Dad, I can’t believe you left your binoculars to ME!!! First, the journal and now the binoculars?! You must really trust me, Dad. ❤️

It does feel like a big responsibility to take your binoculars on this road trip. You know I tend to accidentally break things… like your record player, your walking stick, my headphones, Charlie’s yoga ball, Mom’s coffee mug, and (I don’t think I ever told you…) your pocket knife. 🥺 Yeah, that was me.

But this is gonna be different. You can trust me to keep your binoculars safe around my neck and ready to look for any magic out on the road!!!

She accepted the gift, feeling a swirl and mix of feelings inside of her. I know this because how could Draya not be feeling that when accepting a gift from her party crashing ex? Also because of the kind of person Ruby was. Although not all bad I had more reasons to dislike Ruby, too many to overlook and too many for me to like Ruby. I didn’t hate her, but I didn’t like her either. However, I was able to tolerate her. I watch as Draya reaches into the bag and pulls out a box made of light colored wood, carved on the front were the words ‘she believed she could and so she did’, the lid of the box had a butterfly carved into it with yellow topaz inlaid into its wings. There was a little post-it note on the corner that simply said ‘open’. Draya opened the box to reveal an antique hairbrush, comb and mirror. Draya looks up at Ruby. “Thank you, Ruby, I really like and appreciate this gift.” Ruby just shrugged. “Yeah well, I always did think you had nice hair so why not give you something nice to take care of it with?…Your welcome.” An awkward silence began to fill the space until Brian broke it. “Ok so its cake time.” he said. Half the lights were turned off and a chorus of happy birthday was ringing out around the room as Hallie and Tracy carried the cake over to the table Draya was seated at, the candles aglow. There were two number candles a 1 and 8 surrounded by a circle of 16 pink and white striped birthday candles. Draya closed her eyes for a few moments making a wish and then blew out every single candle and everyone clapped. “Well, I should probably go now…Happy Birthday Draya.” Ruby said then turned and left. Celeste started making trips in and out of the barn taking Draya’s gifts out to the car. While the guests mingled and ate cake, I help Celeste take the rest to the gifts out to the car only to discover that Ruby was still there leaning against her covetable car with the top down considering how it was unseasonably warm today. Tessa who was sitting in the backseat was casting her a concerned look. Ruby’s eyes are down cast and her arms crossed across her chest. She seems upset, not angry upset but sad or something close to it. I felt a uncomfortable twinge in my stomach damn me and my sympathetic bleeding heart. I couldn’t believe I was actually feeling sorry for Ruby of all people, but I had always been a compassionate person. Even as a child, it was just in my nature. I was only ever truly cruel if in the defense of someone I care about, but seeing her look so dejected I wanted to do something to make her feel maybe just a little better. I could at the very least bring her out some cake. I go back into the barn and retrieve two paper plates each with a large slice of cake on it then grab a plastic fork for each and some extra napkins before making my way outside. Ruby was no longer leaning against her car, but was now in the back seat with Tessa sitting in her lap and they were kissing passionately. Ruby was running her nails down Tessa’s back while Tessa had her hands in Ruby’s hair and the moaning noises both girls were making made me feel like I had walked in on something dirty. “Seriously? You two couldn’t wait till you got home to do that?” I asked with exasperation. They pull away from each other guilty and Ruby looks at me with a glare clearly annoyed that I had interrupted, but it was Tessa who spoke “I was cheering Ruby up.” “I see.” I said. “What do you want?” Ruby asked. “I brought you both some cake.” I say walking closer and handing them each a plate with the cake on it. They both took a plate. Tessa started eating the cake right away like an eager child, but Ruby looked at me with suspicion “What’s the catch?” “There is no catch I’m just being nice that’s all.” Ruby threw her head back and laughed. “Why would you want to be nice to me? I’m Draya’s ex or did you suffer a temporary lapse in memory?” “You haven’t done anything to warrant me being hostile… yet anyway. You did party crash, but no harm no foul and you gave Draya a lovely gift that I know she likes a lot and after she blew out her candles on her cake you did leave the party as you said you would so I have no reason not to be nice to you, however this is not because I like you.” Ruby laughed again. “She-Ra reference I like it. You are odd though; you are either very wise or very stupid I’m just not sure which yet.” “Nether I am just kind and Draya says I am watching She-Ra way too much if I am starting to quote it.” “Maybe. How far in the series are you?" “We just finished watching episode three of season three?” “Oh, so getting to the good part?” “Don’t tell me anything I don’t want any spoilers” “No worries my lips are sealed. It’s nice of you to do this for Draya. We never celebrated birthdays when we were together, but then again, we didn’t last very long either. Didn’t even make it to the one year mark. Also, after a while it starts to get a bit pointless; eternal life and all...you’ll see what I mean one day.” “What do you mean?” “Oh, she hasn’t discussed it with you? The two of you seem so committed I assumed you would have discussed it.” “What are you talking about Ruby?” “It’s nothing, I’m just surprised she hasn’t suggested turning you yet.” “Turning me as in…? “Into a vampire of course” Ruby said and honestly, I expected this would be the answer and no Draya and I never had discussed it. I was not sure if I really wanted to admit this fact to Ruby. but I also couldn’t see how I could deny it at this point. I think Ruby knew it too a sort of dark delight and knowing intelligence shining her jade green eyes and a sly smirk on her face as she began to eat her cake. “Sarah…Sarah…” I was saved from this moment and conversation by someone calling to me from the barn. “Well, seems I am needed for something so I am afraid I must go.” I say. “Thanks for the cake.” I hear Tessa call as I jog away. When I return to the barn, I discover that it was Hallie calling me. “There you are, you were out there a long time what were you doing?” “Just having a chat with Ruby.” “That redhead that gave Draya the hairbrush set? Who is she anyway? “Yeah, she’s just an old flame of Draya’s… it’s a long story.” “And one you are definitely telling me later.” “Gossip.” “And proud of it.”

