My mind turns against me even in the simplest situations

Every thought, a contradiction Every interaction, overthought

My brain doesn’t like me very much

tries to hurt me at every turn tripping me up in every way

i don’t like my brain either so i guess it’s fine

at this point it can’t even betray me it was never on my side

just for the streak so i am aware this low key sucks 😭

The precint was Adam’s favorite place. He loved the smell of coffee wafting through the halls, the dingy windows that seemed to never be cleaned, and the sound of his shoes on the gritty concrete floors. This morning was an especially good one: he was meeting with his colleague Detective Roberts to face a criminal he had brought in as part of a gang infiltration project. He had been a drug dealer for a few months now, working his way in from the outside in. The man who was waiting in the interrogation room had been his partner, and he was a good one. One of the best dealers in the area. Adam’s task was to bring him down, and he brought him in.

“Detective Roberts,” Adam nodded to the other man in the room, ignoring Gary at the table in front of him. Gary’s hands were cuffed, but he looked at Adam with poison.

“Officer Morgan,” Detective Roberts replied, taking a seat at the table across from Gary. “Let’s get this started.”

“Let’s,” Adam said, drawing his gun from its holster at his side. Gary flinched. Detective Roberts looked straight down the barrel.

“Now, Adam. I know the pay was good, but don’t be a traitor now.”

“I’m not a traitor. I was never on your side,” Adam replied before ensuring his silencer was on and pulling the trigger.

He uncuffed Gary and they left the precint.

There’s bodies covering the cliffs around me. Perhaps throwing myself off is my only option. I’m sure the waves would catch me. They would treat me kinder than my pursuers.

“Give up now or face death! We have you surrounded. Your men lie dead. It’s either jump or submit yourself for trial by the king.” A soldier on horseback proclaims.

“Over my dead body!” I shout back in retaliation. I practically hear him thinking ‘that can be arranged.’

I take a step back. Small pebbles fall of the cliff from the force.

Maybe a death I get to choose is better than a death chosen by them. I get to keep my reputation. Give Jameson the disappointment of never catching me. And maybe, I survive the fall.

I hear my heart pounding in my ears as the fog starts to clear. It’s racing with such force it might run out of chest.

White horses in neat lines are surrounding me. Both of my options are horrible. Where is the power of flight when you need it?

“You are charged with treason of the king and the kingdom. You were a respected general. What made you switch sides?” The caption on horse back questions.

“I’m not a traitor,” I proclaim. “I was never on your side.”

I leap, and pray I don’t drown.

"Do you have to do that?' I looked up quickly from my book, forgetting to hold my place on the page. 'What?' I say, in confusion. I slide my glasses back up. 'Read, duh. Why do you have to be such a nerd?' my brother taunts. I look around me - here I am curled up on the couch in my favourite reading position to the far right of the lounge room, while the family in sitting all to my left of me on their phones or IPADS. I wanted to say what I was doing was better, but I shrugged instead as no matter what I said it was always the same. I've given up a long time ago to fight for me. Some days I even let them win and would put my book down to join the endless droning of the internet. Under her breath my mother said, 'She's so different from us.' My father huffed in agreement. My simmering unease was now starting to boil. This was no longer a safe place, I stood up and told my family I was going to my room. No one acknowledged me, so I tried to act like I was okay. This is something I do on the regular now.
As I shut my door, I finally felt like I could breathe again. I took a full deep breath, took one more before moving over to sit on my bed. Placing my book beside me, I no longer feel the need to devour it as I did before, I closed my eyes and imaged what I wanted to say, to stand up for myself, that I do not judge you on the simple pleasures that you enjoy in life. Just because I am not the same - but because I can't win a trophy, a certificate, a ribbon, or a round of applause with reading, you try to snuff out my interests because no one else in our families would continue to stick to something they enjoyed if they got bullied for it. It just took one comment, and you would stop. What cowards - I have continued to do what I enjoy for years with your belittling comments. But you haven't given up on trying to get me to stop, to be just like you - so I read some nights in secret. Watching TV with you while I really imagine the last few chapters from my current book or image what would happen next. Then when it was finally bedtime, I would get comfy under the blanket (so I could easily hide my book and light if you came to check on me) and stay up to 2am reading without your judging eyes watching me. But look how sad everyone is, so depressed and not enjoying life until it's too late. I do not regret my choices to see different worlds, different loves, feel so strongly for characters that I can imagine the characters standing up for me - right beside me. Being the chosen family I always dreamed of.
I sigh and open my eyes. Turning to look at myself in my mirror, I continue to be me, I don't let you drag me to your side. I finally let myself say aloud. ‘I’m not a traitor. I was never on your side.’

Liam slowly approached Aaron from behind before placing his hands on his shoulders.

Aaron jumped and spun around. Liam had a huge smile.

"What's up, buddy?" He asked.

Aaron sighed. "Well, for one, you just scared the shit out of me. And two, I'm nowhere closer to getting Lily to like me."

Liam frowned. "Sorry, dude. I'm sure she'll come around. Just give it a few days."

"Thanks, Liam. You've given me someone to trust after...well you know." Aaron looked away.

