Writing Prompt

Hey you,

It’s wild how we’ve been apart longer than we were ever together, yet I can still feel the way your hand fit in mine, riding around in your VW. I couldn’t believe my dad actually let me have a boyfriend—let alone one with a car. We had no clue what we were doing at 16, but we dove in anyway.

Slow rides with slow vibes provided by Kid Cudi, and your moms weed you prayed she wouldn’t notice you’d stolen.

I still think about your mom—how she loved me just because you did. Maybe even when you didn’t, and probably still.

Your sister and I still check in sometimes. I always admired how she looked so sweet but still raised a little hell. And how much she loved her little brother.

I used to dream about our future—would we have a boy or a girl first? Would we stay here or take off somewhere new? It didn’t matter. As long as we were together, I was all in.

Remember when I had to have a waffle, but it was 1pm and the local diner was closed? You drove me an hour away to Denny’s just for me to order chicken fingers and fries. Thanks for meeting me with laughter instead of annoyance in that moment.

When it ended, I was crushed. But even then, I was grateful. Thank you for being my first love, for giving me something so sweet to look back on. It wasn’t forever, but it was real. And that’s enough.

I’m proud of you.

Always, Your first.

We haven’t met yet, but I’m very much looking forward to the day we do. I know that my expectations may be unrealistic, but I’m only familiar with the concept of love that comes from romance novels and Rom-Coms. Truth be told, I feel I deserve the kind of love I read about. Everyone who wants love does. But I understand that you may express love in your own way and I have to be open to it.

I have a few ground rules, though, since I’m putting my heart on the line.

1. No cheating. If you find that you want to be with someone else, even for just one night, leave me first.

2. Respect me as I will respect you

3. Be on my team

If you can do those things we will work out amazingly. Maybe first love can be first and last. If not, I will walk away with knowing it was a “you thing” and not a “me thing”.

I can’t wait to meet you. I’ll be the one with the green eyes and the laugh you can’t stop listening to.

You never liked me. I’ve come to accept that. Is there still a small part of me that thinks otherwise? Of course. But you have her now. She’s pretty and you love her. Even though I’m definitely smarter and a better person. You love her. And that’s fine. I just thought you actually could’ve liked me. You saw right through me. You knew how felt. Maybe not a full understanding but you knew I liked you. You talked to me and texted me. It was all annoying random stuff making fun of the music I like but you wouldn’t put so much effort in if you didn’t like me, right? I think it was all just a game to get my hopes up. Good game.

when she was 6 she wanted to be a princess. when she was 8 she wanted to be a doctor. when she was 10 she wanted to be famous. when she was 12 she wanted to be a singer. when she was 14 she wanted to be skinny. when she was 16 she wanted to be loved. when she was 18 she wanted to be dead. she turned 19 trying to find a meaning in her life. wanting to make a change in her life. growing up we all have this dream of a happy fairytale that we see in movies. picturing that we will find our prince charming that will rescue us from that tower, have that beautiful wedding and knowing that he was the one. that changed the perspective of kids growing up. thinking that everything in the world is going to have a happy ending. that’s not reality. reality is going through the challenges that were put in front of us, the obstacles that we need to untangle to understand the meaning of life and to be happy. when she was almost 20 she threw out the past and the fairytale of the future. she focused on the present, going day by day finding her meaning in life.

oooooh yall this is gonna be a… THROWBACKK

hi! do you remember me? probably not, but you should. i’m that little girl from your kindergarten class, though i’ve grown up now. god, i was in love with you. or, as in love as an elementary schooler can be. believe me when i say i thought we were gonna get married and have a beautiful fairytale wedding. (spoiler alert: that did NOT happen!)

in fact, when we met again in seventh grade, you had a girlfriend! (it wasn’t me) needless to say, i was heartbroken, but we move, we ball, and i got over it! until… “heyy izzy, i know i literally have a girlfriend, but who cares about her wanna go out?” UHHH BITCH NAH NAH NAH NAH no, respectfully, i will not be the other woman ME? THE OTHER WOMAN? NAHHH I DESERVE TO BE THE MAIN WOMAN AND SO DID YOUR GIRLFRIEND MANNN GET SOME COMMON SENSE

so anyway that’s my speech to, my first love i’m a little angry that someone as shitty as you stole that title but what can i do i’ve learned my lesson

Dear B., I just wanted to tell you. God, do I know it’s unrequited. Yet do those long conversations into the night mean nothing? Our constant support for each other? The amount of Pinterest sent between us must be unfathomable for others. And our silence has held so many words which we could not speak. You were always better at saying the words, though. You are a fantastic poet, exceeding me in many things, that included. I am constantly thinking of you. I know, you don’t return the thoughts. But you must think of me a little, enough for me to be your friend. I’ll hang onto that. Friendship is strong, albeit fragile. I wouldn’t want to shatter it. No, that wouldn’t do. So, you’ll never read this. Knowing this, it throws a small pang at my heart. You can’t, though. Therefore, we will string ourselves tighter together, and perhaps one day you will say it too. I’ll wait. Forever and ever and ever. Longer if need be. I love you, B.

