If I Count The Ways I Love You, I am reminded or the best day of my life, when you were born and how you literally saved me, and have everyday since then. My world was in black and white and turned into the most beautiful vivid colors ever. I was finally alive.

If I Count The Ways I Love You, I would say how absolutely beautiful and amazing you are inside and out. You probably would say I have to say this I’m your mom. Yes, true, but I’ve heard more times than I can count and received countless letters about how special, dependable, loving, caring, respectful, you are and how much of a leader, selfless, humble person are. I could go on and on forever.

_If I Count The Ways I Love You,, I would tell you how much of a caretaker you are and how much it means to me to know I can count on you for anything anytime. It’s priceless. _

If I Count The Ways I Love You, I Would definitely say you’re patience is commendable to say the least.

_If I Count The Ways I Love You, I would have to say because of how kind and caring you are to everyone including family, friends and anyone neighbors, strangers. I’m reminded of a night late when a stranger was in the street and most would have drove by, but you stopped to seee if they needed help. _

If I Count The Ways I Love You, I would include how respectful you are and always say please and thank you and how many times over the years I’ve heard about this, and how rare it is nowadays! It’s common courtesy.

_If I Count The Ways I Love You, I would say how great a friend you are. You will go anywhere, anytime , often the middle of the night, to help a friend out and actually do so regularly. _

_If I Count The Ways I Love You, you love you _ I’d have to say by helping everyone out so much that you’re going to school to become an. EMT-FIREFIGHTER! My Hero! My Son, My Friend!

_If I Count The Ways I Love You, I would say how many acts of service you do for me to show your love, in addition to your amazing hugs 🤗, words of affirmation and gifts and cards. You’re also very good with words and write the sweetest notes in my cards that I’ll keep and cherish forever. _

_If I count the ways I love you , it would take forever and ever beyond infinity bc you’re the BEST part of me, even when I m gone you’ll forever shine on like a when you were so young and if we were apart, I told you to look up to the sky and look at the stars and I’d be looking at the same ones. _

Love always and forever to infinity, Mom ☺️

If I could count the ways I love you I'd be counting for eternity.

I'd discover numbers that don't yet exist.

Every star would perish, and billions would be born, before I'd finished.

I believe, if I were to measure my love for you, it would outweigh anything else in the universe.

The strongest forces of nature would gaze upon my love with jealousy.

I loved you in secret, grieving the romance "that could have been."

Now that I am loved by you in return, I have nothing else to give but my love.

It's as thundering as the ocean, as immeasurable as the stars, and as determined as a flower in snow.

Numbers and words are not enough to capture the amount of my love for you.

I cannot promise much, but I can promise this:

I will love you, and you alone, until this universe of ours blinks out of existence.

There would be nothing Dead words would serve as flies Withholding no purpose or meaning Not because I am not skilled with this tongue But because I hold no intention of saying That I care for you

Ten years wasted with one signature Nine different ways to say stay Eight months of fighting Seven times I should have left Six days of silence Five types hatred Four souls left amiss Three words that don’t matter Two people walking different paths One love left behind

I’d tattoo your hand across my heart In hopes that you’d find me in the next life Your brown eyes give me butterflies While your voice narrates my day If I count the ways I love you I’d tell you secrets you never knew Like how you made me happy cry When I was feeling down about myself There’s plenty of reasons why You know all the right words to say Even if you sleep a lot and work overtime You match my pace to yours without even missing a beat You even read my favorite series just to understand That I’m more me when I’m with you So does it count if I count the ways I love you

If I count the ways I love you I’d ask, “Why does it always have to be me?” Like I did when I was a young girl Numerous blood draws and surgeries My friends don’t know my true pain Not even the ones that know my medical history I do my best to stay positive despite the outcome There are treatments but no cure For what I have This disease But someone’s got it worse than me pain and headaches- just breathe Thanks for telling me that its okay to cry When my body doesn’t know that it needs to but my mind relaxes in response That “it’s okay to cry” I cry and cry and cry Sometimes I need to be told that I cannot handle it alone But if I count the ways I love you I’d count my family and friends first For understanding what it’s like for me to live To continue to accept my self She’s constantly on the brink of anxiety, joy, and sadness But now I’d include me too Not loving myself last or less But loving myself equally More tomorrow than today These are the words I would say If I count the ways I love you

Note: this story is true. I actually do have Coats disease (rare eye disease) and other stuff including generalized anxiety. It’s not something I talk about normally, but I felt this way today so I decided to write a poem to express my emotions. I hope if you’re reading this you know that its okay to cry, to accept whatever it is you’re going through and to keep moving forward. ❤️

If I could count the ways I love you, I would be here all day.