"I get it. Your...betrayal before. You can trust that I won't do that. Ever." Liam smiled to hide the glint in his eye.

Aaron smiled back.

"Hey, guys!" Lily waved to them from walking beside her father.

Aaron turned around and blushed before waving back. Her father saw and growled at Aaron's weak attempt. Liam just waved like a normal person.

Lily whispered something to her father before running over to Aaron and Liam. Aaron pulled her close when she arrived and pressed his forehead to hers.

"Wait, Aaron, I thought you said you couldn't get her to like you..." Liam pointed between them both.

Aaron laughed and turned his head to him. "I wanted to surprise you."

"We're getting married in just four days!" Lily exclaimed happily.

Liam's face was drained of any emotions. "Oh, uh, that's great you guys. Congratulations. I, um, have to go now."

Before they could say anything, Liam rushed off with a shadow covering his gaze.

As Liam furiously pushed the door open, the man spun around in his chair.

"Oh, Liam it's you! What's up, why are you so angry?" The man asked.

Liam stormed up to the desk and grabbed the man's collar. "They're getting married in four days! I'm never going to be able to get them away to here! We either need to make the plan be a little earlier than before, or push it back a few days."

The man removed Liam's hand from his collar and sighed. "We'll make it earlier."

Liam stood straight. "Fine. Just make sure to tell the executors there was a change in plans."

"You're not the boss here, Liam. I am. I'll tell the executors when to be-"

Liam slammed the door shut before he could finish.

As Liam fumed and walked away from the building and door, Aaron held a crying Lily in his arms as his tears fell from revengeful eyes.

"Hey, guys..." Liam stopped when he realized Aaron and Lily weren't there anymore.

"Oh, hey Liam," Aaron said from behind him.

"There you guys are! Where'd you go?" He smiled.

"We decided to follow you after awhile," Aaron smiled back.

Liam's smile disappeared. "Oh, I see."

Aaron smiled wider. "Unfortunately, you are very hard to track."

Liam slowly eased his face into smiling again. "I see. Well, come on now. Let's start preparing everything for your wedding."

He began walking away.

Suddenly, Aaron called out behind him. "We've actually...just called the wedding off."

"Huh?" Liam turned around. "You did? Why?"

Aaron glanced at Lily and she simply put her head on his shoulder. Aaron turned back to Liam with a strange look.

"Follow me." He whispered.

Liam raised his eyebrow but walked up the hill toward them. "Okay? Where to?"

"This way." Aaron began walking in the direction of the building.

Liam kept his composure the entire way. A tiny microphone screamed in his ear.

"Why are you already coming back with them? It hasn't even been two hours!"

"Tell the executors it's time. They know what's going to happen." Liam whispered in reply.

As the trio got closer to the small building, Lily began sobbing. Aaron just looked forward and blinked his tears away.

Liam walked quicker ahead of them and went through the door. Aaron took a deep breath and followed, but not after grabbing Lily's arm and pulling her close.

The second Aaron and Lily put a foot into the building, they were swarmed and pressed against the man's desk.

"Well, well, well. Look who showed up." The man teased.

Liam stepped out from a back room. "It's ready now." He told the man.

"Good. Take them to the back." He pointed the people holding Aaron and Lily to where Liam had come out of.

As they passed by, Aaron furiously tried to pull away and lunge at Liam. "Bitch."

Liam just sneered.

Aaron's stomach dropped as he saw all the equipment lining the walls. Swords, guns, and nightsticks.

Aaron kept his head held high as he was thrown onto his knees in the center of the room beside Lily.

"You touch her again, and I'll kill you," Aaron growled.

"Try, I dare you." The guy rolled his eyes.

Aaron leg burned as someone kicked it hard. He tried looking up, but someone else kicked his ribs. Lily cried out as she was drug away. Someone grabbed Aaron's head and turned it to face her. The guy holding her picked her up and kissed her. She screamed. Then he dropped her and lifted a sword above his head.

"No!-" Aaron's scream was cut short as Liam put his hand over his mouth to muffle it.

The man brought the sword down hard on Lily's body. Her pained scream was silenced and life drained from her face.

Aaron widened his eyes and a tear fell from his eyes.

Liam slowly released his mouth and Aaron sagged. Lily's limp, dead body was dragged away.

The man holding Aaron's head let go.

Aaron slowly turned his head in Liam's direction. Aaron's eyes held fear while Liam's held nothing.

"You- you betrayed us. You're a traitor. You made Lily die. You knew I loved her. We were going to get married." Aaron whispered.

Liam glanced down at him and took a deep breath. "I'm not a traitor. I was never on your side."

Aaron looked away from him and turned cold. Men began kicking him over and over. Soon, Aaron's life faded away. His eyes became gray circles and his body became even colder with death.

Liam looked down at Aaron for the last time. Once, everyone left, he went over to him and kneeled, placing a hand on his friend's forehead.

"I'll miss you, Aaron."

This was the last murder mission Liam went on. He turned himself in weeks later and was sent to prison. He made a riot, which failed, and was sent to a much larger and stricter facility. You should remember the rest.

