“ Nothing on this earth will justify what you’ve done to your family, to your guardians. I can only grant you words of criticism, because no other words will reassure you that you will live, because you wont. I am sentencing you to the death penalty, Marshall Hem, and—“ “ OBJECTIVE OBJECTIVE!” My lawyer screamed, slamming his hands on the desk. I myself flinched, seeing him frantically attempting to save my life from being taken. The crowd began to excitedly cry out as my lawyer began screaming his defense. I knew, in that moment, I was gone. Done. Finished. I would lose my home, my freedom, and frankly, my life. As my lawyer continued his blurred words in my head, i put a hand on his shoulder, where no one could see, but I, and him. For a moment, he stopped speaking, and looked at me, his eyes screaming, ‘ what are you doing, dumbass?’ The look in my eyes were clear, and forward. Nothing was going to convince this judge that I was innocent, nor would it convince them that I was a truthful man with no harmful intent towards my dead children, but they had not considered that, considering how I was the one standing on their bloodied bodies.

I never thought it would come to this. I mean, I knew there were risks, but doesn’t everyone make sacrifices for what they believe in? At the end of the day, the greater good matters more than individual consequences. That’s what I’ve always told myself. It’s how I sleep at night.

You have to understand; it wasn't like I woke up one morning and decided to do something terrible. It was a process, a gradual shift. They say people are like frogs in boiling water—if the heat rises slowly, you don’t notice until it’s too late. But isn’t that the same for anyone in a position of responsibility? It’s easy to judge when you’re on the outside, but when you’re the one making the decisions, the lines blur.

Everything I did, I did because I had no other choice. It’s easy for people to sit on their high horses and point fingers, but they don’t know what it’s like to carry the weight I’ve carried. They don’t know what it’s like to be given a task so monumental, so life-altering, that failure isn’t an option. And if failure isn't an option, then what else is there but success, no matter the cost?

They say it was murder, but is it murder when it’s a necessity? When it’s the only way to keep everything from falling apart? When it’s the only way to protect what really matters? Those people—they were obstacles. They were in the way of progress, and progress can’t be stopped. Not for anyone. If I had let them live, they would have destroyed everything we’ve worked for. They would have ruined the future. So yes, I did what had to be done. But would you really call it murder? Or was it simply the logical choice?

I remember the way their eyes widened when they realized what was happening. It’s strange, isn’t it? How in those final moments, everything else fades away. They saw me as a monster, but that’s not who I am. I’m just a man who made the difficult choice. I’m just someone who was willing to go further than anyone else to do what had to be done. Doesn’t that count for something? Doesn’t that make me… right?

I did this for all of us. For the greater good. Because someone had to. It was either them or everything we’ve built. Anyone in my shoes would have done the same. At least, that’s what I tell myself. Because if I don’t, if I let doubt creep in, then what was the point of all this? What was the point of making the hardest choice of all if I can't even justify it to myself?

So, I tell myself it was necessary. I tell myself it was right. Because in the end, what matters more: the lives of a few, or the future of everyone? History will decide if I was a monster or a savior. But until then, I’ll hold onto the belief that I did what was necessary. Because I have to. Because without that belief, I have nothing.

Lorraine felt sick. She leaned against the counter, gloved hand clasped over her mouth, eyes squeezed shut. She gripped the counter with her other hand, but all the strength in her body could not save her from swaying with nausea. Horror had settled into her stomach, but she had to push it out. She didn't have long. It was a test. Someone had to do it, and she had to prove her loyalty. Her heart sank again as she remembered why she had to do that. They had found out. She'd always been terrified, in the back of her mind, that they would discover her and Kenna. She had stopped it, before it went too far, but that wasn't enough. It was wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. This was their punishment. She had to do this. They were watching. She knew how. She had started already. She just had to finish. She forced her eyes open, only for them to lock onto the small flecks of color on the skirt of her white coat. Blood. Kenna's blood. She shut her eyes again. If she did it right, really right, she told herself they could be done in an hour. But Kenna would never let her, and so it would take longer. She knew why this was happening. She knew why it had to happen, so why wasn't that enough? Kenna wasn't what she remembered, she told herself. Kenna was a terrorist, protecting those _things. _She knew what they did to people. She remembered what they'd done to her. That should have been enough. Her hate and fear should have been enough. They had to be. She had to make them. "It needs to happen," she muttered. "I need to do it, so they can see. I can do it." Slowly, she pushed herself up from the counter. She began to murmur NAIDER's mission under her breath. "The defense of America," she swallowed, "humanity," she opened her eyes, "and our plane of reality from the threats... the threats posed by..." She scanned the room, body unstable. "By creators of tears and those who..." She grabbed what looked like a very large pair of shears. She had to take them with her. She knew, once she left this room, she wouldn't have able to come back and leave it again. "And those who harbor them." She inhaled. Straightened. Balanced and composed herself. She turned to reenter the room. She would do it. It had to be done. "Humanity, Order, Understanding." She opened the door.

My anxiety gets so bad That my necklace, The one I use To fidget with And calm my nerves with, Feels weird on my neck So I nearly Nearly get to the point where I rip Off my necklace And watch it break.

My anxiety Tends to drag me To a place where I need To rip something off Or I need to take out My earbuds because they Feel raw on my ears. Or if I have a pain In my left side I need to have a pain in my Right side

It Has To Be Equal.

