Dark.

Black.

Grey.

Only shades of shadows.

Quiet.

Muffled.

Sounds so close, yet so far.

The air was stuffy, the kind that makes it hard to breath.

The first time I saw light, I thought I was dead. The tiny ray poking through the rough walls. So smooth and delicate I thought I would break it.

Break the light.

Break my only hope of escaping.

I pawed at the wall, but it didn’t break.

It grew.

My eyes ached at the sight, but I pushed on.

Light.

Outside.

It was like an instinct, something I had to do.

Something I had to find.

I pushed at the wall, the rocks crumbling to the ground.

When the door of my home was finally destroyed, my brain could hardly process the sight.

Tops of trees like green flowers. A golden sunset erupting in the sky. Pink and red was laced in, placed like delicate dew drops.

I unfolded my wings, stretching the sore muscles.

I flapped them once, twice, not able to take my eyes off of the painting.

With a puff of air, I lifted off the cliff-side, soaring into the sunset.

I feel a bit like the man who left the cave Who told his friends their shadows were not all Yet they seemed content to be enslaved Gawking at the visions on the wall

But as I leave the cavern a free man I cannot help but turn back towards my friends There is bliss in what they cannot understand A happiness I now can never feel again

I have lived My whole Life Surrounded by this darkness

Weeks passed As merely Days But that was before you

You You You Beautifully tragic you

A phantom I am always chasing

Your sunlight hits me Embracing me In a sliver of gentle light Softly

You trace my face Teasing me of your love Scattering before I can truly Kiss you

For a fleeting moment I am safe Then the darkness envelops me once more You whispered gently in my ear, your name Happiness.

He had waited 14 years for this moment. The days felt as if they kept slowing down, the sun taking eternity to set and another eternity to rise once more. Now he was ready. Excitement overwhelmed him as he accepted the challenge. He stepped into the open world, his vulnerable soul on display for all to see.

He wondered around, exploring the new world that opened up in front of him. He saw other animals for the first time. His mum and dad, left behind in the cave. He had been the first one to venture out. These other animals puzzled him, they where different- some vicious and strong, others small and meek- they were unlike him. ‘Why was he different?’ He thought to himself. He had never been exposed to the variety of life in front of him, he felt isolated and alone yet liberated. He decided he was done with the outside world and tried to go back to the cave but the pull, the longing to continue onwards overcame his body. He just kept on going and couldn’t stop until…

‘Henry, dinner is ready!’

He closed Instagram and put his phone in the table, then ran down the stairs to join his parents. He had returned to the cave.

I remember being 8. The first time I was aware of its presence. Sitting on the floor spiralling, sobbing because I could finally grasp eternity, death. The darkness had weaved its way in until it was all I knew. I didn’t expect to get better, no one could explain or diagnose, no one could save me from myself. I’d fall through time each word a sharp rock scratching my scar ridden arms as I passed them by. As I passed friends by. Physically things became darker, could only see shadows, only inhabit shadows. But then you came, and you stuck by me. You are sunshine in a person, sunshine I’d never known. At first I rejected it. A girl couldn’t love a girl? I couldn’t be saved from an unnamed illness? It couldn’t be sadness, and besides, sadness couldn’t just be banished? Yet here I am, sitting in the sun next to you. Soft long hair, shy smiles. You are my sunshine, I just wonder when you’ll leave.

I opened up my wings, stretching them out as I a yawed. I breathed and smoke filled the cave causing the a little creature that scurried in to sneeze.

I heard the little fur-ball dash away and I, bored, followed it. Listening to the sounds of its paw steps sad scent to locate it.

It scurried farther and further away from the depths of the cave. It was almost at the spot where the cave widens, a place I wasn’t aloud to tread. I ignored the rules and ran after it surprised of its quickness for how quiet its movements were.

My wings brushed up against the dip in the cave, signaling the widened path. It was strange to have my wings less cramped in a space, it was freeing, though my wings still couldn’t fully extend.

The farther I got from the thinner path, something weirder happened. I was able to see a shadow of which I presumed were my claws. They looked weird, far from what I imagined they would be like, granted I had never been given an example of what claws looked like.

Ignoring the weirdness, I dashed further out, fixated on the creature which appeared to be a tiny shadow. Where it went, I went.

Brightness began to slowly pour into the cave, grays, browns, and the rare green something I had never experienced, it was beautiful, I wondered why she made me stay away from it.

The tiny animal dashed into a hole in the cave, too small for me to fit in. It didn’t matter, another thing caught my attention, a bright white glow. I ran towards it.

My wings expanded finally allowing to extend as I came to the exit. The world was even prettier than the caves.

Green covered everything before grey showed a drop off. The open air was a deep blue, something incomparable to the caves. It was gorgeous, although overwhelming.

A red figure moved towards me, taller than even me. It wore an expression that I was unsure of it’s meaning. It moved closer before it spoke.

“I told you to stay in the cave! It’s dangerous out here!”

Oh, the figure was her, my mother. Why did she think this place was dangerous, it was indescribable. It smelled like freedom, it felt like freedom.

