“He just looks scary, he’s lovely deep down.”

The words lap back and forth over my mind, the same way the water does over my head as I try to stay up.

I’m not a bad guy, I’m not rude… I don’t mean to be. I don’t mean to be anything. I don’t mean to be here at all. I never wanted this to happen. I never wanted to be here. I never wanted to meet these people.

The water drags me down again as I pu...

In the depths of life's vast ocean, I reside,

Where currents strong and fierce collide.

But amidst the waves that try to pull me down,

I strive to rise and reach the surface crown.

Like a swimmer battling against the tide,

I push through the waters, side by side.

The current's grip may be strong and tight,

Yet my spirit yearns for the surface light.

With each stroke, I break through the resistan...

_Want. Want. Want._

__

__

It pulses through me,

An ancient whisper in my mind,

A fleeting feeling on my skin.

_Want. Want. Want._

I want to be a better person.

I want to be nicer.

I want to be more honest.

I want to be more carefree.

_Want. Want. Want._

But mostly…

I want to be special.

I want to be gifted with magic,

Gifted with love.

I want to live a fantasy of tragedy and courage,

A tale of...

H)2O

E)ven in my

L)ungs god help me what is my

P)urpose anymore...

If being

Forgetful was

Like being in a river,

I would forgot

How to swim,

And drown....

Do you feel it?

The water rising in your lungs?

The way it holds you?

The way the bubbles of air float to the top?

I feel it.

I feel the flow,

The current.

It’s sways me.

For a while I float.

I feel the water upon the tips of my fingers.

I taste the salt of the water.

Then,

I feel a swirl.

It starts out small,

Only shaking me a bit.

But then it starts to grow.

The pulling getting stronger.

My...

Black waters, reaching for me.

Murky depths, I won’t find a way.

Creatures beneath, clawing up and out.

Arms of ice, they reach up.

Grabbing for help, just out of grasp.

Screams are drowned, sloshed about.

Wicked laughs, demons crawl.

Lurking in the murk, seeking prey.

I’m falling victim in these dark waters…

I’m drowning and-

no one will pull me out....

Perpetually lost in thought.

My mind is a riptide, pulling me further and further into a world of darkness and confusion.

Twisting. Turning. Tumbling.

I resist.

I fail.

Yet again I’m submerged in obsession, agitation and self loathing.

Pained and numb.

Elated and troubled.

The combinations of contradictory emotions are end...

Let go! I scream in my head, letting my muscles relax. Sinking, slowly and elegantly. I grab onto the feeling of the cool wind against my fingertips as I am emerged and still sinking.

This is the first time I’ve ever really been alone. All I have is me. But still I sink. Begging to let go. Let go of all of it. I can’t hold onto any longer. It’s too heavy, this burden of who I am.

The water is ...

If I were to recreate myself

With scissors and fine twine

I would place a pair of lungs within these wrists of mine...