TW: swearing, also PSA can someone tell me if this is distasteful

I’m sorry for snogging your mum To do that to my best chum She was looking awfully fit An ass that don’t quit I guess you now see me as scum

Hell-raising, you could scorch the earth with your cold gaze Flag raising, have to be the one to give in nowadays Defeated army, retreating, just to meet your ass halfway Pity plays portrayed by the ones who are insensitive The ones who we must forgive The ones who we’re embedded with The ones that think an apology is where the victory is.

See, in a perfect world, you would be the perfect girl But we can't seem to get past each other's surface, girl I know your shell's been formed by other men And for that pain, I understand; I make amends.

Sorry to your ego We were never really friends Even with the the two year gap You couldn’t read between the lines Just because you were older Doesn’t mean I wanted you Just because you play guitar Doesn’t mean I’m falling for you So stop telling everyone how much I love you Stop telling everyone I have a silly crush Instead could you ask that tall brunette The one who play piano endlessly and never grows tired The one who plays guitar and loves it with every scar on his hand You know who right? The hot one next to you Instead could you ask him if he’s single? Because I’d much rather have him than your ego

I’m sorry for all the things I said Or didn’t say How you looked me in the eyes When you sighed and walked away Like we were never lovers It was just another fight We’d kiss and scream Just to have make up sex in the middle of the night My stomach held butterflies for you But I self destructed and tore their wings in two Blue like your sapphire eyes Black like your Maserati driving away Thinking of all the things I would’ve said If you’d have stayed

Sorry I suck at this, I wanna be active I do,

But I’m trying to get words down, On my future bestseller, (Sorry I’m delulu)

Working slowly, but at least I’m writing, I keep saying I’ll be more active, But I never do!

I’ve told you about my book a little, Even though you didn’t know that’s what I was doing, But we will see if I can get the first draft down.

Anyway, reading my old writings, Whoever looked me in my eyes, (Shush it’s for dramatic affect) And told me my writing about the peach orchard, Was good,

Back Stab Er.

Foul of you. It was not in fact good and made zero sense, Goofy goober.

So sorry I’m not active, My dms are still open, If you need or want to talk, Because I’ll always make time for the people I love,

Even if I’m absolutely trash at making myself write🤣

I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to do any of this… it just kinda… happened. I’m so sorry.

I’m sorry I’m sorry if I need extra reassurance But you see I got my mom’s anxiety as If it were a river running through my blood Constantly thinking I’m not enough

I’m sorry I’m sorry I say yes even when I want to say no But I have my dad’s need of pleasing the people that I love Even if it slowly strips away my own life in the process

I’m sorry I’m sorry I feel as if I’m never wanted But I’ve lived my whole life living in my sisters shadow Never knowing if the people surrounding me even know my name

I’m Sorry I’m Sorry

That I have my family’s trauma towering over me like Mount Everest That I’ve learned from the voices around me that I’ll never be enough even if I hold the world in my hands And that I don’t finish my dinner Incase my clothes start to touch my body a little too tightly

I’m Sorry I’m sorry that I’m so afraid of love because I won’t be able to survive if I lose you But I lost my father before he was even able to teach me how to drive So I’m a little terrified of allowing love inside

I’m Sorry That life has torn me apart so much to where I can’t show you Or myself The gentle love that we deserve

Dear world, I have a confession I am one of your many pollutants I’m a waste of space That harms this race And I’m afraid to say I sadly can’t erase My wasted days

But you know what I could do? I could chose to leave you Jump off a bridge Or utilize a gun Or chug some chemicals Like someone I know tried once Would it be fun? Probably not

But that’s ok Since I’m the one Wasting your resources When I know I’m not worth it I’ll do you the favour And go get murdered

I confess that my motives Are honestly selfish I wish to go Not for you, But for my own wishes

I wish to no longer worry ‘bout things Or have to feel miserable daily for weeks Or have to feel worthless monthly at least Or have to feel like I can’t amount to anything

I’m sorry I ever left you. I’m sorry I broke your trust. I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you. I’m sorry I let her near you. I’m sorry I let her hurt you. I’m sorry I didn’t help you. I’m sorry I let you down. I’m sorry I still can’t fix it. I’m sorry I don’t know how to help. I’m sorry I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry I am not enough. I’m sorry that all I can seem to say is I’m sorry.

I apologize.

Why?

I apologize for not being able to hold eye contact or finish the technique or do anything right. I apologize for the stutter I get or the wincing I randomly do or the pained smile I smile after I am defeated.

**You’re being stupid. **

I apologize for being so rude and for not speaking when spoken to. I apologize for being stupid. And for thinking I blended in. I apologize because I’m so different.

You’re not. You just want attention.

I apologize for the little moments when I shake or when I close my eyes or when I breath unsteadily or when I can’t continue or when I fall. I apologize for being incapable.

Incapable?

I apologize for thinking that for once for one little moment, I could be a good different. I apologize for thinking I was right in the head.

**And I apologize for taking your word for it. ** ——————

This was a kind of vent. I’ve been struggling with figuring out what’s up with my mind. I know that I have a multitude of mental illnesses or whatever you call it, but I’m so afraid to tell anyone. I know I have ADHD or ADD as well as like two other assumed things. This poem was only me talking.