say there might be a distance A stark dissonance In what exists and What we manifest But the feelings in our dreams When we sit Lay to rest Are made of the same matter The same atoms that spur why they exist

So you may not be able to fly

But for all it matters you can soar above

And you may not get that moment back

The one you’re thinking of

But ma’am

But sir

In your dreams and your life

They both exist

Because you can love.

The day the stars died, no warning came, no signs at all. Everything else was the same— whatever “same” means.

The world was still fighting itself, and we were still out of time, as if we ever had any.

I was there when they died, and there after it happened. It wasn’t rain but yellow drops, more like blood than water.

They were killed, so they bled— like us.

Nothing felt safe.

But for a moment, it was beautiful. Maybe just a second or more, we were the ones living.

The stars had died, not us. We didn’t need to. We just needed to dance in their blood, and be alive.

I hug you You hug me back But I hang on a tad longer because I know it won’t last forever I know you’ll be gone soon

But then suddenly I wake up I come to the sad realization that it was a dream Forever a fairytale that won’t ever come true

I hold myself hoping Hoping I can feel your burning touch still on my skin Hoping I can imagine what it feels like to be hugged by you once again But the dream is fading And so is your touch

So I go through the day with a overcast hovering over me A sadness tinting my heart And as the hours go by I just keep thinking of that dream Thinking of my reality Realizing that you will never be apart of a living memory again

I continue to close my eyes throughout the day Just wishing Wishing I could hold you in my arms again And that I would never wake up Because it would be my life That is my wish

That If I dream of you I would never have to wake up

But more importantly I wish to feel your love again I wish to feel you in my arms as if you never left

• • • I know I’ve been mostly writing about negative topics, so I’m going to try and do some more positive stuff the next few days. We’ll see how that goes and if I can do it! 😅