We knew the storms were coming We didn’t think it would be this bad

As first it was the gentle gusts That turned into rocking winds

At first it was little ripples in the water That turned into mountainous waves

At first we had a captain Who was thrown overboard by the storm

At first we had a boat Now it is at the bottom of the sea

At first we had a crew Who is now missing

At first I almost survived Then suddenly it was over

The love you gave never lasted forever .

You don’t need to be clever to realise your behaviour was out of line .

The way you made me tremor at your sight . The way you shout and make me shiver just like the way our love withered .

I waited for the knight in shining armour like a tale that ends with a love to savour .

A happy ever after , I can hear your laughter . A fairytale was never meant to happen , my dream turned into a disaster .

I was left possed with fear every time someone came near . Can they hear my cries ?

I was depressed trying to find a way to digest a bucket full of emotions a constant spill , but still each drop didn’t make anyone stop .

Can you do me a favour ? Can you be my savior .

As a friend can you lend a hand you might not be able to understand. My tears lie in a endless puddle . Please don’t tease , help me find a way to ease the struggle even if you just start with a cuddle .

A bit of company to help distract me from the fact my mind trying to attack causing my anxiety to react . Please help me keep my heart in tact .

I should’ve listened to the gossip maybe you were right he wasn’t the right guy .

My last request to put my heart at rest to have an apology for his lies . I was always stressed to keep you impressed to earn your love .

I begin to reply as I sigh. Maybe it’s my time to say goodbye .

Then suddenly … its over

I dream about what it’d be like To be the girl in my books

To be the girl that the boys fall in love with The ones they kiss in the rain The ones that joke with The ones they give cute gestures

I want their love monologues I want their silly banter I want their friendship

I don’t want boys who text me all day long I don’t want boys who deny they’re love for me I don’t want boys who don’t care

I want to be the girl in my books I want to be loved like them I dream about being them

But once I close my book Then suddenly… It’s over

It’s electrifying And invigorating And terrifying. It starts with nights spent staring at the stars And sharing parts of ourselves we thought would always just be ours. Slowly, so slowly, it builds Something too big for words Then suddenly its everything, all at once you know. You’re sure. You’re tumbling, falling so fast that nothing matters except this Feeling. This Hand in yours, Keeping you warm against the cold surrounding you. Then the fingers slip from your grip, You look over to see the face of the one Who keeps you safe. They’re not there, they’ve gone. You hit solid ground with a devastating sound. Then suddenly… it’s over.

I sit idle, in despair On my fallen, broken chair It’s quiet enough for the mind For the mind to wonder if it’s kind

I’ve waited patient for something For the door to ring For the house to be cleaned To convince myself, I wasn’t mean

The door has rung I nearly broke a lung, Working to get up God I looked dumb

At the door was my Mom She made me feel calm My depression met a four-leaf clover And suddenly, it was gone.

I’m not okay. Something inside me broke. I have no patience, No empathy, No honesty. I am a lying excuse for a person, Just lying lying lying. I’m not okay, I hate me. I hate the thoughts that tell me I hate me. I’m scared of my own mind. I’m scared of the ideas, The plans, The futures - or lack of - That my head creates. I’m scared of the violence, The chaos, The waves of pain and fear That collide in my heart. But mostly… Mostly I’m scared of the void. The void that I’m slipping into now. The one that steals my tears, My sorrow, My fear, My anger. It takes everything. I am nothing, Nothing nothing nothing.

Then suddenly… it’s over.

if i look at old photos for too long i start to feel sick a nauseating, earth shattering sickness

in those moments before the flash time seems to stretch out forever

everybody holding poses sucking in stomachs knees creaking from the weight of crouching

then suddenly it’s over and they’ll forget all about it.

until one day many, many years later a sad girl who sits alone

rotting away in her room feeling everything at once but then again feeling nothing

will stumble across it once more and with tears in her eyes wishing that little girl hadn’t disappeared

she had so much life in her so much hope, so much joy words can not express the weight of her loss

because now the girl has no life she is but a breathing corpse with withering joy yet still somewhere hope

so she puts away the picture temporary revelation gone with it wiping away tears before her parents worry

and she goes down for dinner just like she does every day ignoring the soul of the girl in the picture

so suddenly it’s over and she’ll forget all about it.

