Life is simple Get up Do what you have to Sleep again A rhythm that repeats Day in and day out That’s all life is Or so I thought But one day I found something I was missing Something more A person to live for My dearest friend She gives me meaning And the feelings grew into love Maybe one day My life will change once more And me and her can be something different Something special But for now I’m happy how we are

Her soul moves through life as swift as a train. Constantly moving, Each car a different side of her.

One car for stress and worry, Another for joy and freedom, A third for anger and frustration, A fourth for the mystery of the unknown.

Each one a crucial part of her existence. She gets lost between the train cars all too frequently. Stuck between a mix of them all.

She often finds herself pondering. “Which car takes the lead today?”. “Which car do I want to be less known?”.

Each day she must find herself. Rediscovering her intent over and over again. The train never stops moving. Until one day, its all gone.

Do we rediscover or re -define? We cannot unsee, or turn back time. We can move forward, but never back, We rebrand, rename to make up for our lack A brand new name with confetti and glitter Cannot hide the fact that our love has turned bitter

I sought to rediscover you in my life Yet you filled me heartache and strife Then I realized in my fruitless attempts to discover you… I lost myself, and then I knew… I deserved to re discover me.

Music, music in the air I hear music everywhere It is like it was once before When sweet music was at my core

I know not why I lost the love Of sweet music from above The lyrics and the beats it seem Were gone like waking from a dream

But the nightmare of the music gone Was so much worse was o so wrong No music makes the life so dull It makes the body want to lull

Not that I need a soundtrack for life Matching joy and pain and strife That would be cool but not necessary Maybe like having a good luck fairy

But now that music has returned Through nothing that I might have earned I do not need good luck or bad Now I can again be sad or glad

So no more will I take for granted The music that in my heart was planted I hear music in the air Music, music everywhere

She was fragile, as all babies are fragile. Her neck, so weak, so small couldn’t hold her head up high. So she, like all babies, depended on others To give her life, to give her love.

But she grew as all children grow, her neck grew strong. She held her head high, she searched for futures in hidden corners, she discovered the history of the past in the dirt. And so baby became a child.

And unfortunately, child became woman, and woman was taught to hang her head, to bend her neck to fit under the statute of others, she was taught that a head held high was not a woman thing, she was growing up in a world built only for men. And so woman coward, woman became nothing.

But woman too would not last and as woman grew older as her spine shrunk and curled her neck strengthened, her head began to lift as woman realized she could rise above the restriction of men.

And then those last moment as the woman’s body was giving up, She held her neck strong she held her head high in her heart she has nothing to ever be ashamed of.

Replaying each dramatic tableau in slow motion as I fall to the pavement, Ashphalt burning the roof of my mouth Like hot chocolate on Christmas Day, Cozied up next to the fire As our heads fill with maudlin static Sickeningly saccharine. Mentally, I’m asleep on the couch While my parents smoke cigarettes and play poker in the other room— Whispers that stink of whiskey, Laughter that bubbles over the radio’s white noise And wishes of many more happy new years, A lifetime of cheer Confined to dozens of cookie cutter cottages. Up north, my father is the captain of our sinking ship, Overturned in the shallow end Just to realize his foot was the anchor And with the other one in the grave, Making peace with our buoyancy Was the only way to ever get back to solid ground. And on the days I cannot keep myself from going under, Swimming in circles until I reach the surface belly-up, I revisit my old neighborhood, Reliving my greatest joys before my despair got its hooks in, And left me thrashing wildly for closure— If it was to be the blue of the sea Or the green of the hills— Or off in this gray November sky, Shedding my vibrant feathers For this colorless fever dream. Just to wake up still on the couch, In the same spot as the night before.

I look at down my skin, The colors and tones my mother gave me. But I see the red under my skin And the hate it causes.

When I say it, they laugh, Even though it’s who I am. My identify— My code and binary

But it will forever be binary Just one or the other. I’m white or black. Not mixed, like my mother.

While I travel down life’s road Country winds call me home. Running barefoot through a sea of grass I would not know what must come to pass.

I must leave the country side, I must find my path To push myself forward To make my own footpath

Country winds call me home While it can be maintained For they do not know my love And they do not know my pain.

-Ron Chapel

Anyone with eyes Could very quickly see That the flame of passion in my soul Was nothing more than cold lumps of coal

There once was a blazing fire in my soul I was filled with so much passion Fuled with determination to reach my goal Every denial adding fire to my ambition

But determination only lasts so long Failure acts like rain When you’re always told you’re doing it wrong You wonder if your efforts are in vain

I continued to push and try As two more years went by I finally decided that I’d give it one last try

I gave them my all Left my heart on the floor I finally started to fly But once again I was locked behind the door

Then I entered the studio They opened their door They held me up when I was low And I couldn’t ask for more

I felt the familiar spark I missed it more than you know They fanned it to life And I felt it burn and grow

I knew I found my place I knew that I belonged In life’s great race I finally found my song

I left my team for good Took my place on the studio floor The coal turning to wood As I spread my wings to soar

So I took off into the sky No longer held by chains I happily waved goodbye My spirit takes its rightful place In resurrecting my passion My joy and freedom reign

my face turns blue, the world fades to black. the sounds muffle until your voice is gone. and everything becomes cold.

i stop feeling quickly enough. the pain resides easily. gravity can’t hold me anymore. i drift towards the clouds.

beautiful and free. no worries in the world. i can feel understanding at my fingertips. this is my euphoria.

but a face in the clouds, draws me back down. those beautiful eyes. that perfectly crooked smile.

euphoria is nothing compared to your love. the sunlit clouds couldn’t wrap me in the same warmth as your arms. there is no freedom like the laughter you give. and no understanding like the one i’ll find in your eyes.

so back i come. through the tingling cold and burning lungs. into the pain.

just for you. always for you.