As sun set gave way to dusk, and dusk gave way into night the party slowly dwindled down to an end and as fun as the party was, I was looking forward to some alone time with Draya. I retrieved the clothing box that contained the set of lingerie from Hailie’s car before climbing into the passenger seat of the thunderbird where Draya was already waiting for me. For some reason the whole way back all I could seem to think about is conversation I had with Ruby. I don’t know why it was bothering me so much, but questions began to form in my mind like, why hadn’t Draya and I discussed it yet? I mean yeah ok we have only been together for 6 months but still that’s half a year. You would think that the conversation would have come up by now and since she hasn’t brought it up yet does she even plan to talk about it? We had said we were all in when we got back together, and this is a conversation that would fall under the all in umbrella. I wasn’t even sure how I would respond. I mean on the one hand I do want to spend forever with Draya, but on the other hand I was just now beginning to realize just what forever meant. One thing was for certain this is a conversation that needs to happen sooner rather than later.

EHE END Story continues in The Conversation

Another late night edit so sorry for any spelling, grammar, or punctuation errors. I had a lot of fun writing this and hope you enjoyed it, if so let me know with some feed back. Thank you💜🖤😃

How does one accept this? How can one accept the heart of someone? Yet I’m left here with another body and their beautiful beating heart. All to myself. Some call me a psychopath, others a masquerade murderer. I’m not what they think of me. Every time I see their heart slow to a stop and their breath drop I regret it but it’s needed in my life. “You’re getting sloppy, 5-1-10.” He said. My real name since that one day has never been said. I kneeled down and looked at the ground. “How long did this one take you?” **He **asked circling me then standing over the body. “Ten minutes…. Sir.” I spoke with no confidence. “And your record what was it again?” **He **walked and stood in front of me. “4…. Minutes…” I didn’t finish before he spoke once more. “Then help me understand why with the best blades you have become slower.” **His **voice laced with an undertone of anger but also regret. “I. I’m unable to do so, sir.” I said. _That was the last things I said before I became like my victims. _ Cold hearted. He was the one to kill me. The last thing I heard was “Next time do better.” He said and then he smiled. Then, my eyes close for the rest of eternity. “Miss. Oh yes I have your ….product.” **He **said on the phone. Minutes later, she arrived. In a box my heart would be delivered to the higher council. “Here you go miss.” He said handing her my heart. She accepted the gift, feeling a swirl and mix of feelings inside her. “Thank you. You’re no longer needed now.” In one swift moment **she **took out a pistol and killed him. “I just wanted my Jewel back.” He said falling to the ground and clenching his heart. “Oh don’t worry she’s safe and sound and not even aware that **you **exist.” **She **said. What she didn’t wait around to see was that… **I **wasn’t dead. I wasn’t alive either. Thanks to **him **I had become apart of the living dead. Maybe it was my destiny after all…. My name is Nekro Kranio.