Just like a year ago it’s cold outside. The snow is falling softly, kids laugh and run through the snow covered streets.

I walk down the side walk, dodging three kids who scurry past me.

As their laughter echos through the world, I see Davian, his smile that was so small but made a huge difference in my life. I see his black eyes that I always knew were hiding a secret, I just never knew what that secret was.

But now . . . Now I do. He was the one that changed my life, the one that killed my mom.

And the one that I’m still waiting for. It’s been two days since the fire at my house. I was so mad at Davian, I didn’t want to see him. I was so mean to him, I threw him away just like that.

He risked his life for me, and I don’t know if he’s going to be okay. I don’t know if he’s going to wake up, if I’m ever going to see him again.

I fold my arms across my chest, shivering partly from the cold and partly because I’m terrified.

The hospital comes into view, a million windows shine down at me as I enter the parking lot.

From here I can see Davian’s room. It’s on the very top floor, and it’s the only room that doesn’t have a yellow glow shining through the window.

The sliding doors hiss as they part, making room for me to enter. I step inside, shutting my eyes as a gust of warm air greets me.

The nurses and doctors don’t have to ask if I need anything. They don’t need to remind me where Davian’s room is. They know me, and always smile sweetly when my face comes into view.

I smile back, even though all I’m trying to do is not cry. I climb what feels like thousands of stairs before I reach Davian’s floor.

I take a few rights, and there he is. Room 345, I peer into the small window that’s placed on the door. It’s so dark, only a few little spots of blue, green and red are visable from the machines at Davian’s side.

Keeping my eyes on the window I reach out and twist the cold door knob. The door creaks open, a square of light appears in front of me as I walk in.

I wait for the door to shut before I walk to Davian’s side.

“Hey,” I whisper as I sit down on the edge of his bed. “It’s me.”

The machine at the side of the bed beeps, it’s lights flashing in the darkness.

“Every morning when I wake up I hope to walk here and find that you’re okay. And every morning when I realize that’s just a fanasty I feel like screaming.”

My hand shakes as I reach out for Davian’s. I grab his finger in my hand, and suddenly I feel okay.

I squeeze his finger, using my other hand to brush my wet cheek. “I’m not mad anymore.” I murmur. “The only person I’m mad at right now is the one who has the power to take you. Who took my mom.”

I swallow my sobs as I look at Davian’s face. He’s hurting inside, I can tell. He thinks I hate him, he thinks that I want this.

“I love you,” I cry. “Davian . . . There’s nothing in this stupid, messed up world that could ever make me stop.”

I let my tears slide down my cheeks, I let my pain flood my veins with each shaky breath that I take.

How could I have made Davian think I hate him? I should have just breathed or something. Anything, I just can’t let him . . . I can’t let him . . . Die.

“Please,” I sob. “Wake up . . . Just wake up Davian. For me . . . I promise you it’s what I want.”

Now I twist my fingers around Davian’s hand, holding it as tightly as I can. “I love you so much . . .”

I choke out sobs, my chest feels heavy like no matter how much I cry it won’t ever soothe this pain.

There’s only one way I’ve found that helps me soothe pain this bad. And he’s not here.

. . .

“Davian was . . .” Was, why can’t it be is. Davian is. “Davian was . . .”

My eyes scan over the crowd of people. I barely know any of them. Besides Tommy who’s sitting up front.

He gives me a small smile, wiping his tear stained cheek.

I take in a deep breath, shutting my eyes. I see Davian, he’s smiling his perfect smile. A smile I miss so, so much.

“Davian saved me,” I keep my eyes closed. “From the pain of losing my mom. From the stress of change, and from the fire that took him. Davina had secrets, secrets that I never knew he was capable of having. And when he finally came out and told me his secret, I was mad. So mad . . . A kind of mad that I don’t even know how to explain.