So I chose the highlights that make me love and cherish you the most.

1. You’re kindhearted - your heart is golden, for those who you are lucky enough to meet you spread kindness and joy. You make their day just by being there and being you.

2. You’re generous - you give to those who are in need, you don’t expect anything in return because you have what you need.

3. You’re brave and bold - you take life on as if you’ve lived for so long, you may show fear but you’re not afraid to tell the truth.

4. You’re beautiful - not only on the outside but also on the inside. Your eyes shine bright and you smile with your eyes. Your body may not be perfect but it is perfect to me.

5. You’re vulnerable and innocent - you’re not afraid to show who you really are. Messy hair or trackie pants, you don’t care because the best gift you can give someone is you.

6. You’re bold but you do not have an ego.

7. You love - you love as though your life depends on it, you’re not afraid to show those who you care about the love you hold so dearly for them.

8. You’re loyal - you stand by those who you adore, you will always stick up for the underdog and never show hate.

9. You’re wise and smart - you can hold a conversation and genuinely show interest in those who you talk to.

10. You are YOU - your soul speaks volumes, you’re bright and cheery but also not afraid to show your emotions or that you care.

You see, these are only some of the things that I love about you, never change, keep being you because I think you’re just wonderful and superb.

I love you. The love you have for me is enduring and forever.****

I have failed you day after day, but regardless of that you love me.****

Your love for me never changes****

**The love you have towards me, nothing and nobody can separate ******

You are love****

Your love is priceless****

Your love is abounding****

Your love is better than life****

**Because of your love we are not consumed ******

You are gracious and forgiving****

**You have saved us ******

You are faithful and good****

You are infinite and wise****

**You are omnipresent, omnipotent and omniscient ******

**You are just and merciful ******

You are holy and perfect****

**You have demonstrated your love for us ******

You are gracious and pure****

You know what’s best for us****

You are my Father****

Three in one, Father, Son and Holy Spirit****

You sent your son to die on the cross for our sins****

Even though we don’t deserve it, you love us

_I could count yet never keep score _ __ _I’d find the numbers endless , each moment a precious infinity as my love for you only expands infinitely _****

_If I counted the ways I love you , my dear From this moment until the end was near _ _I’d run out of numbers ; words would fail For my love for you will always prevail. _

Oswald

There is so much that I still don’t understand about Rayburn.

How did he feel when his parents died? How vast is his fear of fire? What does he think when he’s annoyed? Does he really love me, even when he avoids the question?

So many questions—questions that I absolutely ignore.

The meadow is buzzing in the low wind and the afternoon sun. The tall grasses flow with the currents; the robins chirp from their nests in the forest behind us.

I’m laying down, eyes closed, my back against the soft, wet soil and my face to the warm rays. Rayburn is beside me, most likely sketching in his notepad some of the meadows flowers.

I open my eyes to see which flower he chose to draw and see his light gray staring at me. Rayburn flushes, then turns away embarrassed.

“I know I’m a handsome sight, Ray,” I lift myself up and scoot over to him so our legs are touching, “No need to be embarrassed over admiring my face.”

Rayburn frowns—like he always does—but doesn’t say anything. He just idly doodles some circles on his notepad with his charcoal pencil. Rayburn usually has a comeback when it comes to this type of stuff, so I’m surprised. Something has to be wrong.

“Hey,” I poke his cheek with my finger, watching as his jaw tightens, “What’s wrong with you, darling?”

He finally breaks and pushes my hand away. “Don’t call me that—nothing’s wrong.”

There we go.

