“OK. So hiii. I’m Honey… CLAP. please.” applause “As y’all know. I’m THE MOST. Popular girl in the entire school. AKA why I won prom Queen.””Yaass girl” “SHUSH. Anyways, my speech will probably be TRASH. So enjoy life. I guess. I am soooo grateful though to a few people. The others, like my speech, are TRASH. So Grateful to Emily and Emilia. Tysm 4 the good times. Applause for them. NOW.” more applause “lol not gonna lie, probably gonna snitch on the whole school right now. 1. Ms. Mississippi. Weird name. Even weirder person. Ur first name is Gigigeniviever309858. Literally. Plus she has frogs in her bag.” everyone moves away from her “2. Montana Moore. More like Montana bore. 3. Dion Lake. Hate u anyways. 4. Maths. Grow up and solve ur own problems.” laughter and applause “Tbh, feeling like a comedian. Ok. Um. Oh yeah. 5. Being trash at stuff is boring 🥱.” confusion “Yes I literally spoke out an emoji.” laughter “Ok. 6. Mr & Mrs Hammond. Get a room. 7. This weird dude named nigesmitgs.” “Actually it’s NÎGËŞMÏȚĦ.” “WHO CARES. Next. 8. I’m bored.” crowdsurfing “COME WITH ME IF U WANNA LIIVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

This year was a year that I couldn’t possible describe with any words. All the..events…that occurred were certainly things that happened. Remember that massive thing that went down? Or that…drama? Honestly so much happened, it was a lot. While I can’t possibly do this year justice I think I’ve said enough. Let’s end this year strong and have one more occurrence!

“ Wow. I can’t believe this crown is mine.” They look at me with envy and admiration. The prom queen crown glowing with envy. “ I just would like to say some things.” I see my friends nod at me. Time to start. “ I would first like to thank my ex boyfriend Kyle. You guys know Kyle right? He is right over there!” I wave at him and he blushes. “ Kyle, thank you for trusting me with your secrets. Like how you sleep with a nightlight still. Or how you have actually never slept with anyone because of it. Oh! Not to mention that when I broke up with you, you told everyone you broke up with me. Want to know why I broke up with you? Because you obviously have been hooking up with Sophie!” Al eyes turn to her. Whispering starts.

“ Mr Chang, all year the girls in PE saw you looking at them. Stop being creepy.

My friends, Addy and Karla, you are my baddest bitches for ever! It was SO FUNNY when we egged John’s house.” John is angry. His eyes are practically red.

“ I may actually miss this dump. Take a look. This is the worst school in the state. Everything is broken and most of the kids suck.

Anyways, we are in high school for one more week. I don’t even care anymore. Live life for the plot. Sneak out. Drink shots! Alex, you are smoking hot. Find me if you want to hook up. Lila, you are a cold and I love it. Keep your style girl. Anyways, that concludes my speech. SO LONG BITCHES!!!!” I jump into the crowd as they lift me up crowd surfing. I get out of the crowd and scream “ FOLLOW ME IF YOU WANT TO LIVEEEEE!!!!” I run out the doors and many kids follow. Teachers scream to stop.

It is pouring rain. I run outside and don’t care about my prom dress. I start screaming and singing. I kiss Alex right on the lips. Everyone dances and screams too.

“ YES! GOODBYE HIGH SCHOOL!!”

My name gets called to approach the podium. Applause fills the gymnasium as I rise and begin walking towards the stage. I take my place behind the microphone. I look around and see the faces of my peers, eagerly awaiting what I have to say. The teachers stand on the perimeter, monitoring the stewing chaos. I breathe in deeply, and say to myself in a whisper, “Here we go.”

