As the sky turned Gloomy my smile was Wiped away all my Feelings came out to Play as tears over Took I felt like I was Stuck with nothing Left but a cut I stair At it hoping my feelings Stop but no I just feel Like I’m going to rot

“It’s not fear I smell, it’s future,” encouraged the scientist.

“No, I’m pretty sure it smells sweat, and it smells bad,” I disagreed.

I have been participating in a study attempting to prove that humans are also attracted to pheromones. That means I had to sweat profusely in a shirt that they will ask women to smell. I was a bit uncomfortable with that idea.

“You see how people get closer to each other when they watch a scary movie?” he added. “We are trying to recreate this sensation.”

I looked at my shirt that was fully wet, with yellow stains on the armpits. How would a woman ever be attracted to that?

“And if no one picks me?” I asked.

“You’ll never know” he answered. “And what if someone picks you? Would you like to meet her?”

I never thought I would be meeting a woman this way, but it was worth a try.

Berserker.

That’s what they call us. Famed for our savagery. Lauded for our reckless fury. Mythologised for our frenzied destruction.

We stride the fields of our battles, unleashing havoc; our howls, our mayhem, terrorising both enemy and ally alike. Do they see me as bear or wolf? It matters not, for what they see is merely the harbinger of their earthly departure. We are merely the bringers of their passage to Valhalla, and they should thank us for such deliverance.

None, however, consider that we too have a conscience. That we, too, may, occasionally, regret the actions of our insanity. That we, too, endure loss, and fear. In truth it is our fear that drives us, makes us what we are. Not the fear of death, for that brings eternal salvation in Odin’s great halls; feasting with our ancestors; basking in the glories of our victories; watching over our descendants. Death is what we crave, for she brings with her the rewards for our sufferings; the passport to our eternal life.

It is the fear of dishonour, of shaming my family, of being denied entry to the great feast, or of being lost to our great heritage. Our foes should be thankful for our mercy in granting a quick death, for we speed them, too, to their own eternal reward.

I stand here now, knee-high in the bodies of my enemies—resplendent in the blood of those who would dare assail my home—and it is not fear I smell, it is the future. I look about the burning ruins, the carpet of death, for where my future takes refuge.

Where is my Lizbet? Where are my cubs?

I must ensure their survival, their continuing safety, for they are not yet warriors grown. I must rebuild our home, in order that Lizbet raise our sons, as is her sworn duty. It is not for I to coddle or console—that is a task for their mother—but to strengthen their resolve, to harden their determination. To have them follow in the pathways laid down by their father.

Lizbet must provide the softness of their lives. For I have more important tasks to complete. It is incumbent on me to seek my passage to the afterlife, to find the earthly release of my final battle. And for that to come about, I must depart our small village once more. In the company of my brothers; toward battle; toward glory; toward eternal acclaim.

How else am I to greet my children when they, too, eventually seek their own place in Valhalla?

His helmet rested against the wall, his heart pounding against his chest; fingers clinging to the gun, and his thoughts filled with prayers as his officer repeated the words.

“You’re going up top!”

He prayed with shaky breath as the sound of boots approached.

“Did you hear me Riggins? I said you’re going up top!”

“I … I can’t please.”

The officer’s hand grabbed his collar as he pushed his face up to his.

“You listen to me Riggins” his spit covered the man’s sodden face. “You either die up there with your friends or you die right here in this spot.”

Riggins shakes his head, tears flowing down his dirt covered cheeks.

“I’m scared” he confessed as his officer tightened his grip, pushing his face even closer till the tip of his nose touched his own.

“You know what I smell as I press my face against yours? It’s not sweat I smell, it’s not dirt, it’s not fear I smell, it’s future.” The officer let go and stepped back standing as stiff as a board. “I smell a future filled with children playing in their yards, and their fathers playing with them as their wives watch on with smiles on their faces. That can be your future Riggins, all you have to do is fight for it.”

Riggins looked down at his boots, he thought about his rotten feet inside of them, he thought about every cut and scrape on his body, and he thought about his brother's mangled corpses laying in the dirt of no man’s land whilst he stood there. He knew there was no future for them, he knew there was no future for himself. Perhaps if he had the time, the bigger picture would have become clearer to him. But in this moment, only one thing was certain, on this day he would die. And that left him with two choices, he could either die up there, or here where he stood.

