I’m so sorry That my mind is on fire Burning endlessly Like the hills of California

I’m so sorry That I can’t love you the way you want Unconditionally Fully committed to your lack of love

I’m sorry that we both deserve better I don’t want you Which is horrible because you make me happy But you never text first Never reply quickly Never make the effort Never ask about my day I deserve better

You deserve better too Someone who likes listening to you Someone who needs less validation Someone who looks as pretty as they act But you don’t really want me You just pretend you do

We’re both just so lonely That we jumped in headfirst Without even seeing the water below us

Maybe you lovebombed me Maybe you realized that you didn’t feel it Maybe I did I don’t know what’s happening

Maybe your phone really did get taken away And I’m over reacting

Or maybe we both prefer when the other Doesn’t speak But I’m too nice to talk over you

We don’t belong together We’re too similar Too different We both deserve better I hope you’ll forgive me when the time comes That I have to leave And I hope you know It’s not your fault But you could have tried just a little harder

I’d beg for your forgiveness But I really don’t care if you forgive me It doesn’t matter That’s why you deserve someone better

I wonder if you ever think about me Randomly I wonder what you think when you look at me Do you think I’m pretty? I don’t know You never say anything I deserve better

You owe me an apology that I’m never going to get

But I owe you more apologies than I can count

So I’m sorry we can’t love each other

I pick up my phone. Waiting for any sign of my old friend. “Is this even right?” I say to myself. I was the asshole I know that is true. But the dreams and the… just everything.

I try to talk to her through the app. Commenting and liking. Just to know that I still stalk her. Then I tell her “do u wanna talk?” And she comments back “yes” this is the first time in a while something has happened so good.

Now we are friends and it feels great.

A child, small and delicate, ready to conquer the world. Innocent, soft and righteous. Family surrounded her, but the beast was there dressed as her hero. The beast stole her innocence, he exploited and mistreated her. Mishandling and ill treatment. The villain soon appeared, she came to her realisation that her hero she looked up had ceased to be visible, he had vanished. She grew angry and lost, she became irritated and would lash out. Deep inside, her kindness and compassion reared. She remained innocent and soft, it was all not lost. She grew, she learnt hard lessons but the with bad came the good. In the end, she knew she had to forgive, for you see the anger that raged inside could only fester and become more. She forgave but she did not forget, the harm and exploitation that he brought upon her. And so, with the forgiveness of her kind heart, she shed that layer of skin. She turned her page and looked back on her past, for she now knew, that forgiveness was the key, there was no more victim. She was now a woman, a woman of strength and courage, her grace was seen and she walked ahead, leaving behind her horrid past.

I forgive you Even though you made me ache Even though you made me blue Even though you made me feel like a mistake

Even though I felt awful Even though I was worthless Even though I was empty, not full Even though I felt like being lost in the abyss

Even though I cried, would always angrily shout Even though I threw things all over the place Even though I always would pout Even though I felt like getting sprayed with mace

Even though you made me always stew I forgive you

Step 4 says to make a fearless moral inventory, To clean all our resentments off the shelf. But what’s a girl to do when the biggest resentment in her heart, Is the one that she still holds against herself?

Step 8 says to make a list of persons we have harmed, “Make direct amends,” as per step 9, I’ve followed these instructions, and forgiveness I’ve received, From every heart I’ve hurt… aside for mine

Each morning brings a fight against the shadows of my past, Their whispers haunt the corners of my mind. I search for peace, yet find it fleeting like a morning breeze, The scars within are deep and intertwined.

I walk among the ones I love with smiles and open arms, They've pardoned me with grace and tender care. Yet, I still face the ghosts of all my missteps and my sins, I’m haunted by the burdens I still bear.

In nights of solitude, I wrestle with my inner pain, A battle waged in silence, dark and long. Their voices say I’m worthy, that my slate is clean and pure, But I can’t shake the weight of all my wrongs.

The hardest part of healing is to truly let it go, To see myself with kindness and with light. To break the chains of guilt that hold my spirit tightly bound, And trust in God to guide me through the night.

So here I stand, a soldier in a war against myself, With hope that one day soon I'll find the key. To open up my heart and let forgiveness gently flow, And finally set my weary spirit free.

We both made promises that we couldn’t keep We both created our own defeat We loved and lost ourselves and each other We laughed and _cried _and _took comfort _in another

And even though our future is dead I can rest easy and forgive and forget Knowing that our future has guided and led To no place I’d rather be instead.

There’s a lump in my throat.

I’m being choked.

My eyes well up with tears.

My face scrunches up.

There is an intangible feeling of utter despair.

Or pity, or disappointment, or many.

It’s as if my throat is welling up with tears, as if the air is leaving such dilapidation, there’s nothing to describe it.

There is an intangible hand grabbing my neck, Digging it’s nails into the skin of this monster.

Your hair falls into your eyes, as if protecting you from the outcome of your sins.

I claw at your steady hands.

Trying to hold your hand for the very last time.

To wake up is sometimes tough It’s jus unexpectedly rough But you push it through With all your will and strength Tell yourself the most beautiful things Remind yourself how beautiful it could feel

But who we kidding right? Pretending to be tough and tight Fake it till you make it is what we heard To keep that going on is purely absurd

But no matter what let’s fight Who knows anymore what’s wrong n right You’ve only got this life to live So you toughen up and let’s learn to forgive

i can feel the blame in my bones begging to be let out like a snake just waiting to strike.

youre little notes floating around the house, that happened to be the last straw for him to take that gun

how can i forgive you when im not sure i can even forgive myself?

for letting you push all of us away, i had a say too, didn't i?

I should have reached out sooner been there more often picked up the phone & called pushed back & said, "no, i am not going anywhere."

"dont text, dont call, i dont want to hear from you anymore"

he deserved better. i deserve better. this family deserves better.

but you need someone too.

“She’s so stupid.”  “She’s so slow.”  “She’s so fat.”  “God! I know.” 

I heard your conversation  With those girls that I don’t like  Why do you seem to hate me?  Do you do this out of spite? 

I was angry, but I stayed quiet,  I never wanted to forgive you. Except…I can’t hold a grudge for long So I don’t know if my words were true. 

Can I forgive? Can I forget?  I may never truly know.  I wanted to be your friend, but now  My brain is running to and fro.

I wish you were a little nicer,  Wish I had seen past your lies, And now I suppose I will forgive you, but With a sorrowful goodbye.