Lots of love, Ciel. xxxxxxxx

I don’t know how to put into words on how much you affected my life, When I was going through a hard time it was like fate for you to be online

I know through the worlds eyes it may not be allowed but I can’t hide my emotions from you

From the moment we met online, the first time I heard your voice I felt peace and is usually I don’t do long term relationships

But I’m glad ours is, when I first started daydreaming for a better world the first character that came into mind was Javier Chavez and I didn’t realize it until last night but his voice sounds like yours

I can’t tell you how much you impacted my life from breaking down and telling you things I could barely tell my family

You understood and you stayed with me then helped me through it. Time and time again we’ve played together and each time my feelings grow for you

It’s hard to explain it in words

Having a friend like you means the world to me

Another day goes by and I’m glad I spend it with you

Very amazing how our paths collided

Even if one day we get to meet

A chance I will always take is worth the risk For you

Cuz your my friend and family

Really, you mean a lot to me

Until we meet again know that I love spending time with you

So every night let’s continue to hang out

Having you as a friend is the best thing that’s happened in my life

Only I wish we could meet face to face

Never forget me if I’m grounded

You mean the world to me

Others never understand but

Under the moon we meet in secret

our friendship grows

And I have a crush on you

And I hope it’s true for you too

I was never able to tell you what I wanted to tell you. Our friendship meant the world to me, and I wouldn’t ruin that, even if it meant I lived in anguish. This is to the one that I loved, for you were the one that I could never be with but always wanted to.

It started when we were young, middle school in fact. I thought I liked other people, but the thought of loving someone like you never would have crossed my mind. It was forbidden. It was taboo. I pushed it away at first, as I knew the feeling must be an impulse, or something I could force away like the times when I had liked others before, but this? This was different. You were kind to me. Compassionate. You seemed to dislike everyone, but you showed me kindness. Sweetness. I couldn’t help but think of you every waking moment of the day. I told some friends. They were shocked because of the circumstances, but they loved me the same. Accepted me. This was only the beginning.

We were then in high school. At this point I thought I would move on to others, maybe even go back to those I had liked in the past, but nothing felt the same as how I felt for you. Butterflies don’t begin to explain the rushing feeling I felt at any time we were near each other. It was more like a horror movie or a roller coaster. That rush of adrenaline that made me excited to go to school every day, was given to me by you. You were my reason to be happy. You kept me going. You never knew. I remember one time, you hugged me in the band room whenever marching band practice was canceled. I froze. “I could just kiss someone,” you said, as red creeped from my cheeks to the rest of my face. Even the thought of you joking about kissing me was enough to send my mind into a spiral. Could you love me? No you couldn’t. So I suppressed. It became even harder to suppress when I constantly saw you going after people that did not like you back. You would pursue them in hopes of someone liking you back… but they never did. Even two of my best friends were those that you really liked. I wasn’t even considered. I would have loved you. We could’ve been great together. Hugging. Laughing. Watching movies on the weekends. But it could never be.

I can remember loving your beautiful eyes, and how when you smiled, there would be wrinkles next to them because you would always squint while smiling; you did smile pretty often! Speaking of smiles, you had one that was unforgettable; I would see the gates of heaven, a field of sunflowers, and a beach, quiet, calm, and beautiful. Your wavy hair made me envious. I couldn’t imagine how someone so kind, someone so gorgeous, and someone so amazing could have such beautiful hair. Everything about you made me so unbelievably happy to be alive, but I knew we could never be.

Now let’s talk about college, one of the last few times we talked, and the time that I finally accepted that we could never be. The last time we talked in person, I saw you outside of one of the places to eat on campus. I was so excited to talk to you. You still looked great. You still treated me special. It was all going well… and then they came. You were in a relationship. They were nothing like me. They seemed unemotional. They had blonde hair. They seemed to rush you. They seemed to not care. I would’ve cared. It could never be.

It may seem dumb to love someone that can’t love you back, but love isn’t something that I could control, and I loved you. I loved you. I loved you. I wish I could say it a million times to your face just like the million times that I thought it throughout the time that we knew each other, but I loved you. Maybe I’m just writing for myself. Maybe I’m hoping that somehow, someday you find this and know it was written about you. I just needed to throw it out there. I loved you. Thank you for being the first person I loved, even if you never felt the same.