I accepted the gift, feeling a swirl and mix of feelings inside me. It had happened. Just like my mother and sisters, the goddess Ashiyana had chosen me to be a patron. All was as it should be, as it had been destined to happen. So why was there a pit in my stomach? Joy errupted. My father patted my back, my mother bowed down at Ashiyana’s feet, thanking her profusely for taking a chance on her child. I just stood there, probably looking foolish and disrespectful, still holding the box in my hands. Ashiyana looked me straight in the eyes, waiting patiently, because for her, she really did have all the time in the world. I carefully pulled on the ribbon holding it closed, watching as the fine silk floated to the ground. I could feel my family’s eyes boring into my back. My hands shook as I lifted the lid, unsure of what I would find inside. It was the moment of truth, and the box was… empty. Shouldn’t I feel different somehow?” I thought. “Shouldn’t a little piece of her power be within in me?” Nobody made a noise. Ashiyana with all her wisdom, took the box from my hands and walked out the door. My mother called for her, frantic, abandoning all the etiquette and formalities and respect she always preached about, but Ashiyana was gone. My mother cried, my father yelled, my sisters ran around frantically like somehow it would make a difference. Nobody understood what it meant. Only that I had not been truly chosen, and that nothing would be the same again.

Author’s note : I tried not to overedit this so I don’t get bored of the idea, so I apologize if that brings about a decrease in quality. I quite like the idea however, and I can’t find the specific ways in which my mind might scrutinize the idea, so I might just run with it!

She accepted the gift A swirl of feeling inside her A teddy bear and candy Oh how sweet

She gives him a jersey And candy And a crafts she made And a note

The note has a message Something hard to read In another language 我愛你

I jolted away, gasping, as soon as I saw it. “I can’t-“ I broke off, my heart beating wildly. My eyes were wide as they flickered around the room - except at him, I couldn’t look at him - and I knew I looked like a wild animal, trapped in a corner. “I can’t take that.”

It was irrational, I knew, to be so afraid of that one little object. But his gift scared me in so many different ways.

I backed up, tripping over my own feet as I turned away. I had to go I had to get away I couldn't breathe I was drowning. My heart beat so loudly, it was all I could hear, thump thump thump. There was a ringing too though, my ears were ringing I couldn't hear I had to get away.

The last thing I saw before I darted out the door were his eyes, surprised and hurt.

Two days passed, and I spent every moment dreading when I had to face him. Surprisingly, he let me stay away. I would leave the room every time I saw him enter, and he never followed me. I knew that if he really wanted to talk to me, he could, whether I liked it or not.

But for whatever reason, he was giving me the space I needed. And it killed me.

Every second I didn’t talk to him made me realize what was becoming too difficult to deny. I needed him. And as much as I worried, I knew he needed me too.

I wanted to talk to him, to tell him everything I was feeling, but his words rang through my head.

“I love you.”

I loved him too, I really loved him. But I was so scared, how could we ever work? We would be like a firework, exploding in brilliant light, but then fading away just as quickly.

“I swear I won’t ever leave you.”

I know, I know he would never. It was me who I worried about, I would have to leave him, I would have to go, it would break us both. I couldn’t do that.

“I want it to be you.”

I could still feel the dread, coursing through my veins. Because I had known what it would be that he brought out, I had known but wouldn’t believe it until it was right in front of my face.

“Will you accept?”

But I couldn’t accept what he offered. I wanted to, but I just couldn’t. I would hurt him, I would hurt me, and I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t I couldn’t I couldn’t.

I had done enough damage to his life.

I wouldn’t do any more.

Ever since he met me, his life has been wrecked. I ruined so much. He was stupid to love me, and I was selfish to let him.

I knew what I had to do.

Y’all are probably so annoyed I never told you what it was😂😂 Or who it was… …or what the hecks even happening…

Does this even count…?🤣

Tonight is the dance. The dance I have waited my whole life to go to. It’s just a simple school thing.