Class of 2009?!? We made it. Whatever that’s supposed to mean. To be honest, I always found speeches to be a bit generic and boring. Unless you reference the ones seen in movies. But life is not like the movies, and that’s probably for the best. You see, in the movies, characters interact and overcome some type of obstacle that they can later celebrate together. But what movies fail to mention, or even suggest, is that life goes on beyond the context of that movie. And things are always bound to change. So for instance, we all overcame “high school” and that’s something we can certainly be proud of. But let’s face it, some of us will go onto post secondary education… some of us may join the workforce immediately… others will travel. But one thing is for certain. We will all go our separate ways, and be faced with a whole new set of obstacles. And one thing is definitely for certain, none of us will be in it together. Sure, we’ll keep in contact through social media, and it’s possible some of the stronger friendships will last. But as time drags on, we will see each other less and less. Some may get married, others may fall victim to drugs and alcohol. And the odd person may travel abroad, never to return. The sad truth is that very few of us will remain here. Because there is still so much life to be lived. So many people to meet. And so many places to explore. I always thought at the end of this year, I would have it all figured out. My goal was to establish a plan, and stick to it. But as this day has now approached, I’ve come to realize that the bigger things in life simply cannot be planned. You can only train yourself day by day, and approach every situation with the best of intentions. There’s no point in focusing on what the “right” decision is, because no one ever lived their best life by getting lucky in choosing all of the “right” paths. But when the time does come, you should make that decision. And be okay with the consequences. For better or for worse. But just remember, at least you made the decision to make a decision. Everyone makes mistakes, and that will never change. So absorb and appreciate the current moment that we are sharing. Because it is literally the last thing we will experience together, as a collective. And I guess that is what makes this night particularly special. A few years from now, we may reminisce of this night to our new found friends in our respective places in life. A decade from now the details of this night will have faded to a quick conversation. And a quarter of a century from now, it may simply be forgotten. When our grand children ask us of the time we graduated high school, we will struggle and long for the memories of this night. By that point, some of us may even be gone from this Earth. In the end, nothing matters. But in this current moment, all that matters is the present. So cherish it. We will never get a second chance to be here. So make the most of it. Bad decisions? Good decision? Whatever it is, make a choice. And make that choice because it is what YOU want. Don’t bother worrying about what others think. A few years from now, they will simply be people of the past. Make a memory. Create a story. You’re the author of this moment. Make it a classic, or simply absurd. Do it for the listeners of future stories you will tell. But more importantly, do it for yourself.

Ladies and gentlemen, esteemed faculty, and my fellow graduates,

Tonight, as we gather here to celebrate the culmination of our high school journey, I stand before you with a heart brimming with emotions. This year has been a whirlwind of unforgettable experiences, filled with laughter, tears, and triumphs. And as I reflect upon these moments, I am reminded of the unique stories that have woven themselves into the tapestry of our lives.

Do you remember that time when our chemistry teacher attempted an explosive experiment, only to be greeted by a shower of sparks and a cloud of smoke? We all held our breath, wondering if the classroom would ever be the same again. But from that chaos emerged a valuable lesson - that in the face of adversity, we must embrace the unexpected, for it is often in those moments that we discover our true resilience.

And who can forget the epic battle of the bands, where our school’s finest musicians clashed in a symphony of melodies and rhythms? The stage was alive with passion and talent, as each note reverberated through the crowd, stirring our souls. It taught us the power of collaboration, the beauty of harmony, and the importance of pursuing our passions with unwavering dedication.

But it wasn’t just the classroom and the stage that shaped us. The friendships we forged, the late nights spent studying together, and the countless adventures we embarked upon will forever be etched in our memories. From that spontaneous road trip to the beach, where we chased the sunset and danced beneath the stars, to the time we organized a flash mob in the cafeteria, bringing joy and laughter to our peers - these moments remind us that life is meant to be lived to the fullest, with a spirit of spontaneity and a touch of mischief.

As we stand here on the precipice of our futures, let us not forget the invaluable lessons we have learned. Let us carry with us the resilience, the passion, and the friendships that have molded us into the individuals we are today. The challenges we faced have only made us stronger, and the triumphs we celebrated have ignited a fire within us, fueling our dreams and aspirations.

So, my fellow graduates, as we bid farewell to this chapter of our lives, let us embrace the unknown with open hearts and open minds. Let us dare to dream big, to chase our passions relentlessly, and to never settle for mediocrity. We have the power to shape our destinies, to create a world that reflects our values and aspirations.

Tonight, as we dance under the twinkling lights, let us celebrate not only our achievements but also the incredible potential that lies within each and every one of us. Together, we will embark upon new adventures, face new challenges, and create new stories that will shape the course of our lives.

Congratulations, Class of [Year]. Our journey has just begun, and I have no doubt that each and every one of us will leave an indelible mark on this world.

Thank you, and let the celebration begin!

I was nervous, but the good type of nervous. The way you feel before you do something special. I had prepared all I could and now it was time to roll the fuckin dice. I straightened my bow tie and approached the podium. I gripped the microphone and prepared to shock the world. “Yo what up, as most of you know I’m Tyler’s dad.” So far so good. “Not gonna lie I’m buzzin pretty hard so bare with me here…ohhhh maaan I am fuckin drunk. Yo some of you chicks have crazy big tits, fuck it, I said it.” Fuck it I was going off-script, the crowd was feeling me. “Yo so what’s up with Phil being starting quarterback over Tyler??? Coach….fuckin johnson is a fuckin reeeeeetard, Phil throws like a faggot, fuck you phil, your dads a fuckin nerd too…..hey, hey…..hay, is it just me or is Kelsey a huge bitch? Seriously tho, Tyler had her over and she was like…..rude, guess what KELS! Tyler fucked Jenny….booooom suck on that. Fuck I am gonna regret this real bad, sorry Ty, daddys off the wagon…mighta done some bumps, who knows!? Thanks for the blow Kyle! This is fuckin crazy…..yo who took that shit in the bathroom? What are you even eating dude?! Fuck man if I was like 30 years younger I’d be gettin laid tonight so hard. Yo fuck this, I’m out! Sorry Ty you gotta walk home, there’s beer in the garage, FUCKIN PROM!

