At first glance Our eyes met It was as if something awakened in me

I took a step back fearful of what this could be Because of the shattered pieces of my past Still lingering inside of me

You promised never to hurt me Even when I pushed you away With each attempt, you promised to stay

Our lives intertwined in that moment You got on your knees Promising the world Along with eternity to me

A beautiful ring also a birthday present Our lives become one No need to second guess it

For once I felt peace.. That peace wasn’t meant for me I felt unease, you assured me not to worry But these feelings kept festering

Now I’m left to question What I didn’t see? That was clearly right infront of me

The deception and misdirection I accepted to have the security I expected From the one who swore his vow to love me

Who did I marry? I’m left questioning You don’t seem the same to me

Quiet nights at home, Now spent totally alone Thinking about how this went so astray What signs did I miss along the way?

Did I ignore them on purpose? I guess I will never know Maybe I was afraid to break this Appearance of a happy home

Strangers under the same roof How it is vs how it should be Look completely different to me

I feel no sadness or remorse My soul is, still Longing to escape This place we shared is no longer my home

I wish no ill will I have no hate I just would like this facade to be over one day

I can’t escape Or heal my wounds I feel you have an idea That I’m holding on to you That time has passed, I wish you’d see How much your lies, hurt me

Seeing you now I often think, How this is my husband? The stranger I see, looking back at me…..

I cannot waste this time If I am to do anything of significance

I must drag myself out of the depths of my unexplained misery

And stand confident And look to the future And know myself

I must be grateful And be at peace

But even when I am loved by many, Wrapped in an embrace Claiming some sort of faith I am sad and lost

And scared.

So scared.

Truly, how long can I sit and cry Before my life passes by?

Feeling sorry for myself I have no excuse I have no one to blame

But me.

Is this me?

It can’t be.

The stranger in the street Was yesterday my friend

Yes, the stranger in the street is myself.

the next day on the news

we will hear about the bus crash in california

we will not know of the mother who hugged her baby to her chest

the old couple that kissed for the last time

the young man that kept his eyes wide open

the small girl that flew into the window

we will see the numbers

and our day will carry on just a bit more dampered.

Spotted across the hall merely a glance now

hate the silence I made I'd kill to take away the haze

This stranger in the street, was yesterday my friend

now shrouded by the haze I made silence doesn't help

This stranger in the street Was yesterday my friend. Wait, no. Not yesterday. When was the last time I called her a friend? Was it when she first betrayed me? Or did we truly make up since then, Only to collapse again? Was it when she hijacked my body, My mind? Was it when she invited herself in, Took over my actions, And convinced everyone she was still me? I’m not sure. I don’t know when I started hating her. I don’t think I realized it at first. But watching her now… How the hell did I ever like her? She lies. She hurts. She doesn’t care, Not nearly as much as she should. Why won’t she just care? She doesn’t care about anything, Not school, Not friends, Not me. Yet she’s so stressed out, Stressed to the point that everything makes her snap. But… Why won’t she just care? I hate her. I hate her I hate her I hate her. I want her out. I just don’t know how to kick her out. She’s so much stronger than me. She’s stronger, Smarter, She’s got the will to beat me. She wants to crush me more than I want to thrive. But… is that her words? Is she the one telling me I’m weak? Or is that the truth? I can’t see the world clearly. Everything looks wrong. I don’t know what to trust. Not my feelings, Not my mind. I can’t tell the difference between them. I don’t know which thoughts are mine, And which are her’s. And she fights me every day. Her serpentine voice hissing in my ear, But my voice sounds like hers now. I used to know which ideas were hers, And which were mine. But when she tells me I’m not enough… That’s my voice. That’s definitely my voice.

…right?

“We need to talk to you”

                 “We’re worried about you”

“We’ve noticed some things”

       “Don’t hurt yourself”

          “We love you”

                      “We’d never get over it” 
 

“We’re scared”

I’m shaking

And as I take it in I force myself to look mad, numb or sad

But that’s a lie

What I really want to do Is smile with relief Exhale And say “finally”

In each farewell, I pledge to keep the pain at bay, But with each turn, another friend slips away. I caution others: I'm not always easy to love, Yet they promise to stay, but I know they won’t.

True ache lies in mourning someone still alive, Each best friend, past or present, holds a special place. Be it a lesson learned or a cherished memory, I don't regret a single moment; they've impacted me, each a role in my saving grace.

To the firefighter whose heart was shattered, I longed to witness your healing, to see you matter. Our friendship grew, and I grew to care in another way, Honesty and pressure were never my intention to break.

It's challenging to be so close to someone, like we were, it's true, Our conversations were endless, a bond that grew. A friend I loved and accepted, just as you were, But we couldn't make it work, our connection blurred.

To my curly-haired high school bestie, so perfect, You brought out my best, wiped away every tear, every bit of respect I had for you, you earned it. Your blue eyes and infectious laugh I adored, With our shared secrets, we felt forevermore.

But without a reason, you left me without a word, Two souls, once close, now strangers, unheard. Among all the losses, your departure hit me the hardest, Still wondering why we drifted, feeling utterly disregarded.

Not all encounters are destined for a lasting stay, Yet sometimes, I wish they were, to lessen all the pain. I wouldn’t take back the love I've given, though it's bruised, But I yearn for the time I've lost, often feeling used.

For I loved with all my heart, giving it away, To the wrong individuals who couldn't ever stay. Failures in friendship, I won’t let it define me another day. For those who truly love you won’t leave, And actually mean what they say.

Yesterday was simple Even if it did not seem to be Though last night I shuddered in my bed Alone from sunset ‘til the moon did sleep

You didn’t want to chase me longer And though I didn’t want to run I didn’t realize hunting for Us Would have been my greatest fun

I see the strangest, normal things And think of you and I And though you’re here, you are not near I hurt you, yet I cry

I see you in my TV screen And hear you in my songs My paints are stained with memories That will try to forget your presence all along

I want your hair, I want your eyes I want your perfect laugh I want to erase you from my life This watermark you’ve left

This stranger in the street Was yesterday my friend And crying in my sheets last night I had to watch it all end

August Ninth was kind to me And August Tenth watched my numb heart bleed

Same me changed she moving through this life Familiar me changed she we led separate lives Growing and changing and exploring inside the box

Same me fortunate she in an alley by the school Not me but fortunate she succeeded as expected Hurting and crying and pain rattled my soul

Same me ukulele as she strummed on an ornate harp Lonely me not so much she decked in her diamonds and finery Abandoned and knowing I’m to blame outside of the box

Solitary me low slung jeans not so she Abercrombie and Gucci Done with me just like she we parted Alone in my thoughts help answers me not

She was with me and soon she wasn’t The man you see was not for she as her standards were higher And now I’ve given up the river I shall die there not so she

But I’ll die for the touch of her

We had our inside jokes and secret handshake. Late nights communicating via Walkie-Talkie about what life will be like when we grow up. We had no idea what was waiting up ahead. Although, maybe she did because this stranger in the street, was yesterday my friend.

We pass each other without saying a word Without a second glance back Because we hurt and we broke what can not be mended.

Things were said which cannot be unsaid. Insults were flung, heels were thrown. Bruises were left on our bodies and on our hearts. Bandages can only heal so much.

The rest lies in the distance we’ve created between us. Breakups are hard, but you get over them. Broken friendships are harder, making trust a thing of the past.