And I’m not going. It was a easy choice. I could choose to face the facts that I won’t have Mom to help me get ready. Or I can stay home.

It won’t be as fun, but lately my life doesn’t seem to have any fun in it.

I lay back agaisnt my pillows as I open the front cover of a book. I’ve never read it before, well I have. Mom read to it me when I was little and couldn’t sleep.

I found it in her room. I don’t really understand why I went in. I just did.

Everything was just how she left it. Her bed was made, she always tucked her white blanket under the mattress, like at hotels.

Mail was spread across the middle of her bed. Mostly just ads and coupones. Mom loved looking though those things.

Covering all four walls were pictures of us. At the park when I was five. On my thriteenth birthday, when we went to Hawaii.

She always called it her wall of fame. For a while it was just pictures of the two of us. Then when Mom decided she wanted to explore photography it became us and nature.

And then there’s the book. The Fault in our stars. It was Mom’s favorite, the story she’d read over and over and over again.

The only thing I have left from her.

As I run my hand across the first page a small clank on my window makes me jump.

I shut the book as another rock flies up and smacks the window.

I climb off my bed and walk to the window. I peer out, it’s Davian.

He waves, motioing for me to come down.

Instead I just crack the window open.

“Hey!” I shout down to him. As I look closer I realize that he’s not wearing his normal t shirt and shorts. He’s wearing a tux.

I don’t mean to notice that it makes him look good. But I can’t help myself.

There’s something about how the black bow tie, and clean pressed suit make him seem even more perect.

“Get dressed!” Davian shouts up. “We’ve gotta dance to get to!”

I sigh, as I look down at the white window sill. “Davian.” I start. “I can’t go.”

Davian nods his head, “Yeah, you can Mase. You’re strong, funny . . . Beautiful.”

My eyes flicker to Davian’s as he finishes the word.

I don’t believe him. I’m not strong, funny? That depends on the person I guess. And beautiful? I think anyone who’s met me knows the answer to that.

I smile, as Davian smiles up at me. “It’s true.” He says.

I roll my eyes. Some times I actually feel like he can read my mind.

“Now, get dressed!” Davian waves his hand at me. “It’s starting soon!”

I leave the window, a small smile on my face as I look at the blue dress layed over my desk chair.

To be continued . . .

(Not me fantasizing of a boy acting like this to me while writing this. But on with the story!)

~

“This is for you.” My who-I-thought-to-be- just-best-friend, Luke says, holding out a necklace to me.

I accept the gift, feeling a swirl and mix of feelings inside of me. Excitement and surprise and one more emotion which I can’t quite name. All I know is that it leaves a warm, fluttery feeling in my stomach.

As I hold it in my hands, I examine it closer. It has a rose gold chain, with a single cherry blossom flower as a pendant. Exquisite engravings of ovate leaves adorn the pendant. The cherry blossom itself is a light antique mauve and shell pink color, seeming to glow with a hallow in fading light of the setting evening sun.

“I-I don’t even know what to say.” I reply like the idiot I am. He gave me such a stunning necklace as a gift, and I can’t even express my gratitude properly.

“Well then, could you do something for me in return as a thanks?” He asks me.

I curiously look at him. What could he possibly mean?

“Sure.” I reply. He won’t make me do anything bad, so I have nothing to lose.

“Close your eyes.” He says.

“Okay.” I reply, wondering what he would ask of me.

I hear a rustling of something, and a fragrant scent of earthy- honey and raspberries enters the air.

“Open your eyes for me, please.” He says, his baritone voice carrying clearly over the noise of wind in the cool springtime air.

I open my eyes, and immediately gasp at the sight in front of me. There’s Luke, holding out a huge bouquet of lilies, roses, and violets to me in one hand, and a beautiful diamond ring in other hand.

“So, what do you think?” He asks with a nervous smile on his face, since I didn’t speak a single word.

“Why.” I manage to chock out, my voice full of emotion.

“Why.” I repeat again. I might be extremely stupid when it comes to a boy’s feelings about me, but even the most ignorant woman could see what he is trying to do. And I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve it one bit. He’s so sweet and kind and caring while I’m- what, annoying, lazy, and overbearing. He deserves a girl much better than me, and I know it.

“Why what?” He asks me, a curious and startled expression from my reaction on his face.

