“I have created a monster” The first thing I heard When I was brought back to life

I looked down at my hands One eye pointed at the floor The other at these odd limbs These are not my hands They are not matching One rotten and green The other Bare bone

My vision still foggy I recall what had happened What you had done to me

We were staring at the stars Both leaning against the rail Of this rusted bridge You said everything would be okay I believed you

You put your hand on my back A sweet sentiment turned bitter What I thought was Butterflies in my stomach Was really a drop of forty five feet A plunge into an icy Shallow Stream What a shame

As I recall this horror You stare at me in disgust From across this cement room As if you didn’t cause this

I step off of this platform I walk as quickly as I can With my new legs They are uneven and weak With stitches and bruises

What have you done

I make my way to the mirror I was beautiful

What have you done?

My face beaten and bloody One eye blood shot The other out of the socket Pointed downward At this dreary floor My lips torn and purple

I think it is your turn You could use some Modifications

I’ve created a monster, Bottling up my feelings Made me go Insane.

I’m a monster now, A psycho, if you will, I don’t breathe anymore, I just kill.

Murder now flows In my blood, Embedded in my Mutated genetic code.

I kill For the thrill Of it all, Watch the bodies fall.

Kill, kill, kill, With a knife, Or a gun! Oh, what fun!

I’ve created a monster, My vision is now distorted, My outlook on life, With insanity it’s contorted.

With terror I reign, Terror and Pain.

Darkness most foul, The light burns my eyes, I’m dead on the inside, What a surprise!

I’ve created a monster…

I’ve created a monster not exactly sure how I did but I did I’ve created a monster With just the fangs hidden under my lid I’ve created a monster And I wish it could be undid I’ve created a monster If you had only hid I’ve created a monster sorry it had to be you kid I’ve created a monster

I’ve created a monster. I don’t care what people think. The monster is myself, bad. From the lies, hate, betrayal.

I’ve created a monster. My heart is currently broke. It can’t be fixed by no one.

I’ve created a monster…

It was years after she left when I realized I could’ve done more said more been there more supported her more.

I remember the day she was born and nothing was the same I remember her first steps I remember that her first word was my name

“You’re her older sister,” my Momma said “You’re her role model, and she looks to you for guidance

Because that’s what sisters are for.”

If that’s what sisters are for, then I am not a good sister.

Because I didn’t see that her happiness was fading And the pink of her cheeks were replaced with dark shadows

I didn’t see that she wasn’t herself I didn’t see the bad, bad choices I didn’t care for anyone outside of myself

My little sister wasn’t herself, because I didn’t care enough say enough be enough guide her enough

When she left me, I cried When she left me, her last thoughts were monsters When she left me, I failed as her guide

“My little sister!” I cried to anyone who’d listen “She left me because I didn’t help her

and because I didn’t help her,

I created a monster.”

And a monster it was, for it took my little sister The monster lived because I didn’t be her guide

Oh, the pain I lived in for the rest of my days! Oh, the words left unsaid Oh, the monster wasn’t stopped because of my ways!

There wasn’t much time until the monster turned to me talked to me held onto me changed me

And just like before, I couldn’t bring myself to care And just like before, I didn’t say anything And just like before, I didn’t stop the monster

“You can take me,” I told it, “because it’s only fair. You are the monster I created.

You are the monster that I didn’t see until it was too late

You are the monster that made her leave me.”

I don’t care anymore, Just as I didn’t care before

I want the pain to be over The pain of knowing that I created the monster that took my sister Knowing that I didn’t guide her away from the monster And then, nothing mattered anymore

Because the monster I didn’t stop And the monster I created Took my sister

I letting the monster take me because

This, the monster I created

Took my little sister.

When I was a little girl I wore bows and pink. I played with the neighbors kids

But when I wasn’t so young and little anymore, those things went away Now I wore skimpy clothing, dark colors, ran around with the wrong crowd one too many times

I was no longer the sweeter here happily ever after that my parents saw for me. I was not an angel anymore, I had fallen, farther and farther down the staircase that was the formation of the new me

Looking at the photo albums of an innocent perfect child, I realized what I had done. I’ve created a monster

A beast untamed by the human species I was now an angsty teen, set out to defy everything I once was. Forming the new me.

I’ve created a monster. Who would’ve thought it was me? All she does is embarrass me! Every minute of every day . She constantly tells people everything. She always repeats herself, and asks the same questions over and over. And she never understands the simplest things! It’s maddening. She says it’s because of her brain injury. So what? I’m sick of her excuses. I’m done with her.

I told her, “I’ve heard this all before ,and it’s branded in my broken brain— “No one will shed a single tear, or hold you close while you shake and tremble with fear . “All your angels, roses, & butterflies have turned into devils, snakes, and cold, dark space. “

But I’ve learned to make friends with her, since no one else ever stays around her long enough. This way, I will have someone who’s with me forever, since my husband broke every vow too many times to count. And every friend I make either moves or dies, or they lose someone and become a ghost girl like me.

A poem addressing all unaccepting parents of transgender children

The moment you hold your newborn child in your hands And them then something that means your whole life— So one day You can look down at the plant you grew and say “I made this”… But have you ever realized Your child isn’t a plant They are a tree Their colorful blossoms and leaves shine gold Under the broad daylight In a flock of birds, They attack the most colorful one out of all of them because being different is seen as a threat. You cut cut off your child’s branches Snipping away at the leaves, Try to cut it down But their roots stay strong You will lie to your child, And call the them a simple little plant And they will put on a mask By looking at other plants Instead of their forest Which you are always trying to burn See the soul, Not what carries the soul The flesh upon your child’s subtle bones Do not determine who they are So in the garden, Let your child be a forest Not a damaged seed

He couldn’t move. Her minds force fare out numbered his own will power. He was stuck. And he felt as if death was near. She stalked closer, an unusual look dancing on her face. “Do you know what you have created?” She whispered is his ear, her breath on his neck. “I… I have created a monster!” She smiled sadly. She knew. And she hated it just as much he did. “Yes, yes you did. But the way I see it, you created a villain, not a monster.”

Ive created a monster But you cant tell from her looks She hides in the shadows In corners, creaks, and nooks

She smiles all the time So you dont ever know Her thoughts are like prisoners of a crime Trapped in bars so she can’t grow

She likes the fall So she can jump in leaves Blend in with the darkness Of the dying trees

She runs from things shes scared of She winces at her friends Knowing they will leave her In the very end

She doesnt like her features Her hazel eyes and hair The sadness will not free her So she acts like she does not care

She likes to sit in the rain To feel its tears of wrath That way when she cries They conceal the path

She doesnt like her self She isnt who she used to be I look just like the monster Beacuse the monster is me