A loud bang sounded in the distance with pained roar following. Scared, I dashed into the cave. Perhaps that’s what my mom viewed as dangerous. Whatever it was, it hurt someone. Dangers lurk here.

Once upon a time I loved

And I loved every moment of it In the moment that is

Then I fell apart My heart was torn apart I was torn to pieces I became as fragile as glass

Then I fell down And no matter who tried to help I stayed down

There where I was broken, I rolled like a token Into a place where my heart had shade And at last Again I felt safe

I closed the entrance Locked myself inside Chained my glass heart Shut out the open doors And I let myself go

Only I didn’t let myself go I trapped myself And refused to let myself grow

Don’t give me that look I know you’ve thought it too I thought that if I never trusted I could never be betrayed But I was wrong

But I wasn’t betrayed by Him Or her Or Them Or It Or the world Or my luck Or you

I was so desperate to stay safe To not be betrayed But in the end I did the very thing I was avoiding I betrayed myself too

For years I sat there Drowning in my own misery But somehow I felt happy

But it wasn’t happy It just wasn’t sad It was nothing And I thought that That was how it oughta be

But soon winter turned to autumn And the leaves were no longer green Then fall turned to spring And the flowers bloomed once more Then spring turned to summer And the sky had less showers

For a minute, It made me want to set myself free But I reminded myself it was only temporary And it was Summer turned back to winter

But then something miraculous happened It happened again And again And again And again And it kept happening From winter to fall to spring to summer The seasons kept changing And I kept watching

I had made myself cold But the summer was warm And then after many years Of watching Of hurting Of guarding Of hiding There was a knock on my cave’s door

Something inside me twisted as I heard it I had dreaded the day that I would be saved I had feared it and felt it But now it was here And though I had always thought I would For some reason I didn’t hate it

A sense of relief washed over me Someone had came for me Someone had heard the stories Someone had thought I was worth saving Someone was here Someone was knocking at my door

It was just like all those years before When all the kings horses And all the kings men Had tried to piece me together again

But it was different now Because just like the seasons Someone had come back for me

So there in that cave I glimmered with hope I prayed that I’d be saved I prayed that I’d be loved I prayed that I’d be wanted I prayed that I’d be out

But I didn’t need to wait until I got out Because there in that cave As I finally forgave I finally felt safe And not the fake kind Not the kind I’d known for all my lonely years The real kind Because happy isn’t not frowning It’s smiling And that was my light

Alone I sleep The dark with me Silence deadly It stays with me As a guardian A friend

Ripped from my home My comfort stolen from Blinded Seeing nothing anymore I want to go back Back to the darkness My friend My guardian

Deep within The creature lies wake We can hear it breathe To our disarray We hang from apartments Cold and still But out to the footnote Here watching us Is everything we lost I’m the eyes of the devil We’ll reach the next level If god is watching us This lets him know we’re lost In this cave On our knees Begging please To the glowing red eyes

Peering in It seems we might win Hero’s never die And to our delight The artuistic parasite proceeds to the light Cleansing everything in its path it pushes forward Cleansing Cleansing Somebody cries In the back Showing what we lack It’s never a misters why she dies Hell on earth has swallowed us today You said You should probably save yourself My heart is breaking Legs are shaking Heart is shattered Save yourself

It cautiously reached out an amber paw onto the beige colored dirt outside the cave. It had never seen dirt in this color before. Dirt was dark brown, like the skins of the otters from the lake.

It’s paw landed on the patch of beige ground. There was a tingling sensation that turned into a burning. The creature yelped and drew its paw back.

But the creature was brave. It stuck its snout out and looked up into the strange, light blue sky. It looked to its left and a blinding white beam made its eyes water. It squinted and turned away. It looked to its right and saw tall trees, their branches teeming with dark green leaves that looked delicious in the contrast with its light surroundings.

The creature inched its massive head out of the cave. It once again toed more of its body out, leading with the same paw, determined to explore this new, wondrous world, or at least the treats it had to offer.

As its paw touched the ground, it left it there. The tingling turned to burning but the sensation became more familiar, and soon the creature started to enjoy it. It felt a drip of liquid falling from its forehead. It licked it up - salty. Interesting. It didn’t know it could leak. Apparently leaking was part of this new world.

The creature set its sights back on the forest of delicious trees, and leaped out of the cave into the air. A light breeze blew past it. The air was lighter than the dank, heavy air of the cave. When it landed, it took in big gulps of this sweet, aromatic air.

It saw the tree ahead, but where it landed, it saw pink, purple, and orange flowers. They smelled like the air - sweet, relaxing, mouth-watering. The creature opened its mouth and mowed down a row of these flowers in one bite. As it crunched, it’s mouth filled with the saliva of longing. It pranced around the meadow ahead of the forest, engorging itself with more of these sweet, sweet flowers until it feel woozy. It plonked down in the grass, the ground reverberating beneath its heavy body, displacing the rocks around it. It stared up at the strange light blue and closed its eyes, enjoying the warm tingling that spread across its cheeks.