The officer waited for an answer. But none was returned, so with a sigh of disappointment he pointed the barrel of his gun at Riggins’ chest and pulled the trigger. He shook his head as he headed back to his bunker to get one last swig of courage before he made the journey up top. Knowing exactly what awaited him in his future.

Its not fear I smell, it’s future Even that sentence is complicated I fear itself and the future I didn’t realize how much I ran on that Fear based ideology Fear based choices How do you even unlearn that? I feel like this situation between the two of us is teaching me how to unlearn Almost forcing the hand My hand To unlearn what my father taught me all those years ago That’s why things are a little difficult with you I’m learning to slowly step out and trust Trust a man again After all these years of the same types of men who wanted to break my spirit Break me as a human I learned early on To be wary of men Because they let you down To not trust the future with them It’s definitely something I have to break My only hope at this point for the future is that you don’t turn out to be the same I don’t want to be afraid of the future with you.

I have been resisting my true self for almost my entire life. It took a mental breakdown to force me to sit with the sadness, fear, trauma, to realize I have been forcing my existence.

It's like over all these years I've been living with a tumor, that kept growing and growing because I knew it would hurt to go in there and rip it out. Society will always tell you to be something you are not. Sink into what vou are, right here, right now.

For the first time, in a long time, I know my truth, and I'm letting go. I am not the same person I was yesterday, a year ago, five years ago. I will never live a fake life again, that is the ultimate promise to myself. Go with your flow, your truth may hurt, but after the pain is where the paradise lives

It’s not fear I smell, it’s the excitement of the unknown, the future is now.

It is not fear I smell its future I start sweating and feeling crummy, I close my eyes and breath in and I can smell the sweet aroma The smell of fresh cotton The feel of the sun beaming down on my face The sound of the waves crashing into the rocks Then I open my eyes and see that I am on my own new start to my life It is not fear I smell it future I close my eyes again and imagine my future That it could be or shouldn't be Am I going to be so one wife all dressed it white that what fears me but it something I want one day with the right person a there a right person Will I get my happy ever after It is not fear I smell its future

It’s not fear I smell, it’s the future. I used to have it all A sign upon my wall With my back against the wall I fall It’s too late for me now I am broken It’s something inside of me Hiding from myself It’s fear that I can’t separate From my dreams From my darkest desires It’s here Stay clear Of me and myself I cannot love without My aching longing Wading through My residual fear I hope I don’t Get trapped in my cell The walls are closing in The ceiling begins to spin It’s the future I fear

When I think about my life The thought consumes my mind My emotions start to take a turn And tears start to fill my eyes

What if I can’t reach my dream What if it’s not within my reach Is my destiny meant to fail Will rage echo off my screams

My senses flare at the idea And I start to no longer feel secure It’s not fear that I smell, it’s future And the pain that I may endure

For if my future isn’t this longing dream Then my purpose will disappear Soon I’ll be a disappointment I’ll have no plan for a future career

At the same time my future May be the most amazing possibility I could serve the world I live in And make everyone proud of me

I could travel the world see all it’s greatness in awe I won’t have to worry about expenses And I won’t have to ever face my flaws

Torn between two endless possibilities If I jump now, will I fly or simply fall Will I become blind to Gods voice Or will I forever heed his call

I won’t ever no the answer Unless I continue to move on with my dream So that I can find strength Within the hope of my favorite possibility

“It’s not fear I smell, it’s future.” She said this with a big smile on her face, standing in front of a whole crowd filled with black gowns.

She came up, and I hugged her, both of us wearing black gowns, I couldn’t believe it we were graduating.

“I’m just Glad I have you, I know I don’t say it a lot but there.”

“Awh, Luke, I didn’t know you were such a softie!” She lightly punched

“I didn’t know either,” I said, in a low voice.

“Look I just want you to know that you’ve changed my perspective, and now that we’re graduating, I’m glad I’m doing it with you, and I know I don’t appreciate you enough, but I just want you to know.”

“Stop, you’re going to make me cry.” Her eyes started to water, and her voice cracked but so did mine.

We held on tight, not knowing what was to come, but what we knew was Whatever we’d be doing, we’d be doing it together.