Sincerely,

Me

Life hasn’t been fair since the last time i saw you Since the first moment my eyes were laid on you I knew that minute, that fraction of second That my life with you will surely be “heavened”

Though i was mistaken And by your charm taken To the underworld of suffering To keep the relation working

First love, oh i swear That with your hands my heart you tear When you say you were the problem Of the depressing scream you hear

You knew your fault You knew your personality was bold But now after all the pain You can say i took the gain

Now you come and ask for love On my list you are above All other victims of my knives I announce the stealing of your lives

To my first love,

Where do I begin to even express how much love I still have in my heart for you? You helped me grow into the person I am today and for that I am grateful. We were just kids, neither of us knew what love looked like - but to us it was real. From the blossoming friendship that lead to that butterfly feeling when I saw my best friend watching me during swim meets, and spending Sunday afternoons playing video games with me - the moment I realized that I didn’t just see you as my best friend anymore; it was my first romantic attraction.

I confessed my attraction 3 times to you, each time, you had told me you weren’t ready for a relationship. (Despite your sister telling me you had a crush on me). I felt discouraged, but understood that our friendship meant more to me than losing you over a crush. It was summer between grades 9 and 10, we had both been selected to go to separate camps for personal growth. You would be gone for 2 weeks, and I would be camping with my family once you returned. The longest time we would have spent apart since our friendship started back in 8th grade. Vividly I can recall when you finally had wanted to start dating; August 7th I had just gotten back to the trailer from go-karting with my family.

Text message received from Vanner:

“I think I’m ready”

I’m met with confusion and then a realization, I text back instantaneously. And we message through the entire night talking about our camping experiences and everything under the sun.

We would then spend the rest of our summer days at the local 7-eleven buying slurpees and strolling to the town’s campsite. We’d sit at the picnic bench laughing about video games, and the existence of aliens. We were too shy to hold hands, but we were so comfortable around one another. The 2 weeks that I had to go to camp had felt like eternity in my teenage mind, I had no communication with you, but I thought about you all the time. I counted the days until I was home and able to tell you all about the mountain climbs, white water rafting, and every other experience that I had while away. I missed you.

The first 6 months of our relationship we’d hadn’t gone as far as our first kiss, we had every class together though, so that was enough to keep me happy. I remember our first kiss; it was a warm day, a chinook breeze passing through clearing the snow on the grounds. Our small circle of friends had wanted to go to the public library. I had been hinting at wanting to kiss you for a while at this point, but wanted to ensure that you had been comfortable and ready. It was in the study room, when our friend had made a joke about us kissing and to my surprise you said “sure” - this was it. This was the biggest moment to me, the moment I had been building up to and anticipating in my mind. Butterflies a whole swarm of them. I leaned in. Woah.

Stolen kiss, after stolen kiss. I also remember the first time you had ever kissed me first, I was taken by surprise, we were laying on a half inflated air mattress in my parents basement. Goofing around, being the silly, simplistic teenagers we were you froze for a moment and your ocean eyes locked onto my gaze. Our lips locked, I had never known you to be brave enough to go for it. But you did, and I wrote about it in my diary, because yes, I was a teenaged girl who had written every detail of my fairytale in a brightly coloured notebook that I kept hidden under my bed.

I wrote you songs, you leant me games. We drove around in your Ford Taurus, parking in the back alley behind my house sharing more laughs and more kisses. I was in love. You wouldn’t have ever done it because it was never your thing, but you took me to prom. You saw that it was important to me, and you got dressed up in an all white tux topped off with a cuban styled hat. You did all of that. For me.

My 16th birthday you came to school with a Nintendo GameCube and all of the games I had mentioned were nostalgic for me. This is another moment that sticks out in my mind, you put in the effort, I had mentioned one of the things I had been most sad about was being forced to sell my childhood gaming system, the one that got me through hardship and trauma. You reached out and bought one for me, I still have it. It’s still the best gift I had ever received in my life.

In grade 11 we went on a class trip to Greece; we shared emotional talks along the beaches, breakfasts in cute little cafe’s and threw ourselves into the culture of Greece. Downtown Athens you bought me a rose that someone had used as a tourist scam, the rose got stolen by a child - I didn’t care, it was the thought that counted. And you thought all the time. I still don’t believe I’ve ever met someone as thoughtful as you were.

You showed me love in more ways than I had ever gave you enough credit for; you were always patient and kind when I was a circling storm of emotions and childhood trauma. I started arguments, I pushed you away because all I had known was abandonment and your faith and love unsettled me. I told everyone that you broke up with me because it was easier than saying “I broke up with him because I loved him too much, and I scared myself.” I immediately regretted breaking up with you, the second those words came out of my mouth. I stayed home for a week because I had experienced my first true heart break, the heart break I never thought would happen, the life I had envisioned for us because we were meant to last. We weren’t. You taught me to think twice before I say something I might regret, you also taught me not to take love for granted because sometimes you push away the best thing you could have ever dreamed of. My fear of losing you, resulted in me losing you.