I cant keep going on like this. Stuck in this cycle. The replay button is sticky. So it plays over and over and over and over Until I snap

I cant do this anymore All the pain and the fear I cant do this anymore the shots and the late nights I cant do this anymore Not being anle to breathe Heart rate going to 150 I cant do this anymore Always being tired and being expensive

The supplies cost so much just to keep me alive I know I need the insulin Without it I would die. I know I need the pills To take care of my brain At least it dosent cost to much Just to keep me sane.

I cant keep looking in the mirror wishing I was someone else I cant keep lookig in the mirror and planning how to fix my health I cant keep looking in the mirror and hating my body and face I cant keep looking in the mirror Just to greet the thoughts for another day

I want it to go away The pain and the stiffness I want it to go away And i want to be a teenager I want it to go away The doctors appointments and neverending research I want it to go away The tears and the heartache

I want to stop Being tied to the teathers of medical equipment I want to stop feeing bad when I eat “to much” I want to stop being sick and needy I want to stop being a burden Is that such a problem?

I am sick of the drugs and the medicine I am sick of appointments I want to stop Being exhausted if i dont wake up after 9 I want to stop saying sorry for everything I want to stop being sad but that never will happen

I want you to understand I am not ok I want you to understand Its not in my head I want you to understand I need a break I want you to understand Than even if you dont understand I will push on And it will be ok

Pain makes me seek a refuge, In the safety of your arms, Like the strong branches, Of an ancient oak tree, Shielding me from the dark whispers, Of the rest of this harsh, cruel world, A fearless guardian, In the quiet of the forest's embrace.

Your touch, Gentle as a cool autumn breeze, Yetso strong, Like a needle and thread, Weaving through the torn fabric of my being, Stitching together the scattered pieces of my soul, Sewing up my wounds, With no judgment or scrutiny, For the stories etched into my skin.

In the harbor of your arms, I find shelter from the storm, Your caresses fall like soft raindrops, Tenderly seeping into my soil, And reviving my wilted spirit, In your embrace, I am home, , warm and secure, A place where I am loved, cherished, and adored.

Your presence is a melody, Soft and sweet, Your voice, The lullaby that calms my deepest fears, With you, The dawn seems brighter, The night less severe, Pain makes me seek a refuge, A refuge I only find, In you.

It came as fast as a gun shot all in one moment I closed the car door and instantly A throbbing pain came I felt faint and nauseous

Mom can around the car and asked if I was ok

I wasn’t I starting crying wishing for the pain to go away

—————

I slammed my middle finger in the car door and sprained it 😁

it still hurts really bad but im ok im talking a break from writting till its healed

thats all folks

シ

𝕊𝕥𝕠𝕣𝕞 𝕓𝕠𝕦𝕟𝕕 𝕕𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕞𝕤

Push me to the ground And run over my bones. I’ll get up broken with cracks And thank you.

Kill me with your words And take away my dignity I’ll cry and for the truth I thank you.

Use me like a puppet And tear off all my limbs In my broken state all I can do Is thank you.

Make me dependent on you When my pain becomes to much All I know to do Is thank you.

Break me to the point There’s nothing besides you Then all I have left Is to thank you.

(Found this in my drafts, which in fact accumulates over 200 incomplete story’s. Don’t ask how I’ll finish them all, because I won’t in this life time.)

Little worry stone I wear you down until you are nothing But dust and pebbles in my palm

Like a nicotine addict I use up All that’s left of you To remedy my own disorder Reducing your fire to smoke and ash

I know I have made you a habit And I want to pull away and let you be Let you flourish far from my shadow But pain makes me seek refuge And I have come to think of your arms as a steeple Offering me forgiveness Even though I know I have sinned

Sadness remains my constant companion, an unwelcome visitor sitting by my side, a relentless stalker lurking around every corner.

Loneliness is my faithful follower, the quiet rider sitting in the passenger seat. It has become the shadow I cannot escape from.

Enjoyment in everyday life is a stranger, someone I used to know but lost touch with long ago, a face I would not recognize from all the others in a crowd.

Indifference has become my closest friend, my condoner of self-isolation and nonchalance, approver of all broken relationships I’ve left in the past.

Pain makes me seek a refuge, so I bury my head in the black hole inside, and the world around me ceases to matter.

Days can pass And I feel nothing No joy No sorrow Just going through my routine Then it hits Anxiety Loss At least it Is something To hold on to Pain makes me seek refuge

Pain comes from so many places. From the ones you love and the ones you dislike. Should pain hurt us at all? It’s just an abstract feeling. Just an algorithm in our brain. Can we reframe the pain to be nothing or even pleasure. Could pain be our pleasure so we no longer retreat but embrace the bad times, the bad people, the bad words and know that ultimately you can’t really have the pleasure without the pain.

I wasn’t searching for nothing,

Nothing indeed.

Not a person nor a place,

Then I stumbled upon you.

A broken mess,

Scattered every which way

I picked up the pieces

Formed a beautiful confidence

At expense, my happiness.

Pain makes me seek a refuge

Behind the pools of color,

Your eyes alight with fire

Hatred for me and the actions I’ve done,

Giving me all hell,

I leave you alone.

My bubbly laugh and quirky jokes

With you no more

Me venturing off onwards

I’m so much better without you.

Pain makes me seek a refuge From the people in my room Pain makes me seek a refuge From the harsh and cold wind Pain makes me seek a refuge From the cruel, crude world Pain makes me seek a refuge From the voices from within