But he deserved killin.

We’ll that’s what they used to say, right?

I couldn’t breathe. My chest felt tight, my throat was closing, a knot of anxiety sat in my right shoulder. The weight of silence attempting to drown me

No.

That couldn’t be,

no.

“What did you do?”

I tore my eyes from my mutilated brother to look my other one in the eyes. He looked so scared. I’d never seen Tim like this before. His eyes were wide, his arms wrapped around his stomach. He looked sick.

“I, I didn’t-“ I tried to push past the ball in my throat, to bo avail

“What did you do!” Tim was screaming.

I couldn’t think

This wasn’t my fault

“WHAT DID YOU-“

I stood up quickly, socking him in the face. He fell like a ragdoll. I was shaking, the anger in me trying to escape.

Before I knew it I had a smoking gun in my hand and two dead brothers

It wasn’t my fault

I just needed a second to think

I let the silence take me.

I don’t understand why he hates me. All I did was kiss his hungry lips. He asked for it. He begged me to tear the damp pink flesh from his face, exposing his teeth for me. His smile was beautiful.

Blood dripped down his chin as he let out a gurgled scream. He sank to his knees and buried his head in his hands. He was beautiful.

Those tears rolled down his smooth cheeks as they mixed with the blood pouring from his mouth. He asked for it, I am sure of it—my favorite snack. He loves me. And I love him back.

“Would you like a Coke or maybe a Sprite?”

Chris still wouldn’t look at them. He hadn’t looked at anyone since they brought him in. Over four hours of head down and holding his scrawny legs tight to his chest, Chris barely moved. He hadn’t spoken either, so no attorney. That was a good thing.

Thad noticed Chris’ nails bitten to the quick; how pale his knuckles were straining to hold himself together with his bare hands. Thad noticed everything. The detective turned to his partner.

“Melanie, will you run out and get us a sack of burgers and fries. You like fries, son?”

Startled by Thad’s kindly tone, Chris glanced over. Quickly Chris snapped his head down.

“Yeah, everybody likes fries. They’re God’s gift to mankind. Grab burgers, fries, one order of onion rings for good measure, and a black and white milkshake for Chris. It’s been hours. I’m starving. Grab yourself something too, a salad or something,” Thad said, fishing in his pockets for his wallet.

“I’m your partner not your assistant. I don’t run your errands, Thaddeus. Get one of the uniforms to do a dinner run. I’m a detective, if you don’t remember,” Melanie said, her speech hot and fast.

“All I remember is that I am the senior officer and what I say goes,” Thad said. “Drop off a blanket before you head out.

Thad flipped his credit card at Melanie’s face. She caught the card as it slapped her cheek. Opening and closing her mouth, Melanie flushed red and then stomped out of the interrogation room. The door slammed. Thad turned to the closed door and chuckled. From the corner of his eye, Thad saw Chris look up at him.

Thad mumbled loudly, “Damn DEI hire but I like to see her walk away.”

Chris chuckled but then put his head down again and went silent. With a neutral expression, Thad studied the younger man, noting his shoulders relaxing; how Chris’ back leaned into the chair. The door opened and Melanie threw a folded blanket at the back of Thad’s head. She slammed the door again. Chuckling, Thad picked up the blanket and shook it.

“Ladies get so emotional, take everything to heart, quick to cop an attitude, quick to play the victim,” Thad muttered. “Am I right?”

Open armed as if about to give a hug, Thad carried the blanket to the other side of the interrogation room. The detective draped the blanket around the suspect. Thad took care to make sure Chris was covered.

“Yeah, you have to hold yourself back. Men have to stay cool, hands to ourselves or we’re the bad guy,” Chris said.

“Tell me about it. I can tell you’re a good kid, a stand up guy. A lot of guys would have just hauled ass when their girl got knocked up. But you stayed, looked for work. I know you helped with the baby and helped around her mom’s house. Tell me your side, man,”

“It was bananas. Just nag, nag. I had to ask her mom for everything. Even just fifteen minutes to the freaking Wawa. Emma was always mad or tired or working. Nothing I did was ever right. Man, I couldn’t take her mouth. Yeah we fought like things got physical. But she gave as good as she got. She was a big girl,” Chris said tucking the blanket under his chin. “Can they turn down the AC?”

“Sure thing. And when your girl came up pregnant again I mean that hard. Tell me your side, man,” Thad said, leaning closer.

The detective kept his posture loose and his voice warm as Chris detailed his final fight with Emma. On the other side of the one way mirror Melanie and the district attorney watched and listened.

“So where did you put them, Chris? I understand things got out of hand. Tell me about it.”

Silly girl, you can’t see the truth that is right in front of you. This is his little kingdom and you are not the queen anymore. I watched his eyes dance with chaos, but I kept my calm. He didn’t need to know that I had a trick up my sleeve, or better yet, a kingdom, who’s king had been kidnapped and was now found. I smiled, relishing the moment where I knew more than he did.

How i wish for my words to be said What am I feeling Why do I feel this I can’t even tell me what’s wrong with my brain

I don’t know what’s wrong And I don’t know why I know it’s something dumb To which this shouldn’t be my reaction

Why can’t there be words To say what this is To say why I’m like this It want to know why

I’m messed up I shouldn’t be like this I wish I were better I just want to be fixed