This is just a Prelude of what's to come. Enjoy!💚

"There you are. Now, update me." a man said.

The other puts his hands on the table."Those guys I'm with are so nieve. We're right under their noses and they have no idea."

"Good. I assume we're ready to make the next plan?" the man asked.

The other nodded. "More than ready."

"Right. Here's what you'll do. I need you to guide them here. By whatever means necessary. You have four days. Good luck." the man lifted his legs and put them up on his desk.

The other stood straight again. "Fine. I'll be back in four days with them."

"Very good." the man sneers as the other walks out of the room.

People wonder why my pillow is wet and damp. People wonder why I just keep my mouth shut. People wonder why I seem depressed. People wonder this and that and blame and judge yet they have no clue about anything. They get so blindsided by the outside of me yet they don’t care about the inside of me. They care about the tears but they don’t care about the reason for them. They care enough to ask the questions but they don’t care enough for the response. They wonder why, about everything yet it’s perfectly clear! “Why are you so sad?” They ask. “It’s nothing,” I’ll reply. Oh no, it’s definitely not the fact that the person I hate and you know I hate is your best friend! That doesn’t make me feel bad because I’m not a human to you. I’m just a little pawn in your stupid game. It definitely makes me feel super great! So great that I cry every night wondering what I did to deserve to be treated like shit. To be left out by people who I thought were my true friends. I never did anything to deserve the pain, yet that bitch did everything she could to make my life miserable, and everyone likes her! And I am so kind to everyone and I try to be a strong person but sometimes I break. The people who try the hardest to love and care for others never get that in return. I feel like I want to disappear but the truth is I want to be found. Well no, I want to find someone. I want to find someone who actually cares about me, not the people who don’t! Screw those jackasses! They don’t care about me! So why should I care about them! If I don’t care though, I’m going to get judged for not caring even though the people judging don’t even care. You know what, I’m done trying for people! In my time of losing all of my friends, I’ve realized that I enjoy being by myself more. That I didn’t need them to begin with I just thought I did. Just rid yourself of the fakers! It’s what I’m going to do, because here is what they all say, “I’m not a traitor. I was never on your side.”

I brought my face closer to Oren’s. His jaw was tight. His big, beautiful brown eyes were glowing. His crooked smile drew me closer. I focused down into his lips then back to his eyes. He cupped my face gently and my lips found his. Our lips molded together. My hand traced up his neck and into his mess of curls. He wrapped his hands around my waist and pulled me on top of him. I gasped for more air with every kiss that came after. I let my eyes fall shut and brought my knee up. Then a sharp pain shot across my leg and I screamed. I looked down at my leg to see blood flooding out of the wound. I look up at Oren, he held a bloody knife in his right hand. A smirk grew upon his perfect face. He used his free hand to tuck away a luscious brown curl that fell in between his eyes. I screamed in pain and grabbed my leg. He came closer and to me as if he was going to comfort me. I crawled backwards on my elbows in agonizing pain.”Stay back!” I yelled at him. His smiled dropped.” What’s wrong Elara? Are you afraid?” He inched closer, a corner of his perfect, plump lips reached up into a little half-smile. “Don’t touch me!” I screamed. I took the jacket I wore off and wrapped it tightly around my aching leg. I crept backwards until I hit the wall then I froze. I looked into his eyes. They suddenly didn’t look so perfect. They looked evil, deadly. His crooked smile that I loved had turned into a sly smirk. His tight jawline had turned into the jawline of a villain. “Elara-“ he started. “No!” I sobbed,” just-just kill me now!” I was almost pleading at this point. I looked into his killer eyes.” How could you? After everything we’ve been through. After everything we’ve done to get here.” He flashed that sly smirk once again. “Elara I did what I had to do to survive.” “Don’t tell me that. What about me? Did you ever care about me?” “You thought that didn’t you? The queen ordered me to keep an eye on you, make allies with you if I must. So that’s what I did. I made you believe that I was with you and that I loved you when I’m reality, I couldn’t care less about you.” I stared at him in unbeleif.” So the plan was Always for me to die?” “Elara I did was I had to do.” Rage suddenly ran through me. I was angry beyond control. I was so idiotic. I really thought that Oren cared about me, j thought he loved me, and worse, I loved him. I loved every perfection and imperfection. I loved him more than anything in my life. “Traitor!” I screamed at him. “I’m not a traitor. I was never on your side.” Then my world went black.

She’s screaming At me I don’t know why I didn’t do anything

“Your a traitor! You hear me!?! Traitor!”

A traitor? Me? What is she talking about It’s my turn to talk

“What do you mean? I’m not a traitor I was never on your side!”

Her face is blank now Did I say something wrong

“You Weren’t on my side?”

Why is this confusing to her?! Obviously I wasn’t on her side

“No I never was Because you were wrong The entire time

So you see, I wasn’t a traitor I was never on your side.”

“How dare you! I thought we would be better than this!”

“I think we both knew this was coming!”

“You’re a traitor! I can’t believe I trusted you!”

“I’m not a traitor. I was never on your side.”

The two sisters continued to fight about why they were watching Avatar the last Airbender for the millionth time.