“But then he saved my life, he showed me that life happens, things happen, but the only thing that stays the same is the love you have for the people you care about. Davian didn’t get to love that many people in his life, but the people he did love he loved with his whole heart.

“He could make anyone smile, he made me smile just by standing next to me. And now he’s not here to stand next to me anymore. I don’t think I’ll ever be okay, this past year has been hard.

“And now suddenly it’s over.”

Everything is over. The whole year that flew by, that had ups and downs. I had a whole year with Davian, and there’s nothing I’d ever give to forget about the days we spend together.

Davian saved me, and that’s something not many people have done for me. Davian was special, a kind of special that I’ll never forget.

first a look my way then a glance towards you an upwards curve at the corner of my lip then not being able to get you off my mind staring into each other’s eyes stealing glances looking then looking away when the other one sees feeling butterflies when I hear your name the butterflies fluttering more when you say my name blushing when we have our minute conversations letting my mind daydream about you as I listen to sweet little love songs imagining things and hallucinating overthinking doubting myself double-checking second-guessing did I see that right? can I trust my eyes? can I trust you? can I trust a word you say? you tell me you don’t feel like that not anymore oh well, apparently you never even did it was great a second ago but then suddenly it’s all over

“The rules are pretty simple,” seventeen year old Gavin said, pushing his glasses up self consciously. He’d never played with the cool kids before, and had a creeping feeling they were using him.

“No cross hops in this section-“ Gavin motioned with his controller. “No jumps diagonal. And you can only hit triple rolls and flood attacks on the… the left strike. Jumping back and swooping low, you pull the Badge Sword here and power combo. And you win. That’s your goal.”

The cooler highschoolers scratched their heads. They all boasted about a nonexistent PS5, but never actually had one, that’s what made them cool, of course. Nikes, branded items and pencils. Expensive tastes and bad mouths with staggering looks. Gavin kept his head down regardless and couldn’t care less about their social groups and statuses.

“So… that’s it?” His name may have been Joseph. Gavin wasn’t sure, so he avoided names all together.

“Yep. That’s it. Ready?” “Ready…” “Let’s go, bro.” “Let’s gooooo.”

Gavin and the three cool kids picked up controllers and sat down on the flat, dark blue beanbags and took deep breaths as the game started it’s countdown.

3… 2… 1…

GO!

They swooped and slid. The beast on the screen lashed out, taking down the kid whose name may have been Carter. He swore loud as his player shifted and a heart fell from his side of the screen.

“Left, left! Take the fucking left.” Joseph commanded of his two followers. They followed, limply, their players glitched for a split second, allowing the beast to swipe at the lag. Carter screamed just as his character got cut on the arm by the beast on-screen.

“Jeez, brozam, it’s a damn game. Holler you a loud one again, up in my ear, and I’ll flatten ur ass out like—“ Joseph turned when Carter’s character lost another heart. His arm was bleeding horribly, running down his white Adidas shirt.

“I- I don’t know what happened.” “Stop the game! Stop the game.”

Gavin looked over numbly, his thumbs kept a constant play on the controller. He shrugged, “That’s part of the game. Gives you motivation. Perfectly normal. You have to finish, anyways. Or it keeps happening.”

Crimson blossomed on the third popular boy’s chest, it was rose shaped and deeper than the other boy’s wound. He screamed bloodily, gurgling and slumping. After awhile, the guy that was probably named Blanco didn’t move, his eyes stayed unfocused.

“What the hell, man? Pause the-“ Joseph lunged at Gavin. But Gavin was faster. He kept his player away from the monster, and threw Joesph’s character under the computer programmed beast on the screen. Joseph fell back and writhed, his spine crunched several times, snapping and splitting.

Gavin turned back to his game and finished the monster off. Joseph lay dying, as his two popular friends bled out. Gavin shrugged again. The game ended, the beast was defeated. But three warriors were down. “Then suddenly… it’s over,” Gavin shrugs.