After all these times; the arguments, the frustration, the pain, the heartbreak, and the shattered trust.

The question, finally said and answered:

“_It really hurt you, didn’t it?_”

It was simple, yet so profound.

“_Yes_.”

The concept of love, a fragmented perception:

it’s given, but not quite received,

The loneliness a common courtesy:

it’s welcomed, but never wanted,

The discipline a twisted ...

Skyrocket from bed after having

been circling in

a dream, a long ago

reality where you

were standing in front of

me, informing me

that you thought this was

the start of

a long awaited beautiful thing.

I cough up

my tears and bet money

on who I

think will win the race

between my thoughts

and heartbeat. I let the

guilt fluff my

pillow and lay me down

to rot. I

think this will hurt for...

I have something to say.

Though im not sure how I will.

I’ve been told I need to tell someone.

Thought I am not sure why.

It’s a secret I’ve kept a long time.

Something I’ve shoved deep down.

Deep inside myself.

Where no one will find it.

It’s a little dark and twisty.

Some may not like what they find.

Down the spiral staircase.

To this secret of mine.

It’s at least ten thousand ste...

“It’s long pig,” he told me when I asked what I was eating.

I noted to ask my brother about that term later.

He asks me how the meal he prepared for me tastes. I say acidic.

“That’s what happens when you scare the meat before slaughter,” he explains. I wasn’t sure how you could kill something that would be then eaten without it being scared or at least disturbed.

I clean my plate because I ai...

Your nose hairs became the grass for white snow to blanket

Feasting off your family like an all you can eat banquet

We begged you to go

You always said no

A glass filled with lies and we repeatedly drank it

I think back to our youth and realize missed signs

Childhood photos captured your raging eyes

Through all the appointments

Resisting resentments

You never had said your goodbyes

I hope ...

_CW: SH, some negative feelings around Christianity, implied religious conversion therapy and internalised transphobia_

_~~~_

He wondered if he'd fly if he could hollow out his bones,

so he sucked out all the marrow and the light behind his eyes.

He's a skeleton of apple cores,

the victim of desire.

His only enemy: this body,

and his God.

_Forgive...

This is my confession.

I have nightmares about my life therefore my life must be a nightmare.

This is my confession.

I was supposed to go to church today but my legs ache from the day before so I’m dropping the ball.

I have nightmares of people I knew. I rarely find myself with people I know today because I am stuck in the past.

This is my confession.

I don’t want friends. They are too much....

Start to watch to see how this story is told..

Over and over again we watch as it unfolds..

Now we see the magnitude of our despair

The tension it thickens and stifles the air

Til shoulders are turned with muderous care

No fear for the pain we cause we share..

Which way do we split this divide

Creating another once more

We don’t even know which side should hide

Our love we knew from way back b...

To slit the seams of my heart and bare full the bloodied refuse of my years-

to choke forth every tear stained mistake and leave amok my scattered thoughts-

to recount every forgotten note and date and elegize each broken promise-

I would, all for you, if it meant but a glimmer of forgiveness....

Nine months, four weeks, and one day ago,
I confessed. But to you, it was probably last October—
if even that.

It wasn’t the first time I’d confessed,
No, I’d done it more than a hundred times,
Each time wishing—no, begging—for shared feelings.

You didn’t need to love me
To the degree to which I loved you.
That couldn’t even be considered—

Being loved with such devotion,
My day based around your a...