I nip at his ear teasingly then kiss his cheek with a gentle press of my lips. Rayburn’s face turns red, but he tries to ignore me, turning his attention back to doodling. “Why not? I’m courting you now, aren’t I?”

Rayburn shrugs. “Well it’s seems Ann Marie has the same idea for you.”

I pause. Ann Marie? Please don’t tell me his mood is about that clingy girl who knows I’m too old for her. “Ann Marie is stupid. She doesn’t matter.” I lean forward to kiss him again. Rayburn stops me with his hand, and I just kiss that instead. He lets me, which means that his resolve is wavering.

“She’s not stupid—she’s like you.”

I move my lips away from a stop where charcoal seemed to make its home and glare at Rayburn between his fingers. “Watch your words, Ray.”

He continues nonetheless. “You’re both lovesick and persistent—“

“But she’s annoying about it,” I grumble.

“You were too, Oswald,” Rayburn snatches his hand away, wiping it on his brown trousers, “Trust me, I was basically you in that situation.”

I cross my arms. “Did I yell at your window at 9 ‘o clock at night?”

“No, but you did pester me when I was bedridden and take me to events that I truly did not wish or care to be at.”

His arm is back in my hands before he can say another word. “You agreed to go with me to those.”

Rayburn scoffs. “No, I did not! Anyway, this conversation is going out of hand.” He turns quiet, hesitates, then leans against my side. I involuntary let go of his arm and wrap my hand around his side, and pull him closer. Rayburn picks at my buttons and asks, “Do you fancy her?”

I lift him into my lap. “Please tell me that you’re joking.”

His back is against my chest, warm and thin, so I can’t see his face when he sighs and says, “But you have to find her a little attractive?”

“Rayburn, I would appreciate it if you were to kindly shut up.”

Rayburn turns to me, golden locks falling over his pale forehead. “If I weren’t here—if I never came—you would be with her, right?”

I growl. “Rayburn—“

“Oh come on, Oswald,” Rayburn lifts himself away from me and walks backward across the meadow, glaring at me as though I was the one at fault, “Look at me! If we hadn’t grown up together, even if you were still homosexual without me around, you wouldn’t give me a second glance!” He buried his head in his hands. “I just don’t understand….”

I stand and walk towards him in quick strides; he’s to busy muttering to himself to notice me bring his head back to my chest. We stand there, his hair tickling my collarbone, until he sighs.

“I love you, Oswald,” Rayburn looks up at me as I stare down at him, eyes wide, surprised at his confession, “I really, really do.”

Now, who can blame me for what I do next? No one. Because Rayburn saying, even uttering those words—exposing that vulnerable side of himself—is a rare thing of itself. I kiss him, and he kisses me.

It’s soft at first, then it grows to a hot pulsing crescendo. Rayburn’s arms are around my neck, his hips close to mine. My heart beats with the realization that he’s even allowing this kiss, allowing me to do whatever I wish to him. So I open my mouth, grab his waist with an arm, and fall—carefully, of course—to be hidden amongst the tall grasses.

Rayburn breaks away from me, I pull him back down again, but he does it again. “Oswald,” his breath is ragged, his thin lips a startling pink, “It’s getting late.”

I grin wolfishly, then turn us over so his back is to the dirt ground. “Then we should hurry this up, yes?”

I don’t hear his answer as my mouth descends back on him once more, and he doesn’t protest a second time. The birds are quieting, the wind too. The sky above his is waning of its light, the sky turning into different shades of pink, orange, and blue.

All that beauty couldn’t take my eyes off of the one in front of me. Panting and calling my name.

There was nothing that could tear me away from Rayburn.

Ann Marie

The moans coming from the meadow are too loud for me to ignore. I would have, if it was some random lad and a lady doing there things.

But this was Oswald with that twig of his that he liked to keep. My Oswald.

Tears are running down my face before I even know that they are. I sniffle, grimacing when I hear Rayburn shout Oswald’s name.

How dare he! How dare he….

I turn a heel and make my way back through the forest. Plotting, planning for how I was to bring Oswald back to the light. Then I remember.

There was that boy who seemed touchy with Rayburn at that last party. An aristocrat’s son.

I grin, my walk turning into a run.

Perfect. Absolutely perfect.