“Door shut tightly, monsters might come.” She whispered in my ear I smiled and wiped away a stray tear “What monsters are there for you to worry about, my dear?”

She shook and shivered in my arms Barely a crack through the door All I could hear was silence And her brothers soft snore

“Monsters, they come at night. They yell, scream, kick, and fight.” I nodded my head and held her tight And turned on the flashlight

She pulled a blanket over our heads “Do the monsters live under the bed?” “No, they live just outside the door.” She said

“So they come out when you sleep?” “Yeah, and they fight and talk and kick things. I think one day they’ll get rid of the their rings.”

“What will happen when one finally wins?” _“Well, you’ll have two different homes. _ You and your brother will travel from both.”

“That sound scary.” She cried mournfully I had to agree “But you are brave and strong, and can do anything.”

The front door unlocked and the door creaked open All sound disappeared, was replaced with none “Door shut tightly, monsters might come!”

Once stuffing food into my mouth not caring about carbs or calories people around me who liked to eat too different spices flavors bursting on my tongue until eighth grade

it was like when everyone stopped wearing our white uniform polo i did too i never cared about which was which until everyone else did lunchtime was my favorite time of day where i got to laugh with my friends and eat a full meal until it wasn’t how could i eat if no one around me was?

i started to notice the food on my plate things were okay at first i just thought they were struggling and i wasn’t but when the people around you do something natural instinct is to follow sandwiches became salads lunch became fearful i started skipping breakfast entirely then at lunch id eat a slice of bread i always said i was picky when i went home id pretend i had a lot of homework then i’d fall asleep during dinner and miss that too when no one around me ate i didn’t want to either

i started not craving the delicious snacks i used to i dropped pounds that i still haven’t gained back suddenly chewing was unatural suddenly i felt uncomfortable when people talked about food suddenly i wanted to forget how to eat

i went out to dinner one night with my friends from our school play i didn’t order anything said i was sharing with a friend i didn’t eat any of it i didn’t want to my guy friend made fun of me told me i had an eating disorder i laughed said my stomach hurt it didn’t

things got worse over the summer i started going to swim practice on an apple i didn’t eat all day and went to a fight class suddenly my legs started shaking my vision blurred until i couldn’t see at all only a dark abyss i thought id never escape i fell to the ground my vision came back the instructor asked if i’d eaten all day i shook my head she looked at me she knew

a week later it happened again in the middle of a store i had to sit in the middle of the bustling crowd couldn’t make it back to the car without multiple stops to sit down

at preseason for dance i walked in thinking everything would be okay i’d only eaten a few chips but i thought i could conserve my energy as i spun and twirled and jumped all went black again

the doctor told me to eat my mom would yell at me and all i could do was stare at my full plate until i took a bite and threw the rest out

things are better now i can talk about food and be okay sometimes i get uncomfortable and i still skip some meals but i don’t faint anymore and im starting to remember how to eat

Menedez twins were they Blown their parents clean away Spent their money Living it up Till they were caught Menedez brothers Shook them up When they got locked up Jail, doors shut tightly In case the monsters come Door shut tightly, might the monsters come!

Door shuts tightly , might the monster come .

Dwelling In the silence ready to succumb .

My heart wants to leave so it can grieve .

Don’t you hear the hum as it follows .

one two three it’s coming for me .

I can never seem to sleep.

When I'm alone, there's nothing to silence the hurricane of thoughts in my head.

You'll never be enough.

Why am I not enough? __ __ Nobody loves you.__ __ Why does nobody love me? __ __ I'm sitting up til sunrise, letting the circles under my eyes darken.

The monster isn't under my bed, but it rests upon it.

It doesn't think it's enough.

It doesn't think anyone loves it.

I am a monster.

I have scales and horns growing from my skin.

I have sharp pointy teeth.

I can no longer recognize myself in the mirror.

Sitting in bed, I am alone in my room.

Door shut tightly, might the monsters come.

save me.

Overthinking is my specialty

At night When the world falls asleep I sit and think About everything that went wrong

About the things I said Or didn’t say Or the things I did Or didn’t do

The problems that have no solution And the differences things would make If I could just build up enough confidence To talk to her

I know I can’t do anything about it now It’s too late There’s no going back

But…

As the world goes dark I lay in my bed Door shut tightly Waiting for the monsters to come

You keep the quilt pressed close to a sweating forehead, The golden light on to scare the dark Yet you jump at the sound of the mechanical lark.

Your wild eyes are forced open In a terrified trance you cannot deny You pray that no wolf will jump for sheep over a fence so high.

The lark screeches like an owl in the night Twelve chimes it shrieks And your heart leaps twelve times.

The creak and growl of silence chills each bone The pounding in your ears a constant hum, a constant drone And shall you live to see the light of day You ask a deity you didn’t believe in until now And if you do then how? Many have survived but you know of only some So you pray your door is shut tightly, might the monsters come. And you whisper to yourself:

Will the monsters come?

right on the edge of my head that i am stuck inside

a cloudy haze of swirling red emotions taking flight

i cannot open myself up i cannot let them in

it’s better to stay tightly shut or else they’ll surely win

they’re monsters, nothing else because they never go away

i’m convinced they came from hell because they want to stay

with me, inside my brain where it’s dark and freezing cold

they tend to induce certain pain with memories, new and old

i had the door shut tightly i don’t know how they got in

but now they visit nightly and i’m crawling in my skin

please leave, i whisper, i beg a last pathetic plea

an effort to get back what was once my head from the monsters living inside of me.

Door shuts behind me Might the monsters Crawl out Under the bed

With screaming Words Instead my head And under my bed

They stand in front of me Sharping their nails Like knifes Pointing at me

Till “Baby I’m here” She says I she hopes the door

The monsters disappear As she crawls into bed And kisses my forehead “Good night”

Chasing the dragon, an agonizing fight, Living in sin, a world without light. I walked through the world, a ghost among men, Convinced that I’d never taste freedom again.

Life felt like echoes in an empty hall, A puzzle missing pieces, a 10 story fall. Colors around me, muted and dark, Until I met the girl with the gypsy heart.

Blind to the world, yet still, she could see, Beyond all my flaws, she loved me for me. In a world of darkness, her love was my light, The spark in my soul, my reason to fight.

Addiction had left us both beaten and battered, But together, we managed to mend what was shattered. With the war finally over, United we stand, Sober and free, with the world in our hands.

I see my future, my purpose, in her eyes, For her, I am a warrior, I’ll protect her till I die. And deep within my heart, I know our journey’s just begun, But I’ll keep the door shut tightly, might the monsters come.