“There- there are so many other girls that you could have. So many other girls who would readily give anything to have your love. So why, why me?” I ask him, gripping the necklace in my left hand tightly when I feel tears starting to well up in my eyes.

I was always told I was never enough by my parents. That my older sister, Emily, would always be better than me. She seemed to be a genius since the moment she was born. By the age of five months, she could walk and form basic sentences. By the age of seven, she could do a middle schooler’s math homework. By the age of fifteen, she had won the national spelling bee, president of numerous clubs and organizations, and was valedictorian of her grade. Compared to athletic and average me, she shone like a radiant star in a sea of darkness.

I argued day in and day out with them, saying they shouldn’t compare me with other people and let me be myself. In response, they cruelly replied that myself was stupid and obnoxious, and if I was to please them for once and not be an embarrassment, then I would do what they said. My young self, surrounded by my hateful and unloving family, would do anything to get even the tiniest bit of praise or attention. So I sucked up all of my pride and true thoughts and agreed. Little did I know, my relationship with them was abusive, and if I hadn’t decided to move away from my home when I got a job as a barista at another state, then I would have been stuck forver in an endless cycle of abuse and hatred.

The experience left me so traumatized and insecure of myself that I never got into a relationship. If my own parents hadn’t loved me, how could a man possible do so? I thought the same up until the time I met Luke. He was protective, thoughtful, and affectionate to me. He was everything my parents and sister were not. And that’s why I would never be able to deserve him. A poor, drab girl like me with a kindhearted, smart boy like him. It sounded like a terrible romance you find in cheesy books.

“Why you?” He says, a look so full of emotion which I can’t read.

“You are the most extraordinary woman in this world that I know of. You are so supportive and loving of others, and never let anyone down. I don’t know one person who is more determined and dedicated than you. Though you’ve been through so much, and I know I can’t ever erase the pain your past left behind, I can make every day full of happiness and joy if you’ll let me. And to answer your question in short, it’s all because I love you.” He replies.

I stare at his windblown black hair, cheeks pink from the cold, and warm, honey brown eyes. Everything about him is perfect. And yes, though I might still think I don’t deserve him, I know he will make every day joyful and fun. There’s only one thing left that I have to do.

As if reading my mind, he drops the flowers on the ground and gets down on one knee.

“Elizabeth Merrie Sinclair, will you marry me?” He asks, eyes shining bright.

“Yes.” I say. “I do.”

If I had given you my letter. I’m not sure what would have happened.

In that letter, I spilled my heart out. I told you that when I’d look into you eyes I felt something. Something I don’t know how to describe.

I told you that I think about you nonstop. You’re in my dreams, my life, my mind. When I wake from dreams with you, I find myself feeling like you were actually there. And I wish you were.

I told you that I’ve felt time stop when you’re around. Like in a movie, the world around me fades, the lights dim and all I can see is you.

So if I had given you my letter, would you have accepted it, feeling a swirl and mix of feelings inside you?

I wonder this everyday. If I hadn’t thrown it away. Would I have made your day? Telling you with many words that I love you. And I think I always will.

For a brief moment in time, I had forgotten anyone cared about me at all. The beat of my heart in my own chest sounded unfamiliar. I couldn’t recognize my eyes in the mirror no matter how hard I stared. This brief moment was brief only in the span of our vast universe. In actuality, it lasted years, with only intervals of relief. I lived like a mammal confined to rough seas, breaking the surface tension for a gulp of air, only to return to swimming through darkness. One pure bit of love, one reminder from someone that you matter, it can shift everything back into place. That’s all it took for me to come back. I found your letter in a drawer, wrinkled with touch and time. I read it over and over, letting the words resuscitate me. I accepted the gift, feeling a swirl and mix of feelings inside me. It was a shock. It was as though I’d been staring at my own reflection in a spoon too long, the face upside down, distorted. Love had been whistling around me all this time, at a frequency I just couldn’t hear. And all the while my bowl had stood empty, the air I was breathing was thin and stale, there was no music in the wind. And then, I found your letter. A little sugar in my bowl, it coated the spoon too, and so it was that the spoon was put to rest. And just like that I can once again take in the world around me. The way it once took me in. The way it breathes life into me so I can breathe it right back. Thank you for loving me.