As the year comes to and end, let’s grasp hands and dance to the melodies made that make us reminisce and mindful of the memorable years of highschool. No one knows what the future will bring but time will tell as it passes. The past has passed and adulthood is speeding our way. I wish you all the best, with long lives filled with laughter and love. Let’s enjoy the night and live while we’re young.

Well, looking back at it now it’s so weird to think that this used to look so far away. That this used to be a fantasy and we’d think how much we wanted to grow up. But the truth is, we wasted half of our time wishing that we were older and from now on we’re probably going to wish we were younger. But that’s okay, it’s a game everyone plays unintentionally. Fortunately we have so much to look forward to. We have so many years ahead of us. It may suck for years but eventually it’ll get better. One day. Lastly I want to say congratulations on completing four years of hard work, and sleepless nights. You made it. We made it! Now when we’re off to college it’s going to get worse but once it’s over it’ll be worth it. My last word of advice, be hard on yourself but not too hard that it’s impossible. *everyone throws their hats in the air

Good evening ladies and gentlemen.

As we take a moment to look back on this year, I am reminded it is a miracle that we have made it this far. Though our continued thoughts are with Miss Happanovich - may she regain her sense of smell soon.

Our year started as it always does, full of hope and anticipation for the learning and growth to come, a feeling that lasted until a school record of eleven-thirty that first morning. The small fire that started, inexplicably, on the free throw line in the gym was fortunately extinguished when the second floor female bathroom spontaneously flooded causing a small tsunami to rip through the south stairwell.

The remainder of the fall semester was largely uneventful, save of course for the incident with the instant mashed potato delivery and the fire hose, the ensuing and appropriately named “fire mash mountain” attracting a number of rats to the school grounds. As Professor Buttleby, now “retired” head of science, gleefully explained though use of a flip chart, some rather colorful language, and, at one stage, an intricate diorama, the warm potato provided the perfect environment for the rats to form a colony of, and this is no exaggeration, biblical proportions. I am told as of this morning we have successfully reclaimed the Art Studio from the hoard. As always, please be on the lookout for signs of plague.

A new year brought new opportunities for this school to shine. Sadly, Mr Ribald’s Physics class has other ideas with their attempts to build a scale model of the Large Hadron Collider. I must admit I was as surprised as anyone when the thing actually worked when it created a miniature black hole and a trans-dimensional gateway that was helpfully closed by, and I hope I am pronouncing this right, Xlorathanicz the Younger from some unknown level of Hell. The Physics department should be rebuilt over the summer once we can find a way to stop the bricks from floating.

I am glad to say that the Junior’s field trip to the Pentagon went without international incident.

And lastly, our Spring semester, where it seems the entire school set to outdo themselves. The decision for the school production to be a musical version of the Arnold Schwarzenegger classic, Predator, was a brief error in judgement by the Drama faculty. The tale of a rocket-launcher toting alien slaughtering a team of special-Ops soldiers was particularly traumatizing for the visiting first-graders from the elementary school, though I must say that the second act finale, “If It Bleeds, We Can Kill It,” was something of a toe-tapper.

Speaking of teams, congratulations to the lacrosse team for not getting disqualified from the league this year - it is great to see you have the biting under control. And to the football team who won their twenty-seventh straight championship. Who says a propensity for violence is always a bad thing?

But despite all of the adversity this school has faced this year, academically there is progress. Test results are up - some of you actually attended year-end finals, although it seems all were only using the event to make what I am told is known as a “dirty protest.” I say to you that soda machine privileges will only be reinstated upon the safe return of Tibbles the school hamster and I will not be swayed by the use of biochemical weapons.

And now, here we are at prom. Summer is on the horizon, and who knows what tomorrow will bring? Dysentery, no doubt, considering the state of the hot dogs that were served earlier. But as I look out on your youthful faces and remember that right here in this room are the future leaders of our country, I can only think to myself “Thank God.” Because if you can survive this school, you can survive anything.

Good night and goodbye.

Respect other Be honest Be humble Have faith Be sincere with everyone Smile Give Love Pray Be you And you will succeed in life