November 9 (I think)

This started three months ago (I think). You see… I’m dead. In hell, even though I was a good person, just average and run of the mill.

Hell isn’t like the stories my grandmother told, it’s got buildings and towns, along with churches (Satanic but still). I really like it here.

People all my life told me Hell was only fire, it’s not. It’s quite nice, I was even offered a j...

To say that I was surprised to be warmly welcomed through the gates of Hell by two gorgeous drag queens, clad head to toe in red PVC, was somewhat of an understatement. The blonde, chuckling gently at my perplexed expression, handed me what appeared to be a Bloody Mary.

I scanned around my surroundings, taking in the ornate black marble walls, chandeliers twinkling. Other newcomers mingled arou...

I’ve always done everything right. I led a good Christian life. I waited until marriage, I was humble, I never held a grudge. Church every Sunday. I only got drunk once.

One time! And in that one little incident where I drank too much alcohol, I hit someone’s car with mine, killing everyone in it and myself.

So I’m supposed to be in Heaven. I’ve led my children to God, as my parents did me. I’ve...

She had always been a good person. The kind who never jaywalked, gave generously at every opportunity, and wouldn’t dare take a single grape at the supermarket. She was also the type to see the good in people, even when said good required a microscope to see it.

So, naturally, when her time came, Sadia had certain expectations. With her religious upbringing, she totally expected to find herself f...

She had always done her best to be a good person—kind, considerate, and full of empathy. She believed in seeing the good in people, no matter how small. So, when her time came, she expected to find herself before the golden gates of Heaven, bathed in warm, celestial light. Instead, she opened her eyes to find herself staring at tall, foreboding gates made of dark, twisted iron.

The iron gates loo...

I was a good person. I always made sure my conscience was clean at the end of the day. So why am I standing at the gates of hell?

I thought hell was just a firey pit that you fell into, but yet here I am standing in front of the most beautiful golden metal gate made up of intricately woven metal vines. In the middle, a gold plate with “Welcome to Hell” etched in cursive, and below that, an opal ...

Miles knew that he was cursed to become something. His friends had made sure he knew that when he ingested the corrupted blood of a fallen angel.

And she had never revealed the Brands that claimed her, her deadly sin and heavenly virtue. So instead Miles was left unclaimed and in a void of the unknown.

So when Miles had finally died, six decades later, he was surprised when he was sent straigh...

You could never do this in Heaven. They say there, you’ll be complacent, but not in the same way you can be here in the burning coals. Sure, it’s painful at first. When you look up, though, and you see Satan towering above you, you realize he might not be as mighty as you’ve been told. If you work hard enough, they say, you can be his henchman, and even get sent back to the world. If you do good t...

“Ma’am, there seems to have been a clerical error.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Well you see, according to your file, you qualified for the pearly gates package…and yet…”

“And yet what?! Isn’t it bad enough that I’m dead and now you’re telling me there’s been some kind of paperwork problem with getting me into heaven?!”

“Ma’am, rest assured we will get to the bottom of this, once we speak t...

I’m not trying to say they aren’t doing their job. They are working hard, really hard, to make this as painful and difficult for me as they can. They flay my skin off every day. Then they sew it back on with dull, rusty needles, and dunk me in rubbing alcohol. I scream, oh god do I scream.

They bring out person after person from my past to berate me. My wife, my kids, my parents, my teachers, co ...